


Some Things Are Hard To Separate

by Musikenza



Series: Some Things Are Hard To Separate [2]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, F/F, F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-14 21:08:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 100,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7190504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musikenza/pseuds/Musikenza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I got my eyes on you<br/>You're everything that I see<br/>I want your hot love and emotion endlessly</p>
<p>I can't get over you<br/>You left your mark on me<br/>I want your hot love and emotion endlessly"</p>
<p>-Ella Henderson, "Hold On, We're Going Home/Love Me Again"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! Yeah, it's a been a few months but things in my life had died down a little bit and I feel confident with being able to keep on top of updates now. 
> 
> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter.

        The yellow haze of the early morning sun streamed in through the open blinds, lighting the living room and kitchen without the need for any lights to be turned on. The window was open, the sounds of birds waking up drifted through the apartment along with the not-yet-stifling warm air that was sure to come as the day went on. The start of September had not brought any relief to the heat and humidity of the summer months as everyone had hoped for.

        She yawned, stretching up to the top of the doorway and tapping the wooden frame, feeling her shirt lift up with her until she dropped her arms with a loud sigh and padded across the living room carpet to the kitchen. With a flick, she turned on the coffee maker to heat the water before clicking on the speakers and opening her music up on her phone. She hummed nothing in particular along with the sound of acoustic guitars that streamed through the space until the machine beeped, signaling that the water was hot enough. She placed her mug under on the machine and set it to brew one cup. Liquid trickled slowly into her cup and the machine whirred with the effort, but when it was done, she poured hot water from the water retainer into a carry-out thermos and emptied a packet of chocolate powder into it, stirring until the powder was fully dissolved. She set that cup aside and picked up her own, sipping the hot contents despite the heat and hoping that maybe the caffeine would wake her up enough so that she would not end up back in bed.

        The shower water turning off was more noticeable as it had become only a droning noise in the background and even with the calm music, the place seemed quieter. She jumped up onto the counter, holding the mug in her hands, between her bare thighs and twiddled her thumbs, listening to the girl in the bathroom knock around and jostle things, making more noise than seemingly possible for one person.

        She was eyeing the door in anticipation when it burst open, a tiny bundle of nerves stumbling forth and heading straight for the bedroom. She chuckled under her breath but jumped from her seat on the counter and grabbed the travel mug, sliding it along the surface to the edge where she leaned and waited yet again. It did not take long before there were clicks on the hardwood floor and appearing around the corner was a frenzied girl.

        The girl was wearing dark jeans and a white blouse with a navy blue blazer and short black heels that did not do much to improve her height. She had set an oversized black purse on the counter and was digging through it, apparently unable to find something she desperately needed. Her voice was harried when she spoke, “I’m late and I can’t find –”

        The hot chocolate was nudged towards her and the dangling of keys caused her to look up, relief flooding across her stressed out features when she saw what the object was. She snatched the keys and leaned up on her toes, landing a quick kiss on the corner of the other girl’s mouth. She tasted like artificial strawberries and her lips were somewhat sticky from whatever she had applied to them. It must have been then when the shorter girl noticed what her girlfriend was wearing, or lack of what she was wearing and she paused, her eyes roaming across bare skin before she shook her head, “No, no, nope. I’m already late.”

        And just like that, she slung the straps of the bag over her shoulders and yelled as the door was closing behind her, “Wish me luck!”

        “Buena suerte, Laura.”

        The door clicked shut and she slid to the floor, the coffee along for the ride and miraculously not spilling anywhere as she collided with the tile.

        Laura had an interview at the Styrian Journal to see if they would offer her a junior reporter position, an interview that she had not stopped talking about for weeks. Her days were filled with worrying and wondering and trying to figure out how she would make such a schedule work with the last two semesters of school that she had to push her way through. But there was also an underlying joy that fought to get to the surface and it was apparent how much Laura was trying not to get excited in case they did not choose to hire her and just for that reason, Carmilla thought she should have the job. She had already been dedicated to the paper since the beginning of the year; she had a far greater workload than any intern should have and always accomplished the task in the right amount of time with a smile on her face. So, she had complained once or twice about the hours but Carmilla would have been more worried if she had not and it was not in such a way that would portray her unhappiness in the situation. It was in the way that tired people always complained about something that was running them ragged and if Laura was anything, she was amazing at showing that the job never got to her.

        Carmilla’s frustration came about because The Journal’s office was located in the city and so Laura would be spending a lot of time there…in the same place that Carmlla spent most of her time without Laura’s knowledge. Everyday when Laura thought she was in class or at one of her convenient shifts at The Nook during the times that Laura had class, she was instead, in the Law Offices of Scott and Belmonde, working as translator for the company. It was never something she envisioned herself doing but she had grown bored with the vast amounts of free time she had since being out of school. Without anyone’s knowledge, except for Will who only found out because she had slipped up with her schedule, Carmilla had been able to graduate three semesters early. Her home schooling throughout childhood had greatly helped with that but it was also her college credits she received in high school, her ability to test out of all of the introduction classes for the languages she was majoring and minoring in, the online classes that she did not even need to bother studying for, and her ability to read books faster than anyone she had ever met in her life, that made the early graduation a real possibility. There was not a ceremony, at least one she attended, and the piece of paper that was her diploma seemed very insignificant to the last fifteen years she had spent in schooling. It was not a big ordeal as everyone seemed to make it and much more of an anti-climactic step forward in life that only guaranteed someone she did not care about, looking into her for a job she most likely had no interest in.

        She took the job because she had decided the only way she was going to be entirely out of her mother’s world and by default, Mattie’s, was to be able to support herself. The law office offered her a lot more money than she had expected to receive with her degree but her already fluent nature was all they cared about. She had thought about staying in school and getting a master’s but realized that it was unnecessary if she could speak the language. The possibility of getting her PhD in philosophy was still in her plan but that could wait; she would only be getting it for herself and unless she wrote a book, there were not many positions in the job market for someone with a degree in philosophy. Teaching maybe, but that would never happen. She could barely deal with one idiot at a time, let alone a classroom full of them.

        Eventually Laura was going to find out whether it be when Carmilla did not cross the stage with her in May or sooner and the inevitability was that she would be angry and yell at Carmilla for lying for months. And Carmilla would stand there silently and take it all because Laura would not be wrong, but she would not understand the reasons that Carmilla would do so. Laura would be pissed that she had stayed behind with her, that she had let a year of her life go by without going after what she wanted but to Carmilla, she was exactly where she wanted to be. With her passion for languages came her passion for travel and she had always wanted to adventure through the world and she still did want that. But now, she wanted that to be a reality for both herself and Laura and there was nothing that could make her take away the life that Laura wanted to live. If that meant staying in Silas and then Styria, then so be it. Maybe in their future the travel plans would become a part of their world, but with Laura’s budding journalism career, Carmilla could not with good intentions, remove her from a situation that held so much possibility for her.  
        And Carmilla was not necessarily unhappy. She could not say she was happy either but that had nothing to do with Laura because the only thing that girl ever did was give her happiness. She was content. She was, to all intensive purposes, living with the one person she was in love with. She got to be there when Laura woke up and before she fell asleep. She got to see the enthusiasm bubbling in Laura’s eyes whenever something exciting happened. She got to talk to, listen to, touch, kiss and fall asleep next to the only person since Elle, who captured her heart right from her chest.

        So, she sat on the floor, sipping her coffee, and waiting for Laura to come back home. Well…maybe in her dreams that was her life but instead there was a loud rap on the door followed by, “Millie put some pants on, I’m coming in!”

        Will did not wait to see if she had listened to his order and flung the door open like a cartoon character before striding through the door and coming to a skidding halt when he saw her on the floor, glaring at him over the edge of the mug. “Why are you on the floor?”

        “Why are you in my house?” she sneered.

        “I would say touché except that this isn’t your house and if you were at your actual house, it would be my house too.”

        Carmilla rolled her eyes and clambered up from the ground, “Fine, why are you in Laura’s apartment,” she checked the clock on the microwave, “at this hour specifically.”

        “Well,” he stated as he jumped up to sit on the countertop, dropping his bag haphazardly to the floor and all in all making himself at home, “just came over here to ask you a question?”

        Carmilla spread her arms out in front of her, “And…?”

        “You tell her yet?”

        “Dick,” she responded, swatting at him. She dumped the rest of the contents of her cup into the sink, not bothering to actually wash it, before passing him on her way to the bedroom.

        “You’re gonna have to some day, Millie?”

        Before slamming the door shut she turned and listed, “Today is not that day. Don’t call me that. And, get out of my house.”

        The door closed with a loud thud but she heard Will laugh over the noise, “Laura’s house.”

        “Whatever,” she called to him, annoyed at her little brother’s prying. She looked around the room, seeing that is was messier than she had ever seen it before but shrugging, indifferent to the state. She seized her leather pants from the back of Laura’s desk chair where she had left them hanging the day before and easily pulled the snug pants up before lacing up her heeled ankle boots. She could already feel her entire body getting hotter but the pants were a necessity for work and she had been dealing with it for the last month just fine. She tucked in the white button down, leaving the top two buttons open to help with the stifling sensation and made sure her anchor necklace was laying flat against her chest, underneath the shirt. Carmilla removed her ID from her wallet and stuck it in her phone case, along with her credit card and a few dollars in cash before shoving it at far as it would possibly fit in her pocket.

        Upon exiting the room, she groaned, “I thought I told you to leave.”

        “I didn’t.”

        “Yeah, I can see that. Don’t you have a class to be at?”

        “Technically yeah but I’m not going today.”

        Carmilla pursed her lips, “Yeah you are.”

        “No, I’m skipping. I promised Laf I would go into the city to help Perry with the bakery. Kirsch is helping too. We can go together,” he said, excitedly hopping from the counter.

        “No, we aren’t. You are going to class and I am going to work.”

        Will’s eyes narrowed, “Why are you being like this?”

        “'Cause I’m your big sister.”

        “So, you never -”

        “And you’re not my big sister.”

        There was a moment of silence where they both stared at each other, seeing if the other would break first. Carmilla was not going to have her brother skipping class only a couple weeks into the year to go help people who should know better than to ask him to miss school. He was going into medical school; he could not afford to miss anything. Will’s shoulders slouched and he mumbled, “Fine.”

        He pulled out his phone and stuck his tongue out at her, “Hey, Laf. I’m going to have to bail on today….yeah, I know...I know I promised…Car…yeah, Carmilla’s making me go to class…jeez…sorry…I didn’t think you…yes, I know…it’s important…alright then…yeah, see ya.”

Carmilla stood with a triumphant smirk on her face after listening to the one side of his conversation. He hung up, “Oh don’t look at me like that.”

        She nodded towards the door, “Just get going.”

        He gathered his bag from the ground, “Wait, how do you even get into the city anyway.”

Carmilla was not sure what he was going on about but it seemed like an obvious answer to her, “I take the bus.”

        “You could never take the bus.”

        “Well, I take the bus now.”

        “But -”

        “And it’s fine.”

        “The bus was never fine before -”

        “Well, it is now, Will,” she replied, forcefully, “I don’t need an interrogation about it.”

        “You didn’t tell me.”

        “It’s not a big deal,” she said, trying to push past him to the door.

        He scoffed and took a hold of her arm, “I beg to differ. That’s a huge deal.”

        Carmilla did not know what he wanted to hear from her. She did not have a detailed explanation on why she could now ride the bus; one day it simply did not seem so terrible and since then, everything had been going smoothly. The corners of his mouth were turned down and his eyes were pleading, “Please don’t shut me out now. You used to tell me things and now you seem to be keeping everything from.”

        She tugged her arm away from him, “Your friends with Laura and your also friends with all of Laura’s friends.”

        “Wait, Laura doesn’t know?”

        “No,” Carmilla muttered.

        “You do know that I wouldn’t tell them? I don’t just say things.” His voice was rising; she could tell he was getting angry now. “What do I have to do to prove that to you? I’ve been your secret keeper and confidant for our entire lives and now just because I finally have some friends, I lose my sister? That’s not fair, Carmilla. You know me better than that.”

        He was waiting for her to respond, she could tell by the anticipation that was charging the air but she had nothing to say to him. He was right. But the deed had already been done and an apology would be empty. He let out an angry snort, “Fine.”

        He stormed to the door and pulled it open, “It’s ridiculous that you won’t tell me but it’s just plain stupid that you don’t tell Laura.”

               **************************************************************************************************************************

        “If you could put that box there and that one over there and that small one right up there on the counter,” she said, pointing this way and that with each instruction. Dropclothes, boxes, and an assortment of tools were strewn about the floor and all the counters, making Perry anxious even though she knew the mess was necessary to make the place presentable. The boxes were set down with a loud grunt from Kirsch before Danny came in through the back door with more and Perry directed her. Lafontaine followed in soon, their arms empty, “Well, that’s it out of the van.”

        Perry clasped her hands together, “Thank you for helping us today.”

        “Of course,” Danny replied, wiping her forehead. The air conditioning unit had not been turned on yet and would not be turned on until they were ready to open and so the heat was not going to be helpful as they renovated. Even with the backdoor open wide, the breeze was not enough for any sort of relief.

        Kirsch clapped, “So what’s first?”

        “We should start painting so that it can dry before we start putting up more shelves or moving things around. The less that is in here gives us more room to work on the walls.”

        “Sounds good to me,” Lafontaine responded, dragging paint cans from the corner to the middle of the room. Perry pointed to the front of the shop, “Kirsch and Danny, if you want to start out there and Lafontaine and I will do back here. If we split up we might get more done.”

        “Aye aye, captain,” Kirsch saluted before grabbing a couple buckets of paint. Danny scooped up the rollers and brushes, “All the walls are gonna be the same?”

        “There’s half height wood paneling out there so just above that,” Perry paused and thought for a second, “Actually, all of the ones but this back one here. This will be different.”

        “Okay, got it!” Danny disappeared after Kirsch and Perry found that Lafontaine was opening the paint with a screwdriver. “Isn’t there a better way to do this?”  
         “I don’t know, Perr. I’m not a professional painter,” they wiped a hand across their forehead and somehow already had paint streaked across their face making Perry laugh. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

        They smiled widely at their own joke and Perry bent down to pour the off-white color onto the tray. She felt giddy. This was the beginning of something huge for her. She had finally built up the courage and rented the space for her own bakery a couple weeks before. Once all the paperwork had been done, she started devising decorating plans and once they were completed, the store would be open for business. The distribution center she was working with had a factory just outside of the main city so she did not have to worry about her deliveries coming from far distances.

        Perry was grateful that she had friends who were willing to help them set up shop because the amount of work to be done was very overwhelming and she was not sure that herself and Lafontaine would be enough manpower to handle it; at least in a timely fashion. She wanted to the doors to open for the first time by the start of November but Lafontaine had told her that she should not expect everything to go smoothly and if they had to push that date back farther, they would just have to do that. Perry had a plan though and November would be the prime time to open. It would be just in time for holiday season and having business boom at the start would really amp up their advertising and sales. She was hoping it would give them a kick-start so they were not struggling for the first year.

        When she had explained her plan to Lafontaine there had been no hesitation, they were entirely onboard and any fear she had of them being upset that they would be staying in Styria flew out the window when they told her that Dr. Pierson had gotten them a research position at some facility that Perry could never remember the name of. Lafontaine wasn’t starting until the next year but Dr. Pierson was keeping them on as a teaching assistant for the time being and they had be adamant that Perry was not holding them back from anything and they were excited for her. At first she was distant, not sure if she could believe them, but they explained that they had not had any plans for after their summer study and that this gave them the excuse to make some. Then she blushed when they went on to tell her that anywhere she was, was where they were meant to be. When that had been her original fear, that they would pick her over their future, she was now seeing that every image of her own future she could think of included Lafontaine and that wishing otherwise for them was being hypocritical.

        Perry was bent down, her back cramping but dedicated to the job, trying to paint along the baseboard as cleanly as possible. She almost messed up when Lafontaine whispered in her ear, “Watch this.”

        They then quietly crept along the wall, paintbrush in hand and Perry was confused and whispered, “Lafontaine.”

        They turned around placing one finger over their mouth to tell her to be quiet. Then, they beckoned for her to follow them and she did so reluctantly. They both peeked around the corner of the doorway and saw Kirsch and Danny on opposite walls, not needing rollers for much except right next to the ceiling; their height was quite an advantage for the job. Lafontaine crouched down and Perry followed suit, still not sure what was happening but starting to think that she was not going to like it very much. Once they were near the end of the counter where the opening was to enter the rest of the store, Lafontaine stood up, “Hey Kirsch!”

        They shouted and just as Kirsch turned to look. Lafontaine whipped the hand holding the paintbrush out in front of them, sending paint flying through the air to splatter all over Kirsch. Perry grabbed at Lafontaine’s arm, “What do you think you’re doing?”

        Kirsch looked himself up and down as if he had not processed what had just happened but when he looked back up, his smile said otherwise, “Oh, it’s on.”

        Perry and Danny’s eyes met for a few second and they shared the same look of horror. Danny looked sideways, “Kirsch.”

        But he only had eyes for Lafontaine and acted like he had not heard her. Very slowly without taking his eyes from Lafontaine, he reached down and picked up his entire tray of paint and coated a paintbrush with it. Perry stood behind the counter, paralyzed knowing that she could not stop this and also knowing that the mess was going to cover everything. She had not envisioned splatter-painted walls or even a cream spotted wooden countertop but that was what the future was about to look like.

        Kirsch flung the paintbrush but Lafontaine ducked and though the paintbrush flew by her, the paint dislodged and hit Perry right in the face. Lafontaine looked up from where they were kneeling, their eyes wide and their teeth set together in worry. It was cold and wet and altogether uncomfortable but before she could wipe it off, Danny had sprinted across the room and slapped a handful of paint onto Kirsch’s face. He picked her up and she squealed and before Perry knew what was happening, Lafontaine, Danny, and Kirsch were in the middle of an all out paint war and all she could do was retreat to the back room so that she did not get caught in the crossfire. Perry wished that for just one day they could act mature enough and get to work. This was extremely important to her and she understood they were only have a little fun and taking a break but they would be responsible for cleaning up the mess they were undoubtedly creating and making sure that everything looked shiny again.

        Perry went back to work on the wall, filling in the space and letting the paint drip down behind the baseboard wood so that no other color showed through. The back had been a dark blue and so they would need a few coats of the lighter paint to cover everything seamlessly. The squeals and yells from the other room drowned out whatever thoughts she may have had until there was a knock at the back door that they had left open.

        Carmilla stood in the doorway wearing her usual leather pants and a white button down shirt that looked like it had been quickly un-tucked. The sleeves were rolled up haphazardly but Perry could not blame her in the heat. She had a weary look on her face as if she was not sure she was welcome. Perry stood up, “Carmilla, it’s so nice to see you.”

        “Uh, yeah,” the girl returned, stepping through the door.

        “I wasn’t expecting you.” That was putting things lightly. Perry had never in a million years expected Carmilla of all people to show up to help, if of course that’s what she was here for. But what was even more surprising was that she seemed to be alone; there was no sign of Laura about and that was very unlike Carmilla. Usually they were either together, not there at all, or Carmilla was missing. This was a first for Laura to not be in attendance, which brought about a lot of questions Perry was most definitely not going to ask. It was not polite to intrude on people’s private business.

        A loud war-cry sounded and Lafontaine came barreling through into the backroom. They looked over their shoulder at Kirsch who was right behind them and tripped over the edge of the tarp. Kirsch had a glob of paint aimed at Lafontaine but when they fell, the blob flew threw the air, hitting Carmilla in the chest. Perry had a flashback to her own casualty earlier on.

        Kirsch stopped in his tracks. Lafontaine looked up from their spot on the floor. Danny who had just peeked her head through the door, froze. Everyone was looking at Carmilla to see what her reaction was going to be. The entire place went from shouts to complete silence in a manner of seconds.

        She lifted a hand up to the paint on her shirt and wiped off what she could, flicking her wrist and sending it splatting onto the floor next to her. Her face was blank and there was no telling what she was going to do until she did it. She walked over to the full tray that Perry was using, picked it up off the floor, walked back over to Kirsch, and as best as she could due to the height difference, lifted it up and poured the entirety of the tray over his body. He stiffened on the spot and once Carmilla had dropped the tray to the ground and the paint started dripping off his hair, a laugh bust forth from Danny and then Laftontaine could not help themselves and rolled on the ground, holding their stomach. Even Carmilla showed a tiny smirk and all Kirsch could do was surrender. Carmilla placed her hands on her hips, “Maybe now we could stop acting like children and get back to work.”

        That was a nice idea except Perry was not sure how much more they could get done seeing that their paint supply had been greatly diminished by the fight. “I’ll go out and buy us some more paint, I guess. I was hoping to get the first coat done tonight.”

        Danny walked forward and nudged Kirsch, giving him a look and whispering something to him that Perry could not hear. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, pulling out a credit card, “Here Perry. Use mine. This was my fault in the first place.”

        “Oh, I couldn’t,” she responded, feeling weird about using someone else’s money for her own business.

        “No, I insist. You wouldn’t need more if I hadn’t retaliated.”

        Perry looked at Lafontaine who was staring anywhere but at her, “Lafontaine? Shouldn’t you technically be paying for it?”

        They finally looked at her and after a few seconds sighed, “Alright fine,” they said before looking at Kirsch, “But he’s paying for half.”

        Kirsch shrugged, “Fine by me. Lead the way.”

        The exited through the back door and Danny apologized again, “Sorry about him. I’ll get back out there and see what else I can get done before they get back.”

        She left the room too, leaving Carmilla and Perry standing in awkward silence. Perry had not had much alone time with Carmilla and saying they were good friends or even friends for that matter was a stretch but she held out a paintbrush and Carmilla took it without argument. She went over to the opposite wall where an open can of paint sat and unbuttoned her spoiled shirt, rolling it off her shoulders, exposing a black sports bra underneath. It was probably more comfortable now that she was not covered in paint and also not wearing long sleeves. Perry looked away quickly and went back to her own wall.

               *************************************************************************************************************************

        “Look who we found!” Kirsch announced as he pushed Laura into the room. His best friend lifted up a hand to wave, “Hey, Perry. Hey…Carmilla?”

        There was obvious shock in her voice upon seeing her girlfriend there. Equal surprise showed itself on Carmilla’s face thought it faded quickly, “Hey, cupcake.”

        “What are you doing here? Kirsch, you didn’t tell me she was here.”

        Kirsch frowned, “I thought you knew.”<

        He had no desire to be caught in the middle of whatever lover’s quarrel was about to take place and Lafontaine must have had the same thought because they spoke up, “Hey, lets take these cans in the front for Danny.”

        “Good thinking,” they quickly escaped the room. Danny looked up as they entered the front, “I thought I heard you guys.”

        Kirsch lifted up the two cans, “We’ve come bearing gifts.”

        “Did I hear Laura?” she asked as she took one from him.

        “Yeah, apparently she didn’t know Carmilla was here. It was awkward. We left.”

        “They’re fighting about that?”

        “I don’t know. We left before we could find out.” Kirsch hoped they did not fight over something that didn’t seem to be a huge deal but Laura seemed very confused and he was well aware that her confusion could easily turn into anger if she was not careful. She was never actually angry but it still incited defensiveness in anyone she was talking to and if he had seen anything of Carmilla, she was well versed in that exact reaction.

        “Well, in the meantime,” Lafontaine said, dipping their paintbrush in a tray that had not been emptied by their paint fight, “I’m going to stay in here with you guys.”

        “Fine by me, we’ll get done more quickly,” Danny shrugged.

        Kirsch joined Lafontaine on the one wall, leaving Danny to do the other by herself. “How’s the job? The team? It’s been a few weeks since we really talked.”

        “Well, that jobs good. I’ve gotten a lot of clients at the gym. The high school season has not started yet. We don’t have tryouts until October and our practices don’t start until halfway through November. So slow there but I am working with the trainer for the tennis players right now. That’s been interesting. How’s your internship?”

        Kirsch was really looking forward to tryouts and seeing what work he was going to have to do with the players. Getting to know the kids and their strengths was the best part of the job; at least that’s what he thought would be the best part. He knew having a close relationship with his coaches was very important to him and he wanted to offer that same bond with his team.

        Lafontaine paused and looked at him, “Did I not ever tell you guys?”

        They looked to Danny, who had stopped painting, and back to Kirsch, “Dr. Pierson got me a job at The Vordenburg BioLabs Research facility here in the city.”

        “That’s great, Laf,” Danny congratulated them. Kirsch patted them on the back, “Good for you, dude.”

        “Thanks, guys. Its really cool ‘cause now both Perry and I will be in the city and we haven’t talked about it but I think we’ll probably try to find a place here. It would make the most sense and we’d finally be out of our tiny little apartment in Silas. I’ll have to talk to her though.”

        Kirsch’s head popped up, as if on cue, Perry walked through the door, “You really left me in there by myself with them?”

        Though the question was to all of them, she was looking directly at Lafontaine who became sheepish under her glance, “Sorry, babe?”

        “Yes, that was very uncomfortable.”

        “What happened?”

        “I don’t know really. I wasn’t paying any attention to their conversation because that would be rude.” Lafontaine rolled their eyes at Perry and Kirsch was let down that he would have to ask Laura about it later. Perry went on, “Laura pulled Carmilla outside though and so I felt that it was okay to come in here.”

        “Well,” Kirsch started, trying to ignore his curiosity about Laura, “grab a paintbrush. We might actually finish this room today.”

               **************************************************************************************************************************

        Laura reached out and grabbed Carmilla’s arm, dragging her girlfriend through the doorway and out behind the building. The building cast a shadow over them so they were not in direct sunlight and Laura went halfway to the end of the brick wall before stopping, letting go of Carmilla’s hand and turning to face her. She did her best to not be distracted by Carmilla’s lack of shirt and was awfully proud with her ability to do so. Laura crossed her arms over her chest and looked at Carmilla who had pursed lips and a rather bored look in her eyes. “Why are you here?”

        She had not meant to sound so accusatory but she was flustered. Laura had been under the impression that Carmilla was in class and finding her in the bakery in Styria of all places had caught her off-guard. “I thought you had class.”

        Carmilla shrugged, “The prof canceled.”

        Laura’s eyes narrowed. Even if she believed her, that did not explain why she was currently in the city, helping paint Perry’s new bakery. It also did not explain how she got into the city which was a burning question in Laura’ smiled. “Okay, why are you here though? Couldn’t you have a shift at The Nook? Couldn’t you be at your house? Couldn’t you be at the apartment? I don’t know, reading or doing whatever you do?”

        Carmilla rolled her eyes and mirrored Laura’s crossed arms, “Well, I’m here. What does it even matter?”

        Laura uncrossed her arms and with tense fingers, shook her hands out, “Why didn’t you tell me you were here?”

        Carmilla’s head turned to the side and her eyebrows raised, a fake amused look on her face, “So now I have to tell you exactly where I am at all times?”

        Laura’s hand flew to her temples and she grabbed at her hair and groaned, “No, I -”

        She could not figure out why she was so weirded out by the situation and Carmilla’s accusation gave her flashbacks to Danny and being controlling was not what she was trying to do. She would not ignore the fact though that Carmilla had called her out and that was exactly what she sounded like. Obviously her frustration lightened the mood and Carmilla moved closer, grabbing hold of her hands and pulling them from her head, holding them in her own. Laura opened her eyes that were squeezed shut to find Carmilla looking at her intensely. “Are you mad that I’m hanging out with your friends without you?”

        “They’re our friends,” Laura said, putting emphasis on ‘our.’ At this point they really were despite anything Carmilla tried to say against the fact.

        “I was helping your friends because I had nothing better to do. I knew you were in the city and I didn’t think it was going to be an issue,” she paused for a second, squeezing Laura’s hands in her own, “Why is it an issue?”

        “I don’t know,” Laura shook her head.

        “Why is this bothering you?”

        “I don’t know, I don’t know, okay?” Laura had a few excuses to use. She was used to a certain schedule and this had gone off the beaten track. She wanted to surprise Carmilla at home with the news. Maybe I am jealous that she’s with my friends. The thought horrified her and she knew that it would be in the back of her mind for the foreseeable future but saying that to Carmilla would only cause her to back off even more and Laura knew that having people around who cared about her, even if she refused to believe it, was doing great things for her.

        Laura pulled her hands from Carmilla’s grip, “No, you don’t have to tell me where you are. I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t know what I meant it like. I just expected you to be in class and you weren’t and I felt like you lied to me.”

        She was realizing all of this as she said it, “And I’m starting to hear how idiotic it sounds because that’s ridiculous and I don’t know what came over me but it wasn’t okay and I shouldn’t have –”

        “We’re good, cupcake.”

        “But you’re right and -”

        “We’re good,” she repeated and Laura actually heard her this time. Sometimes Carmilla’s willingness to let things go was worrisome and other times, Laura was so thankful that she did not hold things like this over her.

        “How’d your interview go?”

        Laura smiled wide at the change of subject and Carmilla grinned along with her, “I got it. Just like that. I didn’t even really need to interview.”

        Laura was wrapped up in Carmilla’s arms and squeezed slightly. “I’m so happy for you, cutie. You deserve this.”

        Carmilla let go and started backing away but Laura grabbed the loops of her leather pants; it would have been easier to grab a shirt but there was a lack in that area. Carmilla stumbled forward. “Don’t you think this was a little unfair?"

        “What?”

        Laura glanced down Carmilla’s torso, seeing her black sports bra and her stomach as it trembled with each breath she took and released.

        “Oh,” came Carmilla’s voice, “say no more.”

        Laura’s back scratched against brick when Carmilla pushed her up against the wall. Kissing Carmilla was always an adventure simply because Laura never knew what to expect. Carmilla could be gentle but hungry or passionate and slow or a mixture of any of those options and the exact combination was always up in the air. This time she was putting heavy, lingering kisses on Laura’s lips. There was an uncommon absence of lip bites. Nevermind, Laura thought when her lip was tugged outward. She threw her arms around Carmilla’s neck and Carmilla grabbed ahold of her waste. Carmilla pressed up against her and Laura wished she could run her hands over the bare skin but when Carmilla adjusted so her leg was between Laura’s, Laura became aware of where they currently were and that this should not be happening. She unfolded her hands from their position on Carmilla’s back and put a gentle pressure against her shoulders, “No, stop.”

        As if she had been caught on fire, Carmilla had sprung ten feet away as soon as Laura had spoken. Laura’s brows furrowed, “What happened?”

        “You said stop,” Carmilla responded plainly.

        Laura tried to keep her amusement under wraps but she could still hear it when she spoke, “That didn’t mean you had to -” Laura gestured at her because she could not find the words that fit well enough.

        “I don’t want you to feel like I’m doing anything against your wishes.”

        This was the honesty and vulnerability that Carmilla had been working on showing her. The amount of care that Laura found in someone who wanted so much to not care about anything was vast and the concern Carmilla had for her and how she was feeling was beyond anything Laura had expected. Carmilla really thought of everything because lack of consent was not something that had crossed Laura’s mind; that was not the reason she had stopped them.

        She padded across the pavement to Carmilla who had not stepped any closer to her and Carmilla seemed to flinch as she grew closer, “That’s not what happened, okay? Believe me. I just was not sure that was something that should be happening out here. Public places. Our friends are just inside.”

        “Your friends.”

        “Alright fine, my friends.” Laura was not going to argue about that at this very moment especially when she finally remembered the question that had been escaping her earlier. She looked at Carmilla confused for a second and Carmilla returned the look. “How did you get here?”

        “What do you mean?”

        Laura pointed to make herself more clear, “How did you get here?”

        “Oh,” Carmilla said, looking past her. Laura grabbed ahold of her face and turned it back. “Look at me. How did you get here?”

        “Its not a big deal.”

        “Obviously if you’re telling me its not a big deal before you say anything, I’m going to think it’s a big deal.” There was no transportation into the city that did not require Carmilla to be in some sort of vehicle and Laura knew that it was almost impossible for her to be in a vehicle of any kind. Painting the bakery did seem like a task of such importance that Carmilla would risk a panic attack for.

        Carmilla was biting on her lip, buying time but Laura was not planning on letting it go until she found out. “Do we have to do this?”

        “Yes, we have to do this. I don’t even know what this is.”

        Carmilla’s eyes moved to the side so that they were not focusing on Laura and she muttered, “I took the bus.”

        Laura’s eyes widened. Far back in her mind she had known the answer but had ignored it because of how improbable it seemed. “You took the bus.”

        “Yes, I took the bus,” Carmilla pushed Laura’s hands off her face, “its really not a big deal.”

        She started walking towards the bakery door but Laura reached out to stop her, “Um, this is a huge deal, Carm! Why didn’t you tell me?”

        “I don’t know. You and Will are bowing this out of proportion,” Carmilla was not meeting her eyes and Laura couldn’t quite place why. Maybe embarrassment but that seemed out of character.

        “You told Will?” Laura asked, trying to hide the hurt in her voice that she had not been the first one Carmilla had come to, “Carm, you should’ve told me.

         Laura hugged her and after a moment’s hesitation she felt arms slowly hold her back. Laura scoffed, “Isn’t a big deal? I’m so proud of you.”

        “Its nothing. And it’s not like a volunteered the information to Will.”

        “Why are you brushing this off?” Laura questioned. Carmilla wiggled out of the hug, “I just don’t want this to be a thing. It’s a part of life and I have to be able to live life. It’s really hard to do anything when any type of car makes you freak out, okay? I got tired of it. I don’t know about anything else but the bus is fine now.”

        Laura did not want to overshadow the accomplishment so she held her tongue but the only bus transportation necessary would be to get from Silas to Styria and there was nothing that Laura could think of that would require Carmilla to constantly make that trip. She’d delve into that subject later on. Laura held Carmilla’s hand, “Don’t hide things from me.”

        “I know. I’m trying.” There was no smile on Carmilla’s face and Laura found it hard to sense what she was thinking though that was not a new experience. Laura sighed, “I know. Let’s go back in to help.”

        “Ugh, do we have to,” Carmilla groaned causing Laura to laugh.

        “You were here first, you know? This is your fault. We could be at home cuddling on the couch right now.”

        “Then by all means, let’s do that.”

        “I don’t think so.” And with that, Laura pulled a reluctant Carmilla through the back door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> Possible Trigger Warnings: Alcohol Consumption (party scenario)

        The breeze was nice as Laura almost skipped across campus, holding onto her backpack so it wouldn’t fall off her shoulders. The sun was still out but the beginning of October had brought with it a relief from the sweltering heat of the past few months. She checked Carmilla’s schedule for the third time before pulling open the doors to the building that housed Carmilla’s philosophy class. She was fifteen minutes early so she slumped to the floor outside the classroom door to wait for the professor to finish.

        Laura smiled to herself, excited to see Carmilla’s face when she showed up unexpected to walk her home from class. Maybe it was cheesy but between their classes and Laura’s new job at the The Journal, they did not have much time with each other anymore and it was grating. They spent every evening together and most nights simply because one or the other was too exhausted to go home, but other than that, they were apart and Laura missed how inseparable they had been after coming back from Carmilla’s lake house in the summer. The honeymoon period should not have ended so quickly and it left Laura disgruntled; she knew far too well that Carmilla’s grumpiness stemmed at least partly from that fact as well.

        What Laura was really hoping was that they could grab a quick lunch before she had to go in to Styria for the evening. Her co-workers at The Journal were very understanding of her strange hours in the office but still expected nothing less from her than the humungous workload that they were saddled with. If she was going to be part of the team, she had to do as much as the rest of the team and she was glad to finally be out of the internship stage; fact checking could only entertain her for so long.

        The door opened and the class swarmed out in a swirl of suddenly loud voices but the face she was looking for never appeared. Laura waited until she was entirely sure that everyone was out of the lecture hall before peering inside for one last check but her girlfriend was nowhere to be seen. Her face scrunched up of its own accord and she pulled out her phone, her fingering hovering over Carmilla’s name in hesitation wondering if this was an overstep. She eventually decided that it was not because Carmilla was supposed to be in class and her absence was enough to cause worry. She dialed the number and listened to it ring. There was a loud intake of breath, almost like a sigh in reverse, “Hello, cupcake.”

        “Why aren’t you in your philosophy class?” Laura said without an introduction.

        “It got cancelled,” Carmilla said with a hint of confusion and weariness in her voice.

        “That’s funny because I just watched a full class leave said class.”

        There was silence on the other side of the phone, “Carmilla, I swear I’m not being controlling, I was just worried when you weren’t there.”

        “Why are you there, cutie?”

        “I wanted to surprise you,” Laura admitted, “I thought we could grab lunch.”

        Carmilla chuckled on the other end, “I guess I should go to class even when I don’t feel like it if I’m going to escorted out by a pretty girl.”

        “I’ll take it but you’re still changing the subject. Are you feeling okay? Did something happen?” Laura’s mind started going through every possible scenario for why Carmilla was out of class from a stuffy nose to falling into a hole. It was all possible until she was told otherwise.

        “I’m fine. I just wasn’t feeling like sitting through class today.”

        “Well, are you at home? Do you still want to get lunch before I have to go to work.”

        “Shit, yeah, you’re working tonight. I’m sorry, cupcake. I’m actually in the city right now. I was planning on doing dinner with you. I guess I’m on the wrong schedule today.”

        Laura heard something on the other side of the phone that sounded vaguely like, “Karnstein, no personal calls,” before Carmilla started talking again.

        “What are you doing in the city?” Laura asked apprehensively.

        “Nothing fun really. How about we do lunch tomorrow. Would that work?”

        “No, I have to be in the office all day tomorrow. I could only do dinner.”

        “Well, I know this is a week away but what if we do this time next week?”

        Laura smiled, “It’s a date.”

        Carmilla laughed on the other side of the phone, “Okay, I’ll see you later, cutie."

        “Carmilla?” Laura said quickly.

        “Yes?”

        “I love you.”

        The voice on the other end softened and gave Laura a warm and fuzzy feeling, “I love you too, Laura.”

        The bus ride to Styria was always an unfortunately boring part of Laura’s day and there was no real way to pass the time. She exhausted her small music library before getting bored of having earphones in. She watched the passing scenery before realizing it had not changed since the last time. And so she always ended up pulling out her laptop and starting on work. She was in her own little world until the bus pulled up to her stop on West 3rd Street and she hopped out, walking the two blocks to her destination. She was stuffing a couple papers into her backpack as she walked up the front steps when she was startled from a voice, “Just gonna ignore me, cupcake?”

        Looking up, a smile spread across her face. Carmilla was leaning casually against a concrete pillar, holding a bag of takeout. She pushed herself off of it and Laura noticed the light blue button down that was tucked into black pants that surprisingly, were not leather. “I thought since I ruined your plans, I’d try to make up for it.”

        Laura took a hold of Carmilla’s hand and used it to help her reach up and give Carmilla a kiss. Carmilla’s lips turned into a smile against hers. Laura pulled back and frowned, “I wish I could but I don’t want to be late.”

Instead of answering, Carmilla opened the bag and reached in, the paper crinkling as she searched for something and delight spread across Laura’s features as she pulled out a chocolate chip cookie. “Thanks, Carm.”

        Laura swiped the cookie, kissed Carmilla on the cheek and turned to enter the building.

        “You will be eating this entire sandwich when you get home tonight,” Carmilla called out after her. Laura gave her a thumbs up before entering the revolving door.

        Laura slogged to her door and turned the key in the knob. She shouldered through and dropped her bag on the counter next to a note that read in bolded letters, “EAT THIS.” And maybe if it was not after midnight, she would take the time to follow

        Carmilla’s order but she was so exhausted that any hunger she may be feeling was well hidden and all she wanted was to fall into bed. Her feet shuffled her into her bedroom and she paused at the door. The light was on, and Carmilla was lying on her bed, fast asleep, fully clothed, with a book open across her stomach. Her black hair was lying in waves around her head, making it look like she had a lion’s mane. Laura shrugged out of her blazer, which she quietly hung back up in her closet and removed her shirt and skirt to change into lounge shorts and a tank top. So as not to wake Carmilla, she did not pull the sheets back on her side of the bed and instead laid on top of the comforter, facing her girlfriend. Laura had noticed that when Carmilla was sleeping her face was entirely blank. It did not look sad, upset, or happy. But it did look peaceful and calm as if sleep was the only time where she was not in constant fear of something happening and Laura found her own comfort in that. She always felt weird watching Carmilla sleep because she had woken up one to many times to see Carmilla staring at her with this weird, intense expression on her face. Carmilla would reach out and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and then go on staring until Laura squirmed uncomfortably.

        Laura scooted closer to the sleeping girl, sticking her hands up under her head to use as a second pillow and closing her eyes. Carmilla’s presence was a beacon to Laura; she could always feel it somehow. It was signified by a ball of warmth in her stomach and a gravitational pull that always forced them together. It was not surprising in the morning when she woke up in Carmilla’s arms.

        “So, Halloween.” Carmilla’s eyes slowly looked up until she was almost glaring over the top of her book. She sat there for a few moments, just staring at Laura until she asked, “What about it?,” in a not so excited voice. Laura’s shoulders slumped and she pouted, “Awe, come on, Carm. Don’t ruin the fun.”

        “I don’t even know what said fun is going to be; I can’t be ruining something already,” she said defensively.

        “You haven’t heard?”

        Carmilla shrugged and Laura continued, “The Summers and the Zetas have somehow decided to have a joint Halloween alumni bash.”

        “Cupcake, how in the world do you think I would have heard about that? I have zero interest in anything involved with this school, especially those boneheads.”

        Laura fell onto the opposite end of the couch, “You’re brother is one of those boneheads. I figured he would have told you.”

        Carmilla’s jaw tightened and she looked back at her book. Laura’s eyebrows crinkled and she scooted over, closer to Carmilla, “Carm?”

        “Hm?” the girl responded without looking up.

        “What just happened?”

        Carmilla’s head slanted slightly towards Laura but her eyes stayed glued to the page, “You asked me about Halloween and I decided the conversation was boring.”

        “Carm!” Laura said, half-giggling, “But no, I mean what happened when I mentioned Will?”

        Carmilla shrugged and turned a page. It was her usual adamant behavior when there was something she refused to discuss but Laura never gave up easily. Carmilla could ignore her as much as she wanted but Laura knew how annoying she could possibly get; that usually led to Carmilla throwing up her hands in desperation to get her to stop and telling Laura what she wanted to know. She opened her mouth to interrupt Carmilla’s reading but Carmilla sighed, closed the book and set it aside, rubbing her temples with her thumb and middle finger. Laura sat back on her heels.

        “Will’s not talking to me very much lately so I suppose this was not important enough for him to break his vow of silence.”

        “Why didn’t you tell me?”

        “It just didn’t seem like a huge deal. It’s between Will and I and I was keeping it that way. I didn’t want to drag anyone else into it because he would not appreciate that.”

        “But it’s me.”

        Carmilla looked over at her and reached out, welcoming Laura into her arms, which she immediately obliged. Laura leaned her head onto Carmilla’s shoulder and felt a delicate kiss touch the top of her head. Carmilla squeezed her arm and then started rubbing it softly, “I know, cupcake. And I wasn’t keeping this from you for any other reason than to respect Will’s privacy. And no I don’t think you’re going to go and blab to everyone; I trust you.”

        Laura’s entire body flooded with warmth; that was the first time she thought Carmilla had ever used those words so nonchalantly. It was nice to hear - even though she already knew and had heard multiple times - in such a de-stressed situation where they were together and the only problem was a small fight between siblings. It made everything seem clearer and Laura felt like this was progress; huge progress in fact that something massive did not have to occur to have Carmilla speak so openly and honestly.

        “And it’s only been a couple weeks. It’s about the bus thing. I didn’t tell him either and so he was disappointed in me for that and then got angry that I had kept it from you as well.”

        “Well I know now,” Laura said, hoping that maybe if Will found that out, he would talk to his sister. Laura did not want to see them splitting off from each other because Will did so much good for Carmilla and a break in that relationship couldn’t cause anything other than a breakdown in both of them.

        Carmilla shook her head, “I don’t think it’ll change anything. But I know about this Halloween party now, so…”

        Laura narrowed her eyes, “You’re willing to talk about that just to change the subject.”

        “Is it working?” Carmilla raised an eyebrow.

        “For now,” Laura returned.

        “Thought so.”

        “Alright so I think we should go -”

        “That I had gathered, cupcake,” Carmilla said, cutting Laura off mid-sentence. Maybe it was for the best because she knew Carmilla would be averse to her next idea.

        “Okay, well…I think we should do costumes together and I know what we should do.”

        “I’m not gonna like this, am I?”

        Laura grimaced, “Not one bit.”

        Carmilla hung her head and sighed, “Well, get on with it, cutie. I haven’t got all day. But if it has anything to do with me wearing a fez, the conversation is over.”

        Carmilla could be one hundred percent ridiculous sometimes. Laura had done Doctor Who the year before; she wouldn’t repeat a costume, especially the prior year’s. “No, silly. You get to wear a robe.”

        Laura smiled brilliantly and Carmilla’s face went from concern to downright dread. “You do know I went as Joan Jett last year, right? You understand the certain factor that goes into what I wear and when I wear it?”

        “Are you talking about the ‘cool factor’? You think you’re too cool for Hogwarts?”

        “No, but I would be the coolest one there.”

        Laura leaned across the couch and kissed Carmilla on the cheek, “I wouldn’t argue with you there.”

        **************************************************************************************************************************

        “Will did a good thing here.”

        “Yeah, but showing our faces after that last year. That could get…weird.”

        “It’ll be fine and it’ll be fun. I’m going whether you do or not. Will asked me to and I said yes.”

        There was silence on the line.

        Then there was a groan, “Ugh, fine. But, I’m not doing a couple’s costume.”

        “I never asked you to, D-bear.”

        “And how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that.”

        “It doesn’t matter. I’m gonna do it anyway.”

        “I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Kirsch led the way up the sidewalk of the Zeta house followed by Danny who was irked at herself for letting him get away with what she had explicitly stated she would not be doing. He was dressed in a long sleeve white shirt and blue jeans, accented with an orange ascot that Danny had made fun of when she found it on his dresser. And somehow she found herself in a purple dress with a green scarf tied around her neck. The week before, Danny still had not found a costume for herself and was getting desperate when she found out what Kirsch was going as and he offered. Begrudgingly, she had obliged. It had been her only option and they looked cute together; the only problem was that they were still keeping their relationship to themselves and this was a very outward display.  
        “It’ll be fine. They’ll just think it was a fun idea.”

        Danny glared at him, “Will is absolutely going to make fun of us.”

        “I can’t argue with you there but I’m sure he won’t make a scene of it.”

        Kirsch ushered her through the door and into the party. Danny was familiar with her surroundings having been in the house before and so she marched straight through to the kitchen where she found Will manning the drinks.

        He looked at them and his eyes widened, “Yo! Fred and Daphne out on the town!”

        Danny threw Kirsch another glare and he surrendered to her stare, “Shut up, Will.”

        Will laughed, “I’m just messing with you. Honestly, great idea. Nice costumes. You guys look good.”

        He handed them drinks over the counter that Kirsch had decided to lean on. “Your sister here with my best friend?”

        Will shrugged and stopped smiling, “I don’t know.”

        “What’s that supposed to mean? You live together.”

        “We aren’t talking right now. I didn’t tell her about this.”

        “Oh,” Kirsch said, shyly. Danny stepped in, trying to avoid the unnecessary awkwardness that the discussion of personal lives had apparently caused the two boys, “I told Laura about the party. I don’t know if she’s coming or not though. Come on, Kirsch, we’ll go look for her.”

        Will reached out to grab Kirsch’s arm before Danny could pull him away, “If you find Carmilla, can you tell her I’m here?”

        “She knows you’re here, dude, -”

        Danny tugged on his arm, “Just tell her, Kirsch.”

        Danny nodded at Will who smiled in return. Maybe Kirsch was blind but Will was only trying to fix whatever was going on between them and Danny knew he did not want to be asked a lot of questions. It was none of their business. They would do as he asked and let it be.

        “So, how is this going to work?” Kirsch questioned as they walked slowly through the crowded house into the back yard.

        “What do you mean?”

        “Well, can we dance together? Are we just going to stand here and drink all night? I just want to know what’s allowed.”

        “How about we just figure it out when we get there?” Danny said only because she was not sure herself. Kirsch nodded silently and took a sip of his beer as he looked out over the backyard of the Zeta house, which was set up almost identically like the year before.

        “No matter what I’m wearing, you cannot expect me to take you seriously when you look like that.”

        Danny’s head whipped around as she heard the low, gravely sound of Carmilla’s voice coming from around the side of the house. Stepping around the corner was Carmilla and Laura holding hands, wearing long black robes with emblems on them that Danny could not quite make out from the distance, and Lafontaine and Perry dressed vibrantly in red jumpsuits with huge wigs of light blue. Carmilla was rolling her eyes so hard Danny was certain it hurt but she could not keep in a snort that bursted forth because of Lafontaine and Perry’s choice of costume.

        She stifled the laugh with her hand as they got closer and nodded, “Thing 1. Thing 2,” before eyeing Carmilla and noticing the amusement in her eyes and the realization that they had actually agreed on something. Laura was bubbling next to Carmilla, proudly wearing the Hufflepuff House crest on her chest with a black and yellow striped tie fitted perfectly to her white button up shirt that was tucked neatly into a gray skirt. Carmilla was a serene picture with the Slytherin crest blazoned on her robe; a tie hung loose at her neck where the button down was unbuttoned but it was still tucked nicely into none other than leather pants. Danny was not sure those were in the Hogwarts dress code but she assumed Laura only just annoyed her into wearing the outfits in the first place.

        She saw Carmilla look her and Kirsch up and down before her mouth opened and closed quickly as she bit her lip and looked towards Laura. She kept silent. So the queen of snark knew and was keeping the information from Laura. Danny supposed she should give Carmilla more credit and maybe less to Will if he had been the one to blab. Carmilla met her eyes and Danny mouthed “thank you,” getting a shrug in return.

        Laura suddenly pointed inside, “ Come on, Carm.”

        “Sure thing, cupcake.”

        “That’s disgusting,” Lafontaine commented as they watched the two disappear inside, Carmilla’s arm wrapped around Laura’s waist.

        “Lafontaine, don’t be rude.”

        “Yeah, have you seen yourselves?” Danny asked. They were not as outward with their affection but the lovey dovey eyes they both looked at each other with was enough to make someone gag. Perry blushed and Lafontaine laughed, “I just can’t help it.”

        It took another hour but eventually Danny realized that her and Kirsch could not put off moving into the throng of dancing bodies forever. It was half of the fun of the party and Kirsch was outwardly getting bored just standing and sipping beer. He was slouching and looking hopefully at the people inside. Danny smiled at him, “Oh, come on.”

        She pulled him through the doorway and was met with hot air from the amount of people crammed into the small space. Even so, she made out Carmilla and Laura mixed in and made her way over to them. When Carmilla saw them coming, she moved away from her close proximity to Laura and kissed the girl on the cheek before twirling her toward her two friends and maneuvering through the crowd. Laura did not seemed bothered by Carmilla’s action and instead instantly melded into Danny’s space, grabbing hold of both her and Kirsch’s hands and jumping around like a child. Lafontaine and Perry appeared suddenly, the former dancing more intensely than the latter. They seemed to be on the same level as Laura, which was at least five up from where Danny currently was. Whether it was the alcohol or the atmosphere, Danny could not guess but she was glad they were all together, having fun. Well, almost all of them.

        She glanced sideways and saw Carmilla leaning up against the wall, watching them, no smirk on her face, yet it was calm. She nodded at Danny. And Danny realized what she was doing. They were all friends and Danny hoped that Carmilla knew that; but whenever Carmilla was around, Laura only had eyes for her. She was being selfless. She was giving up time with Laura so that they could all have time with one of their best friends. The fact that she was even aware of this astounded Danny. Maybe she’s not so bad.

        **************************************************************************************************************************

        “What are you doing over here?” Carmilla raised an eyebrow as she turned her head to find Laura had found her. She raised her glass and Laura shook her head. “You know what I meant?”

        “Do I now, cupcake?” Carmilla said, taking another sip of her drink.

        “Oh, Kirsch wanted me to tell you that Will is here.”

        At the sound of Will’s name, Carmilla looked away. If he wanted to apologize, he could come to her. Maybe it was stubborn but she had nothing to say to him. Carmilla felt Laura’s hand on her arm, “Maybe you should go talk to him.”

        “What would I say? He’s the one who stopped talking to me,” she tried to explain. He would not answer her calls; he was acting like a child.

        “Just let him now you’re here as well. You don’t have to say anything to him. But maybe if he saw you, he would start a conversation.”

        “Are you okay by yourself?” Carmilla questioned. Laura looked to be swaying a little where she stood and Carmilla had lost the count of how many drinks she had consumed.

        “Its okay,” came a voice from behind her, “we’ll watch her.”

        Perry and Lafontaine had appeared and though the latter looked very intoxicated, at least Perry looked in control of herself. Carmilla nodded, “Alright, I’ll be right back.”

        She kissed Laura’s cheek before parting.

        Carmilla found Will in the kitchen behind the counter, handing out drinks. He spotted her over the shoulder of some guy he was handing a beer and his eyes hesitated on hers before he went back to work to hand the next person a drink. She stood her ground, waiting for an opening. She didn’t need an apology from him; she just needed him to be in her life again. It had been weeks without even a word from him and her resolve was draining.

        Will nudged another guy that was standing behind the counter and he took over while Will skirted the island and walked towards her, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets, and his head hanging against his chest. He stood in front of her; both of them silent though the only way the conversation could be heard was if they shouted at each other. And so she did, “You’re a fucking, idiot.”

        She threw her arms around him and squeezed him in a hug that almost caused her to suffocate herself. When she let go, he fell back a few steps in surprise, “You just –“

        “Yeah, yeah. Well if you would stop being a child then I wouldn’t have had to,” she squirmed, “That was uncomfortable for me as I’m sure you know.”

        His smile grew, “So, you don’t hate me anymore?”

        Carmilla blanched, “Will, you’re the one who stopped talking to me. I thought you hated me.”

        “And I thought you hated me for doing exactly that.”

        She looked around as if she was being pranked, “Do you ever look at your phone? I must’ve called you a hundred times.”

        “Yeah, but…”

        “There are no buts here, Will. I will not take the blame for this. This was your fault but I’m also not holding that against you. You don’t need to apologize. I’m not going to apologize. Let’s just move forward.”

        “Okay.”

        “Okay?”

        “Yes, fine, okay,” he said. She reached out a hand and ruffled his hair, “Good.”

        He stared at her, examining what she was wearing, “Laura got to you?”

        She slapped him on the shoulder, “Oh shut it.”

        Carmilla could hear his laughter as she walked away from him but before she could find Laura, the girl found her instead. “Everything good?”

        “Everything is just fine, cutie.”

        “I’m glad,” Laura returned, wrapping her arm around Carmilla’s waist.

        “Did I tell you that you’re breaking dress code?” Laura whispered in Carmilla’s ear. A rush of heat flooded through Carmilla’s body at the sound; it always took her off-guard whenever Laura became so overt.

        They had stopped outside the apartment door. Laura was leaning against the wall, holding onto the edges of Carmilla’s robe and Carmilla stood, leaning over her, hand placed on the wall above her head. Laura’s eyes raked over her body until they connected with her eyes, “Did I tell you I like it?”

        She pulled Carmilla closer with a tug and then flipped their positions, crushing her lips against Carmilla’s. Carmilla was staring at Laura’s face; not doing anything but looking at her and a fumbling at the door confused her very focused mind until she realized Laura was trying to unlock it. Apparently she had been successful, because Carmilla was roughly dragged through the door, which was closed before she found herself slammed up against it. Laura’s eyes were gleaming, even in the dark, and she was staring at Carmilla’s lips, causing the heat in Carmilla’s body to rise even more. I am one hundred percent okay with this.

        Lips latched onto each other and Laura’s hands were getting knotted in her hair while her own hands reached around to grasp at Laura’s ass, pulling their hips together. All of a sudden they were surrounded by heavy gasps and her back was pushing hard into a counter, then her hands were stabilizing Laura against the fridge. She discarded her hot robe on the floor as Laura’s hands ripped open the front of her shirt, not caring about the integrity of the buttons that were no longer intact. Carmilla found Laura’s neck with her lips, her tongue tracing patterns on her collarbone. Laura’s small yet needy gasp urged her on. Fingers were fumbling with the button of her leather pants and that’s when a cold sense of clarity washed over her and she grabbed ahold of Laura’s hands, pushing them from their work. She kissed Laura on the lips and pulled away; not too far, but enough to clearly show an end to the heated situation.

        “What’s wrong?” Laura whined making Carmilla laugh.

        “You’re drunk, sweetheart.”

        “So?” Laura said, her eyes moving slowly, proving Carmilla’s previous observation.

        “So,” Carmilla began, guiding Laura towards her bedroom, “as much as I really, I mean really, want to rip those clothes off of you, I want you to remember when I do so.”

        And the way that Laura was almost asleep in her arms, her feet dragging across the floor, she would most likely not even remember this conversation.

        **************************************************************************************************************************

        “You know,” there was a groan from under the covers, “the one really nice thing about having a girlfriend who hates getting up early, is that when I have a hangover, you don’t annoy me.”

        There was an even louder groan and a pillow disappeared under the comforter. “Wake up, silly.”

        Laura jumped on the sleeping form of Carmilla under the sheets. She pulled back the top of the comforter, exposing a messy mob of black hair. Carmilla groaned again and her face was set in a grimace, “And you know what? The one really bad thing about having you as a girlfriend is that even when you’re hungover, you’re the one doing all of the annoying.”

        Laura found herself falling onto the other side of the bed as Carmilla tackled her, tickling her sides. Laura was not too fond of tickling and Carmilla knew that so it only lasted a few seconds. Somehow Carmilla always remembered the little things and respected them; sometimes Laura felt bad when she could not reciprocate in the same way. Carmilla kissed her on the mouth and Laura was assaulted with a minty smell. She pushed Carmilla away, “How in the world, does your breath smell like toothpaste?”

        “One of us needs to smell good because, cupcake, you taste like stale beer.”

        Laura sat up on the bed, leaning back on her hands as Carmilla climbed off and walked out the door. There was a shout from the other room that had Laura springing from the bed followed by, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

        Laura came out to find Carmilla clutching her chest and Kirsch with wide-eyes standing in the doorway to the other bedroom. Laura wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s waist from the back and set her chin on Carmilla’s back, “I forgot to tell you, didn’t I?”

        Carmilla just gestured at Kirsch and nodded.

        “I gave Danny and him a key so they’d have a place to stay,” Laura turned her attention to Kirsch, “Where’s Danny by the way?”

        Kirsch pointed behind him, “She’s still in bed.”

        Laura tried to hold back her smile and act like she knew nothing, “Did…did you guys share a bed?”

        Kirsch stuttered for a few seconds before coming up with an excuse, “Uh…no, I slept on the couch. I was just, uh, in there to wake her up.”

        Laura’s eyes darted to the couch, which did not looked touched but she just said, “okay,” and left Kirsch to awkwardly walk to the kitchen. She leaned up on her tiptoes and whispered into Carmilla’s ear, “And they think I don’t know.”

        Carmilla whispered back, “So, cupcake, how long have you known?”

        “They moved in together. It wouldn’t take a detective. And I also know you know and weren’t telling me. But I won’t hold that against you,” Laura smiled slyly at Carmilla whose eyebrow quirked, “But they don’t need to know. It’s more fun this way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I don't remember the song I wrote this to but I edited it while listening to "Leave a Trace" (Goldroom Remix) - CHVRCHES
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> Possible Trigger Warnings: Sex (NSFW), Physical Abuse
> 
> I don't know why it took me so long to upload this.

            “Is this okay? Laura nodded her head incredibly slow as Carmilla rubbed circles across her cheekbones with the pad of her thumb. She was hovering over Laura who had backed up against the arm of the couch as Carmilla crawled toward her, eyes consciously smiling with seduction. She liked seeing the blush rise in Laura’s cheeks, the swallow get stuck in her throat and the pupils dilate in anticipation.

            She was supporting herself with one hand that was sinking lower and lower into the cushion with the weight of her body. She did not want her entire body crushing Laura - not yet at least. Laura’s eyes were flickering between her eyes and her lips and the girl’s tongue inadvertently flicked out, wetting the lips that Carmilla found her eyes drawn to; a daily reoccurrence that either ended with Laura giving in and kissing her or Laura giving her a warning look that said, ‘Cut it out.’ Either way, it always resulted in Carmilla smiling, a gross, disgusting, happy smile that she refused to get used to. She hid from the contagious cheerfulness not because she was afraid; she had already let her walls down for Laura and that girl had waltzed in as soon as the door had been cracked. Being happy still did not feel normal to her and even though Laura made her feel like she deserved every atom of the love she was given and Carmilla believed her, she seemed off when there was not something bothering her. She did a mental eye roll because she knew how screwed up that was but she was well aware that her past would always haunt her and getting rid of these feelings seemed impossible. Like this moment for instance, when everything was calm and clear, her mind had to go and ruin her contentedness.

            As if coming out of a daze, Laura’s face came back into focus and Carmilla felt two hands caressing her face. Laura’s eyes were searching; her eyebrows expressing sad concern and causing a small, soft smile to appear on Carmilla’s lips. “Don’t do that. You don’t have to smile for me.”

            “Of course I’m doing it for you,” Carmilla replied easily, stroking her hand through the soft caramel hair, “But there’s no one else I’d rather smile for.”

           She watched a faint blush creep up Laura’s cheeks but it was followed by a lip bite that caused Carmilla’s sharp intake of air. Laura’s lip slowly escaped from her teeth and Carmilla wanted so much to press every inch of her skin against Laura but she needed to check one last time to know that Laura wanted this too.

            Something must have shown in her eyes because Laura shook her head in exasperation while giggling and pulled Carmilla’s face towards her own, softly connecting their lips. Laura’s lips were as soft as always and moving slowly, drawing in every bit of Carmilla’s focus that they could, her mind fuzzing over. For someone who was usually ready to rip off clothes and get down to business, this was the first time Carmilla had ever wanted to move slowly and she found it to be much more exciting than she had previously credited it with. Apparently she was being too cautious and her lips turned into a pout because Laura pulled away, giggling, “You can touch me, you know?”

            Carmilla had not taken into account that her hands were still firmly pressing into the cushions.

            “As you wish,” she returned, trying to conceal her own desire to touch Laura’s skin. Her left hand kept holding her up but her right hand moved to rest upon Laura’s hip, under the shirt and right above her pants. It was warm and Laura was smiling at Carmilla as if nothing else in the world was more perfect and not being able to stomach that look anymore, she dipped her head, sucking on Laura’s jaw and drawing a pleased breath out of the girl before creating a wet trail with her tongue along Laura’s jaw toward her neck. She lightly nipped at the skin before sucking on it hard enough to draw blood to the surface where it would stay; a mark telling the world that Carmilla had been there.

            She continued in a line down Laura’s collarbone, leaving mark after mark on the skin, which after a shudder from Laura as if a chill had gone through her, was layered with goosebumps. Carmilla’s hand had slowly moved, lifting the shirt higher until her hand settled on the side of Laura’s ribcage. She could feel Laura’s knees holding onto her hips but her hands, which had been removed from Carmilla’s face, returned to her cheeks to pull their lips together. It was Laura who pulled back for a second time and a million worried thoughts passed through Carmilla’s mind of what she had done wrong. Laura grimaced, “I’m really sorry to ruin the moment, but this couch is not the most comfortable…”

            “Say no more,” Carmilla interrupted, sliding her hands under Laura’s butt and pulling her into a sitting position on top of Carmilla’s own knees. Laura giggled again and Carmilla wondered if she would ever tire of that sound. Laura seemed to get the message and her legs wrapped around Carmilla’s torso. It was awkward at first and Carmilla doubted her own strength but with a grunt, she had obtained a secure grip on her girlfriend and lifted them both up from the couch. Laura flung her arms around Carmilla’s neck to make sure she didn’t fall as Carmilla waddled their way to the bedroom.

            “I thought that would have been more romantic than it was,” Carmilla confessed. The lifting of the bride through the doorway was always much more manageable and easy on screen than it was in real life. Her previous experience had consisted of pushing girls up against walls, not carrying them from room to room to lie them down nicely on a bed.

            “It was entirely too romantic.”

            “Well, here’s the best part,” Carmilla smirked and Laura let out a delighted shriek as Carmilla dropped onto the bed, the mattress bouncing with the weight of their bodies. Carmilla smiled into Laura’s hair as laughter rippled through the small body. “Like I said, extremely romantic.”

            Carmilla sat up on her knees and found herself straddling Laura’s waist. She reached down to the bottom of her shirt to pull it up over her head but hands alighted on top of hers, “Wait.”

            She paused what she was doing only to see Laura once again biting her lip. _God, this girl is going to be the death of me._ Laura sat up, her hands taking hold of Carmilla’s shirt and slowly lifting it up. The movement stopped when her entire stomach was visible and her skin prickled under the kisses that Laura was peppering across her bare skin. Her lips tugged at the skin, leaving red splotches on various parts of Carmilla’s stomach, “You aren’t the only one who can leave her mark.”

            Carmilla’s eyes widened at Laura’s lowered voice. It was laced with desire but more so with possessiveness that Carmilla had never seen in her before. She had said, “You’re mine,” without so much as speaking those words and Carmilla struggled to keep ahold of herself after that. She was Laura’s and that was it. It was simple really. She had given her heart and her mind and her soul over to this tiny, whirlwind of love and beauty and intelligence with whom she imagined her future with. But to hear Laura say it made it valid. It made it possible. And it was more of an aphrodisiac than Carmilla had expected.

            Laura’s hands were sliding her shirt up and pulling it over her head as she just stared at Carmilla’s chest in awe as if it was the first time she had ever seen a girl without a shirt on. Carmilla had to chuckle because Laura’s eyes were wide and her mouth was slack and she was just staring; it was too adorable for anyone’s own good. “Are you just going to look all day? Or are you going to touch?”

            Laura nodded before she started speaking, “Oh, I am going to touch.”

            Laura’s lips were far too irresistible for Carmilla to wait any longer and she grabbed the girl’s face, breaking Laura’s focus and bringing their lips together.

            “Not fair,” Laura mumbled against her lips, hot breath flooding her mouth.

            “You took too long, sweetheart.” But the words were mostly a lie because Carmilla would let Laura take all of the time in the world. The cliché of first times was very relevant even though it did not stand true for either of them; it was their first time together. Carmilla had put so much pressure on this. She had waited, not wanting to rush things, wanting to make sure Laura was ready, wanting to make sure she was ready to not be a total fuck up. It was not conscious pressure but heaviness that built up of its own accord over time.

            “Hey, Carm?

            _Shit._ She had been in her head too long. “Yes, cupcake?”

            “I know you’re thinking too hard about something. You’re lips stopped moving.”

            “Nothing to worry about.” She had not noticed Laura’s lips detach from her own but she saw the girl lean back. She was giving Carmilla a smile that pretty much said, “bullshit.” Carmilla hung her head, “I’m fucking nervous, Laura.”

            It was like her chest had opened up and fresh air was filling her lungs with the revelation that she had been too scared of or too proud to admit. Instead of being surprised or confused or adamant that she was more nervous, Laura kissed her and whispered, “Me too.”

            It was a declaration of solidarity and the vulnerability Carmilla was worried about was now spread out before her mixed with Laura’s own fears and insecurities. “Are you going to stay out of your head? Because it’s a lot easier to kiss you when you’re kissing me back.”

            An easy smile spread across Carmilla’s face because of course she would. She tugged Laura’s lower lip between her own and sucked on it, drawing a very quiet sound out of Laura that could not be classified as a groan or a moan or any such thing but more of an audible sigh of contentment. Whatever it was, Carmilla knew she wanted to hear it again. She felt hands slide across her stomach and around her back before, with a single flick of Laura’s fingers, her bra came unclasped, “Well, well, well.”

            “It’s my specialty,” Laura barely got out before she had pressed her lips against Carmilla’s yet again. There was a heat spreading across Carmilla’s body as Laura’s tongue parted her lips and found it’s way into Carmilla’s mouth, bringing in more heat with it. Carmilla shrugged out of one of her many lacey, black bras and threw it to the side. Her fingers fumbled with the catch on Laura’s; it was difficult because kissing Laura made her mind all hazy but it was so intoxicating that she had no desire to stop even for a brief second. Laura’s fingers found hers and with her help, Carmilla opened the clasp. Laura joked, “A bit difficult?”

            “I have other specialties,” Carmilla growled as she ripped at Laura’s pants, pulling them over the girl’s waist as Laura did her part to kick them off. Before she could continue though, Laura snapped at her and pointed to her pants. Carmilla regretfully pulled herself off the bed and stood up; it took more finesse to peel the leather from her body and with Laura’s eyes on her the entire time, she felt like a bumbling fool.

            When she was free and she turned back to the bed, Laura had removed her bra, revealing breasts that seemed larger when laid bare. They hung slightly lower on Laura’s chest without the support of a bra. Carmilla’s view of them in a bra was nothing compared to her view now. There was a low rumbling in her throat, one that she could not control, and Laura’s eyes widened, “Did you just purr?”

            “If you could see what I am seeing –”

            “I’ve seen it a million times,” Laura said, flippantly, “it’s nothing to write home about.”

            Carmilla climbed back onto the bed, her hands settling on either side of Laura’s waist, “First off, cupcake, we will be discussing that statement later. Second off, people at home would not have the privilege. I don’t want to share.”

            Carmilla found Laura’s lips hungrily, moving faster than before, less cautious, more confident, more like how she was used to feeling. Her hand slid across the hard muscles of Laura’s stomach, still a enigma due to the cookie monster of a human that Laura was, and slid beneath the fabric of Laura’s underwear, causing Laura’s breath to get caught in her throat and smile to spread across Carmilla’s face. She could feel the small amount of wetness that had built up and work her fingers up and down to create more, Laura biting at her lips the entire time.

            “Are you ready? ‘Cause I’m pretty ready,” Laura questioned breathlessly.

            “I’m just taking my time -”

            “And that’s nice and all it really is. I appreciate it, but if you could just –”

            Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Yes, cupcake.”

            Carmilla disengaged her hand and wiggled her body down lower to pull down Laura’s underwear, exposing her for Carmilla to see for the first time. But with Laura’s suggestion or rather demand, she did not take too much time to ogle and explore and instead watched as she worked. She slid one finger up and down the fold of skin, which was much more slick than before. And soon after she nudged the tips of two fingers at Laura’s entrance, causing a sudden clench in muscle as if unexpected, she slowly and deliberately maneuvered her way in. Her fingers were enveloped by the close walls and a magnificent heat. Instead of pulling her fingers in and out, she instead kept her knuckles close to Laura’s body and curled her fingers. Curl, straighten, curl, straighten. Over and over again.

            It started out as little whimpers before Laura’s hands found their way to tangle in Carmilla’s hair and push her head downwards. It was not forceful, just a way to signal what Laura wanted and Carmilla chuckled but obliged. She tongued the skin above where her fingers were and dragged upwards, flicking at Laura’s clit with her tongue when she reached it. She attached her lips and interchangeably sucked and rolled her tongue around the nerves causing Laura to shudder. The whimpers turned into breathy moans and her body began to squirm. With it came louder sounds and if Carmilla looked up, she could just see over the rise of Laura’s stomach, which had lifted as she arched off the bed.

            She twisted her fingers inside Laura looking to find whatever would cause Laura to clench onto her fingers. She almost shrieked when Carmilla found it and pushed and Laura’s fingers dug into Carmilla’s scalp. Carmilla removed her mouth from Laura’s clit when she could feel the walls around her fingers tighten and instead lapped at the wetness that had spread to Laura’s inner thigh. And soon, the tightening disappeared, her fingers slipped out of Laura easily, and Laura’s body slackened onto the bed suddenly. There was no sound coming from Laura at all and Carmilla’s forehead scrunched up, “You okay, cupcake?”

            “Yeah,” was what Carmilla thought she heard but it very well could have been silence and she had made it up but then there was more, “I just need a second.”

            Carmilla smiled and kissed her way up Laura’s torso until she reached her lips and kissed her, knowing that Laura would taste herself on her lips. There was no significant description of the taste except that it was in essence, Laura. And Carmilla would forever know that.

           

           She clutched onto the sheets as she shuddered from the absence of Laura’s touch. She could still feel the ghost of Laura’s tongue as it pushed up inside of her; the feel of Laura’s hand as it slid up her stomach to play with the hardened peak on her breast; the way her thumb completed circles around her clit. It was not an easy thing to forget especially when Carmilla did not commonly give herself entirely over to her own pleasure. She always held back, not willing to be that vulnerable and the feeling of doing exactly the opposite of that, with Laura, was exquisite.

            Laura lay by her side, her head nestled in Carmilla’s arm as her eyes closed. Carmilla knew she was not sleeping by the way her hand was tracing a path up and down Carmilla’s arm but they both were silent. Carmilla had nothing of importance to say; she was sure her cursing and moaning from before were enough to let Laura know how she was currently feeling.

          

             “Are you sure you can’t come?” Laura whined, frowning as she pulled on Carmilla’s arm.

            “I’m sure cupcake. Believe me, if I could pick the imbeciles over my sister and my mother, I’d go along with the gingers and the puppy every single time.” Laura smiled at that; even the insults no longer came off of Carmilla’s tongue with any spite. _Which is annoying._

            She kissed her little bundle of energy before walking her out the door. As soon as it shut though, she turned around slouching against and it and letting her head bang backwards against the wood. To her surprise, her mother had returned to have a faux family Thanksgiving as she had tried unsuccessfully to achieve every year. The last dinner she had with the woman resulted in her shoulder being dislocated and though Laura was not privy to that information, she had done all she could to try and persuade Carmilla to ditch her family; that could only make everything a thousand times worse when her mother came looking for her.

            The dreaded phone call had come the week before and she had let it go to voicemail; she always did her best to ignore Mattie’s calls. But at the sound of her sister’s voice, anxious and out of character, she realized that Thanksgiving was not going to be spent with Laura and that she’d have to tough out yet another terrifying family reunion. Will had shared her sentiments though less maliciously and said he would meet her outside their house. “Strength in numbers, right?” he had said. Silence had permeated the answer to the question, both of them well aware that they lacked exactly that.

            Carmilla pushed herself off the door and into the bedroom to find something that would be acceptable for her mother’s standards. Of course, most of the things she had at Laura’s would not do but she had to find something. Digging around only produced a few button downs and her leather pants; somehow the rest of her belongings were evading her when she needed them most. The pants would have to do as they always did but her shirts were mostly wrinkled and heaped around the room. She cursed herself, for the first time, for not hanging up her clothes. Opening the wardrobe she flipped through the shirts, mostly Laura’s mixed with a couple of band t-shirts that would only tempt her mother to lash out.

            As she was running out of hope, she came upon a lavender blouse that was never something she would have thought of wearing in a million years yet seemed to be her only option. It was Laura’s and that girl would be able to pull it off, but when Carmilla imagined herself in it, she gagged. She took a deep breath, _If Will says one thing, I swear to god –_

            Her thought cut off; she knew he would have much more on his mind than the possibility that the shirt did not belong to her. On the bottom of the wardrobe were a pair of strappy black heels that she put on in place of her combat boots. The dressier the better. She did cover up with her leather jacket, not willing to give that up; it made her feel stronger and less afraid.

            She stared at the front door of the apartment for a long time. There was no escaping it and holding it off would never be a permanent solution. _Well, here goes nothing._

   
        **************************************************************************************************************************  


            “Welcome to Casa la Kirsch!” Kirsch opened his arms as wide as the door when he heard the knock. Danny stepped up next to him, “You got that entire thing wrong.”

            Whatever language it was, it sounded just fine to him. Laura giggled and she barreled through the doorway and hugged him. She was so tiny in his arms that he always felt like she would disappear in his hug. He looked past her through the doorway but saw no one, “Where’s your other half?”

            “I told you she wasn’t coming,” Laura stated.

            Danny threw her arm around Laura’s shoulder to guide her further into the house, “I don’t think anyone believed you.”

            Kirsch overtook them, “Well, I definitely didn’t believe you.”

            “Why would I lie about that?”

            “I don’t – oh, yeah!” he bounded around them, almost knocking down a picture on the hallway wall and sliding into the island, “I bet I can fit more.”

            “Nwo eu cawnt,” Lafontaine responded as they shoved another olive into their mouth. Kirsch did not waste time and scooped up a whole handful, shoving them into his mouth without any concern.

            “I wish you wouldn’t,” Perry said dejectedly, frowning at the two adults who were acting more like children.

            “Did you even count how many that was?” Danny inquired.

            Kirsch straightened up as he realized he had not even stopped to think about it. Lafontaine took a big gulp beside him and started laughing, “I win on a technicality.”

            It took Kirsch a little longer to get enough air into his lungs to speak, “Rematch. Right now.”

            “No,” Danny said as she pulled a pan out of the oven, “You are helping me with this and you’re not going to eat us out of olives before dinner.”

            Kirsch surmised that the rematch was not _that_ important so he leaped around the counter to take the turkey from Danny.

            “Yo frosh, where’s the perpetual grump?”

            “Guys,” Laura responded, exasperated, “I told you she wasn’t coming.”

            “And I was supposed to believe that? When have you ever not been together?”

            “All of the time for your information.” Kirsch doubted that that had even a tiny semblance of truth but he was not going to argue with her. Danny was directing him to put the turkey onto a large plate as she surrounded it with carrots and potatoes from a pan she was draining. Perry and Lafontaine had hosted the last Thanksgiving despite Kirsch not being great friends with them and since he had a larger house than their apartment, it only seemed fair. Danny had refused to let anyone bring anything with them but it had not stopped Perry from bringing sweet potatoes. Kirsch was holding back his excitement because last year, those sweet potatoes had been the best thing on the table; he was not planning on telling Danny that this year.

            They had started cooking last night only to wake up and continue earlier in the morning. Kirsch did not have a huge background in cooking but he could hold his own and if Danny explained what needed done, he felt pretty secure that he could accomplish the task. He had tried wiping mashed potatoes on her nose this morning and learned quickly that he should never do that again. “Kirsch, can you put those on the table?”

            He swiped up the bowl of green beans from the counter, “You guys can sit wherever.”

            Laura had been explaining her latest article to Lafontaine when Kirsch interrupted and Laura asked him, “How’s the team?”

            “Great actually!” Kirsch had been more than proud of the progress the guys had been making, “They came together very fast for a lot of new kids being introduced. And I love it and I think they like me.”

            “They love you, Kirsch,” Danny said. As she sat the potatoes on the table, her hand brushed over the top of his but no one seemed to notice so he let out a sigh. If she was going to take chances against her own wishes, then he was not going to be blamed for the consequences. Laura did give him a sly look but he waved it off as her being proud and happy for him. She had always been there to support him and he could not think this would be any different even if they lived farther away from each other than they ever had before and did not see each other as much. He missed her so much but telling her that would only make her feel bad and he knew she needed to be doing what she was doing. He needed the same thing. _I should call more though._

            “Sit, sit, sit,” Danny commanded, motioning them to sit and taking the knife off the turkey plate, “Well, guys, Happy Thanksgiving!”

            With the words, she sliced the turkey and everyone repeated her words back to her. The food was passed around, Kirsch mounting his plate with mashed potatoes until Danny glared at him from across the table; her eyes said, “Save some for everyone.” So he slopped the last spoonful onto his plate and passed it to Laura who took one glob for herself and set it back on the table.

            “Hey, Perry?” Kirsch had almost entirely forgotten that he needed to ask her a favor?”

            “Yes, Kirsch?”

            “So, the basketball team is doing fundraisers and we’re doing a bake sale and I was -”

            “Of course, Kirsch,” she smiled at him.

            “But I didn’t even get to ask,” Kirsch said, dumbfounded. Lafontaine spoke up, “Have you ever known Perry to turn down a friend in need? She can sense it. She probably knew before you asked.”

            “Lafontaine,” Perry reprimanded, though lightheartedly.

            “Well it wouldn’t have to be a lot of stuff. A plate of brownies would probably suffice. I know the bakery is just starting up and I don’t want to cut into your time there.”

            “Kirsch, she stays up until all hours of the night baking; she wouldn’t even notice.”

            “Just because I needed to put the last batch of cookies in early the other morning, doesn’t -”

            “Two in the morning is not early, Perr. It’s not late either when you get out of bed specifically to go bake something,” Lafontaine was shaking their head in exasperation at Perry’s ridiculous actions. Perry seemed determined to ignore them and turned to Kirsch, “When is this bake sale?”

            “It’s next month actually. The week before we break for Christmas so you have time and stuff. I didn’t want to spring it on you last minute. Thanks though, I can’t bake for my life and I didn’t want Danny to have to do a ton of work.”

            “Who says I would’ve done any?” Danny threw at him. He knew she was only kidding and so he screwed up his face in a childish manner and gave her a look. That’s when he noticed Laura looking back and forth between with her eyes raised and a faint smile on her lips. He didn’t want her to say anything that would make him stumble and compromise the secret so he talked over her, “So, Little L, how’s work going?”

            Once she started, she didn’t need any help continuing and her long discussions and complaints about work and school and the combination of the two, took up most of the dinner. His best friend seemed overworked and strung out yet somehow was still holding onto whatever it was that made her happy and full of energy. He would have assumed it was Carmilla but she was absent from their celebration. _It still could be her,_ he thought, looking up at Danny who was completely focused on Laura while she talked.

            Will was also missing; he had told Kirsch that he had a family event that day and maybe that should have clued Kirsch into the fact that Laura was telling the truth about Carmilla. It seemed difficult to separate the two but Laura was doing just fine on her own. He only hoped Will and Carmilla were okay. He had seen firsthand the type of situations their home life brought upon them and any remembrance of that made him shiver. Danny noticed, “You okay, Kirsch?”  
            He stuck his fork in a piece of turkey and answered before putting it in his mouth, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

   
        **************************************************************************************************************************  


            “Well, sit down, sit down,” his mother urged, a freakish smile on her face. It was out a place, an expression that had no business on the all-business woman. Their table was lined with food that none of them had made themselves. A hired chef did all the work; another display by their mother of their wealth and significance though no one else was there to see it. Will often wondered if it was supposed to be a reminder to him that she was in charge. Her not being there most of the time never allowed her to follow through but the reminder always was in the back of his mind. Every move he felt she could see or sense and that was enough to instill fear behind every decision.

            Mattie obeyed, sitting directly across from their mother who was at the head of the table as she always had been. There was enough food to feed fifty more people than were attending their small family function. _That sounds so weird._ They weren’t a family. This was an obligation and the consequences of refusal were not bright.

            Mattie had followed dress code perfectly though she was the wonder-child and never failed to appease their mother. A tight black dress stretched halfway down her thigh and despite them being inside the house, she had on formal black heels to match. Her jewelry was magnificent and sparkled in the light from the golden chandelier; accessories that their mother did not fail to point out in light of the fact that both Will and Carmilla had not met her standards.

            Carmilla had indeed surprised them all when she walked in wearing a bright lavender blouse. Will had seen his mother’s expression falter just slightly until she took in the leather pants, strappy heels, and leather jacket that she so wished for Carmilla to rid herself of. The words that left her mouth were less than friendly, “I should have expected nothing less than disregard for my simple request that we all dress nicely.”

            Will knew that blouse was not Carmilla’s, which showed that she had indeed tried to go along with rules. He had done the same, but his wardrobe at the Zeta house was rather limited even if he had showed up early, Mother would have been just as disagreeable. He was wearing khakis and nice brown dress shoes with a dark grey button up shirt neatly tucked in. He soon realized that his mother had expected him in a suit and found that her dislike of his choices, for the first time, outweighed her disgust for Carmilla. She had not turned them away though and invited them in, in a very curt manner to join Mattie in the dining room.

            They had not seen Mother since Mattie had shown up at the gallery event to take over and it had been rather hopeful to think that she would never return. This house would always be hers no matter who lived in it and no matter the time period she was absent. She was in the house; it was menacing and after moving away, coming back to it, Will realized he could never again live there. It was a place to move through but to never stay too long.

            The meal started out in silence; no one was willing to start without Mother giving an opening, even Mattie. Eventually she did turn towards Carmilla, “So, I’ve gathered some interesting news about you Carmilla.”

            “And what would that be?” her eyes flickered to Will, telling him she had no idea what their mother was referring to. He shrugged as indiscreetly as he could and watched on, not being able to do anything to help.

            “That you have somehow secretly graduated? Not giving your mother the chance to announce the wonderful day.” Carmilla remained silent as their mother cut apart the turkey on her plate with stiff movements. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

            “No, Mother.”

            “So, no excuses this time?”

            “No, Mother.”

            “I was rather looking forward to the spite filled story that I would usually be greeted with. My how things have changed,” she took a bite and murmured, “I will need to let J.P. know that his selection of chef was superb.”

            “Mother,” Mattie piped up, “I was hoping I could tell you about the gallery.”

            “Indeed, my dear. Go ahead.” The rest of the dinner was taken up by that exact subject and their mother’s own interests in other parts of the world. She never once asked about Carmilla’s life or Will’s own, leaving them to eat in silence and suffer through. She usually inquired just to make some nasty comment against them, which she was not doing this time, and he was not sure which was worse.

            He could feel himself trembling with anticipation; nothing ever ended well when they were all in a room together though Mattie had not been there for quite some time. He had not even gotten a chance to talk with Carmilla about how it felt to inhabit the same place as their estranged sister but he was certain she would not want to discuss it. It must have been going without hiccups because Mattie had not taken many of the chances she had to make a statement that would anger Lilita.  
            When their mother finished eating, that meant they were all done and she had the dishes cleared by the cook’s staff. “William, I see that you’ve taken it upon yourself to join a group rather below your standing. You did this without coming to me first and I can only think that was because you knew I would not approve.”  
            Will was caught off-guard by this tactic. He had never once thought that the Zeta’s would be a matter of concern to his mother. “Well,” he stumbled over the words and hesitated, “they’re a very old brotherhood on campus that goes back over many years. It has quite a legacy -”

            “They have ruined that legacy and I would ask you to leave their presence immediately.”

            “I’m not sure I -”

            “This isn’t a discussion, William,” her eyes glowed at him as she glowered down.

            “They’re my friends!” the words ripped out of him before he could stop himself and he was even surprised by the fury. A hand slapped across his face and his skin burned with the contact. Her nails must have hit because a cool liquid was slowly dripping down his cheek. Carmilla had risen abruptly, bumping into the table. Mattie was still sitting in her seat, her eyes wide, displaying an emotion that was peculiar on her face. His mother roared, “Since when have you gotten it into the little head of yours that you could speak to me in such a way?

            “Mother -” sounded Carmilla, sheepishly.

            Their mother whipped her head around towards Carmilla, “Do you want to be next? Apparently I’ve been too lenient on your little brother here and he has lost all understanding of the manners I instilled in him,” her gaze returned to Will, “Just because I am gone does not mean I do not expect you to act with the utmost respect.”

            She rounded the table to have more room and crowded Will’s personal space. He felt himself shaking but tried to hold in the whimpers. He let the blood drip; trying to stop it or ease the stinging pain would only show her weakness and he knew from Carmilla’s example that that was the last thing to do.

            “Do not touch him.” Carmilla’s voice rang throughout the silent dining room with a vehemence that matched their mothers. If Will was not her brother, he would have been frightened at the look on her face, and even knowing her so well, he still felt apprehensive.

            “Excuse me?” Lilita questioned.

            “I said: Do not touch him.”

            “Well, well,” his mother straightened more if that was even possible, “I don’t think you are in any position to be giving orders to me. You have no power here, Carmilla. I am simply trying to teach young William what I believe I ingrained in you over the years. Disobeying me only leads to unhappiness and hurt. You would do well not to forget that.”

            Carmilla’s eyes lowered and she said no more. Will was almost proud. She had stood up, even in a little way, to the woman who terrified her. That feeling almost cut through the pain of his cheek, but not quite. “Now go clean that up. I don’t want to have to look at it any longer.”

            She dismissed him and he strode quickly from the room and out of sight, running up the stairs and into his bathroom, slamming the door behind him. His face in the mirror was already puffing up. The three scratches were not deep but they ran from the side of his face, almost to his nose. The blood was dripping out of the corner of the middle mark and easy enough to clean up. He could already see the skin changing color for a bruise to form. It would invite many questions and he was not even sure Carmilla’s skills with cover-up would keep this a secret.

            He fell onto the seat of the toilet, his head falling into his hands. He wanted to cry, to feel something, and finally realized how Carmilla felt. He could understand how she retreated inside of herself and lost herself in nothing. He started to realize that though she was almost not strong enough to bring herself out of that darkness, he was not strong enough to enter it and so he sat there trying to become empty but feeling all of the pain.

  

            He was not sure how much time had passed when there was a knock at the door. His mother would not have knocked but announced herself and waited so he was safe to assume it was Carmilla. “Come in.”

            He was wiping his face from the wet tears that had finally come when Mattie slowly cracked the door and peeked in. Will looked up at her, confused, “What do you want?”

            “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

            “I apologize if I don’t believe you,” he snapped. He could not sincerely accept her sudden interest in his well-being. He did not even know her well enough that she should care. She nodded at him, “Carmilla’s gone.”

            “She just left me here?” it was his turn to be hurt. Thinking Carmilla had abandoned him when he never left her side almost pushed him over the edge.

            “No, she’s downstairs. But she’s…well, you know.”

            “No,” his voice quavered. She couldn’t do that again. So many people needed her. He needed her. He needed her right now and she chose the worst possible time to be lost to the world. It wasn’t fair that she could leave him when she was not even the victim of the attack. This wasn’t about her and she was being selfish.

            “Mother made some comment about you and said something about Carmilla’s girlfriend and she lost it. She went insane for a minute Will. And then all of a sudden she was calm again and just sat down like she couldn’t see us. I didn’t know what to do and mother continued to yell at her and when Carmilla didn’t put up a fight, she stormed out of the room.”

            He sat there in silence and filled with hatred for the self-pity that he could not rid himself of. It was taking over and making more anger where he should be worried. It consumed him and left him not caring about Carmilla because she had not cared about him. She had turned her back on him.

            “William, I don’t know what to do.”

            “Get out.”

            “Please. You know how to deal with this. I don’t. She needs your help.”

            He tilted his head up little bit, looking out from under his eyebrows and through gritted teeth growled, “Does it look like I care?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> "Come Back When You Can" - Barcelona, "Shake It Off" - James Bay (Cover), "Someone New" - Sarah Close (Cover), "Wildwood" - Fleurie, "Robbers" - The 1975, "Somebody Else" - The 1975
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> Possible Trigger Warnings: Sex (NSFW), Physical Abuse
> 
> I know....I'm sorry. But I moved and art school is a bitch. I'm sorry.

              "It was you," he accused after he stormed into the kitchen. Mattie’s eyebrows rose in a façade of genuine surprise. “I should’ve known you would tell mother. You couldn’t just keep your mouth shut for once and let me tell her in due time. You had to go and ruin everything and be mommy’s little pet.”

              He spat the last words at her and was gratified to see her wince after all of the pain she had brought down on both him and Carmilla. She looked toward the door and a back to him quickly, “William, this isn’t the time. Mother will be back soon.”

              “Did you ever think what would happen? That her reaction would be less than positive as it always is. Carmilla was right. You have no care for the two of us. You’ve climbed over us for years trying to be the best. You have that now; don’t you think you could just stop? Let us pick ourselves up and bandage up the bruises before you trample us again.”

              “William -”

              “Why do you call me that? She’s the only one who ever calls me that.”

              “It’s only what I’m used to. I’m around her so often.” She seemed to be pleading with him and her eyes kept flickering towards the door, “I didn’t realize she would care.”

              His eyes widened in disbelief and his mouth parted as he searched for the words to combat the stupidity, “Not care? She exploded when she found out Carmilla’s major. She scoffs at the concept of philosophy and almost took Carmilla’s head off at the thought. You really thought, another one of her children stepping away from the family business was going to go over well.”

              “Philosophy is an entirely different career than going through medical school. You would be secure. Make a great deal of money. Have a valid and good reputation. It was all she cares about. I thought for sure that she would approve and congratulate you.”

              “Does medical school sound like business school to you, Mattie? There are no exceptions when it comes to mother.” Will set his hands on the counter, his knuckles turning white. Mattie glanced, making a look as if she was nervous he would break the counter into pieces.

              “I didn’t know.”

              “You’re around her all of the time. Did you tell her about Carmilla too?”

              Mattie’s face became puzzled and her usual air of confidence faltered, “What about Carmilla?”

              Will smiled, though it was more of an off-putting grimace, “At least we know things can slip by little miss perfect.”

              “William,” Mattie began to reprimand, “I understand that Carmilla has planted these ideas into your -”

              He cut her off, “I may have been young but I was there. I remember. So don’t blame all of this on Carmilla. And now that mother knows she has graduated from university, she is going to start putting so much pressure on Millie. You know how much she already exerts on your little sister and you’re just going to stand by. If she doesn’t run away now; I can’t see an escape,” he looked her up and down, “We have you as example.”

              She reached out her hand as if for comfort, but pulled it back. It was a gesture out of character for both of them. “I swear I did not know. I can only imagine that with a change in finances, JP made Mother aware. It’s all I can think of. I’ll talk to her. See if I can fix –”

              Will’s eyes narrowed in defiance, “You’ve done enough already.”

              He had always held out some hope that Carmilla had been wrong; that there was some redemption in his eldest sister that has escaped her in her years of youth. But seeing her like this, paired up with his mother, working so closely and never failing to bring some sort of wrath down upon them, all of that wishful hope drifted away. She was a minion; some sort of perverse form of what he imagined a sister to be. He had been disillusioned for so long and coming to was like breathing in a ton of water. The action of taking a breath was a relief, only to be instantly filled with pain as his lungs expanded, filled with the unknown substance.

              With the rattling of the door handle, he split from the room, not wanting to come face to face with the woman who filled his existence with horrors. He had received a few emails from Silas University inquiring about his major change; a change he had no memory of and only through a series of searches and inquiries had he found that it was his mother who had put in for said change. He was stuck between throwing the beautiful future he had thought up for himself right down the toilet or being rebuked harshly for his lack of obedience. He was wavering in this unknown area and was not sure how long he could last or even how long the university would put up with him floating in-between majors. He needed Carmilla. She knew what to say; how to speak to him; what to do to make things seem better than they were. And she always did it with blatant honesty, refusing to keep the truth from him. She knew he did that enough to himself; he had lived a lie about Mattie for years upon years.

              But in the case of Carmilla, she was nowhere to be found. Mattie had come to him, begging his help. He knew exactly what had happened. She had been out of the seclusion; she had stopped closing herself off but with one word from her mother, she came crashing down, all of her walls built themselves back up until she could not even find herself. He thought that she was with Laura. Laura had pulled her out the last time and maybe she was not so far gone that she was not able to get herself to Laura’s in time. He had taken a small dose of that energy and used it inward on himself for the first time. It was terrible. While it seemed to fuel Carmilla’s rage, it only drained him of all vigor until he lay lifeless on his bed, trying to figure out what this gained him. He finally came to the answer and it was nothing. By giving up, he lost the fight. Carmilla’s uncaring ironically forced her to fight harder.

              She had not contacted him, which was usual but as Laura had neither, he safely assumed, more to calm his own worries that she was indeed staying with her girlfriend. Anywhere was better than their house but Will couldn’t leave. He lived with the Zeta’s but his mother’s presence in the house acted as a lock on his life. He was stuck until she left and it seemed like she was here to stay for longer than she had ever before. At least Mattie had alluded to that when she spoke to him; he had never returned a word but that didn’t mean he couldn’t hear her.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


               _She couldn’t breath and clawed at the fingers wrapped around her throat but to no avail. Her head smashed into the wall behind her and she was dazed; her confusion only added to by the lack of oxygen to her brain. Tears left her eyes as her lungs struggled against the constriction to her airways. Without air, her scrabbling arms soon lacked the energy they needed and it was no use trying to break out from her captor._

_Her mother’s eyes were wild and spittle flew from her lips as she yelled at the fading presence of the girl she called daughter. Carmilla could do little to keep her focus and soon the lack of breath was dragging her under; pulling her into a dark space. She reached out to pull it closer. Her relief from the misery was just out of reach as her mother suddenly dropped her and she fell to the floor in a heap. The voice entered her ears as is from another end of the house, “You have been expected for you entire life, to join me and Mattie once this frivolous act we have allowed you to be entertained with was over. That time has come and yet you have done your best to trick me. The game is over, Carmilla. You would do well to remember that.”_

                The scene flashed involuntarily across her vision as she stumbled down the deserted alleyway. Her lip was bleeding and she could not see well out of her swollen left eye. Her hand held onto her side where she could only logically assume that she had busted a rib. Each time her mother’s face appeared she blundered even more, eventually falling into one side of the brick wall that sheltered the alley from the rest of the street. Only a little light could be seen from a streetlamp that wasn’t entirely hidden from view but headlights were almost nonexistent and she was shielded by darkness. She felt like a cat licking at its wounds after a fight, which was not a bad reflection of the actual situation. Her first instinct was always to find more pain to fight the original source of pain. Once it added up, it eventually numbed and turned into a self-punishment. It was masochistic. It was self-deprecating. That’s exactly how she liked it.

              There had been no way she had fallen asleep against the hard, garbage covered filth that was the ground underneath her but her hand unconsciously scrapped across the glass from the broken whiskey bottle she had dropped earlier and her body shuddered to a more awake state. Exhaustion and alcohol filled every vein, removing any sense of strength or willpower she would need to pick herself up and get home. Home. With one word, silent tears streamed down her face as the image of the most extraordinary woman she had ever met filled her mind, blocking out the bad memories. It was too much beauty and love for her callused soul to take and it burst into pieces, signaling the end to the latest intermittent reign of apathy.

              The shattered glass of her phone bit into her hands and ear as she held it up to talk, “Kirsch?”

              They didn’t talk about it. His truck pulled to a stop on the street and she could faintly hear him calling, “Carmilla? Carmilla, where are you?”

              Her cracking voice sounded inaudible in response but he must have been able to hear her because warm, strong, safe arms lifted her from the ground, supporting her as her legs wobbled. He helped her into the front seat of the truck, doing more of the lifting than she was. She sunk into the seat, letting her head rest against the headrest, grateful for the small comfort of a cushioned car seat.

              Kirsch climbed in the driver’s side and started up the truck, heading out on the familiar road they both knew, without asking her where she wanted to go. She looked over at the respectable man whom she had referred to as an imbecile and meathead in the past. Her views of the overzealous Zeta had flipped and she now saw an intuitive, caring giant who knew how to comfort without speaking or touching. His simple presence calmed the atmosphere that was buzzing around her. She suddenly realized that Kirsch was the only person that was worthy or even good for Laura. And when there should have been pain at her own shortcomings, she found peace knowing that Laura would always have someone safe to put her trust in when she herself…

          ********************************************************************************************************************************

              “Laura! She’s back!” There was not even a second thought as Laura dashed from the room, coming to a stop at the top of the narrow, wooden stairs. The haggard creature was slowly climbing, head hung low and behind her, Will was standing with hands on both sides of the doorway, warily watching his sister. For the last day, Laura had been sitting on the girl’s bed, crying, and trying to reach her but to no avail and here she had just shown up and the rage in Laura’s heart was stronger than it had ever been. The first few days Carmilla had been absent, Laura thought that her family obligations were not allowing her to be in contact. When that went on for over a week, Laura got in touch with Will who also had no idea where his sister was. For two days of Carmilla’s disappearance, Laura had granted her space because she was known to be flighty and run away to figure things out for herself but halfway through the third day when she did not answer Laura’s calls, the girl began to become frantic. Her brother had not heard from her either and he was a mess. By the fourth day, they had both run out of options and had nowhere to turn. And now here she was, standing in front of Laura, bruised and bloodied, head cocked to the side in confusion. Words boiled forth from Laura’s mouth, “Carmilla Karnstein! How dare you!? You left me sitting here for days worrying about what happ…”

              Her back slammed against the outside wall of Carmilla’s room, sending a breath of air from her lungs and stopping her mid sentence. There was a distant surprised, “Oh!,” which Laura assumed came from Will but any concern she may have had left her when Carmilla pulled on her bottom lip with her teeth. Slim fingers found their way behind the red and black flannel shirt and underneath the black tank top that Laura was wearing to grab at her lower back. Neither article of clothing belonged to her; she had stayed at the house and needed a change of clothes and had found them after rummaging through Carmilla’s dresser. Not only were they clean, but they smelled like Carmilla; a mixture of books, the night, and a very vague scent of old whiskey. It was calming amidst her panic but now, with Carmilla’s breath mingling with hers, the real thing could never compare.

              Only now, it was mixed with iron and sweat. Laura felt the slickness of the blood rub against her face as Carmilla hungrily sucked on her lips. Laura’s mind was caught between anger, worry, and now desire and all of them mixed together created a new emotion that raged through Laura’s entire body, causing her to retaliate against Carmilla with venom.

              Laura pushed against Carmilla’s stomach with enough force to make her stumble backward though it could have been due to her faded state. It seemed to take Carmilla by surprise but when Laura came at her, removing the flannel before pushing her up against the opposite wall, her eyes turned from shock to dilated and excited. She bit her lip, smirking at Laura as if daring her to go farther but Laura was not in the mood for games; she wanted pure revenge. The amount of injury that Carmilla had already obtained from her absence was irrelevant to Laura who only wanted to mark her and make her understand the level of anxiety that had been building up inside of her.

              Laura twisted Carmilla’s hands in her grip and then held them to the wall above Carmilla’s head, her nails biting into the skin causing Carmilla to hiss as Laura’s lips attached to her neck. She started out simply landing sloppy open mouth kisses to bloodstained skin, leaving a glistening trail as she went. But, Carmilla began to struggle against her hold, close to breaking it and Laura’s teeth came out, nipping the skin, causing a surprise exhale of air from deep within Carmilla’s throat. Laura soothed the bites with her tongue before sucking on the skin, worrying bruises onto the pale surface.

              Carmilla’s chest began to arch into Laura’s body and she smiled against Carmilla’s neck before releasing her hands and grabbing onto Carmilla’s hips, shoving them up against the wall. The hands found her hair, pulling her head towards needy and wanting lips faster than she expected. Carmilla’s lips were urgent, her tongue darting around Laura’s mouth as if the taste kept her alive. Laura was not entirely ready to give up her control but for a few moments, she let Carmilla get her way. But when Carmilla started to walk her backwards she threw her weight forward, causing Carmilla to crash into the wall once more. Laura’s words came out fast and breathy as she fought to say them between kisses, “I’m so…mad at…you. Did you ever think…you just dis…a…ppeared.”

              “I’m sor…”

              “Don’t,” Laura spat back regaining control of Carmilla’s hands and forcing them to her sides. The black sports bra that Carmilla was wearing inhibited Laura’s want to tear her clothes off but as her fingers scratched against the spandex, Carmilla seemed to get the idea and helped her remove it. Laura violently threw it to the side before running her hands up from the top of Carmilla’s shorts, over her stomach, and up underneath her breasts where she hesitated for just a moment before continuing upwards, moving over the swell of her breasts and up to Carmilla’s neck where they grabbed ahold. Carmilla’s eyes shot wide but she didn’t speak; she held Laura’s blazing gaze. “Bed. Now.”

              Even though Carmilla knew how this night was going to go, she still could not entirely refrain from her usual seductive self and as she walked to her room, her hips swayed enticingly and Laura could not help but watch. Once she reached the door, she turned, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, one eyebrow raised. Laura began to walk towards her as she continued backing up towards the bed. The flannel had already been discarded and flung to the side. Laura ripped the tank top up and over her head before dropping it to the floor. She reach her hand out and pushed against Carmilla’s sternum, sending her falling backwards onto the bed, her arms dropping first to catch her fall. “Ah, I se…”

              “Shut up,” Laura growled, stepping out of the sweatpants she had dropped to the floor and leaning against the edge of the bed, standing in-between Carmilla’s outspread legs. She placed her hands on Carmilla’s knees before running them up and with them, the spandex rode up until her hands passed by the shorts and came to rest on the hipbones that jutted out above the material. Laura bent at the waist, touching her lips to the skin right underneath Carmilla’s bellybutton where she left a deep red mark. She began to pull down on the fabric and Carmilla lifted her hips so that the shorts could be removed easier. Laura tossed them off to the side and climbed onto the bed, situating herself on Carmilla’s abdomen before grabbing Carmilla’s hands and holding them out to the side.

              “Cupcake, I…”

              “I said shut up.” Carmilla could not make a show of pretending to zip her lips like her eyes told she wanted to, so instead she settled for a nod but Laura had stopped paying attention, returning her lips to the side of Carmilla’s neck. To brace herself, Laura had let go of Carmilla’s hands, which may have been a mistake. She felt fingers running up her sides, barely brushing against skin and leaving broken trails of heat wherever they lay down. Laura tried to ignore them but they slid down her back and grasped at her butt, pulling down, connecting her to Carmilla, hip to hip. She growled into Carmilla’s ears, “Don’t touch.”

              Hands disappeared instantly and an almost indistinguishable moan escaped from Carmilla’s tightly closed lips as Laura nipped at her ear. Her lips moved down Carmilla’s neck yet again and her hands ran over Carmilla’ breasts before her lips replaced them, sucking harder than necessary on the erect nipples as Carmilla arched her chest up, a breathy moan released with the movement.

              Nipping at Carmilla’s breasts, Laura could feel the phantom energy as Carmilla resisted the urge to close the distance between them by lifting her hips. Laura returned her lips to Carmilla’s, pressing hard against them. The force of the kiss cracked something inside of her and all of a sudden, tears were streaming down her face and all of the energy left her body as she collapsed against Carmilla’s naked chest. Her great desire for revenge against her girlfriend for running away left her body as quickly as it had been aroused. The thousands of knots built up by strings of tension running through her body all relaxed at once and her body sagged with the loss of tautness. She folded in against Carmilla and grabbed ahold of her body, hoping that if she held on tightly, the girl would never leave again. Against her earlier command of “don’t touch” Carmilla’s arms folded around her and Laura breathed deeply, grateful. Her sobbing made it hard for her to talk, and her voice came out scratchy and harsh, “You...you can’t just leave…you can’t…”

              Carmilla squeezed her harder, pulling their bodies even closer. There was not space between their skin. Their body heat quickly becoming one heat that enveloped them both. Carmilla ran her hand lovingly through Laura’s hair and kissed her head. Laura felt a wetness drop onto her forehead that she knew did not belong to her and with a tilt of her head, she saw the Carmilla’s was crying too. Though she was silent, she could not stop the tears, which fell of their own accord. Her eyes were dark, no sign of gold, but shining with the wetness of tears. With a fresh mind, Laura was now taking into account the immense injuries that Carmilla had attained. The skin around her left eye was swollen and tinged a gross yellow color that looked tender. Her jaw was deeply bruised and cuts were scattered her and there across her cheeks. There were red finger marks around her neck that looked like a bruise in the process of healing. Laura winced at the sight, afraid to continue her search, knowing that the marks would cover every inch of Carmilla’s body.

              Laura shut her eyes so tight she could see stars, “Stay.”

              Carmilla squeezed her again as a response. Laura wanted her to promise. She wanted to hear Carmilla say the words that would stop her from ever leaving again. But deep down Laura knew that if they were uttered, they would be a lie.

              She couldn’t feel her arm and when she tried to move it, it felt like a thousand needles were pricking her skin. She groaned with the effort of removing it from under Carmilla’s body but as she did so, her fingers slid across ridges she had never noticed before. She pulled her arm all the way out and pushed herself up on the bed, looking quizzically at her sleeping girlfriend. Carmilla’s hair was knotted and splayed all around her head. The arm that had been laying over Laura had slid off when she sat up. Her chest was still bare and as Laura’s eyes raked over her body, she gasped.

              Carmilla’s abdomen was almost entirely covered in harsh blue marks. Whenever there was a break from bruising, a cut appeared. Some were fresh; blood smeared across her stomach. Her legs were not as bad; a bruise here and there. The worst was still the handprint around her neck as if she had been strangled. It made Laura shiver just thinking about how it could have possibly occurred.

              “Cupcake, staring isn’t going to fix it.” Carmilla’s morning voice was sexier than should be allowed. The deep, scratchy voice just coming out of sleep always caught Laura red-handed. But this time, Laura was more concerned with what the bumps were on Carmilla’s back. “Can you sit up for a sec?”

              Carmilla pushed herself up on her elbows ,which was enough for Laura to examine her back. Crisscrossed across the skin were scars. Some were small and almost invisible and others were big and fairly prominent, raised from the skin. Her fingers traced them and Carmilla shivered under her touch. They were old though, she could tell that much. “Why have I never noticed these?”

              Carmilla shrugged away from her, standing up from the bed, “I try not to show them off.”

              Laura slid her knees out from underneath her and fell onto her butt, “But I’ve seen you without a shirt on before. They aren’t that easy to miss.”

              Without saying a word, Carmilla picked up the flannel shirt that Laura had been wearing for the past few days and put it on, covering up the scars from the past. Laura pushed herself off the bed, grabbing Carmilla by the bottom of the shirt. The girl twisted to face her. “You never said anything to me.”

              “What was I supposed to say?” Carmilla asked bluntly. Her voice was level but something was missing. Sincerity.

              “You were just supposed to tell me.”

              “Some things are better left unsaid,” was Carmilla’s reply. She pried Laura’s fingers from the shirt and left the room, shutting herself in the bathroom. Laura stood in the middle of the room, her arms still outstretched as if holding on. But Carmilla was already gone.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************

              “Jenny!” she called, lifting a plate over the dozens of heads in line at the counter. She maneuvered her way through the best she could, zigzagging between the tables, smiling at the customers as they smiled up at her, and yelling for the girl in the back, “Jenny!”

              A short girl with short brown hair came clambering out of the backroom and at the sight of the amount of people her eyes widened and a flabbergasted look crossed her face. Perry sighed loudly as she pushed through the swinging counter door and set the tray on the counter. “What have you been doing?”

              Jenny was working on ringing up the first woman in line, “I’m sorry. I was arranging trays in the back and then the oven went off. I was trying to do a million things at once.”

              There was sweat lining the girl’s forehead and Perry could tell she was straining to get everything done on time. Perry knew exactly how she felt for she was feeling the same way and had been. Business had been booming since they opened their doors; not a day had passed with even a little bit of a reprieve. They were slammed and never had enough help despite the help needed sign outside of the window. In some ways it was good as Perry was not sure they were making enough to pay more people and keep the shop running. It took a lot more than she had expected coming into it and they had had to cut back in order to avoid going over budget. Perry gave Jenny a pitying look and Jenny returned it, “We really need more help.”

              The girl had repeated exactly the thoughts in Perry’s head. She checked her watch as she called over the next customer to the second register. Lafontaine should be coming in soon. With their help, they might make it through the evening without something exploding. “Did you get the stuff out of the oven?”

              “Yeah, but its just sitting back there,” Jenny explained, reaching down under the counter and pulling out the pastries for the order. She packaged them in the little blue boxes and stuck a sticker on the top that read, “The Cookie Jar,” with a dancing cookie that had become the store’s little mascot. Jenny smiled at the woman warmly, “Have a good holiday.”

              The woman nodded and bustled out quickly most likely off to pick up other packages before the stores closed in the city. Perry reached under the counter to pull out a raspberry croissant for the man in front of her only to find they were out. “Jenny, leave it to me for now. We need to restock up here.”

              Jenny ran into the back room and above the noise out front, Perry could hear her scrambling around, stacking trays to bring to the front. “Next!”

              They were almost to the end of the line when Lafontaine appeared out of the back, tying an apron around their waist and setting a light kiss against Perry’s temple. “You have terrible timing.”

              Lafontaine took a look around to see the line diminish, “Or maybe I have impeccable timing.”

              “Can you take over the register? I need to start on the stuff for tomorrow.”

              Lafontaine pulled the apron tight, “Whatever you need.”

              As she went to walk through the back, Jenny almost tumbled over her, but Perry caught her arm and the calamity of the fresh cookies spilling all over the floor was prevented. She looked around the disaster of a kitchen and noticed a tray of burnt cookies sitting next to the sink. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. They really needed more help. There were never enough people to take care of customers and make sure to pull trays out of the oven in time.

              The night before, Perry had been looking over the finances and though they had only been open for a month or so they were doing very well, just not well enough to have more staff throughout the day. It was a constant headache for herself and for Lafontaine by extension. She knew the staff felt the strain as well as was apparent in Jenny’s stressed behavior. Hopefully after the holidays, they would be well off to hire.

              After close, Lafontaine came slumping into the kitchen, throwing the now dirty rag they had used to wipe off the tables into the sink, “Perr, I know you need help, but I’m not sure I can always do this.”

              Perry frowned as they leaned, exhausted, across one of the counters, rubbing their face as they tried to wake themselves up. She knew it was unfair to expect Lafontaine to come home after they had been at work all day and work some more, especially in such a high-stress environment.

              “…I mean I’m not saying I can’t do it sometimes but it’s really draining me. We are coming up on a huge deadline in the lab and I’m already run ragged as it is. You know I’d like to help but -”

              Perry strolled over and took Lafontaine’s hand in her own, smiling at them. They smiled back; they always did. “It’s alright. Just go upstairs. I’ll finish up down here.”

              “Are you sure?”

              Perry waved her hand around, “There’s not much to finish anyway. Don’t wait up.”

              “I’m not sure I could,” they responded before digging their bag out from the cupboard and pushing the door on the right side of the kitchen that led to the steps up to their apartment. Perry went back to stacking the trays in the oven and setting the timer for the morning. Lafontaine had already taken care of the front of the shop so Perry stuck her hands in the steaming dishwater and began scrubbing out mixing bowls and used utensils. The dishwasher was already full and running but there were leftovers so she was forced to do it by hand. The monotonous scrubbing gave her some time to think though and she was thinking about Christmas and what she should get for Lafontaine. Every single year she was stumped but every single year she ended up figuring it out at the last minute. This year though, with working at the bakery until the evening of Christmas Eve, she wasn’t even sure what their plans for the holidays would entail. Their apartment above the bakery was not big enough to have a gathering. Kirsch and Danny had not reached out as they had for Thanksgiving. Laura had been MIA since a couple days after Thanksgiving. Lafontaine had not mentioned Will in a while. It seemed like Lafontaine and herself might be alone for the holidays which would not be altogether terrible; Perry was just used to large gatherings. A change might be just what she needed.

              She pulled her hands out of the water as it drained; they had turned red from the scalding heat. She wiped down the counters and wiped out the sink before storing her apron and flicking off the light in the kitchen. The only lights still on were from the oven timer and the temperature of the cooler and freezer. The back door was bolted and with one last glance up front to make sure everything was in order, Perry made her way up the stairs and opened the door to her apartment. It was quiet and she heard the door click in as the lock slid into place. She turned lights off as she went until the only light left on was the bedside lamp that Lafontaine had left on for her. Lafontaine themself was already passed out under the covers, the stress and exhaustion from earlier no longer showing itself.

              Perry grabbed her neatly folded pajamas from the drawer and laid them out on the bed. She flicked off the lamp and quickly undressed to redress for bed. Slipping under the covers, she turned toward the center of the bed to face Lafontaine’s back. Her body relaxed into the sheets and she could feel the muscles aching and a headache relieving. Lafontaine and the employees were not the only one’s feeling the toll of the bakery’s lack of staff, Perry was definitely not exempt and her body was protesting. She put it out of her mind. Ignore the pains. The bakery is more important.

              “I’m calling Will.” They said it with a tone of defiance as if Will was expected to always check in with them. Perry eyed them over the paper she was reading that was a list of numbers detailing the previous days sales report. She looked back to the paper but there was only silence in the kitchen. “What do you think, Perr? Should I call him?”

              Lafontaine was leaning over her shoulder but staring intently at their phone, their thumb hovering over the call button next to Will’s name. “I don’t know why it’s such a big deal but its not going to hurt anything if you call him.”

              They fell haphazardly into the other kitchen chair, “But do you think something’s wrong? Why haven’t we heard from him?”

              “We haven’t heard from Laura either,” Perry commented.

              Lafontaine waved off her remark, “We all know that’s because she’s wrapped up somewhere with Carmilla doing who knows what.”

              “I think -” Perry started but Lafontaine cut her off, “We all know what, Perr. It was an expression.”  
              Perry smiled, “Then maybe he’s busy with finals.”

              “Even so, we used to talk multiple times a week. We’d get together. It’s been radio silence since Thanksgiving and I don’t like it. Did I do something?”

              Perry set the paper down and placed her hand on top of Lafontaine’s, rubbing it slightly. Lafontaine’s gaze moved to the point of contact. “You did nothing. Sometimes things come up. I’m sure he’ll call when he can. But, if you really want to call, go ahead.”

              Lafontaine stood up suddenly, “Yeah, I’m gonna call.”

              The same conversation happened three more times before Perry took the phone and dialed for them, forcing them to make the call. They scrabbled to get the phone to their ear just in time to hear Will’s, “Ello?” on the other end.

              “That’s it?”

              Perry of course could only hear one side of the conversation but her face contorted in confusion, then worry, then fear, following the examples of Lafontaine’s expression.

              “Well it would have been nice…okay Will sure…I get it but…we’re friends though, you should let me…what…oh my god…is everything…okay…do you need any-…well if you do…actually why don’t we…okay I’ll wait…you better…I hope everything’s okay, Will. I’ll talk to you soon.” Lafontaine’s face had gone white and they were moving very slowly as they put away their phone.

              “What is it?” Perry urgently questioned.

              “Laura’s been holed up at the Karnstein’s house for the past few days. Carmilla was missing. She just showed up a few nights ago. That’s why Will’s been absent. He’s been looking for his sister.”

              “That answers our question about Laura too,” Perry added.

              “Whatever happened it doesn’t sound good and I can only expect it has something to do with Lilita.”

              “Their sister is there too.”

              “I feel like we should do something.”

              Perry got up from her chair to comfort Lafontaine. She set a hand on their shoulder, allowing for them to make the choice to hug her, which they did. “We can’t do anything unless they need us for something. We don’t want to barge in on their lives.”

              “Laura seems –”

              “She’s Carmilla’s girlfriend. That comes with the territory.”

              Lafontaine pushed back so they could look Perry in the face, “Will is my friend.”

              “I know it hurts to just sit and wait but if that’s what he asked then that’s what you have to do.”

              They grabbed their bag from the chair, “I need to go to the lab.”

              It was two hours before they actually had to be there but Perry noticed that whenever they wanted to think or were stressed out, the lab is where they went. It was their safe space; a way they could clear their mind. Perry kissed Lafontaine goodbye, “I’ll see you later today, then.”

              Lafontaine managed a smile, “Don’t get too strung out now,” before they dashed through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> "Organs" - Of Monsters and Men, "Laura" - Celia Pavey, "Often" - The Weeknd, "Slip Away" - Gabrielle Aplin, "No Angels" - Bastille, "I Walk the Line" - Halsey
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> Possible Trigger Warnings: Alcohol Abuse

            Carmilla’s insatiable sex drive diminished to an entire lack thereof after her first night back. Laura woke up every morning detached from the tangled limbs she had fallen asleep with, her body awakened by the lack of warmth. Sometimes in the middle of the night she was unconsciously aware of Carmilla scooting farther across the bed from her, leaving her with a chill. Cuddling out of habit came to a halt; Carmilla politely shrugged her off whenever she tried to initiate any type of contact.

              Her girlfriend smiled and nodded and said all the necessities but it was all without meaning. Laura found her more often than not staring at nothing in particular. It was quite a change when she had become so accustomed to being the only thing in Carmilla’s line of sight. Carmilla was slow to respond as if she was never paying enough attention to catch on when it was her turn to speak. She was dismissive and secretive. She lived on a circular path and she had made one round trip just to start over again.

              The worst were the nights that Laura woke, shivering, only to find the ghost of a body that was in the bed next to her. She would panic and work herself into a sweat. Those nights were sleepless and only when Carmilla slipped back into the room, before she thought Laura would wake up, did Laura pretend she was sleeping. Carmilla would lay herself down on the bed as softly as she could and roll over to face away from Laura. Every instance was a new stab at Laura’s heart and Carmilla continued to widen the distance between them.

             She seemed to be living in a half-dazed state between her normal self and the one where she disappeared completely as any sort of human being, only becoming a body that walked and talked if necessary. Though the latter scared Laura, in this form, Carmilla was in there and all of her decisions were conscious choices. If she pushed, Carmilla pulled away. When she did nothing, Carmilla still pulled away. Will had hoped that her being there for Carmilla would bring her back as it had done so many times before but if Carmilla did not want for it to work, there was no solution. Laura wasn’t sure how much longer she could live on in a state of uncertainty.

              One morning, when she found Carmilla leaning over the counter and staring out the window, only in the apartment from a feeling of obligation, Laura thought it was time to release her from what Carmilla now thought of as duty. “Carm?”

              The girl swallowed whatever she was drinking; from the strong scent, Laura knew it was some type of alcohol. It was only seven in the morning. _I wonder how long this has been going on._ “Yes, Laura.”

              Laura had not heard her use one of her nicknames since she had fallen asleep crying in Carmilla’s arms the night Carmilla returned. Usually, whenever Carmilla used her actual name it was because what she was saying held some kind of importance. Laura loved to hear her name on Carmilla’s lips; it contained so much love and care and respect. This time it was uttered without any emotion; just a name in the air. “I’ve been thinking and maybe it would be better if you didn’t stay here. I think you should go back to your house. And if you can’t do that…I think you should go to the cabin for a while.”

              Her attention never wavered from whatever she was looking at outside the window. The snow had come the day before but now everything was silent and unmoving. They mirrored each other. She set the cup down on the counter, “As you wish.”

             Laura opened her mouth to say something along the lines of, “This isn’t what I wish,” but nothing came out and Carmilla opened the door of the apartment and left, just how she was, without grabbing any of her belongings.

              And soon she found herself on a plane headed for a place far from any of the people or places she considered home. Her stomach left her when the plane lifted off but so did her heart. She felt as if a string was still attached as it floated through the air being tugged around by the wind; she winced at each pull. The magnificence of the clouds being so close has no effect on her demeanor. When she was younger her eyes would grow wide and light up at the thought of being so close to the fluffy whiteness in the sky. Her nose would smush against the plane window and her hands would leave outlines as she tried to get as close as she could.

              Instead her forehead felt cold against the Plexiglas and her breath fogged up the window, inhibiting her view; her eyes would not focus on anything in the first place so she could not see it anyway.

              It wasn’t a long plane ride. When she was awkwardly forcing her way through the narrow aisle with her two bags a child ran out of the seat in front of her. A fatigued looking mother apologized and Laura instinctually smiled. It was just a polite curve of her lips without actual sincerity, but the woman was already chasing after her son.

              When she stepped into the airport, the hustle and bustle of the holidays was in full swing but she felt like she was alone, walking down the long corridor, everyone else miles away. Even when they jostled her, she did not connect it to a real experience. It was hazy; she was locked up inside her head. She mechanically handed her bags to the taxi driver and rattled off the address before falling silent. She couldn’t remember the last time she had spoken. _I just don’t want to remember._ That had been the day Carmilla walked out. She hadn’t told anyone she was leaving, she had just bought the plane ticket, quickly texted her dad so he would be home and hopped on the plane. If she wasn’t in the same city, she wouldn’t have the same feelings. Crap logic but that was all she had to work with.

              “Hey, little bear!” Her dad sounded excited but from past experience, he was overcompensating. He wrapped her up in a tight hug and she squeezed back half-heartedly. She didn’t have it in her to show any type of loving emotion, she was drained. At least it would not be a surprise to him though his face was hesitant as if he could feel something was not quite right; that her attitude was not the usual “let’s put up with this because we’re supposed to be a father and daughter” attitude that they usually agreed upon. She continued up the sidewalk to the house, leaving her father at the road.

              She closed her eyes at the familiar smell of her childhood home. It was intoxicating and brought back memories that were joyous and beautiful and then all of a sudden wracked with despair. She shut it out because if she let that in on top of Carmilla, then she would internally combust. She dragged her stuff upstairs to her bedroom that her father had not touched since she had left for college. Nothing was out of place; it was exactly as it had been. She fell onto her bed feeling vacant and not quite sure how to deal with being there. It had been her decision though so she would have to make it work somehow.

              There was a tentative knock at her door; Laura wiped the water from her eyes and sat up in her bed quickly, “Yeah?”

              She made her voice sound as steady as she could but it did not work very well. Her bed was a mess of wrinkles; there was a wet stain on her pillow, evidence of her crying. Her dad entered the room, an expression she had not seen on his face in a long while. She flashbacked to when she was a just a little girl and was rejected by her crush at her own birthday party. It was a harmless thing overall but when she was eight, it was everything. He looked more like her dad than he had in a while. “I can still tell when something’s up, Laura.”

             She looked at him, shrinking back to her eight year old self. She sniffled and rubbed at her noise as her dad came and sat down next to her on her bed. “What’s up?”

              She laughed through the tears, “Since when do we do this?”

              “When did we stop, Laur? That should be the question. I hate how we are. I’ve hated it for a while. All I’ve ever wanted was to be your dad and I know I fell short of that for so many years. So, so many years. And it wasn’t fair to you. You had every right to pull away like you did. You had every right to close me out and move on. I don’t blame you for any of this.”

              Laura’s eyes grew wide. Out of everything that could have happened when she returned home, her father trying to make amends was not on the list she imagined. “Things were bad,” he threw up his hands, “I’m not making excuses, I’m just stating the facts. And it was hard on you and it was hard on me and I was the weaker of the both of us. I can’t get back any of the time I lost. I know that.”

              “I don’t know what you want me to say,” she replied, the use of “dad” had been gone for a while. Even with his sudden revelation, she wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. She really didn’t know how to respond to him. Could she imagine having her father back? Of course. She had wished it forever but it only existed in a foggy, uncertain future. She couldn’t have him back just for him to decide its too hard again. She couldn’t feel that same pain. She wouldn’t let herself feel that pain.

“I’m going to be the man I used to be for you. And I want you to try to let me back into your life. I don’t care how long it takes. I’m in this forever.”

              “Where did this come from?” she pulled her knees up to her chest.

              “I spent last Christmas alone and it was suddenly apparent that I never wanted to experience that again. I may have lost one person I loved and I could do nothing about that but I actively lost you. So now I’m being selfish. Through all of these years, I’ve cared about you and always thought about you. From afar maybe, I’ll agree to that. I never showed it. I never tried to break down the walls before that.” His sincerity was the hammer at Laura’s feelings, breaking them apart, her chest heaving in attempts to not start crying again.

              “You’ve been here for three days. I haven’t seen you except when you grab something from the kitchen and scurry back up heard. I’ve heard you sobbing through the door. It broke my heart. I hate to see you like this. I don’t want you to be hurting. I can’t control everything that happens to you so what I should’ve been doing was…just helping you. You chose to come back here when you didn’t have to. I have hope in that.”

             Laura threw her arms around her dad’s neck, latching on tightly and finding security in the feeling of his arms wrapping around her back. She couldn’t put herself one hundred percent into this relationship at the start; she needed wiggle room to escape. But when he spoke, she knew that all she wanted was her dad back. He had never stopped being over protective but she would take all of that if it came with the actual man. There was a lot a truth in the statement, “You don’t know what you have until its gone. “ And in this case, she hadn’t realized she missed him as much as she did until she had the opportunity to have him back. “I want to try too, dad.”

              He whispered in her ear, so overcome by emotion, “I’ve missed you so much, baby girl.”

              He was weeping and she was crying and it was such a cliché but in that moment she felt at home in the house she hadn’t felt a connection toward in many years. But if he asked again, she still would not talk about Carmilla. Because over the past few days she had been thinking about how they had only been dating for five months and it was over already. The buildup to their relationship had taken almost a year and in that year, Laura had fallen completely in love with that woman. She had learned by watching and seen Carmilla in ways that people didn’t take the time to look for. She had been loved by someone with an all consuming love that she had no idea could exist and then all of a sudden it was imperceptible and it was almost as if Carmilla had lost the ability to love her how she had. That was what hurt most; that Carmilla could just walk away from what they had. And it still seemed crazy because it had been only a short period of time but never had Laura ever seen an end to them. Maybe it was naïve and from such a youthful mindset but it had been the truth she was living and that truth was crushed. Her heart strained against itself, clenching and unclenching, tightening until she was sure it would burst. If Laura said her name aloud…she wasn’t sure her mouth would even form the correct sounds.

            So, when her dad asked again what was wrong, she told him the truth, “I really don’t want to talk about it. I can’t talk about it.”

            And he nodded, hugged her again and said, “I’m here whenever you’re ready.”

              And for the next two days, they talked and talked and talked. They talked through the things that should have been talked about years ago. They caught each other up on their lives. Laura spouted all about her new job, her friends and their new adventures, though she left Carmilla out of the equation entirely. Her dad made a face when her stories didn’t coincide very well but he let her continue on without intruding.

              Her dad was still working wonky hours for a security firm that was halfway freelance and the other half not so much. He had been with the same company for as long as she could remember and he still liked it there; he had no intentions of leaving for something else. She knew that there were better jobs out there for him and she could never understand why he didn’t move on. She had never asked him either and this seemed to be an opening. He cocked his head to the side, thinking in the way that he always did, hand resting against his chin, “I don’t think I’ve ever put much thought into it, Laur. It’s a security thing."

              He chuckled at his joke and Laura rolled her eyes. “There’s no need for me to change. I have a steady income; a very nice one if I may add. I might lose that if I left. I’ve built up such loyalty with this company that they are pretty lenient when I need time off or just a change in my schedule.”

              “Dad, when was the last time you took time off?” she reprimanded.

              “Exactly why they’d give it to me if I asked them for it. I don’t need the stress of searching for another job when I have a very good one.”

              “But don’t you ever want change? Don’t you ever want something new or better?” Laura herself would get antsy if she never moved around. She wasn’t good at being stagnant. She squirmed in her chair just thinking about it, making her dad chuckle.

              “That’s where we’re different. I’m very settled and have no need to move around much. I like it where I am. I’ll stay here for as long as possible.”

              Her dad asked about Kirsch a lot and she told him what she knew. She even disclosed her opinion on him dating Danny with whom her father was acquainted. They hadn’t spent that much time together but Danny had met her father and he had been involved in the going ons of their relationship from time to time. She hadn’t gone crying to him when they broke up though so he didn’t know about that time of her life. She could spare him the worst parts; there was no use drudging it back up when she no longer felt anything of the sort. She told him all she knew of Kirsch’s job, which wasn’t that much. She felt a little guilty for neglecting her best friend; they hadn’t talked in awhile. She hadn’t really talked to anyone since Thanksgiving, Carmilla had been the most important thing but that seemed to have backfired.

             The fire was roaring in the fireplace, radiating a large circle of heat throughout the room and throwing dancing shadows across the walls. The curtains on the far window were drawn but the one next to her head, that looked out across the backyard, was unobstructed so they could see the silhouette of the snow as it fell from the sky to land silently on the ground. It wasn’t a storm, a quaint snowfall instead. It was beautiful for Christmas Eve.

              Laura was curled up in the corner of the couch under a heavy purple blanket, a steaming mug of hot chocolate in her hand. Her father was next to her in his recliner, his own mug on the table beside him, the rising smoke swirling into nonexistence. _It’s A Wonderful Life_ was flashing scene to scene on the television. To Laura’s excitement, their tradition had come right back. She saw the happiness in her dad’s eyes when she had brought up the movie and even with him sitting on a different piece of furniture, she could feel a familial connection; one that had been missing for a long time.

              Just as George was running back to his house that was no longer his, there came a knock from the front door. Laura shot an enquiring look at her father who was staring at the door, hesitating as he thought through whom it could possibly at this time on Christmas Eve. He pushed himself off the chair, the springs groaning beneath the strain. Laura reached over to grab the remote, pausing the movie so he wouldn’t miss anything, even though he had seen this move dozens of times. She could hear his slippers patter along the wooden floor and the locks of the door click as he unlocked them. The door creaked open and a cold breeze swiftly invaded the house, sending a chill through Laura who was quite far from the door. His voice was soft but questioning, “Hello. Who are you?”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              “Are you going to your parents?” Kirsch leaned through the open window in the kitchen that led straight to the living room. Danny turned her head past her right shoulder to look at him, “I wasn’t planning on it. Why?”

              Kirsch shrugged, “I just figured you would go see them for Christmas.”

              “Oh, shit.”

              Kirsch guffawed, “Did you forget?”

              Danny glowered at him, her cheeks just a hint of red, “No, butthead.”

              “I think you did,” Kirsch threw the towel down next to the sink, “So does that change your answer?”

              “I should probably call them, huh?”

              “That’s an option.” Danny threw a pillow at him but he caught it before it hit his chest. She got up from the couch, pulling out her phone, “Don’t be an ass.”

             He pushed out his lips, “You love it.”

              “Very debatable.”

              He could just hear her conversation from the other room. The polite hello and small talk before she tried to figure out what the plans were for Christmas without offending her parents by telling them she entirely forgot about the day. Kirsch himself wasn’t sure what he was going to be doing that day. He thought about going home but it felt weird to leave the house. It should be christened with a first Christmas, not left all alone without any holiday spirit. The tree was shining with white lights in the corner of the living room, next to the television set. Makeshift stocking were hung over the fireplace. He had even bought cinnamon and evergreen scented candles that were burning softly on the kitchen table. Garland was wrapped around the staircase, but other than those few things, the house felt bare. They didn’t have the resources to buy the amount of decorations it would take to fill the rooms in the house but it was theirs.

             He smiled because “theirs” was a reality. Maybe it would be best if Danny did not go home for Christmas. They would have their own Christmas, just the two of them. He could totally get down with that.

              Kirsch had sat down to go over some plays for the basketball team; he was trying to come up with a couple new ones to implement when they started up practices again after the new year. Danny had been talking to her parents for a little over an hour now though it was not surprising; she didn’t call them very often, they had a lot to discuss. He was furiously erasing a line he had drawn on the paper when she came up behind him and squeezed his shoulder. She leaned down, wrapping her arms over his shoulders and draping them across his chest. Soft lips pressed into his cheek, “Working hard?”

              He smiled and angled his head so he could see her, “Trying. You’re a little distracting.”

              “I can leave -”

             She let out a loud laugh as he pulled her around the chair and into his lap, pressing kisses against her face wherever he could reach. She twisted, still laughing, trying to get away from his onslaught of affection. Eventually he let her go but she didn’t make a move to get up. Her eyes met his and they were shining green, the color they always were when she was happy. His arms settled around her waist, “How are your parents?”

             “They’re doing pretty good. They keep telling me I should call more often just like they do every time we talk.”

             “Maybe you should.” She shrugged, “I just don’t have anything new to tell them at this point. Same old same old.”

             Even if Kirsch didn’t go home much, he still considered himself close with his family and they talked sometimes weekly but if not, as often as they could. Danny didn’t think the same way as him and if there wasn’t anything important either side needed to say, she didn’t feel the need to just call and chat. “They are a little disappointed that I won’t be coming home for Christmas.”

             Kirsch’s lips pulled wide in a smile and Danny laughed at what must have been a crazed look on his face. “I can’t say I envy them.”

             “Big words you’re using there.”

             “Hey,” he said, acting offended, “I know stuff. I did grow up with our little nerd of a friend. She rubs off.”

             Danny scoffed, “Yeah, alright, sure. What are we doing for Christmas then?”

             He pulled her closer to him on his lap, “I was hoping you’d be okay if we kept it to just us. I don’t know what anyone’s doing, but this is our first Christmas in the house and I thought it would be nice if it was only the two of us. We could start our own traditions.”

             “Traditions?”

             He tried to backtrack. It sounded like a lot of commitment to make traditions and he didn’t want to scare her off by sounding like he was in this for a long time even though he very much was. Danny seemed to want to take their relationship day by day and he had been playing along even though he could already see months and years ahead; he never spoke of that to her. “I don’t know. Nothing big or anything. It’s not a huge deal.”

             “Kirsch,” her smile was small, enough to show she understood and was on the same page, “I think it sounds nice. I would love to spend Christmas with you.”

             “Good,” he leaned in for a kiss, but his phone interrupted him. He reached around Danny and grabbed it from the table to see who had just ruined the moment. At the name of the screen, his eyebrows shot upwards, a rather obvious sign for Danny to ask, “Who is it?”

             “Um…it’s Carmilla…I’m gonna take this.” Danny took the hint and hopped off his lap, looking at him with a strange expression on her face as he disappeared into the other room to answer the call privately. “Carmilla?”

             “Is Laura there?”

             It was a strange question to be coming from her girlfriend. Kirsch hadn’t seen or even spoke to his best friend since Thanksgiving. That was weird enough in the first place but now to know that Carmilla was looking for her too scared him. Laura was a grown up but that didn’t mean she still didn’t have the same tendencies she had grown up with. She could be naïve and oblivious and she got herself into unsafe situations all the time. He knew Laura well enough though and if she wasn’t with Carmilla, that would mean they were fighting or arguing or something of that sort. It was nearing the holidays and Laura refused to ever be by herself around them, for good reason. She had not sought out Kirsch, which left one place for her to have gone, and though it was a little bit weird because of the history, he knew she was there. “But I might know where she is.”

            When he hung up with Carmilla he shut his eyes and rubbed his jaw with his fingers. He didn’t know what to think. If anyone hurt Laura, they needed to watch out but he had also somehow managed to take Carmilla under his wing and could not imagine cutting her off now. No, they didn’t talk much but they seemed to have an unspoken understanding. She felt like a sister in an entirely different way than Laura did. Laura was his little sister who he took care of and protected from anything that could possibly harm her. Carmilla…she was more difficult. She was his sister in a way that he was there to catch her when she fell and help her back to her feet. He never even let Laura trip and she was always open to help. He helped Carmilla when she asked even if his mind urged him to when he knew it best to let her be; she could take care of herself and she made that known.

            “What was that about?” Danny’s voice made him jump from his thoughts. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Do you get calls from Carmilla often?”

            “Not really.” Kirsch had not told Danny where he disappeared to a few weeks back in the middle of the night. He had snuck out to keep Carmilla’s secret. He felt guilty keeping something from his girlfriend but it wasn’t about him and he knew that Carmilla wouldn’t want anyone to know.

            “What was it? You can tell me,” Danny rubbed his upper arm. “She was asking after Laura. That’s all.”

            Danny’s forehead wrinkled in puzzlement, “She thought she was here? Wouldn’t she be with Carmilla?”

            Kirsch shrugged, “Its really none of my business. I didn’t ask too many questions.”

            Danny hugged him and he looked past her head, his body tensing with her touch, knowing he had lied. “You don’t mind that she called me, right?”

            She leaned back from him, “Why would I care?”

            “Well, the whole Laura thing -”

            “Wilson, Laura and I are just friends now. Yeah, we had a history but that’s over. I don’t have those feelings for Laura anymore. I only have them for you,” she pecked him on the lips, “And despite everything, Carmilla’s not absolutely terrible.”

             Kirsch was amused, “Someone’s growing on you.”

              Danny nodded her head a few times, “All I said was she’s not terrible. She’s not the greatest. But Laura’s happy. I might never be _friends ___with her, but you are. And that’s okay because you are so kind and caring. I would expect nothing less.”

            “How did I get so lucky to end up with you?”

            “The truth? I really have no idea.” That got them both laughing. Their history was very weird and acknowledging that was hilarious. Danny pulled on his arm, tugging him toward the living room, “Come on. Let’s go figure out our Christmas traditions.”

            Kirsch beamed and had no problem whatsoever with following Danny to plan out what he could only imagine as the best holiday in a long time.  


          ********************************************************************************************************************************

              “What the fuck are you doing?” The discontent and exhaustion filtered through each word. Carmilla looked over the top of the whiskey glass, the room spinning. She blinked a few times but her mind stayed cloudy, blurring the images of the brunette in her head. Will stood in the doorway, the frame diminished him; he looked like a child. She could almost see him as a toddler running around the hallways being chased by their father; both of them with smiles too large for their face. Their dad would always catch Will and lift him up over his shoulders as Will giggled, the little high pitch sound of a child’s laughter.

             But that boy was all grown up, using swears and shaking his head at the disappointment of a sister that he still found a way of loving. She held the glass out to him, “Cheers.”

              “You’re drunk.” Stating the obvious filled the empty space that he was unsure of entering. She’d been drunk for… _how many days now?_ She wasn’t sure of the date but even that number would tell her nothing. When she had walked out of Laura’s apartment, time stopped having meaning and the world stilled. “Tatsächlich.”

              “Du bist erbärmlich.” His words started an angry roiling in the pit of her stomach and she lurched forward out of the chair, the stumbling lightening the threat she wished to impose. She licked her lips trying to get rid of the dryness in her mouth; she downed the last bit of whiskey which did not help and used the glass in her exaggerated gestures. The chuckle that left her throat was almost maniacal, “Pathetic? Such hurtful words, Willia-”

             “I have enough of that from Mattie, thank you very much. I don’t want you to call me William and you don’t want to call me that either so cut the act.”

             “As you wish,” she fell into her chair with the weight of her last words to Laura being repeated.

              “GET YOUR ASS UP, CARMILLA!” All sense of haziness was instantly gone and she was wide awake, staring at her brother, a man whom she suddenly did not recognize. “You’re just letting mother win and you never let her win. Remember? That’s what you always told me. You might put your head down sometimes but you never lose. You never give up. Fucking listen to your own advice sometimes and stop wallowing in self-pity that honestly, should have been gone a long time ago. It’s hard when she’s around; it’s unfair, it’s terrible but we’ve survived thus far. Stop acting like this was the end of the road.”

               _So much for a pep talk._ But it was working. He was weaseling his way into and changing her mind word by word. It was like the unfolding of DNA, slow but structured, everything was falling back into place. Where she wanted to be, where she should be. She had vowed to fight against her mother until her last breath and even if she had hoped for that to come sooner rather than later, she was at the moment, still breathing regularly. It wasn’t time to give into her mother’s cruel intentions for her life. She was still deliberating when Will spoke again, “Go after her, Millie.”

              She almost threw the dirty class onto the tray with her haste to follow his advice but stopped when she passed him near the doorway. She looked him over, not being able to hold back a proud smile at who he had grown into. “Danke,” and then she added as a side note, “Pass auf dich auf.”

              “Laura! Laura!” She burst through the apartment door to be met with darkness and silence. Her heart fell to the bottom of her stomach and she collapsed forward into the sink. There was no sign of Laura in the apartment and when she went into the bedroom, she found some of Laura’s clothes removed; more than just for a day or night. She rubbed at her temples trying to figure out where the girl would have gone off too and decided to call through the list of her friends, starting with Lafontaine.

              “No, sorry Carmilla. Laura’s not here. We haven’t heard from her since Thanksgiving. Since…I hope you’re doing better.”

              “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Thanks,” she hung up before they could ask any invasive questions. Kirsch was next on the list, “She’s not here.”

              Carmilla thought that was the end of the line because there was not anyone else. Perry was with Lafontaine so her answer would be the same and as far as Carmilla knew, Danny was still living in the same house as Kirsch so her’s would not vary either. “Thank, Kirsch -”

              “But I might know where she is.” Carmilla’s heart caught in her throat but she didn’t want to get her hopes up if his hunch did not come through. “She might have gone to see her dad.”

             That was a strange suggestion. Carmilla knew their relationship was very unstable and Laura never seemed to want to spend time with the man whom was still a stranger to Carmilla. “Are you sure?”

             “No but I’ve known her the longest here and it’s the only place I can think of she would have gone to…” he trailed off but Carmilla wanted to know what he had left out.

              “Is there a “but” there?”

             “More like an “unless.”

              “What is it?”

             “I can’t think of any other place because…well, I don’t -”

              Carmilla shrugged away from her, standing up from the bed, “I try not to show them off.”

             “Just say it, ya big giant, before I have to come over there and pull it out of you.”

              “Alright, alright.” She could see him putting up his arms to defend himself. “I just can’t really think of her being anywhere but with you anymore and so I’m never sure if you’re not in the picture. It feels wrong so I can’t be sure.”

             Carmilla did not know what to say in return because that had not been what she was expecting. She thought he would say maybe Laura was at the office or in the library. Even though they were on break, Carmilla could see Laura holed up in either place, working until she exhausted herself and came home to fall into the bed next to Carmilla. She could smell the lavendar shampoo Laura used and and the feel of Laura’s body curled into her arms. It had been weeks since…she realized she still was not certain of the date, “Kirsch, weird question, what day is it?”

              “Uh, the 23rd.”

              “She’s at home.” It was such a simple statement of fact.

              “She’s there now, that’s good -”

              “No, at home with her dad.”

              “Oh…I’m not so sure she would call that home anymore.” _There this kid is again with the intution._ He sure seemed to have made many assumptions, whether they were true or not, Carmilla was not going to argue, about his best friend’s relationship. At least there was someone with enough sense to get her through her huge error of leaving.”Thanks, Kirsch.”

              “Tell her you love her.”

              “I’m not sure that’s enough.”

              “Say it anyway. Actually say it.”

            “Okay -”

          “Promise me you’ll say it.”

              “I promise.”

             “Good luck, Carmilla.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> "Ghost" - Halsey, "Perfect Illusion" - Lady Gaga, "Secrets" - Chloe + Milan, "Inside Out" -The Chainsmokers ft. Charlie, "Let You Go" - The Chainsmokers ft Great Good Fine, "Words As Weapons" - BIRDY, also some random 8tracks playlists
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> I know its been awhile but I wrote two chapters because the second is kind of a companion chapter and I wanted them up at the same time. So, sorry it took so long but you get two now!

            The voice outside was hard to hear but her dad cleared his throat, “Well then, come on in.”

              Laura was straining her neck to look around the corner of the wall and her jaw dropped as a woman in all black walked into the empty doorway, removing her black beanie, a mess of hair falling against her shoulders. She could see her father look around the guest but he was not in focus as there was only one person who had all of her attention.

              “Okay, well, I’ll just be…if you need me…” and he ducked out, leaving them alone.

              “Carm?”

              “Hey, cupcake.”

              Laura shut her eyes against tears, and shook her head, “Carm, you can just –”

              “I know,” the words came out heavy, “You want reasons. A trail of thoughts and justifications that you can follow back to somewhere safe. But, I don’t have justifiable reasons for any of it.”

              “You left,” her voice cracked and she stared at her hands that were fidgeting in her lap. Carmilla’s usual silent footsteps brought her to the couch, and the sinking in the cushion was what notified Laura that she had moved. Laura still couldn’t look at her, “You said you wouldn’t leave and then you left,” a crazed laugh left Laura’s mouth, “And I know I told you you should. And I know how mixed the signals were. But you weren’t actually supposed to leave. You were supposed to choose us. But you didn’t. You left.”

              “What did you want from me Laura?” Carmilla’s words were telling her truth but also desperate to have Laura understand and accept, “I came back and I tried so hard and then my insecurities toward my mother and my understanding that I am no where near worthy of you -” Laura’s head shot up and she finally looked at Carmilla, whose face was pulled so taut as she tried to keep her composure. Laura’s face on the other hand felt slack as her chest heaved for air and her wide eyes changed to one’s with creases in the corner, “-chased me out. Every time I looked at you I could see how I was hurting you and yeah, maybe it was selfish, but I couldn’t bear that anymore.”

              Laura’s voice was so soft as she fought against the dryness of her throat, which was constricting as tears tried to burst forth. The surprise of Carmilla showing up had knocked down the weak defenses she had made and all of her thoughts about accepting that Carmilla was out of her life disappeared. Now the only thing she could see was the beautiful woman that she loved with her entire being sitting in front of her trying to fix what she knew she had ruined. There was a strange blame game going on in Laura’s head because as much as she blamed Carmilla because she left, she also didn’t. She blamed herself for telling Carmilla to leave but she never thought that she would. Laura had been trying to open dialogue and the plan had backfired.

              Laura tilted her head to the side and her breath caught, “Worthiness? That’s what this is all about? Carm, you are worth so much more than you can even know and as of your fear of being worthy of me? What does that even mean? What does it even matter when you’re the only one I want? Its that simple.”

              Carmilla’s lip trembled and her eyes scrunched, creating creases in her forehead. She looked almost in pain, “But its not.”

              That’s all she said, leaving Laura to wrack her brain for an explanation and when she couldn’t find one, “What does that mean?”

              Carmilla’s eyes took their time opening and they lifted to look Laura straight in the eyes. Their watery state allowed a brilliant gold to flash through. “You want the kind of love that clicks; like a key into a lock."

              Carmilla’s head was nodding up and down as if this revelation was common knowledge that she had always known; maybe it had been which lent to the fact that she knew Laura much more than Laura knew herself. Carmilla’s lips pushed together until they were a flat line and a tear fell down her face, creating a shiny line on her cheek. Laura reached out, trailing her thumb across the skin to dry it. Carmilla’s hand found hers and held it to her cheek for a second before removing it and settling them both down between them on the couch. “But I don’t have any of that to give you. And I can’t make you think I’m enough for you.”

              There was no stopping the onslaught of tears now, and Laura submitted to them, letting them fall off her cheeks and onto the blanket without even trying to stop them. Carmilla had only come to make it official, to tell Laura that they were over. Laura shook her head, not wanting to hear the words that were to come out of Carmilla’s mouth.

              Carmilla reached out and tucked a strand of Laura’s hair behind her ear, her eyes searching for Laura’s who finally gave in and met her gaze. “But I am in love with you and I will give you all of the messy love I can give you. Everything I can give is yours, Laura. Everything I am is yours.”

              Laura’s breath caught in surprise. There were a lot of thoughts flying through her head that she wanted to say. She wanted to blame, she wanted to apologize, but she really wanted to forgive and she just gave over to that feeling. Laura leaned forward on the couch until her forehead was touching Carmilla’s. They were both breathing deeply, their breath mixing in the air in front of them. Her words came out in a release of breath, “I love you.”

              Carmilla stared at her for a split second and then Laura was putting her hands on both sides of Carmilla’s head and pulling their lips together. Carmilla reached around to her back and her neck and pulled them even closer so there was no space between them. They connected in a fury and if they could have, they would have set off sparks. Laura didn’t know where to settle her hands because she just wanted to touch all of Carmilla at once; she needed to make sure she was really there with her. Her hand got tangled in Carmilla’s hair. She noticed something different about this kiss. There was none of Carmilla nipping at her lips, there were none of the little touches Carmilla always did to urge Laura on because she wasn’t this time. Carmilla wholeheartedly just wanted to kiss her and leave it at that.

              When their lips detached for just a second, Laura tried to pull her back in, not caring about her lack of air, but Carmilla dipped her head so their foreheads were touching once again. Her voice was a whisper of sincere hope; a declaration of need for Laura to understand, “I just need you to be patient. You are already kind. You’ve shown me that more than anyone in my life ever has. Because you think everyone deserves better than what they get…even me.”

              A small laugh escaped Laura mouth because sometimes the things Carmilla said sounded so ridiculous to her. Carmilla had always deserved everything in the world and that was something she had never believed herself. Laura had over and over again tried to show her just that but nothing ever stuck. The only option was to forgive Carmilla because there was no vision of her future that the girl didn’t exist in. “I can’t pretend what I feel about you is some stupid frothy thing that doesn’t matter because it is like the axis my world turns on.”

              Carmilla was looking at her intently and she pushed her fingers through the hair on either side of Carmilla’s face. “And we could talk ourselves out of it because yeah, this is scary and hard but I want us to have something good to hold onto. Why can’t this be something good?”

              The faintest hint of a smile appeared on Carmilla’s lips as her chin trembled, “You know what, cupcake? Out of all your little rants. I think I like this one the best.”

              Carmilla wrapped her arms around Laura in a tight hug, their lips colliding again. And it was chaste and easy, their lips simply connecting and pushing against each other with all of their might to get their feelings across. Carmilla’s hands lightly brushed Laura’s cheeks and she pulled away again. Laura pouted.

              “As much as I would love to continue this, sweetheart. I’m not sure your dad would approve.”

              Her father had totally escaped her mind as soon as he had left Carmilla and herself alone in the living room. Laura clenched her teeth together and sent Carmilla an awkward smile, making the girl chuckle and shake her head.

              Laura hadn’t really talked to her dad since Carmilla had shown up the night before; he had let them have their space which she was grateful for but she knew sooner of later, he was going to have some questions he wanted answered. First and foremost was probably going to be why he didn’t know she had been dating anyone.

              She turned over in bed and smiled at the sleeping form next to her all cuddled under the blankets, hair spread across the pillow in ripples and her face lacking the usual façade it wore. She scooted closer to Carmilla and kissed her. Carmilla stirred and smiled against her lips, “Hmmm, I don’t mind being woken up if it’s like this.”

              Laura could have swooned at Carmilla’s morning voice; it was a low intoxicating sound that reverberated through her chest, making her warm. Carmilla’s arms slid around her waist and pulled her closer, kissing her deeper.

              “Hey, Carm?”

              “Yeah, cutie?” Carmilla’s eyes were still shut.

              “Happy Christmas.”

              Carmilla nuzzled their noses together, “Happy Christmas, cupcake.”

              Over Carmilla’s body, through the thin curtains that draped over the window, Laura could see the snow falling almost as it had last night and she wondered if it had ever stopped. “Whatcha lookin’ at?”

              Carmilla said it almost like a little kid, making Laura giggle. “Snow.”

              Carmilla turned onto her back, turning her head towards the window. Laura made herself comfortable by laying her head on Carmilla’s chest and draping her arm across her stomach.

              “We have to go downstairs at some point. It is Christmas. I have to spend it with my dad too.” Carmilla did not groan as Laura thought she would. She did not sigh in frustration or make any comment about how she would rather have Laura all to herself. She only made one observation, “Cutie, I don’t have any clothes.”

              Laura felt her face heat up and turn a light shade of red when she remembered that under the covers, Carmilla was only wearing a black thong and one of Laura’s old Doctor Who t-shirts. “What is mine is yours.”

              As she felt Carmilla wiggle underneath her, Laura moved off of her. Carmilla swung her legs out from underneath the covers and she pushed them back, “Oh, I’m sure I’ll love wearing one of your nerdy shirts.”

              Laura did not even hear the dig because she was currently speechless at her view of Carmilla’s bare ass. Carmilla looked over her shoulder and winked at Laura, “See something you like.”

              “I’m not a very good liar,” Laura climbed out of bed.

              Carmilla shook her butt in a very silly manner making Laura laugh,” What about now?”

              “Maybe not so much anymore.”

              Carmilla feigned being offended, “Oh, really. Really.”

              She took a few steps forward and all of a sudden Laura was swept up in her arms and spun around the room, “Do you like me now?”

              “Carm,” Laura laughed, “Put me down.”

              “Tell me you like me.”

              “Just put me down.” Carmilla shook her head, “Not until you say it.”

              “I like you,” Laura said, kicking her legs.

              “I’m sorry, I don’t believe you.”

              Laura’s hands were pushing on Carmilla’s shoulders to steady herself but then she wrapped them around Carmilla’s neck. She practically yelled, “Carmillia Karnstein, I like you and I am so in love with you.”

              Her feet had yet to reach the floor and Carmilla kissed her and twirled her around again before setting her down. Carmilla shrugged and nonchalantly commented, “I know you are.”

              Laura scrunched her eyebrows together and playfully hit Carmilla’s shoulder, “Put some pants on.”

              “You sure you don’t want to continue having this wonderful view?”

              “You’re so full of yourself,” but Laura, one hundred percent, would not mind.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              “I am not leaving the room like this.” She crossed her arms and planted her feet, making it clear that was her stance.

              Laura rolled her eyes, “Oh, yes you are.”

              Laura grabbed her by the hand and tugged her until she her shoulders sagged and she gave up, trailing after Laura wearing the most embarrassing sweater she had ever seen. Not only was it an annoying Christmas sweater, but it had the ugliest cat Carmilla had ever seen on it. When she had voiced that opinion, Laura became very defensive, calling the thing, “Grumpy Cat,” as if that was something she should already know. Laura had unceremoniously shoved it over Carmilla’s head and stood there snickering. Laura had put one on herself but hers was not only less humiliating but just as nerdy as the girl wearing it; the stupid sweater fit her, unlike Carmilla, who wanted to be anywhere but in that sweater. It was incriminating and she hated it yet she felt herself give over to her tiny girlfriend, just to make her smile. Her adoration for Laura always disgusted her because she let the girl do the worst possible things to her. Like wear this damn sweater.

              Carmilla tried to regain control as Laura bounded down the stairs like a three year old on Christmas morning. She did enough to straighten herself so as not to fall over entirely. The Christmas tree was lit up bright in the living room to the right but Laura stormed right past it into the kitchen that full of the smell of cooking and Christmas music that made Carmilla think of Will.

              Mr. Hollis’ eyes were cold when he took in their intertwined hands. Laura let go of her hand and ran up to kiss her dad on the cheek. It seemed as if they had returned to the father-daughter normal that they had been missing far too soon for comfort but it was not Carmilla’s place to question anything. Especially with the dagger eyes that Mr. Hollis directed her way whenever he was forced to look at her. “Dad, Carmilla Carmilla, my dad. You guys didn’t get properly introduced last night.”

              “It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hollis.” Carmilla received a curt nod in return, “I hope you like ham.”

              Mr. Hollis did not wait for an answer but went back to cooking and Laura looked at her with “I’m sorry” written all over her features and shook her head. “Okay, Carm and I are going to go sit in the living room.”

              “Are you sure there’s nothing I –“ She thought maybe offering help would soften Mr. Hollis to her presence. There was no blame to put on him for his attitude; she had hurt his daughter who had come running back to him. Her first impression had not been a great one at all. Laura squeezed her hand harder, whispered, “It won’t help,” and pulled her into the living room.

              Laura plopped herself down on the carpet in front of the tree and the few gifts that were under it. She patted the floor next to her for Carmilla to sit but instead, she sat down behind Laura and spread her legs around her. Carmilla pulled her back to her chest and wrapped her arms around Laura, setting her chin on Laura’s shoulder and looking at the lights letting her eyes unfocus; all of the small lights blurred in her vision.

              They sat there for a few moments just find but then Laura grabbed her arm tightly, making Carmilla grimace, “You do like ham don’t you.”

              Carmilla couldn’t even find it in herself to laugh, “At this point, I’d eat whatever the man made.”

              Laura sighed into her, “He’ll come around.”

              “Sweetheart, I’m not blaming him. He has every right to not like me. I hurt you. I made his only daughter cry. How could he trust me?”

              Laura turned her torso so that they were facing each other, “But he has to because I do.”

              Carmilla pursed her lips, “That’s not how things work, cupcake. As much as that would be nice. I’ll earn my way if I have to. If you’ll have me, I’ll be here for a while.”

              “Do you even have to ask that question?”

              Now Carmilla smiled, “Just checkin’.”

              Laura kissed her real quick before spinning around and throwing her own legs on top of Carmilla’s. They were sitting the same way now, bent towards each other. The lights of the tree caused the green in Laura’s swiling brown eyes to darken and Carmilla became entranced listening to her voice. What she rambled on about was not important, not meaning Carmilla wasn’t listening, but meaning that Carmilla would always listen to her no matter what was coming out of her mouth.

              The smell of ham mixed with potatoes and gravy and something like the sweet smell of apples. “You’re dad is quite the cook.”

              “Yeah he cooked a lot.” So much for talkative Laura; any mention of something near her mother always shut her down. That are maybe it was the whole not eating thing but if she stopped talking, Carmilla was never going to figure out the answer to that question.

              She had her arms looped around Laura’s legs so that she was on a lower level, looking up at the all-giggly girl who had just become somber. Laura’s head was down, but her eyes were averted from Carmilla’s face. “What about Will?”

              The sudden change of subject was not lost on Carmilla who acquiesced nonetheless, “What about Will?”

              “This is kind of your holiday. You guys are always together –”

              “What makes you think that, cupcake?”

              “He told me last Christmas. When I was at your house, before…” she trailed off. “Before my mother came in and ruined everything.”

              The shy nod that came from Laura made Carmilla believe she was not entirely comfortable with talking about the less fun parts of Carmilla’s life. “Honestly?”

              “Always.” Carmilla sighed because she knew that would be Laura’s answer, “I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for Will. He pushed me to come to you. And I hate that that’s how I finally got my wits about me, but it’s the truth. And I pretty much ruined our Christmas way before today.”

              “So I have him to thank.” Carmilla’s heart dropped, “If you’d like.

              “And he’s being selfless letting you be here instead of with him.” Carmilla hung her head because Laura telling her this just pushed it farther into the whole being without her brother had already created. She had broken their chain of traditions and he had let her go, pushing her to do so, because he knew how much Laura meant to her. She had run out with a “thank you” but not so much a second thought about what it would mean for Will, who would now be spending Christmas alone. Her little brother was her rock and she had never been his; she was just reiterating what they both already knew. What a goddamn failure

              “But you didn’t have to come and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happy that you’re here. Because you made a choice and that choice was me. And even if I know that you should have chosen your brother, I’m selfish and I want you here.”

              Carmilla found Laura’s eyes and looked at her in disbelief. The girl had once again taken something she had clearly found the answer to and flipped it on its head to make it about something it was entirely not about. “Laura you didn’t make me come here? Why are you thinking this is your doing?”

              “If I wasn’t in the picture, you wouldn’t have chosen me?”

              “Do you realize that that logic could be used for every part of your life? No matter what it is about, you are here, and my god am I glad you are. If you weren’t here, your dad wouldn’t be angry with me. But then, I wouldn’t know your dad. And also, I might be dead. I almost walked myself in front of a car, Laura, save for you. I just went out and got myself beat up to stop from feeling anything. I drank all day and night and someone mentioning you is what pulled me back to my senses,” Carmilla stroked the side of her face, “So no matter what decisions you or I make, I think it would be infinitely more tragic if it stopped you from trying. If that means being a little selfish about me, I won’t complain.”

              Carmilla’s sly smile at the end brought Laura to a laugh and she rubbed at her eyes to dry out the small amount of water that had begun to build up. She sniffled once, “Why do we always have these intense conversations?”

              “That’s all you, cutie. But if it makes you feel better, why don’t I give will a call?”

              Laura gave her a pointed look, “Are you sure that won’t make you feel better?”

              Carmilla shrugged it off. “Whichever, I need to talk to my dad anyway.”

              “Not about me,” Carmilla urged.

              “Of course about you,” Laura kissed her forehead and leapt up, out of Carmilla’s reach, as Carmilla tried to pull her back down. She really did not want Laura interfering with her dad’s process of acceptance. Carmilla needed to go through any trial he put her through to prove herself good enough for his daughter because how else either her or Laura’s father know she was.

              Will didn’t answer and Carmilla hoped he wasn’t furious with her; after all, he had been the one to tell her to go after Laura. Maybe he had expected it to take one night and she would be back. Another thing she couldn’t make up to him. Just add it to the list.

              Not that she was eavesdropping persay, but the lack of phone call did tune her into the voices coming from the kitchen and if Carmilla thought she knew what Laura’s dad thought of her, she was getting quite the wake up call. “Dad, I don’t know -”

              “Be careful, Laur.”

              “What?” Laura sounded surprised. Carmilla wished she could see the expression on Mr. Hollis’ face.

              “I want you to be careful.”

              “Um…okay…”

              “’Axis that your world turns on.’ That’s scary talk for me to hear, Laura. I’m not saying its not true,” his rushed words made Carmilla smile because she could just imagine the indignant look on Laura’s face, “I’m saying be careful with that type of love.”

              There was ruffling but no talking and Carmilla imagined Laura had hugged him. “If it helps, she told me she loved me first.”

              “She also hurt you.” Carmila winced.

              Laura sighed, “You’re right. I’m not gonna lie about that.”

              Carmilla hated to hear her affirm it but it was the best way to move forward; they could not pretend it had never happened because it had. Carmilla knew they would eventually get past it but it would be hanging over them for some time. “But I feel too much to not forgive her. I can’t let her go. I’m in too far.”

              “I wish you weren’t. It feels fast.”

              “You didn’t even know I was dating anyone.”

              “Exactly why it seems to fast.”

              Carmilla squirmed during the silence, not sure what the outcome of the conversation would be; at this point, it could go either way. It sounded like Mr. Hollis had accepted the situation but the question was whether he was going to try or show his displeasure. “She wishes she made a better first impression on you.”

              “Well, anyone would.”

              “Dad, please, give her a break. You don’t have to forget it. I know Carmilla, and she will never forget it. She’s not going to need you to remind her of it. But that’s the thing. I know her and I would like you to know her, besides this one thing. She’s so intelligent, she speaks like a hundred different languages -” Carmilla had to stop herself from snorting with laughter, “ – She has extensive knowledge of the most amazing things. Like art and philosophy. She’s caring and kind -” Carmilla wanted to gag, -“You should see her with her brother. There is so much that you just don’t know yet and you’ve seen a not so great thing but you can’t miss out on all the good just because of that.”

              There was a heavy sigh, “Laura, I think you misunderstood me. Not about being worried because I am. Extremely worried that she’s going to just leave you again if it was so easy this time. But I’m not blind. I’ve been around her all of five minutes but I can just see this buzzing energy that exists between you too and how you seem to fit together in this strange, unrealistic way. That’s what scares me. I want you to love and love openly and freely and with all of your heart, but I don’t’ want it to consume everything you are. Be careful.”

              That was the end of the conversation. Carmilla heard utensils being used in the kitchen and Laura reappeared in the doorway, very slowly. Carmilla narrowly managed to bring her phone up to her ear like she was finishing a conversation with Will. “Thanks, Will. I’ll talk to you later. Have a happy Christmas.”

              The look on Laura’s face of puzzlement and Carmilla knew she was not sure what her father had meant. But Carmilla did. And if that was his only wish, she would grant it. There had never been a part of her that wanted to consume Laura and take her away from her life. Now though, she vowed to make a conscious effort to see what he saw. Being on the same page as Mr. Hollis would make him much more tolerant of her. All he wanted to do was protect Laura and Carmilla could relate to that to her core; though if she ever let Laura know, she would get a good hour lecture about how Laura isn’t a little girl anymore and she can take care of herself. Carmilla never doubted that for a second but that wasn’t the reason she wanted to protect Laura. It was simply because she loved her and that was her first instinct.

              After their talk, Laura’s dad made some type of effort to welcome her over dinner. It wasn’t much but then again, Carmilla could not blame him. She knew that Mr. Hollis’ feelings towards her were not the greatest. Showing up on Christmas Eve, intruding on their holiday, and having him make the correct assumption that she had hurt his daughter and was coming to try to make up for it, wouldn’t leave anything but a sour taste in anyone’s mouth. She couldn’t take back her first impression, but if he was going to be in Laura’s life, she was definitely going to make him change his mind about her.

              It was not going to be easy to break that impression and Mr. Hollis was not going to make it any easier, but if she had to work for it, she would. His questions were the usual small talk about her major, if she had a job, about her family. Laura stepped in on that one and directed the conversation elsewhere but he had not missed the avoidance. “Dad, enough with the twenty questions interrogation.”

              “Sorry, Carmilla. I’m just trying to get to know you a little better.”

              “I understand, sir.” His eyebrows rose slightly with the honorific address.

              “Then why don’t you just let her talk like a normal person,” Laura teased him. Carmilla watched as Laura’s smile relaxed him, There’s one more thing we have in common.

              Laura was at the sink, washing dishes and Carmilla crept up behind her, snaking her arms around Laura’s waist and resting her chin on Laura’s shoulder. Laura’s body sunk into hers unconsciously and Carmilla kissed her cheek. And then again. And then again, until Laura laughed and shrugged her off, “Come on, Carm, I’m trying to clean these.”

              “Yeah but I have other plans.”

              “Do those plans include doing something we shouldn’t be doing in a place where my father could catch us?”

              Carmilla mulled it over, giving Laura time to worry about her actual intentions, though they were less than innocent, “Depends on what is under the category of things we shouldn’t be doing.”

              Laura shot her look that very much communicated, “you better be joking,” but instead of answering, Carmilla pick up the dish towels and forced it into Laura’s hands so she would dry them off. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, putting it on the counter and tapping the screen, sending a string of guitar through the air in the kitchen. Laura smiled apprehensively and Carmilla smiled at her, sliding her hand over the one of Laura’s that lay on the kitchen counter and laced their fingers together. She reached out to grab Laura’s other hand that was hanging by her side and then pulled Laura into the middle of the kitchen and in doing so, pulled their bodies close together. She places one of Laura’s hands over her shoulder and then rested her own on the lower part of Laura’s back.

              The moved around the kitchen, their socks sliding across the wooden floorboards. Laura eventually rested her head against Carmilla’s shoulder. They didn’t need to talk, at least Carmilla didn’t but Laura was another thing altogether, “This song is kind of sad.”

              “Sssshhhh, I like it. I think it fits.”

              Laura’s head tilted up to look at her and Carmilla’s own angled down weirdly. Laura fixed the maybe inch of height difference, by getting up on her tiptoes to kiss Carmilla. Tender and unabashed. Carmilla could get used to the kisses that didn’t mean anything besides Laura wanted to kiss her. It wasn’t complicated that way and there were no expectations. Simplicity in a touch of lips.

              When the song ended, Carmilla held Laura in the middle kitchen, not wanting the moment to end. Maybe it was fear of going back to where they had just managed to come out of or the knowledge that they were going to have to go back to the real world where things wouldn’t always be so easy and simple. Either way, when Laura pulled back, cold air filled the space making it feel hollow.

              Laura’s eyes widened, “Uh, hi dad.”

              Despite Laura’s obvious awkward feelings about her dad catching them dancing in the kitchen, Carmilla was not so much bothered. “Mr. Hollis.”

              “Carmilla.” He said nothing more and didn’t move. Carmilla took the hint quickly, squeezed Laura’s hand, kissed her temple, before leaving the kitchen. If Mr. Hollis wanted to talk about her with Laura again she would let it happen; whatever he had to say needed to be said and she didn’t want to stop that. Laura had told her that they were working on mending their relationship. She knew beyond a doubt that she would do anything to have her father back in her life and she wouldn’t take that away from Laura. She’d make herself sparse.

              Carmilla waited in the living room for them, this time their voices low enough that she could not hear them; she wasn’t sure she wanted to anyway. Their conversation before should have been private and it wasn’t so she made sure this one stayed that way. If Laura wanted to tell her what they spoke about, then she could make that decision herself.

              It did not take too long before Laura was back, linking their arms together and resting her head on Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla was looking out the window at the fallen snow, the sky was no longer spitting. The window was decorated with the reflections of the little tree lights and their faces were a mirage within the lighted glass.

              “Well,” Laura began softly, “he doesn’t think you’re terrible.”

              Carmilla smirked, “There’s hope then.”

              She paused, not knowing how to begin what she wanted to say next, “Hey, cupcake?”

              “Yeah?” Laura cocked her head.

              “I have something for you -” Carmilla felt at the small bump in her pocket.

              “Oh, Carm, no,” Laura said, taking ahold of her arms and pouting, “I didn’t get you anything.”

              “Sweetheart, I believe that was my fault in the first place. It’s nothing big, just something I wanted you to have anyway,” Carmilla pulled the object out of her pocket, balling it in her palm so Laura could not see it, “Sorry it’s not wrapped.”

              Carmilla opened her palm, displaying the black and gold bracelet that shimmered in the light, “I wanted you to have something to remind you of me.”

              Laura gasped and put her hands over her mouth. She looked at Carmilla speechlessly and Carmilla felt a sheepish smile crawl over her face. Laura’s fingers reached out to touch it, lightly, as if she was afraid she would break it. Laura still wasn’t saying anything so Carmilla went on, “It’s gold and black diamonds. I just thought because -”

              “Those are the colors in your eyes,” Laura was staring at her, not the piece of jewelry. Carmilla felt weird after she heard it said aloud but the feeling did not last long as Laura crushed their lips together so hard it was a little painful. Carmilla almost dropped the bracelet but just managed to keep ahold of it. Laura ended the kiss and Carmilla was left in weird limbo to recover. She motioned to Laura’s arm, “Can I?”

              Laura nodded and Carmilla fastened the bracelet to her left wrist. “Carm, this must have cost you a fortune. I can’t believe you bought me diamonds for Christmas.”

              Carmilla shrugged, “To be honest, it wasn’t necessarily going to be a Christmas present but with everything that – I just thought I might as well.”

              “So not diamonds for Christmas, just diamonds because? Carmilla Karnstein you are ridiculous.”

              “I do my best,” Carmilla smiled.

              Laura jumped, “You know what? I do have a gift for you.”

              Laura pulled out her phone and pulled Carmilla close to her, “Here’s a picture to capture how wonderful you look in that sweater.”

              “Laura, no.” But it was too late, Laura had snapped the photo and was beaming at her phone screen. So, it wasn’t too bad. Laura had the biggest grin on her face that Carmilla had ever seen and she herself was looking at Laura with irritation but with so much love. It was a perfect representation of them. She did not hate it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I just cycled back and forth between "Skinny Love" - Bon Iver and the cover of "Skinny Love" - BIRDY
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> Companion chapter to chapter 6!

            “Willia-Will, are you getting up soon?” His bedroom door creaking open and Mattie stepped in. He rolled over and pulled the covers tighter around his body. He had not missed her self-correction. “I’d rather not.”

              “Its Christmas,” she said as if it was supposed to change his mind.

              “Whoopi,” he groaned.

              Mattie did not argue and shut the door. It was not Christmas. Mattie and his mother did not equate Christmas. He figured her would be dragged from his comfort soon enough by his mother calling him ungrateful. But Carmilla was his Christmas; she always had been. She wasn’t even there. He had pushed her to go after Laura but that didn’t mean he had actually been okay with her absence. They had already skipped their usual movie marathons and cookie baking. He had not once gotten tackled because of throwing snowballs at her. Carmilla had not been in a good state of mind for the entire month of December and for the part that she had not been missing, she had been holed up with Laura, failing to fix their relationship.

              The base fact was that he didn’t believe it was fair. He would never voice that opinion to Carmilla and knowing his sister, she would be thinking about it all day. She enjoyed their traditions just as much as he did and even though they both knew their Christmas’ would eventually ended, Will had not expected it to happen so suddenly. And the thought of seeing his mother on a day he held with high regard made his entire body shudder.

              His phone vibrating loudly against the wooden side table woke him next. His hand shot out from under the covers, trying to stop the incessant noise as quickly as he could. The call was from Carmilla and he thought about answering it but decided against it. Yes, he was mad at her but he was more worried he would end up saying something he regretted and could not take back. He ignored the call but saw that it was almost noon. The fact that it was already so late and no one had come into his room since Mattie earlier on was strange. He knew his mother would have a fit of him missing their Christmas dinner…unless, she was not actually present.

              Will sat up straight in bed and flipped his legs over the edge. His bare feet hit the cold floor and he jumped in shock, picking up his discarded socks and pulling them up under his pajama bottoms. The door to his room opened slowly and he stuck his head out, apprehensive but he heard complete silence. That could be normal; his mother wasn’t much for small talk but he was used to her barking orders, especially if they had a cooking crew in the house. Tiptoeing down the stairs, the foyer was dark, light coming from farther down the hall in the kitchen.

              The first thing he noticed was the perfectly placed white lights of the Christmas tree glowing in the living room and then he noticed Mattie and he felt sorry for her for the first time. She was sitting on one of the bar stools at the island, alone, a mug in her hand of what he was not certain. She was not wearing anything overly exorbitant for being in the house as she usually was. Instead, she had on black jeans and a large gray sweater.

              “Mattie?” He has spooked her because her head whipped around and a small bit of liquid spilled over the cup. She smiled at him, warmer than he had ever seen her, “You’re finally up.”

              Will stood there, looking around, trying to figure out if he was the butt of some rude joke, “Where’s mother?”

              “I persuaded her to go to Brussels. She has work there and fortunately, she conceded to my argument. As long as I stay here, she has no need to return.” Will stared at her. He couldn’t figure out if she had just done something for her younger siblings who she had forsaken for years or if this was her way of climbing up the ladder to be closer to their mother’s corporate position. She could see his skepticism because her shoulders slumped in an uncharacteristically Mattie way and she sighed, “I had nothing to gain from this, Will. I was supposed to take over the gallery anyway. I was trying to help you and Carmilla. She’s gone. You don’t have to worry about her anymore.”

              “Why now? Why after everything did you come back now?” he demanded of her believing it a fair question after all.

              “You may not believe me but when we were younger, there was nothing I could do. I didn’t want her to turn on me. And yes, that was selfish and uncaring but I was young and green. When I was removed from the two of you, I no longer knew. I didn’t know it had become as bad as it had become until I came back here and Carmilla almost got herself run over. When mother’s outburst turned her into that shell of a girl and when you holed yourself up in your room and everything I had remembered about how sweet and honest you had been seemed to disappear. Mother had been the one to do that and I had had no idea. I refused to see when you had tried to tell me and I am sorry for that. It’s in the past and I can’t change it but I will help now because there are some things I can do. Getting mother out was the first step.”

              “She always comes back,” Will wasn’t lying because she always did somehow show up again when they were least expecting it, “And I don’t understand how you got her to leave for Christmas.”

              “No matter how much she enjoys holding family obligation over your heads, she rather dislikes it herself,” Mattie crossed her legs, becoming more of the women Will was used to. It wasn’t intimidating as if she was trying to overpower him, simply normal. “She much rather be surrounded by wealthy high positioned friends, bragging about this or that. And really, the Brussels gallery was falling behind with us both being here. It was an easy excuse and one that did not look so in the first place.”

              “But she will come back.”

              “As for that, I can’t give you an answer. She may. But again, she has no need. Your dislike for her is equally reciprocated even when she makes you act perfect so she can show off. It’s all about reputation. But if you are in the distance, she can brush off questions about you much easier than when someone can talk to you directly. She has no need for you to be around to build her brand.”

              “She wants us to work for her, just like you do.”

              “Will, I love this job. That’s why I do it. You’re right, she didn’t give me much choice but I never refused. I wanted it and I still do.”

              Will pressed his hands against the counter edge, “But I don’t want it.”

              “If she wants you, you have to.”

              “That’s not how it should work!” Will shouted, the explosion coming out of nowhere. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want that life.”

              Mattie was hesitant, “I did say I would help. I don’t know how much I can do, but I will help.”

              “I need to change my major back.”

              “Okay,” Mattie nodded.

              “And I want to go to medical school.”

              “Okay.”

              “You’ll help me?”

              “I’ll do my best.”

              There was the instinct to hug her that arose in Will’s stomach but he pushed it down. He wasn’t entirely ready for that level of familiarity with her. There was too much between them for it to be forgiven with one conversation. But she at least was there for Christmas and maybe it was about time she had a real one.

              “How do you feel about Christmas movies?”

              “I’ve never taken the time to really watch them.”

              Will gasped, “What a tragedy. How do you feel about having a movie marathon?”

              “I am all for new experiences.”

              “I’ll get the movies and then –“ Will’s phone rang and Mattie finished his sentence, “And I’ll get the hot chocolate?”

              Will smiled at her, not quite knowing how she knew that was the right answer but appreciating she did. He dug his phone out of his pocket and the screen read Carmilla. That was the second time she had tried to call and he knew he should answer but he pressed the ‘ignore call’ button again. If one sister wasn’t present, he was going to give all his attention to the one that was, even if they had a broken relationship. I’ll give it a shot. It was Christmas. Maybe it was about time for a new perspective and a second chance.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              “Lafontaine, I don’t like this.” They were sitting together on the couch in their apartment above the bakery. It was closed in respect of the holiday but Perry had gone down earlier to bring up some pastries for their Christmas morning. Because it was just the two of them, they hadn’t planned out a large dinner thought Perry had fought for it. She always had had one but Lafontaine was right, it was expensive and extravagant for no reason; they weren’t having company. And that is what brought Perry to this current statement. Her entire life, Christmas had been a huge affair with all of her family visiting and well, this Christmas was rather lackluster. Of course, she loved spending time with Lafontaine and they were able to make even the smallest things fun, but right now, they weren’t doing anything but staring at the tree and Perry was becoming restless.

              “Ouch.”

              “No. Lafontaine, that’s not what I meant.”

              “I’m just giving you a hard time, Perry,” they laughed. Perry scowled at them, making them laugh even more. Perry was lying against the soft fabric of their Christmas sweater. They had gone out together and bough them, just to wear on Christmas day. Perry’s own was covered in gingerbread cookies against a red backdrop. Each cookie was decorated with a frosting smile and three multi-colored buttons. Lafontaine’s was green with prancing reindeer and some scattered snowmen. It was festive and so was their apartment. They had opened the few gifts they had gotten one another; Perry had given Lafontaine a new lab coat with their name embroidered on the pocket, a vest to try and replace the horrid jean one but she didn’t have high hopes and Dr. Yate’s new book on science and the supernatural. In return she had received a new Christmas cookie plate and what had touched her even more was the light pink pearl necklace. Lafontaine had gone too far with that gift and Perry had made sure they knew that. They had waived her off and reached around her neck to fasten it.

              They had taken a couple of photos together for Perry’s scrapbooking, a hobby that had recently reared its head. She wasn’t sure if would last but it helped relax her after days at the bakery. But they were currently sitting, doing nothing and had almost the entirety of Christmas day left.

              Perry sat up, Lafontaine removing their arm from around her shoulder. “Perry, just call them already.”

              “Are you sure?”

              “I’m not gonna sit here all day and watch you fidget. It’ll be nice to have some company.” Lafontaine smiled, all their teeth showing. Perry kissed their cheek and went to get the phone. It rang a few more times than she was comfortable with but eventually it was picked up, “Hello?”

              “Kirsch?”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              Something heavy fell on her and she let out a groan. Whatever it was, it had woken her up.

              “It’s Christmas!” Kirsch’s voice was too loud and Danny realized he had jumped on top of her. She pushed him off to pull the covers over her head but it didn’t entirely muffle his laughs.

              “That is not the way to wake some one up ever.” She didn’t see the point of getting up. When she was a child, she would get up at six am and wake her parents up because she was so excited to open all the presents from Santa. That excitement had disappeared with the years. Celebration could wait until closer to noon, so she did not move.

              Kirsch started shaking her, pushing her arm until she had enough and flipped over, trying to get him off the bed.

              “Come on, Danny! I’ve been up for hours.”

              “Why?”

              “I wanted to do something nice…” he trailed off as if he was shy. That peaked her interest and she opened her eyes and yawned. “What did you do?”

              “Get dressed and come see,” he bounded away, out of the room. It took her a few more minutes to drag herself out of the warmth of the covers, the chill of the air sending goose bumps across her skin. She pulled on jeans as quickly as she could but they failed to warm her, being as cool as they were. A white sweater accompanied the jeans and socks just for good measure. When she opened the door of the room, the enticing smell of coffee and breakfast pulled her forward. Christmas music floated up the stairs as well and looking down she saw lights, brighter than the upstairs and her eyes blinked, adjusting to the light.

              She appeared in the kitchen and Kirsch immediately accosted her. “Coffee? Eggnog? OJ?” he asked, pointing to each drink as he rattled them off. The table was set with all the breakfast foods Danny could name: eggs, bacon, sausage, pancake and waffles, toast, fruit, and the list went on. Much more than two people could consume. She pointed it out to Kirsch, whose response was, “ I wanted it to look awesome.”

              She rolled her eyes and requested a cup of coffee. Kirsch jumped to get it for her. He was also wearing jeans and a sweater but his was red with white lines across the sleeves near the wrist. “How long did this take you?”

              “A couple of hours. I got up at eight.” It was closer to noon than she had thought when he woke her. They sat down to “The Christmas Song,” Kirsch barely in his seat before a spoonful of eggs was on his plate.

              Danny stacked her plate with pancakes but kept going, seeing how high she could get before they fell and Kirsch reached over, dumping almost half the bottle of syrup on top of the mountain; the sticky sauce slowly running down the sides. “You just ruined all the pancakes.”

              “I did not,” he said, stabbing a fork in them and pulling them roughly apart before stuffing the massive bite in his mouth and chewing with his mouth open just to annoy her. She made a scrunched up face at him, “You’re disgusting.”

              “But the pancakes aren’t.”

              They spent the rest of breakfast fooling around with their food more than eating it; she felt so childish flicking bits of bacon at Kirsch’s head but it was so much fun. At first he would flinch every time they hit his cheek or forehead but then he started batting them away with his hand until it became more of a ‘how far can I whack this’ game and Danny shut it down. Picking bacon bites out of the carpet was not in her plans for the day.

              Danny wiped a napkin across her mouth and balled it up on the table, “I should call my parents, wish them a Happy Christmas.”

              Kirsch pushed off from the table, “I’ve already spoken to my family so I’m on cleanup duty.”

              “I’ll help when I’m off the phone.”

              “I bet you I’ll be done by then.”

              Danny surveyed the amount of dirty dishes scattered across the kitchen, “Oh, I doubt it.”

              Kirsch held out a hand, “No, I’ll really bet you.”

              “Fine,” Danny reached out but hesitated, “but what are you betting?”

              “You have dish duty for a month.”

              Danny narrowed her eyes as Kirsch kept her gaze. She caught his hand in hers and shook but he smiled, “And a kiss.”

              He whirled off into the kitchen to start as Danny pulled out her phone, both of them in a race. She realized she could easily cut her conversation short with her parents and catch him off guard but it was a big holiday she was missing with them and figured it better to give them an actual conversation. She still didn’t expect Kirsch to be able to finish before she did so she fell onto the couch and pulled out her phone. Her parents answered on the first ring and started talking at the same time, “Merry Christmas, hun.”

              “You’re on speaker.”  
              “I figured that one,” Danny chuckled, “Happy Christmas, guys. How’s everyone?”

              “We had to drag James out of bed this morning. You know you weren’t like that when you were little. He doesn’t seem to care about Christmas.”

              “I’m sure Sammy was just thrilled.”

              “You’re father wasn’t at five am when he jumped on our bed.”

              “Wow, I wasn’t even that bad.” Danny’s small twin brothers were both two completely different kids. They had a strange relationship; she felt more like their aunt than their sister. Her mother had had Danny when she was fairly young and had never planned on having other kids but eventually it was a conversation again and along came the twins. They were both red-haired, freckled boys who resembled Danny far more than she wished. Being so much older, they had never really had a strong sibling bond. They were both ten at the moment and so when she had left for college they had only been about six years old.

              Danny had never seen the point of her parents having more children but it was something they had really wanted and there were no reason they should not have more kids; the timing was just weird for Danny to have baby brothers. They almost weren’t a part of her life at all. She was busy in high school when they came around and was used as a free babysitter. She had a lot more on her mind than James and Sammy and that might have been a mistake on her part but she was always going to go away for college so what was the point of building an inseparable relationship and then ripping it apart. They never paid her much heed anyway; they always had each other to play with.

              For the years she had been with Laura, Laura never had met them. She wasn’t certain Laura knew they existed. Kirsch definitely didn’t; it was something she would have to tell him. Telling him about her brothers was definitely making their relationship sound like a long time thing and she found herself smiling about that revelation. She was sure Kirsch would get a kick out of the boys.

              “Are you guys going over to the Mark’s for lunch?”

              “Actually we are heading up to see your grandparents today.” Danny thought that was weird. Usually her grandparents drove down to their house for the holidays and they all went over to the Mark’s house, which was the home of her mother’s best friend.

              “Why are you going up there?”

              “Your grandfather wasn’t certain he could make the drive this year.” Danny’s forehead wrinkled, “Is he okay?”

              “He’s just getting older.”

              “You would tell me right?”

              “Of course,” her dad spoke up.

              Danny let out a breath of air, “I still feel like there’s something you aren’t telling me.”

              “There really isn’t, honey. Just a change of scenery for our Christmas. We’ll be up there for a few days if you call the home phone.”

              Danny was not certain they were telling her the truth but she couldn’t think of why they would be lying to her. Danny wasn’t particularly close to any of her family but that didn’t mean she didn’t care about them. Hiding something wasn’t protecting her, it was just making her unnecessarily nervous.

              “You want to say hello to Kirsch?”

              “Of course!” Her parents were always overly excited to talk to Kirsch, whom they had never actually met in person. For some reason, that guy had the ability to make anyone like him; even if it had taken years, it had eventually worked with her. She dragged herself off the couch and through the doorway into the kitchen, holding the phone out, “My parents want to say hi.”

              He was elbow deep in bubbles, “Are you trying to make me lose?”

              “No,” she responded defensively, though the thought had crossed Danny’s mind, “they just want to say hi.”

              Kirsch looked at his wet hands like he didn’t know how to dry them off so Danny just held the phone to his ear. “Hey Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence. Happy Christmas.”

              He paused as they spoke and then he laughed, “Yeah, same here…yep…alright…well, it was nice to speak with you…okay…bye.”

              Danny pulled the phone back and Kirsch’s hands flew back into the sink and he started making needlessly loud noises until she flicked him off and left the room again. “He seems well.”

              “He is.”

              “She’s so talkative isn’t she?” Danny knew they were talking to each other at this point. “Leave her alone. She’s probably busy; it’s Christmas.”

              “Guys, I can hear you.”

              “Well, then, we’ll let you go, hun. We’ll tell your brothers you said hi. Love you.”

              “Love you, too.”

              Kirsch was not even halfway done with the dishes when she reentered the kitchen, “No dish duty for me!”

              He scowled at her and continued scrubbing a pan, “It’s these damn eggs.”

              She scooted herself between him and the sink, “But you can still have a kiss.”

              Her arms wrapped around his waist and she tilted her head up a fraction of an inch to reach his lips. He was always so warm and she smiled against his lips. He was staring at her smiling back, but then the corner of his mouth pulled into that goofy smile of his that she loved and he glanced up, her eyes followed. With one hand he was holding mistletoe above their heads, water dripping from his fingers down his arm, staining his sweater. A few droplets hit Danny in the face and she wiped them off, “Did you pull that out of your pocket?”

              “I had plans for today."

              She laughed, “Yeah, I can see that.”

              “I had very interesting plans for today,” he responded, pushing her harder against the counter and dipping his head back to hers. Just as he was about to kiss her, his phone went off and he groaned, “Why me?”

              Danny pushed him away and he fell against the island, grabbing his phone from the charger and answering it. “Hello?”

              He was silent as he listened to whomever it was who had called. He pulled the phone away from his ear, “Perry wants to know if we want to join them for Christmas."

              “What about your plans?”

              He shrugged, “They were some great plans but -”

              “What about our tradition making?”

              His head tilted as he thought, “Yeah, you’re right.”

              “But then again, they’re our friends.”

              “You are absolutely no help. Are we going or not?”

              Danny looked around the house. She saw the lighted tree. She heard the music. She saw Kirsch in front of her and realized the only tradition she needed was one that included him. The house was great but it wasn’t what made Christmas special; that happened when her boyfriend made a stupidly large breakfast and then threw it at her. “If it’s okay with you, let’s go.”

              “You’re the boss,” he said and then into the phone, “We should be there about one thirty…awesome. See ya then.”

              He pointed at Danny but she gestured ‘no’ with her hands, “Uh uh, I’m not cleaning this up. That’s your job.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              “You call Will?” was Kirsch’s first words after ‘Happy Christmas’ when Perry let him in the apartment.

              “We did but he didn’t pick up.”

              “Let me try.”

              “Kirsch, you could really –”

              “He’s my friend, Danny.” Kirsch stepped back out the door, leaving it cracked just a little so he could reenter. He held his arms closer to his body, trying to stay warm in the cold air of the city. “Kirsch.”

              “Will, hey, what’s up?”

              “Nothing much. Happy Christmas, man.”

              “Same to you, bro. Are you busy today? We weren’t planning on it but Perry and Lafontaine invited us last minute. They said they tried calling but you didn’t answer. Anyway, you should come.”

              “Oh, yeah, well -”

              “Oh, are you with Carmilla? If that’s the case, I totally get it, dude.” Kirsch knew of Will and Carmilla’s Christmas stuff and in no way wanted to step in the middle of it.

              “It’s not that,” Will seemed hesitant, “Carmilla’s not here. But I can’t come.”

              “Your mother?”

              “No, no. I’m actually spending the day with Mattie.”

              “Mattie…”

              “Yeah, its no big deal. Just family stuff. But thanks for the invite. I should probably go now.”

              “Okay, Will. But like, if you need anything, just call.”

              “Thanks. Again, Happy Christmas.”

              Kirsch walked confused back into the apartment and it did not take but a few seconds for the three others to ask him what was up.

              “Mattie? As in the terrible sister who came back and helped their mother ruin their lives?”

              “Lafontaine, don’t be like that,” Perry reproached.

              “Perr, it’s the truth. I’m just speaking the truth.”

              “Did he sound okay?” Danny asked, placing her hand on his arm. He looked over at her. “He sounded weird but not in a bad way. It was like he didn’t even know what he was doing with Mattie. It’s his choice though. I can’t stop him if he wants to be with her.”

              “And Carmilla’s not there?” Danny asked.

              “No, she’s still with Laura.”

              “And where’s that? I know you know.” She asked it accusatorially and Kirsch thought that maybe she had figured out what his secret phone calls were all about.

              Kirsch pursed his lips, “She’s at her dad’s.”

              Danny’s mouth fell open, “Well, this just keeps getting weirder.”

              “Well come in, come in,” Perry ushered them through the entry hallway, “We have a ton of goodies from the bakery to munch on. I don’t have a big meal; this was last minute and all.”

              “I’m sure they weren’t expecting anything,” Lafontaine popped a tart in their mouth and Kirsch followed, the cherry sweet on his tongue. “Wow, this is sooo good.”

              “Thank you, Kirsch.”

              “There’s a Christmas concert special on that Kirsch and I had heard about, if you want to turn that on.”

              “That sounds fun,” Perry responded. Lafontaine started toward the living room, “I’ll get it. Oh and Kirsch, you gotta tell me how the job’s going?”

              Kirsch started into his story and they all went around in a circle pretty much just talking about their current situations. Nothing had changed much from the last time they had all seen each other even though it had been about a month before. Kirsch had to remember to keep space between Danny and himself when he caught himself almost putting his arm around her shoulders as they sat next to the couch together. She noticed and squeezed his leg as if to say “its okay.” It was harder than he thought after being so comfortable in their own home with each other. Lafontaine and Perry on the other hand had no problem sitting close to each other, holding hands. He was really missing Laura. They always talked on Christmas and he hadn’t heard from her yet today. He missed Will whom he was concerned about; being home alone with Mattie. And he thought about Carmilla, hoping her and Laura had made amends and that she was in a better place. She had scared him big time.

              He was not sure if Danny felt it as much as he did but the fact that they had put their traditions off for the next year did not faze him. He was content with the fact that they were together on Christmas and that was just the same as a tradition to him. Even better in fact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I wrote these snippets in class so no music used. Just out of boredom.
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> We'll see if I continue on this roll I seem to be on with getting chapters out.

              “Jenny, you’re off when Booker comes in. About ten minutes. Finn, stay on prep until close tonight, alright? We’ll move you around next shift.” Perry pushed through the swinging door to the front counter where Enzo was ringing people out and Hailey was cleaning up the front room. The holiday rush had slowed but they were still doing very good business, so much so, that their employee shortage problem had been easily remedied. All of the hires were young, college kids. None of them were Silas students, the city too far for a commute. Perry missed the spirit of the Silas community but these were great people. Jenny had been working there the longest and Perry had given her a small promotion. She trained the new hires so Perry could spend more time on the business side of the shop.

              They had also developed regulars most of whom came in, when the shop opened, for breakfast pastries. Large orders had also spiked and they were getting requests to cater parties. Perry had had to turn those down with the promise that they would be expanding into catering in the future so to keep them in mind. It was not plausible at the moment to expend so much energy on that front when they did not have enough manpower to work at such a large scale.

              “Lola?” Enzo was the only one who called her by her first name. She had told him many times that Perry was fine but he seemed to have trouble being on that level of closeness with his boss. She acceded to his begging to stick with Lola but made sure no one else developed the habit. “That registers broken.”

              He nodded to his left as he typed in the order of the man on the opposite side of the counter. Perry sighed and went over to it; trying the little tricks she knew to get it back up and running but to no avail. She had to call the register company and it would cost them a maintenance fee; it had to be done so she dialed the number. The call went through the usual automatic questions and she pressed the buttons in sequence until a woman answered the phone. “Hello, how may we help you?”

              “Hi, can I speak with Chris? I need to schedule a maintenance appointment for “The Cookie Jar.”

              “One moment while I direct your call.” Perry never understood how after all the robot questions, she was never directly sent to whomever she needed to talk to. “Perry! Long time no talk.”

              He was making a joke at the fact that he had just been out to the shop a few weeks before to do a scheduled update. “Hi, Chris. Register one’s down. We can’t do anything with it.”

              “Did you try everything I told you?” She had asked Chris for troubleshooting just so she did not call him out if not necessary. “Yes, nothing worked. The screens entirely blank.”

              “Okay, we’re pretty swamped. I think something happened with our servers that’s causing a bunch of chaos with the machines. I’ll try to get there by the end of the week, alright?”

              “It’d be a lot better if you could get here tomorrow.”

              “I’ll see what I can do, but its not looking good. Schedules pretty full right now and I would rather be the guy to come to your store.”

              “If you have to send someone else though, please do. We can’t go through a Friday with only one register open.”

              There was silence on the other end and then a few clicks of computer keys, “I moved you up the list. Sssh. Don’t tell anyone.”

              Perry could hear him smile, “Thanks, Chris. It means a lot.”

              “I’ll be around tomorrow afternoon.”

              “You’re a lifesaver.” Perry ended the call and rearranged the pastries behind the glass when the bell above the door rang out, signaling someone had entered. Perry straightened out to say hello. “Hello, Carmilla, I wasn’t expecting you today.”

              The girl was solemn, walking slowly to the counter, “Are you ever expecting me? Lafontaine here?”

              “Still at work. You’re welcome to wait.”

              Carmilla looked around and grimaced, “This place is a little too lace infested for my liking.”

              Perry huffed, “There’s no need to be rude. You can wait in the apartment.”

              Carmilla gave her a sarcastic, two fingered salute and sauntered through the back door. What Carmilla needed Lafontaine for was a mystery to Perry but she had more important things to worry about. “Are you doing okay out here, Enzo?”

              “Yeah, we’ve slowed a bit in the last half hour. It feels like it might stay that way.”

              “I wouldn’t sound so hopeful.” Perry patted his back and went back into the kitchen.

              “Finn, that’s too much!” Jenny ran over and grabbed the bag of flour out of Finn’s hands, “You have to follow the recipe otherwise you’re just wasting it.”

              The bag was set down on the wooden table with such force that a puff of flour blew from the top of the bag. “I’m sorry.”

              Jenny wiped her forehead, “Don’t be sorry just do it right.”

              Finn was fairly new but he was not new to prep and Perry was concerned that maybe he was not doing his job as well as she thought he was. “Are you doing alright, Finn?”

              “If by alright you mean making cookies that will just crumble as you touch them -”

              “Jenny,” Perry chastised. Jenny said nothing and went back to slapping balls of dough on a tray.

              “Just a rough day. I didn’t mean to mess it up.” Perry went to stand next to him and look in the bowl.

              “How much did you add?”

              “I don’t know, a cup extra probably.” Perry picked up a few different ingredients and added them to the mix, “That should even it out. We’ll just have more than intended. Just be careful next time.”

              “Sorry, Perry.”

              “Don’t bring life into work, alright? But if you need to talk, come see me after your shift.”

              He nodded and Perry was sure he would not find her to talk about whatever it was that was bothering him. Booker walked in right after, relieving Jenny who shot Finn an annoyed look that only Perry saw. “You’re on baking duty, Booker.”

              “You got it, boss.”

              The stair at the stop of the staircase creaked, “Did I hear a Booker enter the building?”

              Carmilla’s head peaked around the railing and Booker bowed, “Countess.”

              Carmilla looked at Perry, “Look at this, kid. What a kiss-ass.”

              Booker laughed and straightened up. Perry had been surprised by the camaraderie that had built up between Carmilla and Booker. It had come out of nowhere, especially since Carmilla was not often at the bakery and Carmilla wasn’t one to make easy friends. Carmilla made her way down the rest of the stairs. “How’s your girl?”

              “Which one?” Booker smiled.

              “You’re gonna get yourself in trouble.”

              “Felicity is A+ and Anna is no longer in the picture.”

              Perry was learning a lot about Booker that she had not known and did not particularly want to know.

              “But, how’s your girl?” Booker asked in return, pulling a pan out of the oven as the timer went off.

              “Darling as always.” Carmilla was leaning against the table, her hair dangling over the wood.

              Perry bustled over and moved her, “That’s unsanitary and if you don’t mind, stop distracting my workforce.”

              Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Talk to you later, Booker.”

              “Bye, hot stuff.”

              “Want me to kick your ass?” Carmilla threatened.

              “I would be honored.” Booker set the tray on the cooling rack as Carmilla hopped back up the stairs and Perry heard the door shut to the apartment. “Finish up what Finn’s started on. That’s all we’re gonna make tonight. Finn, dishes when you finish?”

              “Sure thing.”

              Perry had secluded herself in her office for the past couple hours but no one had come to her with problems so she was secure in the knowledge that everything was going smoothly. The front cameras showed a lack of customers as Enzo had predicted. Lafontaine was later than usual and their visitor had not shown her face since Booker had arrived. Perry could imagine at least one bottle of liquor would be greatly diminished when she went upstairs later.

              Perry ducked her head outside her office to where Finn and Booker were messing around, kicking around a cup like a soccer ball. “Hey, Finn?”

              He looked up, afraid to be caught in the act but if Perry had cared, she would have said something much earlier. “Since we’re slow you can head out now.”

              He grasped Booker’s hand to shake and removed his apron, “See you on Thursday then.”

              He went out the back to where Perry let him park his car. Lafontaine appeared in the doorway opposite. “What’s going on Booker?”

              “You’re wifey took away my only friend.”

              Lafontaine looked at Perry, confused. “I just sent Finn home. He’ll live.”

              She received a cheek kiss from Lafontaine and there was an “awwww” because he apparently “couldn’t help it.” “Oh, Lafontaine, Carmilla’s waiting for you upstairs.”

              “What for?”

              “She didn’t say. She’s been here for hours though so please pry whatever bottle from her hand please.”

              “We should start a tab for her,” Lafontaine joked. Carmilla wasn’t always drunk but it seemed whenever she came over to the bakery, she assumed Lafontaine and Perry’s alcohol was free. And it was. For friends. To a point.

              Lafontaine climbed the stairs and it wasn’t twenty minutes later that Carmilla came into the office to say goodbye. “Are you okay getting home?”

              “I was gonna catch the train but I’m sure the last one has already left. I’ll grab a bus.”

              Carmilla seemed stable enough to find her own way home. “Well, call us if something changes. You can stay the night if you need to.”

              “Laura.” That was explanation enough when it came to Carmilla so Perry waved goodbye and once she was out the front door, Perry instructed Hailey to lock up. It took about another half hour for cleanup, which would have been worse if they had been busy up until close.

              “What did Carmilla want?” Perry questioned Lafontaine once she retired to the apartment. Lafontaine was sitting in their striped pajamas on the couch, reading through a science magazine that they had a subscription to. They looked up and set the magazine aside. “She needed help with understanding something about pesticides for a client. I told her I wasn’t a chemist but she said it could be basic stuff so I helped with what I could.”

              “What client? I didn’t know Carmilla had a job?”

              Lafontaine shrugged, “She didn’t specify but its Carmilla, she might, she might not. Who knows?”

              Perry went over to them and leaned down, kissing their forehead, “I’m going to bed. Are you staying up?”

              Perry knew they had work in the morning and was hoping they would sleep; they definitely needed it. “At least a little bit longer. I want to finish this article.”

              Lafontaine set their hand on top of Perry’s, which was on their shoulder, squeezed and let go. “If you aren’t in bed by midnight, I’m coming to get you.”

              “I would expect nothing less.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              Danny sat in her tiny cubicle surrounded by all the other readers, some unpaid interns, flipping through the stack of pages on the desk next to her. She rubbed at her eyes, tired from reading for the last three hours. Despite the fact that she was in charge of the young adult fiction submissions, it was not much of an exciting job. Mostly because many of the submissions were unedited trial runs by people who would never be authors because of their atrocious grammar skills and inability to construct proper sentences. Almost every single book was some supernatural love story that people were trying to make money off of until that trend died out. It was monotonous work.

              “Lawrence.” She swiveled her chair around to see her boss standing there, a rare smile on her face. “Come with me.”

              Danny stood up immediately; this was the most exciting thing that had happened the entire week. Her boss talked as they walked, “You know that manuscript you sent up a few weeks back.”

              It was hard to remember. Danny had sent a few up, never hearing anything from them. Her job was to figure out if there was even the slightest bit of potential and then send it on to be read by another who would deal with intricacies other than general concept and ability to understand the writing. She replied honestly, “Possibly.”

              “It was written by that really young teenage kid. You attached a sticky note and wrote in all caps ‘MUST READ.’”

              “Yeah, sorry, they all mush together sometimes. I just figured nothing had happened with it since -”

              “No, they love it,” she pushed the button on the wall, opening the elevator, “And by they, I mean they sent it up to Mary Rubinchik who sent down for the person who originally read the manuscript. She wants to meet ‘the delight that sent it to her office’ is what she said.”

              The doors shut enclosing only the two of them in the box and her boss leant over, “You’re looking at a possible promotion here, Lawrence. Look a bit happy.”

              Danny hadn’t realized her weariness was visible on her face, “Sorry, this just came out of nowhere and I was falling asleep trying to get through today’s stack.”

              “You probably shouldn’t tell your boss that but I’ll let it slide. Don’t let anyone else hear you say that.” Rebecca was a really nice woman. She was serious about the job but not incapable of holding a normal conversation and easily joking with her staff. It kept up morale.

              The elevator smoothly slid up floor after floor until they arrived on ten. Danny was located on the third level of the building, she wasn’t sure what each other level held; there had never been a need for her anywhere else in the building. Rebecca was on the floor above them but Danny had never been called to her office. The doors opened and Rebecca beckoned her to follow out to the right and down a hallway. It seemed that everyone was typing and talking on the phone at the same time and the sound of clicking keys and mixing conversations distracted Danny until Rebecca had to call out to her, “Lawrence, this way.”

              They took a sharp right at the end of the hall and Rebecca knocked before opening wooden double doors with inlaid glass. The office was large but it was only the reception desk and a few chairs. Mrs. Rubinchik’s assistant stood up when they entered and gestured to her right, “You can go in. They’re waiting for you.”

              Rebecca knocked again at the office doors. “Come in.”

              She held the door open for Danny who walked in feeling uncomfortable in new environment but Rebecca followed in right after her. She had an ally on her side. Not that they were going to fire her, it seemed to be the opposite. It was nice to know someone when all of a sudden you’re put in front of the bigwigs and have to hold your own.

              “Ms. Lawrence?,” Mrs. Rubinchik held up the manuscript with Danny’s bright pink sticky note still intact, “This is your doing.”

              “Yes, ma’am,” Danny answered, respectfully.

              “Well, then I want to applaud you. I also want to introduce you to a few people. This,” she pointed to a man standing directly next to her desk, “is Philip Shore. He is the man whom the manuscript reached after it left your hands and helped push it along the right tracks.”

              Danny leant forward to shake his hand. Mary next pointed to a woman seated, “This is Catherine Hills. She has been brought on this project as editor. Next up is Sophia Wilemsen. She is the publicist assigned to the team. And finally,” another man stood off to the side of the room, “Michael Westworth. He is director of marketing.”

              Danny shook everyone’s hand as their names were rattled off, still not understanding what she was needed for. Mrs. Rubinchik apparently could read minds, “I’m guessing you are wondering why you are here.”

              “Slightly, yes,” Danny admitted.

              “Because this book has moved up the ranks so quickly and we all believe there is going to be huge success down the line, I have decided that the person who founded this lovely piece of writing, should be more involved. It was your doing so why shouldn’t you have a hand in its creation.”

              Danny was awestruck and could hardly form word, “Wow, I am so grateful. I can’t – just thank you. Thank you.”<

              “Its my pleasure. Catherine here needs an assistant editor. That’s officially your new title. And if this turns out as well as it could, who knows where you will land after its over.”

              Danny rushed forward to reach across the desk and shake Mary’s hands with both of her own, “Mrs. Rubinchik, thank you again. This is so wonderful. I am so excited to get this book published and out to an audience.”

              Mrs. Rubinchik chuckled, “Well, you start right away. Catherine will catch you up on everything you need to know,” she looked over at Catherine, “I believe you have a meeting to get to.”

              “Right you are,” Catherine stood up, “Come on Ms. Lawrence. Its time to meet the rest of my team.”

              Rebecca squeezed Danny’s arm and gave her a smile as she was steered from the room, “Good luck.”

              The editing team was filled with absolutely wonderful people who welcomed Danny warmly. It could have been because she was technically in charge of them all but it seemed sincere enough. After the team meeting, Catherine pulled Danny into her office and showed her the ropes. By the time it was time for her to head out for the day, Danny was pretty much in charge of everything on Catherine’s to-do list. Catherine would be there to check off on her work but other than that, Danny was in charge.

              She waited until she completely exited the building and was waiting on the street for the building’s valet to bring around her car, to pull out her phone and call Kirsch who should have been home. She hated interrupting him at practice and she knew it was annoying for him to. But when he picked up and said, ‘Hey D-Bear,’ she knew he could talk. “Kirsch, you won’t guess what happened today.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              “I can pick it up after work tomorrow,” Carmilla froze as soon as the words left her mouth, her gaze stuck on the counter. Her eyes widened at the mistake, knowing that she had just let her secret slip. She refused to look at Laura, instead staring at the counter, one arm extended to put a glass in the sink.

              “Why would you drive all the way to Styria tomorrow even if you didn’t have a shift at _The Nook_?” Carmilla breathed. She hadn’t entirely blown her cover. Laura still wasn’t aware that she was no longer a student at Silas. Graduation was getting closer and closer and she couldn’t think of a way to tell Laura, now that she had kept it from her. Laura would see it as a lie and Carmilla couldn’t defend that it wasn’t after she worked so hard to build up the false story; a lie is exactly what it was. “Wait…you don’t have a shift tomorrow. Its Thursday.”

               _Shit._ She wasn’t getting off that easy. Carmilla was about to dig herself a deeper hole, “Yeah, you’re right. I forgot.”

              “No, you didn’t,” Laura found something extremely funny, “You never forget your days off. You hate dealing with people, Carm. Why are you gonna be in Styria tomorrow? And for work? I don’t think Claire sends her employees out on expeditions. I did work there, you know.”

              “It was just a slip, Laura.” Carmilla responded, keeping it short and sweet. She turned on the water to rinse and wash her glass. Laura rounded the counter and turned off the water.

              Carmilla shot her a look, “How am I supposed to wash it now?”

              “Oh, no you don’t. You called me by name and since when have you washed a dish in your life? What aren’t you saying?”

              Carmilla looked at her through her eyelashes. There were no new stories to make up. She placed the glass in the sink and steadied herself with her hands pressing into the counter. “I’ve already graduated, Laura. I’ve been working at a law firm in Styria, translating for them.”

              It was better to rip off the bandaid but her fingers tensed against he countertop, waiting to hear Laura’s response. There was a chance that Laura would brush it off but that was the last possibility. She could explode which Carmilla was not expecting either. Or she would feel disappointed or upset that Carmilla had been waiting for her to finish school. _I’d rather she yell._ Carmilla was used to that; she hated quiet disappointment.

              “Why the charade?” Laura directed, getting straight to the point.

              “I know what you would have said. You would have pushed me to go do things. You would’ve felt that you were holding me back."

              “Yeah, that’s exactly what’s happened though. Carm, you want to travel. You want to get out of Silas for so many good reasons. I can’t be the one making you stay here. You need to be living your life, not waiting around for me. I’d never want that for you.” Everything out of Laura’s mouth had been expected. Carmilla already knew her answer, she had been preparing for months.

              “I never told you. My decision was not your doing; you didn’t even know. If I had wanted to leave, you’re right, I could have. But listen, I promised not to leave again. Do you think I really would’ve been happy moving away from you? Was I really in much of a state at the end of last year to do so? No. And I wasn’t about to leave before that, when we had just gotten together. There was no good time to go if I had wanted to, Laura,” Carmilla took her hands, “The only way I want to travel is if you come with me. And I wasn’t missing your graduation. I wasn’t go to miss falling asleep with you every night. Non, jamais.”

              “So, I did affect your decision,” Laura said it quietly but it irritated Carmilla.

              “It doesn’t matter! It was my decision!”

              “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

              Carmilla’s shoulders dropped, “Are you gonna make me repeat everything I just said. I didn’t want you to blame yourself, which you seem to be doing anyway.”

              Laura started at her and then crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. Carmilla rolled her eyes, which did not make Laura happy. “Hey! I’m mad at you. You’re keeping secrets again.”

              “Oh? Am I not allowed to keep secrets if they’re for your own good?”

              “No. Secrets.” Laura almost growled at her.

              “Fine.” Carmilla was short. Laura glowered at her, ‘Say it.”

              “No. Secrets,” Carmilla mocked, “Are you happy now?”

              “I can’t believe you learned a fake schedule to trick me?”

Laura scoffed.

              “Are you mad at me or not?” Carmilla inquired, frustrated. She couldn’t gather from Laura’s mood what she was feeling. Laura glanced out the kitchen window, just to stop looking at Carmilla in the eyes. Her eyes flickered back and forth between Carmilla and the treetop outside the apartment window. She sighed, “No. Yes. I don’t know.”

              “Just pick one or just don’t be,” Carmilla suggested, “Life would be easier.”

              “Life would be easier if you hadn’t lied about it.”

              “Really? Okay? If that’s how you want this to go. I don’t just lie to you, Laura. Just so you know.”

              Carmilla shook her head and walked away. She had a right to be annoyed about it. She wasn’t lying when she said she didn’t lie to Laura; this had been an extraneous situation and she was only trying to do what she thought was best. Even if she had told Laura from the start, nothing she would have done since would’ve changed. Carmilla would have stayed, she would have found a job, they would be in the exact same spot they were in now – minus the argument. There was no need to drag it out. “I’m sorry, alright?”

              She threw the statement over her shoulder but heard Laura let out a puff of air, “Oh my god, thank you. Was that so hard?”

              Carmilla stopped in her tracks, “Is that seriously what you were waiting for?”

              “Uh yeah,” she said as if were obvious, “You lied. I get an apology.”

              Carmilla was hesitant, “So, you’re not mad at me?”

              “Aggravated. Annoyed. Not mad. You’re so ridiculous sometimes. What about this did you think, ‘I can’t tell Laura. She’ll freak out.’ You should be able to talk to me.”

              “You and Will are like the same person.” Will had only been telling Carmilla to tell Laura about her early graduation from the beginning and his logic was that it was Laura, there was no need to hide anything.

              “What?” Laura asked, striding over to her, “Logical?”

              Laura wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s waist. Carmilla made a face, not having a comeback.

              “That’s what I thought,” Laura reached up on her toes to kiss Carmilla who was making it difficult, not wanting to give in so easily. But, it was Laura and Laura was kissing her and she had no willpower against that force. But then there was fresh air and Laura’s lips were gone and Carmilla had to quickly drag herself out of a haze. “Wait, are you kidding me? So we could have made that unreasonably boring commute together and you let me complain about the boredom to you every day and said nothing.”

              Carmilla’s lips pulled up in a mock smile that was not believable at all. Laura narrowed her eyes and stomped off into her room, “I can’t believe you.”

              Carmilla let out a sigh when she was gone, happy to have avoided the utter destruction that she had created in her mind. Laura wasn’t really mad, she was pretty much off the hook, and now she could speak freely about her life with the woman she loved. She chuckled to herself. _God, I do make things hard for no reason._

               _Carmilla opened the front door, hoping Will was home so she could apologize for missing Christmas and make everything go back to normal between them. He had never answered her calls, called her back, or even sent a text; she knew he was mad but she wanted the chance to apologize. He knew the why but sincerity was key. There were voices in the other room and her body automatically tensed up at the thought of her mother. Her instincts were to run, to flee from the house before anyone knew she was there but she fought against them. She needed to come face to face with her fears; Will had told her enough when he sent her off to get Laura back._

               _As she got closer, the voices seemed at ease which was not a word that ever characterized a conversation with her mother so her shoulders relaxed though she was still overly alert to the possibly Lilita was present. It wasn’t her mother. It was Will. And it was also Mattie. Sitting together. Laughing. Carmilla lost control of any ability to keep her true feelings inside and her hands flung out in front of her, “What the fuck is this?”_

               _Will jumped from the floor, a hand over his heart; she had startled him, neither had heard her come in. Carmilla’s hand was gesturing between them, lost for words. How could he ever be sidled up next to Mattie? How could he be acting like they were the best of friends? It was disgusting after everything she had ignored and how they had been treated, for him to act like she is anything but an enemy. Once his breathing slowed his heart, he held a hand out for her; she instantly flinched away, feeling betrayed by her own brother, the one person she thought would always be on her side. He had gone and done the second worst thing to joining their mother and allowed Mattie into his life. “Carmilla, listen.”_

               _“What could you possibly say that would explain this?” she spat._

               _“Millie, just listen to what she has to -” Will said softly, pointing at Mattie._

              _“I have no interest in what she has to say. I want to know what you have to say,” Carmilla was wild-eyed. Her mind could not process the situation fast enough for it to make sense to her and her words were threatening to come out all mixed up._

               _“She was here for Christmas,” Will responded and she knew it was just ti agitate her but she let it work her up into a rage. “Fick dich! You’re the one who told me to go. Das ist bescheuert.”_

              _“I thought you’d be back!”_

              _“I left on Christmas Eve, Will, how in the world would I have been back!?” They escalated to yelling at each other across the living room. Mattie was not interfering which was good because Carmilla was not sure she would leave uninjured if she had._

              _“Well, its what I thought.”_

              _“Estás tan lleno de mierda.” It had always been the case when she became this angry, though usually she chose not to vocalize the anger so the occurrences were sparse, for her to lose track of which language she was speaking._

              _“I’m full of shit?” Will repeated, pointing at himself, “You’ve been in a downward spiral for months and think that nothing has changed once you decide to grace the world with your presence once again? Is that how this works? Because that’s shit. You can’t expect everyone to be the same as they were, unaffected by whatever you’ve done to them when you’ve been off in whatever world doing everything you possibly can to destroy yourself.”_

               _“That’s not fair,” Carmilla lost all of her fury when her brother finally spoke his truth that she had known existed and that he was just too caring to tell her before. It hurt to hear from him especially._

               _“You weren’t here and she was and she asked me to listen to what she had to say and I did. It’s not like she’s replacing you, Millie. She knows that and I would never let that happen.”_

              _Carmilla asked herself if that had really been what was bothering her but she was not certain that was the most important thing to her. “How can you forgive her?”_

              _“She was a kid just like us…maybe you should hear her explain.”_

              _Carmilla glanced toward Mattie and felt bile in her mouth just at the sight. Maybe Will had been too young to remember Mattie watching as Carmilla’s shoulder had been dislocated by her mother pulling her up the stairs. Maybe he had forgotten that she had stood by as Carmilla cleaned up Will’s gashed knee when his mother pushed him out the front door, threatening to kick him out of the house for good when he was only eight. Maybe he had forgotten that when she had moved away, she had not gone for help but joined forces with the tyrant. “I can’t believe you have anything to say that will change my mind.”_

              _“Maybe not, but I want to try.” Carmilla noticed that Mattie was not dressed in her usual elegantly tight dresses and heels but instead, in fitted black jeans and a cashmere cream sweater. In the outfit she seemed farther removed from their mother than she had ever been before but Carmilla would not be fooled. She took Carmilla’s silence as permission to speak, “First off, I want you to know that as far as I know, Mother will not be returning. As I’ve told Will, I cannot promise anything because she is unpredictable, but I was able to persuade her to go to Brussels for now.”_

              _“Thanks a lot,” Carmilla scoffed. Mattie knew it wasn’t sincere and did not react. “You of all people have no reason to accept my apology and I’m not sure Will has entirely either at this point but I offer it anyway. I’m going to say to you exactly what I told him.”_

              _Carmilla listened to Mattie’s heartfelt tale of understanding with her arms crossed and her jaw set so taught her muscles started to cramp. When she was done, Carmilla simply stared at her and Mattie never broke the gaze. She had had fifteen minutes while Mattie spoke to figure out what she was going to say and none of it was what she had originally been going to tell Mattie which had been more along the lines of “get out and go to hell.” “You will get a few things straight. Mother may own this house but in no terms is it yours. This is where we live and you will respect that. You may stay here. Take one of the spare rooms. I have not accepted your apology and don’t know if I ever will. That will be seen with time. I don’t expect you to have contact with mother outside of your work relations, which is still a relationship I do not understand. We have lives. I will not speak for Will but don’t interrupt mine. I can be civil.”_

               _Mattie nodded and Will released the tension he held in his shoulders, “See, was that so hard, Millie?”_

               _“I’m not sure why you think I’m okay with anything I just said. I’m doing this because I’m not heartless and because I know you wanted me to. That’s it. This isn’t for her. This is for you even if I can’t understand your newfound family connection towards her. If you can’t live with that Will, then I’m sorry but that’s how it is going to be. T’as pigé?”_

               _“Got it.”_

               _“Good.” Carmilla sent one last glance Mattie’s way before leaving them to talk about her terms without her. She climbed the flights of stairs to her attic bedroom and slammed the door, hoping they would hear it on the ground floor._

              Carmilla nudged her way past leg after leg much to the chagrin of the people already sitting. Pamphlet in one had, she used the seats in front of her as balance through the narrowest of aisles, until she found the one open seat.

              “Cutting it kind of close, aren’t you?” Kirsch whispered as he looked at the time on his phone. It wasn’t her fault that what she had thought was going to be a quick good luck to Laura had ended up with Laura pushing her against the wall of an empty classroom and sticking her hands down Carmilla’s pants. Carmilla reached a hand up to smooth out her hair from Laura’s fingers, a motion that Kirsch missed as he strained his neck over the crowd to try to glimpse a sight of his best friend.

              “How is she? Is she nervous?” Mr. Hollis was to Carmilla’s other side, asking questions about his daughter who he had yet to see that day. Carmilla swallowed hard, remembering Laura’s very confident tongue and tried to forget that as she spoke to the father of the girl who had just fucked her ten minutes before, “I wouldn’t say she was nervous.”

              “Good, good,” he said, directing his attention back to the stage. Silas University graduation, something Carmilla had never attended before, was being held on the grass of the large field that enveloped the center of campus. A stage had been erected across from the large fountain that was behind the rows and rows of folding chairs that the attendees were forced to sit on; rather uncomfortable, half plastic, half metal seats that dug into Carmilla’s back and caused her to squirm uncomfortably. The band was set up to the right of the stage and their instruments glinted in the sun. It wasn’t quite summer yet so the weather was not unbearable for an outside ceremony. The sun warmed her skin and the wind chilled it right back down; spring was sticking around for a little while longer.

              When the first chord was sounded by the plethora of brass instruments, Carmilla felt the bones in her chest vibrate with the noise. And endless stream of grads, in a single file line, filed across the field and up the stage to their risers in the back. Carmilla could not find Laura in the crowd of excited students no matter how hard she looked. The president of Silas stepped up to the podium to give a speech, which was full of boring words and faithless hopes for the graduating class that he did not know personally. Then came the dean of admissions and the valedictorian and the choir and a stream of important people whom Carmilla had never heard of before.

              The list of names from A-G went on for an eternity but with the first ‘h,’ Carmilla sat up, alert in her chair. Hampton. Header. Holger. “Laura Hollis!”

              The announcer’s voice rang out and Kirsch, Carmilla, and Mr. Hollis all stood up clapping as the tiny figure of Laura walked across the stage, looking out at the hooting and hollering in embarrassment before shaking hands with the president and accepting her diploma. It was over in ten seconds and they sat down, only to keep on sitting for another hour and a half as the rest of the grads got their chance to walk across the stage. Carmilla wanted to leave. She wanted to excuse herself, use needing the bathroom as an excuse, and just leave altogether and come back to greet Laura after but Kirsch saw her make the move to do so and held her back with a hand. He leaned over and whispered, “If I have to sit through this, so do you.”

              After that, she sank in her seat, crossed her arms over her chest and looked at her feet, counting the blades of grass until, “I present you, this year’s graduating class of Silas University!”

              The sky was blocked out by a cloud of graduation caps that flew up to fall down fast into the hand’s of the wrong people. There was a scramble to get the right hats to the right people but Carmilla saw Laura duck out of the throng, her cap still on her head. It took another eternity for their aisle to clear so they could exit the row and Laura ran into Carmilla’s outstretched arms. Carmilla lifted her up and twirled her around, kissing her as she set her back on the ground, “Congratulations, cupcake.”

              Carmilla let her go to hug Kirsch and her dad respectively but Laura was back in her arms soon enough. She was so proud of everything Laura had accomplished this past year and the beaming smile on Laura’s face reflected her own sentiments. Laura had the right to be as proud of herself as she was. “I want to take you all out to dinner to celebrate.”

              “Really, Mr. Hollis, that’s not necessary,” Kirsch spoke before Carmilla could say the same. Mr. Hollis waved his hands, “No, no, I insist. Where’s the best place to eat around here?”

              A reminder that Mr. Hollis had never come to visit Laura while she was in school, dropping her off at the start of the year and not returning. He did not know the small town had almost nothing to offer aside from the university. Carmilla thought Laura deserved an upscale restaurant on this occasion but unless they drove the hour into Styria, their options were scarce.

              “There’s not much here,” Kirsch thought, “but there is _The Governor_. It’s just a bar, but it’s a place of celebration. I’m sure they’re all ready for the graduation crowd.”

              Mr. Hollis clapped his hands, “Then we better get going. Don’t want to have a wait.”

              Carmilla really doubted that but she wasn’t going to argue. Laura seemed content with the choice so she slung her arm around her girlfriend’s shoulders and led them out of the campus. Laura shrugged off her cap and gown as they walked, giving them to Carmilla to hold. She was wearing a short green dress underneath with glitter that sparkled in the sun and silver heels to match. Laura had not been dressed when she had left the apartment, afraid in the five minute drive that she would ruin something and when she had accosted Carmilla in the classroom, she had already been in her gown so this was the first time Carmilla had seen her dress. She leaned over, close to Laura’s ear, “This is really unfair considering the company we’re with.”

              “Then you’re just going to have to be good for the next couple hours,” Laura teased her. Carmilla growled under her breath making Laura laugh.

              They got a seat almost as soon as they arrived at _The Governor_ but people began filing in right after them, filling up the place until no one could be heard over the roar of all the talking. They were seated at a round table in the middle of the bar, Carmilla sitting in a chair that touched Laura’s, her arm resting on the back as she tried to keep her eyes off any part of Laura that was not her face though it was hard when Laura crossed her legs and her dress slipped up a little bit. She had thrown an innocent look Carmilla’s way that had been all but innocent and Carmilla had bitten her lip and stubbornly looked away.

              The staff was working as fast-paced as they could go, each table manned by two or three wait staff just to make sure everyone was served. It was a whirlwind of motion that never ceased and the atmosphere was starting to give Carmilla a headache. It was not a place to talk either, so their conversation was lacking and when the food came, it stopped completely as they all used the excuse of eating to stop trying to shout over the commotion. Kirsch and Mr. Hollis both had beers in front of them, Carmilla had been swilling a rum soda and Laura was on her third drink that was too sugary for Carmilla to even sniff at. Carmilla noticed the tipsiness starting to take over Laura at the way the girl exaggerated each movement as if concentrating too hard on it. Mr. Hollis looked at his daughter with concern but said nothing. Kirsch laughed and Laura looked at them all, seemingly insulted, “I just graduated. I will drink if I want.”

              “I said nothing, cupcake,” Carmilla kissed the side of her head.

              “Good.”

              “But this probably should be your last one if you know -”

              Laura looked at her as the meaning of the sentence dawned on her, her eyes widened and she nodded, pushing her drink away, “I’m done.”

              Laura’s father and Kirsch accompanied them back to the apartment so that Mr. Hollis could collect his suitcase. Kirsch was driving him to the airport and was helping Mr. Hollis carry his luggage downstairs to the car. Both Carmilla and Laura exchanged impatient glances at each other while Mr. Hollis and Kirsch took their time in the apartment; finally, Mr. Hollis went over to Laura for a hug. “Okay, by, dad. Thanks for coming.”

              Carmilla only got a wave in before Laura was ushering him out the door, Kirsch after him, “See ya later, little L.”

              The door shut and it took .2 seconds for Laura to rush at Carmilla, smashing their lips together uncomfortably but Carmilla didn’t care. She grabbed Laura’s ass and picked her up, sitting her on the counter. Her fingers found the hem of the skirt and pulled it up her legs and over her butt so it sat just above her hips. Laura opened her legs and Carmilla scooted between them, tangling her hands in Laura’s hair as her lips kissed down Laura’s neck. Laura’s hands were scratching her back, her fingernails catching in the lace of the shirt’s fabric and pulling it out but Carmilla did not care about losing a shirt; she’d get another if need be. Laura moaned as Carmilla sucked at her pulse point.

              “Oh shit!” Carmilla’s head whipped around and Laura squeaked. She saw Kirsch in the doorway, a hand over his eyes, his head tilted up to the ceiling. “It hasn’t even been one minute. You better be glad it was me and not Mr. Hollis. Shit. Shit. Oh god. I’m so torn between congratulating a bro on getting it and trying to scratch my eyes out because, ugh, you’re like my sister, L.”

              “Get out, meatstick.”

              “Yeah, yeah, I just forgot my wallet. Mind handing it to me. I think you might be sitting on it.” Laura was not sitting on his wallet but Carmilla picked it up anyway and chucked it at his head. It hit the mark since he was covering his eyes. “Alright, just do your thing, I guess. Okay.”

              He awkwardly waved, not knowing how to make an exit, and shut the door. Carmilla turned around to see Laura stifling a laugh but it didn’t last for long until it came bursting forth, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry but what if that had been my dad?”

              “I would not be able to ever show my face again.”

              “Did you see his face though?”

              Carmilla grimaced and mimed throwing up, “He called me a bro.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              A notification showed one voicemail. She clicked the play button to listen, “Hello, Laura. It’s Perry.”

              “And Lafontaine!”

              “Yes, and Lafontaine. We’re so sorry we missed your graduation but as you know there were only so many tickets available. Anyway, we wanted to congratulate you on the big day.”

              “Yeah dude, you made it through hell.”

              “Lafontaine I don’t think going to university can be considered hell.”

              “Speak for yourself, Perr.”

              “And let you know that you have something coming in the mail. I know you said you didn’t need a present for graduating but we couldn’t help ourselves.”

              “Actually I could but –” A noise sounded as if Perry had smacked Lafontaine on the head, “Alright, alright. I was just kidding, frosh. Wow. Now I really can’t call you that. You’re not even in school anymore. That’s gonna be weird.”

              “Sooooo, congratulations! We’ll see you soon.”

              “Bye, Laura!”

              The message cut off.

              “Who was that?” came a weary voice.

              “Perry and Lafontaine wishing me a nice graduation.”

              “That was nice of them.”

              “You know what would be even nicer,” Laura smiled down at Carmilla who was lying fully exposed with a sheet tangled between her legs. Carmilla smiled back, the weariness instantly gone from her voice, “I think I can guess.”

              Laura was tugged down, giggling, on top of Carmilla who started kissing her everywhere that tickled, making her laugh even harder.

              “Wait though. I have something else for you. It’s nothing physical yet. I wanted to wait until you got steady with work and maybe it was more of an option but I want you to know that you do have a graduation gift from me.”

              “You mean this wasn’t it,” Laura gestured between them.

              “This is a daily gift.”

              “Oh wow, yeah, okay,” Laura said, teasingly.

              “Anyway, I’ve planned a trip for us. It’s to France and Amsterdam and Italy and Ireland and pretty much anywhere in Europe you’d like to visit. But, I didn’t pick a specific date because I thought you’d want to figure out stuff with work first and see when you’d be able to request time off. It would be a couple weeks.”

              Laura stared at her, “You want me to go traveling with you?”

              “Laura, I don’t want to go traveling without you.”

              “You are so cheesy sometimes.”

              “You are so naïve sometimes.” Laura closed the gap between them with a kiss that deepened until Carmilla flipped them over and Laura almost all but forgot about Carmilla’s other gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> "Hate To See Your Heartbreak" - Paramore, "Other Side of the World" - KT Tunstall, "Beautifully Unfinished" - Ella Henderson, "All Of Your Glory" - Broods, "After the Fall" - Kodaline, "Love Is A Losing Game" - Amy Winehouse, "Heart Out" - The 1975
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Sex (and probably not the smut you want)
> 
> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> Sorry for the delay, guys. I opened and closed a show and had finals which I'm just finishing up. This next month should have regular updates.

              “Yo, Will. You ready?” Davis appeared in the doorway of Will’s room. He threw the last book in his bag, “Yeah man, let’s go.”

              A few of the Zeta brothers, including Will, had offered to help the hockey team promote their new season and were going out to hand flyers out around campus. They arrived at the student center, Davis pushing Will ahead of him, through the doors. Davis was on the hockey team which was one of the reasons the Zetas were helping out, “Will, this is Michael, Trevor, Adam…” He went down the line of his teammates that had gathered, “Connor and Zayne.”

              Will felt strange as he greeted Zayne. The guy had brown hair that didn’t seem to know where it wanted to go and blue-green eyes that smiled when he did. He had on dark jeans and his jersey, number twelve, as did the rest of his teammates. Will couldn’t place the feeling because it was new. _I do not have a crush._ Will wasn’t one to get crushes and never really had. His flirtatious nature was all show and though he used it, he never followed through; it was just for fun. He had never been attracted to someone outside of aesthetic pleasure before. The apparent sudden attraction to Zayne wasn’t a sexual nature, that made him squeamish to think about, but it was more than his usual passing second glance. He had had a couple girlfriends in the past but they were mostly just really close friends, not much came out of it. Will never had the desire to have sex and eventually that had been a question that he couldn’t give them an affirmative answer to and they had decided it best to end the relationship. Will’s use of sex was surface in flirtation. It never meant anything to him. But this still wasn’t about sex. It was about something Will wasn’t familiar with because it was something he’d never paid attention to before. A simple crush didn’t seem so simple. Davis clapped his hands, “Okay, plan is to team up and stick up fliers or hand them out. Meet back here when you run out. Go!”

              “Will, right? Wanna be a team?” He had a pep talk with himself. He could make this work; turn it in his favor. He knew he could but he seemingly lost all his natural abilities to be casual, “Yeah, sure.”

              They started out of the student center, Will keeping silent, not entirely sure what to talk about with a hockey player he had just met. Hockey wasn’t a subject he knew a lot about and wasn’t keen on being a fool.

              “I thought we’d head over to the library. A starting point at least.”

              “Sounds good to me,” Will agreed quickly.

              “You’re not very talkative are you?” Truthfully, Will wasn’t but he could be doing a much better job than he was currently doing, “Sorry, it’s been a weird day.”

              Zayne held the front doors of the library open for Will who walked through and was immediately wrapped in hug, “Will!”

              Laura kissed him on the cheek, “I didn’t expect you to be here!”

              Will glanced as Zayne who was looking at Laura awkwardly. Will gestured at Zayne, “Zayne and I are passing out flyers for the Silas hockey team.”

              Laura stuck her hand out and Zayne shook it, “Nice to meet you Zayne,” her attention turned back to Will, “I didn’t know you watched hockey?”

              Will wanted to face palm but instead grimaced, “I don’t really. But one of the Zetas is on the team and I wanted to support him.”

              “That’s fun,” she responded, adjusting the bag on her shoulder. Will paused for a second, “Wait, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

              “That’s where I’m going right now. I need to stop by. _The Voice_ had a meeting and they asked me to come by and check in on things. I know I’m done with it and everything but I thought I’d help out if I could. Speaking of which, I do need to run.”

              “Have a good -”

              “Oh wait! I almost forgot,” she grabbed onto his arm, “Are you going to be at the house tonight? I want to do dinner.”

              Will supposed she meant his own house and not her apartment, “I could definitely make it there.”

              Laura looked over at Zayne, “You’re welcome to come to if you’d like.”

              “I don’t want to crash dinner for two,” Zayne commented. Laura’s eyebrows arched, “It’s not -”

              Will was so horrified that Laura had just invited Zayne over to his house that he shushed her and hugged her goodbye, almost shoving her out the door, “Okay, see you later, Laura.”

              Laura waved goodbye as she hustled to catch the bus into the city. “Do not feel obligated to dinner. Laura is just like that. She corners you and then you don’t know what to do.”

              “That’s okay. Like I said, I don’t want to intrude on anything. I also don’t know you guys very well, I would feel weird,” Zayne shrugged.

              “That’s cool,” Will replied, only a little down that he turned down the invitation. He raised the fliers, “Let’s get these posted.”

              “Your girlfriend’s cute by the way.”

              Will blanched and almost choked. Despite the fact that he had hit on her the first time they had ever had an encounter, since then, Laura had become like a sister. “Laura? She’s not my girlfriend.”

              “Oh,” Zayne replied, honestly surprised, “I just thought – I mean it sounded like you lived together. Doing dinner at home.”

              “She’s my sister’s girlfriend.”

              Zayne shook his head, “So, wait, ‘the house’ is?”

              “Honestly, I’m guessing it’s my house. I live at the Zetas house now but my two sisters live at my family’s house. Actually, Carmilla pretty much lives with Laura at this point so it could be their apartment but I’m counting on it being my house,” Will explained aloud as he went through it in his head, “So, you wouldn’t be intruding. Its just dinner.”

              “I still think I’ll pass. I’ve got practice tonight anyway. But, we should really pass these out.”

              He walked away and Will followed him, not quite sure how to take any of Zayne’s reactions. He seemed passive about most of it but there was the way he commented on Laura that made Will think differently. He shook his head, not wanting what he labeled ‘a crush’ to impede his ability to talk like a normal human being to Zayne as they finished the job.

              Will had offered Zayne a place at dinner once more, though he turned it down, before he said goodbye to Davis and headed out of campus, through town and towards his home. The summer had been very boring. He had spent it studying and studying and more studying. Kirsch had a small cookout at his house and the old gang was invited, but aside from that, Will had not seen most of his friends. It was time consuming getting into the city. Everyone had new jobs that they could not afford to lose. Laura, Carmilla, and Mattie had been his only acquaintances until he moved into the Zeta house. Laura and Carmilla had stayed in Silas all summer, not once leaving, even to the cabin while Laura solidified her position at _The Journal_. Carmilla had come up with some job at a law firm that Will had not seen coming. And Mattie was dealing with the gallery in Silas. She had held once large gallery event over the summer but was mostly focused on what long-time work she could acquire to be shown in the space. Will tried to avoid Mattie and Carmilla whenever they were in the same room together; it never turned out pretty even though he could physically see them both trying not to pull each other apart. Some relationships just weren’t meant to be.

              That brought him to think about how tonight’s dinner was going to go. Laura was also very hesitant of Mattie but Will knew that was only her loyalty to Carmilla showing through; otherwise, Laura would have tried to make fast friends as she always did. Maybe this dinner was a reconciliation of sorts. Will hoped it ended fast so he could get back to studying. Only a month in and the med program was kicking his ass. He barely had time for any Zeta events. Today was the exception; he had needed a break before he had fried his brain.

              The Silas summer was coming to an end. He could only tell because of the breeze that started popping up in the evening. He turned left off the main road, the street becoming darker with tree coverage and found his way around the neighborhood to the corner house that he had only spent the past couple years living in. For some reason, it felt like much longer than that. Will had learned never to become attached to anything, this house was no exception, but it still felt like much more had happened in their lives here than anywhere else. It was also the longest future they had ever seen in one spot. _The props of coming of age, I suppose._

              Lights were on in all the windows on the lower level, another sign that Laura was in the house. That girl caused their electric bill to skyrocket. The Karnsteins never felt it necessary to have more lights on than they needed to see in one place at a time; sometimes that meant there were none on, mostly when Carmilla was home alone.

              Will pushed through the front door and made his way to the kitchen. Laura was bustling around, trying to cook though it seemed she was a little frazzled. Carmilla stood off to the side of the counter, hovering but staying away as Mattie intervened so that dinner would be edible. Laura squealed, “Will!”

              “Come stai?”

              “Sto bene,” Will winked at Carmilla who responded by draining her drink that Will only assumed was whiskey. She gestured at him with her glass, “You want a drink.”

              “I’ll get it,” Mattie offered, handing Laura the spatula. She took it but looked mighty worried at her own skills. “I’ll have a beer.”

              Will strode over to Laura and looked at the sauce she was stirring, “Have you ever cooked before?”

              “Yes,” she said indignantly, “just not a lot. My dad did all the cooking.”

              “Her dad’s actually not a bad cook,” Carmilla backed her up. Mattie handed Will a beer and relieved Laura, “Let me just do it.”

              Laura held the spoon away from Mattie, “I said I’d make dinner.”

              “I know but I would actually enjoy being able to eat the food.” Laura made a pouty face but handed over the utensil anyway and went to nuzzle Carmilla who smiled in return, “I’m not surprised. You live off of cookies and grape soda.”

              Laura stuck her tongue out and turned to address Will, “Hey, is your friend, what’s his name, oh yeah! Zayne. Is he coming tonight?”

              Will adjusted his shirt where it came into contact with his jeans, “He thought you were my girlfriend, so no.”

              Amber liquid shot out of Carmilla’s mouth, just missing him as it landed and dripped off the counter. Laura patted her on the back to make sure she wasn’t choking and Mattie just stared on with a little bit of disgust etched into her expression. Will became defensive, “Okay, its not that far from a possibility.”

              Carmilla raised her eyebrows at him with an amused look in her eye. He looked between her and Laura who was trying to avoid him. “Right. Laura.”

              She shrugged, “I mean, I’m gay so…”

              Will threw his hands up, “Is it so impossible to believe that if you weren’t gay, that you could have had the tiniest fraction of interest in me?”

              “Someone’s projecting,” Carmilla said under her breath. Will narrowed his eyes at her but she was not perturbed. Will knew Laura would never be into him. He was not into her. That wasn’t the point. The point was that for some reason, it sounded impossible for someone to even think that maybe a cute girl, such as Laura, would have actually been into him. And underneath it all, he knew that wasn’t even what was bothering him. He was just trying to steer away from anyone asking anymore questions about Zayne because he didn’t know if he would be able to answer any of them.

              “Are we eating out of the pan or is someone going to grab dishes?” Mattie swooped in just to save him and she shot him a commiserating look to show she understood. Laura whisked around to set the table but Carmilla kept staring at him; he tried to look anywhere but at her. “Who’s this Zayne?”

              “Just some dude on the hockey team.”

              “Just some dude,” she mimicked in a deep voice that sounded nothing like Will.

              “What? I’m serious. I met him today when the Zetas helped the team pass out fliers. We were in the library and ran into Laura,” he said, taking a large swig of his beer, feeling the bubbles slide down his throat. “Tu sei mio fratello. I can read you.”

              Will shook his head, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

              “You are being dodgy about the subject, Will,” Mattie added. Carmilla nodded towards her, “What she said.”

              “Oh, so when its gang up on Will time, you guys are best friends?” Carmilla gagged at the insinuation.

              “She’s not blind and neither am I. We can both see it. Hey, Laura!” she beckoned her girlfriend over, “What does Will’s face say right now?”

              Laura scrutinized him, “I don’t know. He seems normal.” She shrugged and grabbed silverware, twirling off toward the dining room.

              “Point proven.”

              “Nothing was proven. She just said I look fine.”

              “While Mattie and myself aren’t blind, Laura is completely oblivious. Again, point proven. Just tell me what’s up.”

              “I don’t know,” Will set the beer on the counter. He was frustrated that he could not work out whatever it was that he was feeling toward Zayne. New territory was not something he did well with; he knew his boundaries and was comfortable with them but now they were being crossed. And Carmilla was not aware that he did not have a sex life. He had made it a priority to make sure she thought he was keeping up with her own debauchery when he was really just making up stories, having some really nice people act for him. He was not looking forward to her finding out about his trail of lies.

              “A lot is going on in that head of yours. I can see it on your face. Spill.” She was not joking at this point and Will knew that she was not past holding his face to the floor and actually twisting his arm until he told her. She straightened up, that intention on her face. “Okay, okay.”

              Mattie was watching him now and Laura had come back in the room, immediately tuned to him with the change of energy. “I’m a virgin. Alright?”

              Carmilla scoffed and took a drink, “I mean that’s fine. But you’re not. You do know what a virgin is right?”

              “Yeah, you’re looking at one.”

              “You left just as long a trail of girls as I did,” she immediately grimaced and turned to Laura, “Sorry, cupcake.”

              “Its not like I wasn’t aware,” Laura brushed it off. Will sighed, “It was faking. All of it. I just thought we’d be closer if we had something in common. And it worked and it was kinda fun making up all those stories.”

              “So what you mean to tell me is that you devised a fully plotted out history of sexual encounters and concocted ways in which you would physically show me these girls during the aftermath and it was all faked?”

              Will hung his head, “Yeah.”

              “Wow.” He looked up the shocked expression on Carmilla’s face.“I’m not even mad. I’m kind of proud. Wow! That is brilliant and I never once guessed. I’m shocked that you were able to hold that up for as many years as you did.”

              She looked at Laura, “Did you guess?”

              “I’ve known you for about two years, how would I know?”

              She circled the counter and patted Will on the back, “What a champ. What dedication that was.”

              Will was taken aback at her nonchalant attitude toward the massive lie he had just divulged to her. She was usually so stuck on the truth and that was a huge part of their relationship: telling each other the truth about everything. He had expected her to go off in a rage, to tell him off, but instead he was praised because of his genius? He was going to take whatever he was given without protesting though; he wouldn’t turn her lack of anger into actual anger by pushing. “What does your still intact virginity have anything to do with Zayne though? That’s what I want to know about.”

              He now felt how unnecessarily uncomfortable it must have felt for both Laura and Carmilla when they came out. He knew he would receive nothing but love and support from them, but he was still stressed about the words he needed to say. “I’m not really into that. Sex, I mean. It’s never been something I cared about or wanted. It was a game I played with but the actual act,” he shuddered, “I never want that. It’s called being ace. That’s me.”

              “I know what ace means, Will, I’m waiting for the information about this new guy who made you all weird today.”

              “I don’t know what ace means,” Mattie said. Will turned to her, “It just means that I’m not sexually attracted to anyone. I can be romantically or aesthetically attracted to people. But sex just isn’t in the cards for me. I don’t ever fell the need for that.”

              “I would die,” Mattie replied simply. Will shrugged, “I would die with how you all live. I can’t even imagine it.”

              They all laughed at the disgusted face he made and Laura clarified to appease him, “We aren’t laughing at you, Will. The face you’re making is just adorable and innocent.”

              Carmilla pounded the counter, “Zayne, Will. Who is Zayne?”

              “Yes, okay,” Will said, his mind being pulled in all different directions, “He’s on the hockey team. Davis, another Zeta, introduced us and I think I like him.”

              “Is that it?” Carmilla questioned.

              “Millie, I’ve never had a crush before. I don’t know what I’m doing.” Laura smiled and hugged him, “Oh, Will, that’s so cute. You’re first crush.”

              He pushed her off, “No, its not like I’m some baby. Don’t treat me like that. This is just new and I don’t know how to know if he likes me back.”

              “You don’t, bud. You just have to ask or keep hanging out until you figure it out or he makes a move.”

              “I’ve also never been involved with a guy.”

              “I know, like I said earlier, trail of girls,” Carmilla noted. Will wasn’t upset that he had a crush on a guy. But no one taught you how to approach that situation. Carmilla was entirely different; Will was certain she could make any girl sleep with her. She had proven him right in the past. He had dared her and she had taken it on and succeeded each and every time. But he only had experienced flirting with girls and a guy seemed like whole new territory that he did not have enough time to master.

              “Just do the same thing you’ve always done. Be yourself. Be charming. Snag him.”

              “I can’t believe I’m getting dating advice from my sisters and my sister’s girlfriend,” Will took another drink.

              “I’ll spare you the pain, Will. Dinner is ready. Let’s drop the subject for now and eat. I’m sure Carmilla has wonderful stories from work to tell us all.” Carmilla growled her disapproval making Laura laugh. Will often wondered if he would ever have what they had. He was worried that no one would want to be with him once they realized sex wasn’t in the cards. Maybe it didn’t make up the entirety of a relationship but it certainly was a huge part.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              The buttons of his shirt would not come apart no matter how hard she pulled at them and it was only when his hands fell over hers that she heard them pop; he did not seem too concerned with the ruined fabric so she did not dwell on it. Her hands ran down the front of his chest, his muscles flexing under her touch as his lips connected with hers. His lips were soft but urgent and hurried and forceful. She returned his aggression with the same passion and her hands reached down to his belt, unbuckling it as he backed her up to the bed. She pulled his belt off without much problem and his lips found their way to her neck but before she could continue with the button on his pants he pulled away, looking down as he started to lift her shirt over her head. He was moving slowly which antagonized her and yet she let herself live in the build up; she watched his face and his jaw as it clenched at each inch of her skin that became visible.

              His hands stopped, holding tightly onto her sides near her ribs and she removed the rest of her shirt without his help. He fell to his knees, his lips sucking at the skin of her stomach and his hands traveling up and cupping her breasts over her bra. She held his hands there as his lips worked and her abs shook. She ignored the stream of thoughts and knew a little over a year ago this would not even have been on her radar as plausible yet she knew that Kirsch had come to mean more to her than she had ever cared to admit. Their make out sessions had gotten more and more fraught with tension and this release was almost as painful as holding back. It was as if every nerve and fiber was rushing them forward while their minds told them to slow down and the tugging was an irritating affliction. They had finally reached the breaking point and Danny’s caught breath as Kirsch’s kisses landed right above the button of her jeans was an admission.

              She let go of his hands as they pulled away and undid the buttons and pulled them down and she stepped out when she felt them around her ankles. His hands were on her ass now, kisses peppering the inside of her thighs. When he stood up, he did not remove his hands but used them to pull her to him and against her pelvis, she could feel the bulge that was straining through his pants and reached a hand down, cupping and squeezing. “Such a tease.”

              “I’m just waiting for you,” she breathed out, not having enough air in her lungs to actually speak. He smiled against her lips, “Are you positive?”

              “I want this.”

              His smiled widened before he kissed her, “So do I.”

              She fell back on the bed and watched as he unbuttoned his jeans, his eyes traveling the length of her body and for some reason the look made her feel shy. Maybe it was the fact that she had never been under such observation as he was currently putting her under. But it also made her feel strong and confident and the two conflictions only made her desire for him grow. He shook his pants off in a way that made Danny laugh and that was when she realized that this was perfect. She could laugh with him when they both knew perfectly well where this was going and it was not weird or awkward or put a dent in the progression of the evening. Instead, he crawled onto the bed and hovered over her. He leaned down to kiss her, making sure not to put all of his weight on her. She kissed him back until she decided to deepen the kiss and parted his lips with her tongue. He caught on fast and followed cues and before she realized it, he had flipped them over so that she was lying on top of him.

              She felt him sit up, her legs wrapped around his torso as she sat in his laps. His hands ran themselves up her sides and around her back. He undid her bra in one foul swoop and tossed it to the side, quickly moving his lips down her jaws and her neck where he sucked on her pressure point. She gasped in surprise but he did not stay very long and moved down, kissing her breast gently. He flicked his tongue against her nipple a few times before taking it in his mouth and sucking, releasing with a pop and giving the same attention to the other one. Her hands found their way onto his head, pressing him closer as her hands grasped his short hair as best as they could.

              Danny was growing hotter and hotter with every second and her body began to ache and nothing she did could pull Kirsch close enough. She started grinding her hips down to get some sort of friction going and again, following her lead, he flipped them over once more. This time his sat up, pulling away from her and the lack of contact brought a chill over Danny’s skin and also caused disappointment. His body felt good pressed against her own; it was warm and soft despite the muscles.

              She lifted her hips from the bed when he started to pull down her underwear but he let her kick them off herself. He leaned over her again, his hands traveling down her side to rest at her hips as her own reached out to push down his boxers. “Danny Lawrence, you are beautiful. I always think you’re beautiful, but I really like you without clothes on.”

              He helped her pull off his boxers and kicked them off. “I mean, I really like you without clothes on.”

              She smiled, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

              His hand traveled lightly over her skin, causing goose bumps to erupt under the almost ticklish movement. His eyes were trained on her as his fingers traveled lower beneath her thighs and hovered, the anticipation was enough to make her take a deep breath. She could feel her arousal; she had felt it when his kissing had become less than gentle. She was not embarrassed but it helped that she could clearly see his desire and though it looked like he was definitely ready to go, Kirsch did not seem to be in any hurry.

              “One sec,” he jumped off the bed and went over to his drawer, pulling out a little packet that could be nothing else but a condom. He ripped it open with his teeth and put it on himself, which she was very grateful for; it made things much easier. He climbed back on the bed picking up right where they left off.

              One finger slid between her wet folds and back up to her clit where he made circles with his thumb while his finger played at her entrance. The eye contact that he was keeping was more intimate than anything she had ever experienced before and though it made her want to squirm a little bit, it also showed how happy he was to have her there with him and for her, the sentiment was shared. She reached up and grabbed his head, pulling their lips together but the kissing was more open mouths and tongues than lips. She felt his hips readjust so that he was directly over her and he pulled back from her mouth, looking downward as he situated himself.

              “One last time, are you sure?”

              She rolled her eyes, “Yes, Kirsch. I am positive. But, do you want me to-?”

              She nodded towards penis and he shook his head, “Not really.”

              Her eyebrows furrowed at his rejection and she frowned. He apparently realized he must of said something wrong because his eyes widened, “No, no, no, it’s not...,” he winced, “it’s just not necessary right now.”

              Kirsch’s outward embarrassment clued her into what he meant but she was not troubled. It was semi-endearing that he was overly ready before they had even started. She pulled his head down and kissed him again to tell him that she understood and between kisses said, “Okay then.”

              She felt the tip of his penis as he nudged her entrance, making sure to go slowly though how wet she was made it a lot easier for them both. He slid in easily and all the way causing her to gasp and tighten her hand in his hair. His left hand was holding him above her and his right was kneading at her breast as he thrust very slowly, taking his time. His grunts were stuck in his throat at first, barely audible and very deep but as he picked up speed with her urging, the groaning became much louder and mixed with her breathless gasps. His lips connected hungrily with hers and Danny felt so good everywhere. He knew how to work inside of her and filled her with every motion causing her legs to go slack as he hit all of the spots that made it hard to breathe.

              Living together had made it more difficult to keep their relationship from their friends but for themselves, it had not changed their dynamic except possibly to make it better. They both had come to enjoy the secret that gave them ability to go home and be by themselves without anyone wondering anything of it. They enjoyed that this was just for them and no one else was influencing their decisions in anyway. And this step had been a long time coming but holding off was only making it sweeter.

              Kirsch’s strong hands maneuvered their way around her back as he pressed himself close to her before rolling over so that she was on top of him. She pushed herself off his chest before wiggling herself back down over his erection and grinding in a circle. Her eyes closed as she leaned back and grabbed his legs. His hands were holding tightly to her hips and his groaning was getting quicker and more anxious. When she opened her eyes again, he was looking at her, a thing layer of sweat glistening on his forehead and his jaw was clenched tight as he lifted his hips off the bed, pushing even further against her. Only a few seconds later she knew he had finished; his growled out a long “uh” before falling back onto the bed. She rode him up and down a few more times and was a little peeved that she had not finished yet knowing full well that he might have thought she did. Her annoyance only lasted a few second though because after a few deep breaths, he looked up at her grinning and motioned with his finger, “Come here.”

              He grabbed her hips and pulled and she helped him a long by scooting up his chest, knowing that she must have left a trail of sticky wetness on his skin. He kept urging her forward until she realized he wanted her over his head and she obliged, smiling that he had not assumed that she had come when he had. Kirsch was aware of much more than she gave him credit for and he was always surprising her.

              Kirsch held her firmly above him and she felt his tongue flick up against her clit, sending shooting pleasure through her limbs. He reached his hand around her leg to play with her clit as his tongue moved lower and lapped at the entrance to her vagina. And his tongue was inside of her, moving this way and that while his thumb pressed against her clit. She had not thought she was even close before but the way that could feel herself clenching told her otherwise. She was usually quiet during sex, not much of a moaner but her vocalizations became higher and higher until her entire body shuddered and she fell forward over his head. She could feel Kirsch’s tongue running through her folds a couple more times, helping her down from the orgasm before she fell to the side, back onto the bed. She was facedown and the bed moved with Kirsch’s weight. There were light pecks against her back and he moved her hair to one side, kissing her ear and her temple and then her cheek. Her eyes were closed but she was smiling. His breath tickled her ear, “Was it good for you?”

              Danny wanted to laugh at his concern but she did not want to make him nervous and she was also taken aback that he even had to ask. Instead, she opened her eyes and reached a hand out to caress his cheek, “It was great.”

              He smiled wide and pecked her on the lips, before lying down beside her. “Does this change things now?”

              Danny thought about it for a second. It could really change things. This could take them on a new path through their relationship but it also did not have to change things. They were still the same people. They still wanted the same things. They still wanted to be together. Sex was not the only thing that would impact them as a couple. It simply depended on what he meant. “It doesn’t have to change anything.”

              “Good. I like us how we are.”

              “And how’s that exactly?” Danny said, laughing to avoid the concern in her voice.

              “Danny and Kirsch. Living together. Being together. I don’t want us to start overthinking it.”

              “Then let’s let it be."

              “Agreed,” he said, wrapping his arms around her, “And can we agree on something else?”

              “What’s that? she inquired.

              “That now we sleep.”

              Danny laughed against his chest, “Agreed.”

              “I feel like we did it backwards,” he commented, holding her hand in his as he led her up the sidewalk where the restaurant stood. He was wearing grey dress pants with matching shoes and a crisp dark blue shirt with the top button opened. She had on a deep green dress that was tighter than she wished it to be; it was a special occasion though so she had deemed it appropriate. She looked to him, “What’s that?”

              “We couldn’t wait until after our anniversary dinner to well, do what we did last night.”

              She grabbed both his hands and pulled him through the door of the restaurant, smiling, “I’m not complaining.”

              The host sat them at a table for two in the middle of the restaurant. The light was low, casting strange shadows across all of the people in the room. The table was laid with a white cloth and full cutlery and a waiter appeared almost instantly at their sides. He rattled off a list of specials before asking for their drink order and Kirsch splurged on a bottle of wine. Danny had to stop herself from worrying about the expense as she read through the menu items. They both had stable jobs, she had just received a promotion, she was no longer in college where money had been sparse. The look on Kirsch’s face seemed to imply he was coming to the same conclusion. He looked up at her and they smiled at each other at the same time, “I feel guilty.”

              “We don’t usually do this,” Danny acceded, “But that’s why we shouldn’t feel guilty. We’ve been together one year Kirsch. That’s something to celebrate.”

              He agreed, their waiter came back, they ordered, they got their food and when Kirsch was about halfway through his steak, he said something that Danny had never thought of, “I think we should host Thanksgiving this year. Together. We don’t have to outright tell everyone because I know I’m enjoying just being together. But, it has been a year and eventually it’s going to happen. Why not then?”

              Danny thought about it for a second and she knew he was right. They were secure. They weren’t going to fall apart at the slightest provocation. Their friends should know and she wanted to share her joy with them. “I agree but…I was going to see if you would come home with me and meet my family for Thanksgiving.”

              Kirsch stretched his arms out, almost knocking plates out of a waiter’s hand and apologizing quickly, only to receive an annoyed look. His focus turned back to Danny, “I think that’s a much better idea. We’ll host Thanksgiving next year.”

              “I have brothers.”

              “Huh?” Kirsch said, lowering his glass of wine from his lips.

              “I have two brothers. You’re going to meet my family and I know you didn’t know so now you do.”

              “Why haven’t you said anything before?” he asked, genuinely wanting to know. Danny shrugged, “We’re not really close. They’re a lot younger than me. They have their own lives. But, I think you’d get along with them really well.”

              “I bet I would. I have a younger sister, you know. And I love her to death.” Danny smiled in agreement. “And I have Laura. And in the beginning Will felt like a little brother but now he’s just a bro. And I’ve always wanted to know how it would feel to have actual brothers.”

              “They aren’t going to be yours, Kirsch.” He waved her off, “Yeah, I know, but still. It would kind of be like that.”

              Danny laughed, “Maybe we should tie down our Halloween plans first.”

              “Let’s have everyone over for that, then! We could all dress up together and hand out candy to the kids. Will will have to do the Zeta thing but since I’m not tied to that anymore…”

              “I’m totally into that. We’ll just have to see if anyone else has plans yet.”

              The waiter brought them the check, interrupting their planning and when Kirsch got his card back and signed his name, his smile became the dopey grin she loved, “I have something else for you.”

              “Kirsch, I thought we agreed no presents; we were just going to spend time together.”

              He took her by the hand and placed the other on her lower back, guiding her out of the restaurant, “I know but this is for the both of us.”

              When she walked outside, the first thing she saw was Will and she could not figure out why Kirsch was giving her Will for their anniversary. But then she saw what Will was holding: a tiny, golden retriever puppy.

              “Kirsch,” was all she could get out. She was stunned.

              “Thanks, man,” Kirsch said walking over to Will and taking the puppy from him. Will clapped him on the back, “Yeah, anytime. Nice to see you Danny. Have a good night, guys.”

              He got into a close by car and sped off down the street. So it was just Kirsch and her on the sidewalk. Kirsch holding the most adorable puppy Danny had ever seen; the most behaved puppy if she was being honest. He was just sitting in Kirsch’s arms, wagging his tail, and looking at Danny. “You…you got us a dog?”

              Kirsch nuzzled the fur with his nose, “His name is Cooper.”

              Danny held her arms out, “Can I have the dog, please?”

              Kirsch chuckled, “Yes, D-Bear. You can have the dog.”

              As soon as he was in Danny’s arms, she was never letting him go. Throughout the drive home and the walk inside, she held him close to her chest, talking in a little baby voice as he licked at her face and fingers. Kirsch was taking off his jacket, “I’ve created a monster.”

              “He is my baby now and don’t even try to come in between us,” Danny warned. She had had a dog growing up but for many years, one had been absent from her life. She had talked with Kirsch about possibly getting a dog but they had never totally decided for sure and if so, when. “I honestly can’t believe the surprise was a dog.”

              Kirsch fell onto the couch next to her and kissed her. She watched him pet Cooper’s head a bit too rough and slapped his hand away. He gave her a look but toned it down. _I don’t know how I’m going to leave this house now._

              “So, no one can come for Trick-or-Treating but they are coming later?” Kirsch dumped a couple bags of candy in a bowl. “That is correct. Perry has to close up the bakery and Lafontaine wasn’t going to come without her. Laura has to meet a deadline and then Carmilla is picking her up bringing her over. Will is at the Zetas so he isn’t going to be here at all.”

              “We could’ve invited some of our other friends,” Danny had made the suggestion before but Kirsch had not wanted to. “D-Bear, it would have been uncomfortable without everyone knowing each other. And our relationship with the gang is a lot different than our relationship with our friends now. We’ve known them for so long that it probably would’ve been awkward for our new friends.”

              “I’m just saying that we would have people here right now if we had. We can’t only rely on the guys from Silas if we are going to have a life.” The doorbell rang for the first time that night and Kirsch lit up. They had decided on Captain America and Black Widow for costumes and they had found a tiny little Iron Man costume for Comet who looked absolutely adorable and like he loved every single second. When they opened the door, Comet jumped out, sniffing at the group of kids who yelled, “Trick or Treat!”

              Kirsch held out the candy bowl, “Two each, guys. Take what you like.”

              The kids all stuck they’re hands in and Kirsch almost dropped the bowl with their combined strength as Danny watched on. Kirsch seemed to really like kids, which was something Danny was not especially great with. She did not dislike kids; she just never knew what to do around them. She was happy he was excited to meet her younger brothers at Thanksgiving; she was positive they would get along very well.

              When the kids had dispersed Kirsch shut the door, only to have the bell ring again and after that, they spent the rest of the night, sitting in chairs they pulled up in front of the door, handing out candy to superheroes and princesses and doctors all night. It was about fifteen minutes before Trick-or-Treating ended when a car pulled in their driveway and Carmilla stepped out of the backseat, opening the door for Laura. Danny shook her head. _Of course she has a driver._ Neither had costumes on and Laura was still dressed for work. Danny figured her and Kirsch would be the only ones in the Halloween spirit that night. “Hey, Danny! Hey, Kirsch! You guys look great.”

              Carmilla eyed them, “Not bad, meathead,” she hesitated before finishing, “You too, Xena.”

              She seemed to think of something else because her head quirked to the side, “Wait, why didn’t you actually just dress up at Xena?”

              “Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind for next time.” Carmilla raised her hands, “Woah, okay, wasn’t a dig. Just a suggestion.”

              Laura saw Comet just then and squealed, “Is this the puppy!? Oh my god, he’s so cute.”

              She swooped him up into her arms and dashed into their house, Carmilla sighing and following loyally behind her. “Should we host now?”

              Kirsch eyed the candy bowl, “Well, we’re out anyway so might as well.”

              They shut the door and turned the porch lights off only to have the bell ring again. Danny opened it to apologize but it was only Perry and Lafontaine who looked Danny up and down, “Was this a costume party? Perry, I told you this was a costume thing and you said it wasn’t. Now we’ll be the ones left out.”

              Danny waved them inside, “Laura and Carmilla didn’t dress up either. You both are fine.”

              Perry handed Danny a plate of Halloween cookies, “Sorry, we missed Trick-or-Treating. I didn’t have anyone to close the shop aside from me tonight.”

              “Oh, don’t worry about it. Come in. Make yourselves comfortable.”

              In the living room, Carmilla was sitting on the couch watching as Comet jumped all over Laura who was laying on the floor giggling.

              “She’s like a little kid,” Lafontaine said. They bent down to the pet the dog. Comet stopped attacking Laura for a few seconds to sniff at the newcomer.

              Kirsch was in the kitchen fixing drinks and Danny leaned over the counter. He smiled, “Hey, D-Bear.”

              “I just realized we are kind of wearing a couples costume…in front of our friends. And I’m not worried about it.”

              “Neither am I. I don’t think there’s any need to be. We were just being weird about it,” he responded.

              “You mean I was being weird about it,” she blamed herself. He just smiled again, “I was being nice.”

              Danny grabbed some ice from the freezer for him, “You know, you’re really good with kids.”

              “Yeah, I love ‘em. My first job was babysitting when I was younger. First it was just my little sister but then my parents’ friends asked. I don’t know. They’re just so cute and they like me.”

              “Do you want kids then?” Danny asked, uncertain if this was a conversation they should be having at all right now. Kirsch looked at her, very serious, “This isn’t something we have to discuss right now.”

              “No, it’s not that. I just wanted to know if you wanted kids.”

              “Yeah, I do,” he answered honestly, “I’ve always imagined myself with kids. Do you want them?”

              Danny looked him straight in the eyes, “Honestly, I don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> That's My Girl - Fifth Harmony, Home/Dirty Paws (Cover) - Gardiner Sisters, Close - Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Talk of an eating disorder, Brief physical trauma
> 
> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione

                "Carm!" Laura said loudly as she pulled on the girl's arm. She turned her head around and laughed at the grim scowl on Carmilla's face. Her eyes were almost entirely dark, but the strange fluorescent lights brought out the hints of gold that brightened her usually dark expressions, "Don't be such a grumpy cat."

              "I don't want to be here, cupcake," Carmilla whined, a pout appearing on her lips that Laura had to tear her eyes away from before the overwhelming urge to kiss her won out.

              "Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to,” Laura commented, stepping up the last step on the staircase to the stands.

              Carmilla rolled her eyes, "Yes, cutie, and in most cases I have lived that philosophy. But when it comes to attending institutionalized sports games, I think we can bend the rules."

              Laura adamantly shook her head, not willing to give in to Carmilla. They had come, Carmilla more willingly than she would admit Laura knew, because one of Will's Zeta brothers invited him to the game (though Laura was under the impression that it was really because of Zayne) and he had wanted company. Kirsch would have been his go to, but he was preoccupied with basketball practice.

              Laura spotted a head of black hair out in the crowd and waved. When she received a wave in return she tugged on Carmilla, pulling her through the stands to where Will was sitting, though for him, it looked like casual lounging. He patted the seats next to him but stood up, "Laura."

              He greeted and hugged her, squeezing her until she let out a small “oof.” He backed up and nodded behind Laura, "Millie."

              "Don't even think about it."

              Will dismissed her, sitting down again, "Wouldn't dream of it."

              Laura sat down next to him, leaving the seat next to the wall of the stands for Carmilla who fell into the seat in defeat, immediately leaning against the wall and flipping her leg over the seat so that one foot was on the same level as Laura's while the other was behind the seat they were sitting upon. Laura frowned, "Carm, you're taking up more room than necessary."

              "I'm comfortable."

              "Yeah, but you're..."

              Carmilla narrowed her eyes but Laura could tell that it was not out of actual frustration. There was a slight curve to her lips where she was trying to hold back a smile and there was a glint in her eyes that betrayed her supposed air of anger, "I'm comfortable, cupcake."

              Laura sighed, knowing all too well that Carmilla was not going to give up her comfort just so someone else could sit. Laura swiveled around to sit forward and jumped when the buzzer went off, forcing her to endure laughter from the siblings.

              Laura watched the first half intently. Though she had no idea what was going on as she had never been to a hockey game before, Will seemed knowledgeable enough to help her out, "I figured I should know enough to tell Za-Davis good game afterwards."

              Laura smiled but did not comment on his slip up, only exchanged a look with Carmilla who was being better than normal and letting it slide without making a jab at Will.

              Apparently Laura’s small gasps whenever one of the players got smashed into a wall amused Carmilla whom she could see chuckling next to her. She chose to ignore Carmilla who after the first break seemed to be fed up with the lack of attention. Laura had been feeling soft pokes to her side through the entire first period. She returned during the break with two cups of hot chocolate, which she handed off to Carmilla without a word. She was not mad at Carmilla for any reason, but the girl's stubbornness she could do without sometimes and in order to plot her not so terrible revenge, she would prove she could be just as stubborn. But, apparently, her return spurred Carmilla to amp up her annoying attempts at getting Laura's attention and soon Carmilla had leaned forward, her nose inches from Laura's shoulder and a hand reached up to twirl Laura's hair. She could deal with that; she refocused on the game, watching as the team she thought was Silas, due to the colors of the uniforms, scored a goal. Will had jumped up from beside her and beat his fist in the air, whooping, "Yeah, go Zayne!"

              Laura was not sure if Zayne had scored the goal or if Will was congratulating him on the team's behalf. Will had pointed Davis and Zayne out once but without specification of their actual numbers, she had lost them amidst the chaos she presumed was normal out on the rink.

              Unfortunately, Carmilla's antics had progressed and Laura felt an arm behind her back as delicate fingers slowly found their way to the bare skin right above her jeans on her right side. Carmilla's nudged her shoulder before there were playful nips at her sweater.

              "Carm," she reprimanded as she made the wrong decision to turn and face her girlfriend. Carmilla's face was closer than she had expected and the mischievous smile planted on it told Laura that she knew she had won their little game. Laura pecked her on the lips and Carmilla slid both arms around Laura's waist, pulling her in to the space between her legs. As Carmilla leaned against the wall again, Laura leaned against her chest. She felt a vibration through Carmilla's black t-shirt and looked up to see Carmilla staring at her, her lips in a relaxed and her eyes sparkling. Laura couldn't help but beam back because though she saw Carmilla's happiness more than anyone else, it made her even more aware that happiness came hard for her.

              "Gross. I don't know why I ever invite you guys to hang out. I'm always left alone anyways."

              Laura tried to sit up but Carmilla squeezed her closer and Laura settled for a sigh, "I just spent the first period talking with you."

              Carmilla growled quietly and Will raised an eyebrow at her, "Really, Millie."

              "She's mine."

              Laura's eyebrows furrowed, "Carm."

              "I’m sorry," her head turned back to Will, "But it's my turn. I want the attention."

              "You're just too greedy, Millie."

              Carmilla snarled at him but Laura grabbed ahold of one of her hands and she turned her attention from Will who went back to watching the game. "What if I started calling you Millie?"

              "I would never..."

              Laura laughed before Carmilla could finish her answer, "I would never, ever call you Millie, Carm."

              "Good thing, cutie. I wouldn't want to have to do without you," she paused as if she was struggling on deciding if she was going to continue, "I'm not sure I could do without you."<

              Her sincerity sometimes caught Laura off guard and this was one of those times. She could not imagine life without Carmilla now that she had her, but the way in which Carmilla spoke, it sounded as if Laura was her lifeline. Laura realized that it was very possible that was the case, at least to the extent that Laura helped Carmilla through the anxiety and the depression and without that help, she would return to the deep hole that she had been climbing out of when she met Laura. Laura never doubted the truth of Carmilla's words but they often scared her. Her father had warned about this sort of attachment. She wiggled in even closer to Carmilla and titled her head up at a weird angle to look her in the eyes, "I just don't like when you say that. It makes it sound like you own me."

              Carmilla slowly closed and reopened her eyes, "I know, Laura. I'm sorry."

              Laura pushed herself up so she could better face Carmilla and the girl loosened her arms allowing for the movement. She leaned in, cupped Carmilla's jaw and laid a tender kiss on Carmilla's lips and lingered just a little but longer than she figured was appropriate for public, "But I like knowing that I'm yours."

              Laura was not sure she had ever seen Carmilla's eyes shine so bright. She decided it was something she wished she could see every second of every day. Carmilla kissed her again, deepening the kiss enough for Laura to giggle and push her away. Will was making gagging noises behind her but she ignored him. “Et je suis à toi.”

              Will ran too eagerly forward when the team emerged from their locker room after the game for him to still be trying to hide whatever crush he thought he harbored for Zayne. She looked over at Carmilla who was smiling like a proud older sister. Davis came out first by the looks of it because Will’s entire body stopped vibrating and he patted the guy on the back in congratulations before Davis wrapped some girl up in his arms. When Zayne came out on the other hand, there was awkward hesitation before they both decided to hug. That was when Carmilla dragged Laura over, not wanting to miss out on meeting her brother’s guy though that title was probably too soon for where they were at. Zayne reached out his hand to Laura, “Laura, it is nice to see you again,” his attention turned to Carmilla, “And you must be Will’s sister.”

              “And you must be Will’s friend,” the emphasis on ‘friend’ was not missed by anyone and Will glared at her while Zayne kept his composure. “That would be me. Will talks a lot about you and I had the pleasure of briefly meeting your beautiful girlfriend only a little while ago.”

              “If you’re trying to win me over, its only working because she is beautiful; though anyone in the world would be able to see that.” Laura elbowed Carm and pursed her lips. “Ignore her, Zayne. She can be insufferable sometimes.”

              But Zayne had already turned to Will, “I see where you get it from. But thanks for coming out to watch. Glad we didn’t lose when you were in the crowd.”

              “I surprised myself,” Will shrugged.

              “How?”

              “I actually enjoyed it.”

              Zayne threw a hand over his heart like he had been stabbed, “Ouch.”

              “Again, ignore him. Don’t take it personally,” Laura commented, “Hate for institutionalized anything runs in the family.”

              “Nice to know,” Zayne nodded.

              “So, I don’t know if you have anything going on with the team but we were gonna go for pizza if you’d like to join?”

              Laura looked to see that the team was mostly dispersing. Zayne gripped his bag tighter, “I’d like that.”

              Maybe it was rude for Carmilla and Laura to get snuggled up in the booth across from the awkward boys who did not know what to do with themselves when they were by themselves let alone when they were next to each other, but it was their normal and Will had asked them to act normal. Carmilla’s arm was slung over Laura’s shoulder as Laura leaned into her, a hand resting on her leg, innocent, just there. Carmilla oddly, had not asked the waitress for an alcohol she had never heard of before but instead ordered a beer for herself. She had almost ordered them for the table before she realized that aside from herself an Laura, she did not know how old Zayne was and they would not serve Will. So Laura watched as she spun her bottle in circles on the table, taking sips here and there. Laura stole it once, thinking Carmilla would swipe it back before she could lift it to her lips but the fizzy liquid touched her tongue and Carmilla was still looking across the table. _So overprotective about him._

              Carmilla was acting like an interrogator, not with words, only with looks. It was working so well that no one was talking. Laura clasped her hands and leaned forward, “Sooooo, Zayne what do you do besides play hockey?”

              Zayne looked relieved to not have had to break the silence himself and Will even adjusted, watching Zayne react. Carmilla stayed exactly where she was, one eyebrow raised as she awaited his answer. Zayne put a hand on Will’s shoulder, “Actually, Will and I found out we are a little bit in the same field.”

              “I wouldn’t go that far,” Will joked.

              “I’m in sports medicine. I’m a junior.” The waitress interrupted his biography to stick the large pizza in front of them. Laura grabbed her grape soda and took a sip, ignoring the food as Will took a couple pieces and Zayne heaped his plate. All of a sudden, he looked up and apologized, “After a game, it’s just – I can pay for half.”

              “No need,” Will responded though Carmilla looked like she thought there definitely was a need. Zayne checked, “If you’re sure.”

              Laura felt Carmilla’s eyes on her but ignored it until Carmilla found it necessary to lean over and whisper in her ear, “I was trying to avoid shoving food down your throat out in public but if it comes to that -”

              “No need,” Laura said quickly, grabbing a piece and sliding it onto her plate while Carmilla followed suit. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to eat; she didn’t feel hungry. And she knew she needed to get used to eating three meals a day because of her past patterns and she knew she should have probably had herself diagnosed but it was never serious, or so she thought, and she was fine. Carmilla took much more of a serious attitude towards her eating behaviors than Laura thought was necessary. But she had been doing much better, mostly because Carmilla was there to remind her to eat, but also because Carmilla made it easier. She never thought twice when Carmilla offered her food as when someone else did. Laura was glad Carmilla pushed though because the pizza was amazing.

              “Anyway,” Zayne continued between bites of pizza, “I’m not a Zeta as is Will. Not really my thing.”

              “I don’t understand how it’s anyone’s thing,” Carmilla took a sip of her beer. Zayne seemed not to know how to respond but Will egged him on. “I don’t know what else to say. I live in an apartment with a couple roommates. I have a couple sisters. Yeah,” he laughed nervously, “that’s about it.”

              Laura took the initiative to welcome him and Will shot her a smile to show he was grateful. Carmilla responded with another sip of beer.

              At one point, Will and Zayne both excused themselves to go play the games in the tiny arcade the pizza joint offered. Their overzealous shouts reverberated back to the table and Laura watched for a little. But then Carmilla nuzzled her with her nose and she was distracted. “Why are you acting like this?”

              “Like what?”

              “You know what. Why don’t you seem happy for Will or try to get to know Zayne? You act like you would rather be anywhere else.”

              Carmilla smirked, “Cutie, I’ve wanted to be anywhere else with you since the beginning of the game so you can’t blame me for being a little uptight when I’ve had…other thoughts on my mind.”

              Laura blushed like she always did when Carmilla hinted at anything sexual. It was involuntary and she hated it because she knew she could hold her own and be just as overt when she wanted to be. Carmilla always caught her off guard and it resulted in her melting into a puddle. “It’s your brother -”

              “Exactly,” Carmilla moved out of Laura’s space and finished off her beer, “and this seems serious for him so I’m treating it as such. I could easily sit here and make fun of the guy but I’m not. Will is nervous about this because he’s never felt this way. I’m making sure this guy isn’t screwing with him.”

              “Well,” Laura said, surprised, “that’s rather considerate of you.”

              “Neither of them have any idea what they’re doing anyway,” Carmilla scoffed.

              “There it is.”

              “Just pointing out the obvious, cutie,” she said, her face, again, too close to Laura’s for the public setting they were in. Carmilla’s hand was starting to move precariously up her leg and Laura swatted at her. “I know what those thoughts are but you’ll just have to save them for later.”

              “I think there’s a perfectly private bathroom just over there,” Carmilla made it a little more than a suggestion but Laura wrinkled her nose.

              “Despite the whole idea not being entirely off the books for me,” Carmilla seemed generally surprised at that confession, “a grimy bathroom in a pizza joint is not going to be that place.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              They stopped outside the pizza place to say goodbye to Carmilla and Laura. Carmilla was far too eager to be headed home for Will to question her motives. He did not want to have that conversation in front of Zayne. But then Zayne didn’t move when he tried to start walking so Will stopped and turned, “Yes?”

              “I’m going to be very forward with you. I know it’s only been a couple weeks since we’ve met and we haven’t hung out a ton or anything but you…you like me, right?”

              A lump grew in Will’s throat and he could not swallow around it, “I guess you warned me that it was going to be ‘very forward.’

              Zayne smiled shyly, waiting for Will to respond and he did because what else was he going to do? Stand on the street corner for ages? “Yes.”

              Zayne let out a deep breath, the air whizzing past his teeth, “That’s what I thought.”

              Panic came over Will, “You like me too though, right?”

              Zayne stuck his arms out as he realized his error, “Oh, yes, yes I like you to,” he laughed, “I’m sorry, I was just so relieved that I didn’t think.”

              Will clutched at his chest, “Are you trying to kill me?”

              “Not at all,” Zayne assured, “But I have another question?”

              “I’m gonna hate this, aren’t I? Go ahead.”

              “You’ve never liked a guy.” It wasn’t a question. Will honestly thought about it because he wasn’t sure. He’d never ‘liked’ anyone so in a way that was true. “I don’t really know how to answer that. I don’t ever ‘like’ people, persay. I’ve never dated a guy or been with a guy but then again, I’ve only dated two girls and it barely lasted a month with either.”

              “You? With a sister like that? And how you seem so…”

              “So what? I’ve acted like a complete idiot and bundle of nerves with you this entire time,” Will said, incredulously.

              Zayne’s eyes widened, “You have a rather low view of yourself if that’s what you believe. I’ve felt like I’ve had to catch up to your level these past couple of weeks. You’re very intimidating and very good at the whole charming thing. Sometimes I forget what I’m doing.”

              Will’s mouth dropped open, “Are you kidding me? You seem so nonchalant and easy going about everything. I feel like I’m going to make a mistake every single second.”

              Zayne laughed, “We’ve obviously put way too much pressure on ourselves.”

              “Apparently,” Will laughed along with him.

              “But seriously, you’ve never…” he made a gesture to finish the sentence without words but Will knew what he was going to ask. He had only just voiced this for the first time and telling the guy he liked, was even more nerve-wracking than telling his sister who he knew wouldn’t care. Zayne seemed too interested to not care. But Will sighed because sooner or later, if they started dating, Will would have to tell him, “I’ve only just told my sister this if I’m honest. I am rarely attracted to someone and by rarely I mean you’re pretty much the first person. I’ve never thought about dating anyone because it never felt like it worked with me until I met you and then I wanted to date you. It’s known as –”

              “Asexual, yeah. I know. I just didn’t know that was you,” Zayne stated.

              “I get if it changes things because it can be a deal breaker for people. So I’m glad you know now instead of later.”

              “Will, again with me being very forward. I’m not going to say right now that I’m never going to want sex. I can’t promise that to you. But that’s not what I’m really worried about at the moment. I don’t care that you’re ace. I don’t really care about sex right now. If that bridge ever comes, I hope we’ll have another conversation about it and see where that takes us but I like you and I would like to ask you out.”

              Zayne’s mature and understanding attitude toward the situation filled Will with hope. He could have reacted very negatively but that fact that he hadn’t made Will’s crush grow even more. “And I would like to say yes.”

              They walked a little more around Silas before Zayne told Will he really needed to get some sleep; they had early, early practice the next morning. He leaned forward and kissed Will on the cheek, “I will call you.”<

              Will nodded and smiled.

              “See, Will, you do not know what that smile does,” Zayne waved, shoved his hands in his pockets, and started off. Will dug his phone out of his pocket and dialed Carmilla who picked up, “What the hell.”

              Will had forgot what Carmilla and Laura had left to do and he grimaced, “Um, sorry, for interrupting whatever…”

              “Oh no, don’t worry, that hasn’t happened yet because Laura here has decided instead that is was more pertinent to watch the new episode of Doctor Who,” she raised her voice so that it was clear to Will she was making herself audible for Laura to hear. A quiet voice came through the background noise, “But Carm, this episode is so good."

              Carmilla growled into the phone. “Okay, well that was a weird way to answer the phone anyway.”

              “If you can tell, I’m not in a good mood. I can’t even be near her because she said she “doesn’t want the distraction.” From a show, Will. I’m right here and she wants to watch a goddamn show.”

              “Um, okay, I mean, that’s Laura,” Will suggested.

              Carmilla let out a groan, “Yes, I know. I’ve just got pent up - ”

              “Yeah, we definitely don’t need to talk about this,” Will cut her off, “I called for a reason by the way.”

              “Oh yes, porqué es eso?”

              “Zayne asked me out.” There was silence on the other end. “Millie?”

              “Oh was that it? Sorry, that was just kind of obvious.”

              “I wish I could throw someone at you right now.”

              Carmilla chuckled, “Will, I was joking. I’m happy for you.”

              “So you treated him so coldly because…”

              “…you’re my brother and I needed to know he was good enough,” she stated matter-of-factly.

              “You didn’t seem to think that very much when we were out earlier,” Will pointed out. Carmilla had barely said a word to Zayne the entire night; Laura saved the table from complete silence.

              “He wasn’t entirely terrible.”

              “I guess that’s the best I can ask for from you,” Will shook his head. Sometimes she was more difficult than necessary just to make you know she could be. He heard ruffling on the other end of the phone and Laura’s voice, “Hi, Will.”

              “Yeah, okay, nice talk, Will, but the time has come-”

              “Ugh, gross. A simple “I’ve got to go” would’ve sufficed.” Will hung up before she could say anything else but he doubted that she would have. There was a little pep in his step as he walked back to the Zeta house and he couldn’t stop smiling thinking of a date with Zayne.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


               _Knock. Knock. Knock._ Kirsch held onto her other gloved hand and smiled at her as they waited for the door to be opened. There was a muffled voice on the other side and click of a lock and then the door swung inward, revealing a tall, thin, red-haired woman, “Hi, mom.”

              The woman stepped out onto the porch, pulling Danny into a hug that yanked her hand out of Kirsch’s, “Oh, I am so glad you’re here this year, sweetheart.”

              When her mother finally let go, Danny stepped back to Kirsch, “Mom, this is…”

              Danny paused, not sure how Kirsch wanted to be introduced but he took up the cue and stuck out his hand to shake her mother’s, “Wilson Kirsch. But most people just call me Kirsch.”

              Ignoring the hand, her mother hugged Kirsch instead and though his eye widened in surprise, he accepted and returned the hug. Her dad appeared in the doorway and he smiled at her. Not as touchy feely as her mother, “Danie

              Danny squeezed her eyes shut, “You did not just call me that.”

              “I named you that; I will call you that,” he asserted, “And Wilson, is it?”

              “I prefer Kirsch, Mr. Lawrence,” Kirsch replied.

              “Kirsch is it.”

              Danny threw her hands up and pushed through the doorway into the house, “Oh, you can call him by his last name but I have to be Daniella.”

              She dropped her luggage in the side room and hung up her coat in the closet, taking Kirsch’s as well. He took the moment to whisper, “Daniella? I like that.

              “Well, I don’t so don’t get any ideas.”

              He shook his head, “D-Bear is much better.”

              She wacked his arm, “Not in front of my parents its not.”

              He pecked her on the cheek but let her guide him into the kitchen where the table was set and the smells of wonderful food were wafting from the oven. Her father was a turkey master and every year he made sure no one forgot that. Sammy and James were laying on the living room floor having, what looked like to Danny, an arm wrestling competition. She pointed, “Are they…?”

              “It’s their new thing,” her mom explained, “They’re keeping a count of who’s winning. At this rate, it will never end. Hey boys, come and meet Kirsch.”

              They scrambled up from the floor, tackling each other as they tried to race to the kitchen. Sammy pushed James one last time when they came to stand in front of Danny. “Hey, guys.”

              “Hey, Danny,” they said, almost in unison.

              She set her hands on Kirsch’s arm, “Kirsch, this is Sammy and James,” she pointed them each out so he would know which was which. They weren’t so identical that it was impossible to tell them apart but it took some getting used to. “Hey, little dudes.”

              James turned to Sammy, “I bet I could take him.”

              “No, you can’t. I can.”

              “You wanna arm wrestle?” James looked up at Kirsch. Kirsch looked at Danny who just rolled her eyes. Sooner or later the twins were going to find a way to entice him into playing with them so she might as well let him go now. Her parents wanted to talk with him but they could do so at dinner. Her mother looked around the corner of the kitchen, “Only a few more minutes, boys, then its time to wash up to eat.”

              They paid her no heed; James already had Kirsch lying on the ground and was counting down to go. Danny scooted into one of the counter stools, “Want something to drink, hun?”

              Her dad asked even while he was busy checking on the turkey. “A glass of wine would be fine.”

              Danny didn’t have to specify the kind, her parents only kept one type in the house. It was a French merlot that they fell in love with on their trip to Bordeaux for their twentieth anniversary. She had become accustomed to seeing it and then when she hit the drinking age, it was the first wine she ever tasted. Maybe not her favorite, she definitely did not have any complaints about having to drink it; there was no mystery to why her parents favored it over any others. “You can pour one for Kirsch too.”

              Her mother set his glass at one of the place settings on the table as a timer went off on the oven. Her dad stood back, preparing to enter the heat and bring out his most glorious turkey yet, or so he said. It came out a glistening gold and the smile on her dad’s face was priceless. “Good job again this year, dad.”

              He looked at her, a mitted hand pointing to his chest, “Turkey master.”

              Her mother called her brothers to wash up and when they were all sitting around the table, Kirsch next to her, across from her brothers with her two parents on either end, her dad set the turkey down with the most care in the center of the table. He picked up the knife to start carving when her mother stopped him, “Don’t you think you should say a little something.”

              Her dad did not look pleased but went ahead and did so anyway, “Another year has come and gone. We are so happy to have you with us this year, Daniella. And to meet Kirsch, who I hope we will get to know a little better,” he turned to her mother, “Is that alright?”

              Her mother pursed her lips, “Yes, Robert, you may carve it now.”

              Her brothers snickered on the opposite side of the table and Danny and Kirsch shared a smile. Her parents were very much in love but once you live with someone for years, there are certain things that get old. Her father’s impatience was one thing her mother was always irritated with and everyone knew it.

              But all was forgotten and forgiven when the food was passed around the table.

              “You’re family is really nice, D-Bear.”

              Kirsch was leaning into the couch an hour after dinner and Danny was laying beside him, her head on his chest. “And you were right, I love your brothers.”

              After dinner, James and Sammy had tackled Kirsch and an all out wrestling match ensued, one which Kirsch, in fact, won after Sammy almost knocked the television off the stand. Their mother quickly shut it down with Kirsch holding James in a headlock; his other hand was on Sammy’s forehead, holding him at arms length while the boy tried to run at him. “You know what? I could go for another round of dinner.”

              “You had three helpings the first time around,” she responded incredulously.

              Kirsch patted his stomach, “I think I can fit a turkey sandwich in there.”

              “Am I going to have to make us leave today instead of tomorrow so you don’t eat my parents out of food?” Danny joked.

              “You mean they aren’t going to give us leftovers?” Kirsch sounded liked a sad puppy. Danny gave him a quick kiss, “I’m sure they will send food home with us. They seemed to like you.”

              “I noticed that. I’m a likeable guy.”

              “Yeah, but you’re also the one dating their daughter. But both you and Laura didn’t seem to have a problem winning them over,” Danny remembered.

              “I thought Laura didn’t meet your family.”

              “She only met my parents in passing once I think but even then, they always asked about her and seemed happy for me.”

              “So are you saying it doesn’t take much for your parents to like people and I shouldn’t be proud of myself for making such a good impression? Because that’s mean.” She knew he was only joking around with her but he was wrong. Her parents honestly took a liking to him quicker than she had expected and maybe that’s because she had such a prejudice against him for years that she figured everyone else did as well. In reality, she had just been flat out wrong and had had to accept that more than once. Her parents met him as he was and as he said, he was a pretty likeable guy. “I’ve never been nervous to meet parents though to be honest, your parents are the only the second set I’ve ever met.”

              Danny was taken aback, “What?”

              “I’ve had one other girlfriend, D-Bear. She broke my heart. That didn’t leave much room for someone else for a very long time.” Danny had entirely forgotten about SJ. Kirsch never talked about her and after she left, Laura had never mentioned her again and Danny had never asked about her. “Do you ever talk to her?”

              “I did,” Kirsch sighed, “But then it seemed like it was just hurting both of us. I was still holding out hope and she knew that. I knew she didn’t have hope because she didn’t want to have hope. And Laura tried to stay in touch but it was too hard knowing what happened between her and I and so they fell apart. I feel bad for that because she was Laura’s closest friend. Laura seems fine though and eventually it stopped hurting. You know, first loves and all.”

              Danny bit her lip. She did not really know. Laura was the first person she had ever loved and that had ended. And yeah it hurt and she was not sure if she could ever be around Laura again but she had. That made her wonder if she had ever been in love with Laura and second guessing three years of her life was not a road she ever wanted to go down. She got over Laura; she only saw her as a friend now. And that was just fine with her.

              Danny also thought it was wonderful that Kirsch and Laura had no weird feelings between them. They were still best friends. Laura was not upset with him for dating her ex and she was not upset with Danny for dating her best friend. It had all worked out, as it should have.

              Kirsch moved his shoulder and Danny sat up. He patted the armrest and pushed himself up, “Time for that turkey sandwich.”

              “You’re gross!” Danny called after him and fell down, taking up the entire couch.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              The lights surrounding the rink were bright and she had to blink for her eyes to adjust to the light that also bounced off the ice. It was busy; filled with people talking and laughing and singing along to the Christmas carols that were playing from speakers hung on stands around the park. The cold usually did not bother her too much but she was hyperaware of how the wind nipped at her face because of how warm her hand was as it held tightly to Laura’s. On her other side was the giant puppy that seemed to follow them everywhere and his faithful friend Clifford.

              “Come on, Carm, please,” Laura begged. Carmilla only sighed and shook her head, “I don’t think so, cutie.”

              “Come on, Laura. Leave Elvira alone and let’s go pay.” Carmila sneered at Danny who scrunched up her nose in disgust. Kirsch looked at Carmilla and then to the two girls walking away and then back to Carmilla and then finally jogged after the others. Carmilla stuffed her hands in her jacket pockets and found a seat on an empty bench outside the rink. She did not see the enjoyment people found in sliding across ice on very thin blades that did not look very sturdy but Laura had wanted to go and so she had tagged along even if it was only to watch Laura have fun. That was always worth it. She always tired of people before things even began but with Laura she could never get enough. That smile was unforgettable and Carmilla could not help but smiling along when she saw it; it was contagious and Carmilla never remembered smiling as much before she met Laura. Infectious happiness. Warmth came along with that too and Carmilla could not say she minded that much.

              Laura fell into the seat next to her and dropped her skates on the ground before attempting to lace them up. Danny and Kirsch followed suit. “Alright, Carm. Last chance.”

              “You go have fun, sweetheart.” Laura leaned over and kissed Carmilla on the cheek, melting the icy skin.

              Laura dashed off the rink as fast as she could with the blades on her feet and Danny awkwardly limped after her. Kirsch stayed for a few seconds, “Are you sure you don’t want to join?”

              “Yes, meathead. Positive.”

              Despites her insult, Kirsch smiled, “Suit yourself.”

              They entered the rink, meshing together with the other people already skating and Carmilla lost sight of them. Eventually she found a flash of red above the other heads and only figured that Laura was nearby. When Laura finally came into focus again, a calm feeling settled in Carmilla’s chest. The girl was skating around like a pro, a huge smile on her face, laughing and dragging Kirsch around the rink. Her face was bright and full of youth, her cute cheeks were red from the cold but she did not seem to mind at the moment. Carmilla wondered how often Laura had gone ice-skating. She was not falling over herself; she was very steady on the skates. Carmilla began to realize that there was still a lot about Laura’s life that she didn’t know about and she could not help but blame them both equally. When she hesitantly told her own stories, Laura responded with one of her own but never said anything more. Carmilla had wondered about this before but they had built there own stories and it hadn’t felt important. She could only guess that this was how Laura and Will felt when she would not talk to them. She started to wonder who Laura was at five at twelve, even at sixteen? Who was the girl that Carmilla was in love with before they had had the privilege of meeting?

              “Hey there.” A timid voice drew her away from her thoughts of Laura and she scowled. To her left sat a girl with long blonde hair that was draped over the scarf tightly twined around her neck and the hood that looked like it never laid flat against the back of the jackets. The coat was a navy blue pea coat and her hands were covered in fluffy, purple gloves. The voice seemed nice but Carmilla was annoyed at the interruption and had no qualms about showing that aggravation. She nodded her head and looked back to the rink, searching for Laura.

              “Are you waiting on anyone?”

              She sighed loudly, knowing that she was not going to be able to get out of having a conversation, no matter how short. Even so, she did not have to pleasant. “No.”

              “Why aren’t you out on the ice?” The girls voice was high as if she was trying overly hard to be happy and outgoing; the noise grated against Carmilla’s ears.

              “Not my thing.”

              “Hey! Watch it!” Carmilla would recognize that voice anywhere and even amongst the noise of the crowd, she could hear Laura’s voice above it all. When her eyes found whom she was looking for, Laura’s face was bunched up in irritation and she was looking after a guy who was speeding haphazardly around the ice and had just cut her off, almost causing her to fall at the sudden stop she had been forced to make. Kirsch skidded to a stop next to her and with a gesture of his head, urged her to keep moving so as not to block anyone else’s path. She obliged him but Carmilla’s eyes had found the guy who had almost tripped up her girlfriend. He was wearing a red sweater and jeans and was not paying any attention to anyone else, acting like he had the entire rink to himself. Her eyes narrowed. If he ever left the ice, she would have some choice words for him.

              “Oh, then why are you here?”

              Carmilla shrugged, almost forgetting that someone was trying to engage her in conversation.

              “Well, I saw you from over there. And you were sitting alone and I thought that well, someone as pretty as you shouldn’t be alone,” the girl laughed awkwardly, “I just wanted to come over and keep you company and maybe get a name…”

              The scene unfolding in front of Carmilla seemed to happen in slow motion as her heart began to beat, the sound frighteningly loud in her ears. Red sweater was weaving in and out of people coming up to a family that was skating in a line. There was not enough room for him to slide between them and Laura and she almost knew what was happening before it transpired. He realized too late that he was not going to fit and instead of bailing or trying to slide to a stop, he turned sideways to make himself smaller and in doing so, his hand swung out and pushed at Laura, followed by the rest of his body colliding with her. One skate slipped out from underneath the tiny body and she scrambled as she tried to catch herself on the other one but to no avail, her arms flailing at her sides as she fell backwards. Carmilla’s entire body tensed as all she could do was watch. There was no way to help her. And then amidst the silence that had fallen over her, she heard a disgustingly loud crack as Laura went down, her head hitting ice. Carmilla lost control of her entire body as it bolted forward and rough shout ripped from her throat, “Laura!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> Jess Glynne's "I Cry When I Laugh" album and pretty much nothing else
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Head trauma/injury
> 
> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione

              She raced to the edge of the rink, pushing people out of her way and without concern for the fact that she was wearing combat boots and not skates, she opened the door and hopped onto the rink. Carmilla slid on first contact but that was not going to stop her as she ran across the ice as best as she could, falling to her knees besides Laura’s limp body. There was static running through her own head and she was only vaguely aware of Kirsch and Danny coming up to them and the shouts for someone to call for help. People were asking if everything was okay but she could not answer.

              Carmilla slid her arms under Laura’s body, holding her. There was a red spot on the ice and her lungs stopped working when her hand went up to touch the back of Laura’s head to find a sticky wet spot of blood. Her entire body slumped over Laura and she didn’t make a sound though tears froze to her face. Kirsch tried to touch Laura but Carmilla moved her body in protection of the girl and did not let go until the ambulance arrived and had to pry her off of Laura’s unconscious form.

             Nothing around her seemed real anymore. People talked to her but she didn’t hear them. Her vision was blurry and she was only able to walk because someone’s hands were pulling her along, holding tightly so she did not fall over. The only thing she could think of was that she could not leave Laura alone. She had to be there. Someone pulled her up into the ambulance where the medics were speaking and moving really fast, connecting Laura to an IV and taking her pulse. She looked so pale and broken that Carmilla was not even sure if it was the same person who had been smiling and laughing just moments before.

             A man’s face came into view, one she did not recognize. She could see his mouth was moving but no words were coming out. The ringing in her ears was growing and she shook her head to try and rid herself of it. Some switch was flicked and the loud sounds of the world collided down on her all at once. “Are you okay? Can you hear me?”

             The man’s voice was deep and he looked away from her to another medic, “I think she’s in shock.”

            A scratchy fabric was wrapped around her shoulders and she tried to look past the man to see Laura but he was blocking her view, “Honey, can you hear me?”

              “I need to see her,” Carmilla croaked out.

            “What? Can you repeat that?”

             Carmilla threw a hand out and pointed, “I need to see her.”

              A large hand settled on her shoulder, “You can’t do anything for her right now. We’re going to hospital. We’ll be there soon. They’ll take care of her.”

              She could not even bother a glare at that man who deemed it necessary to separate her from Laura and instead, shrugged off his hand and pushed forward trying to get to her but he firmly kept Carmilla where she was and no amount of fighting was making any difference

              The pity she was receiving was not doing anything but heighten her anger and her yelling was not getting her anywhere but it felt like her body was releasing all its tension in this moment and she could not help it. They weren’t listening to her, which could only mean that they could not hear her and so the louder and louder she got. Her rational mind, though most of that was clouded over by instinctual actions of anger and fear, told her that she should have been escorted out by security a long time ago and that the only reason she had not been yet was because everyone seeing her despair felt something for her. They were doing their best to get her to calm down but as soon as the nurse had pushed her away from the double doors behind which Laura disappeared she had been inconsolable.

              The automatic doors opened and Carmilla was thankful to have someone new to yell at when Kirsch and Danny ran in. Upon seeing her, Kirsch closed the distance in a manner of a few, large steps and she was wrapped up in his arms, barely able to move, his strength tightening. Usually she would have shrunk at the casual physical contact but how close he held her and how strong his grip was, was bringing her back to some sort of sanity. Her hands turned into fists and beat at his chest and he took it all without wincing. She choked out sobs so loud that she was surprised he could hear her words, “She’s…she’s in there alone. A-a-and they won’t let me in. I’m not her family.”

              A piece of Carmilla broke with that statement because it was true in the technical sense but false in all sense of actual responsibilities. She was such a part of Laura’s life that the distinction between friends and family no longer existed. Kirsch’s head fell on top of her own, “You are her family. Same as me. But you are her everything.”

             Wet fabric moved against Carmilla’s face but she felt no remorse at Kirsch’s ruined shirt. She stuttered out more words that she was surprised formed a sentence, “And they wo-won’t tell me anything. She could be dead and I would never know.”

              Kirsch pushed Carmilla out to half his arm’s length and stared at her with more intensity than she thought was possible for him, “She is not going to die, Carmilla. Are you listening to me? Laura is not going to die.”

             Danny passed them, a phone up to her ear as she walked back outside, “…Mr . Hollis…”

             Carmilla could not hear the rest of what she was saying but she also did not care. The only thing she could think about was getting to Laura and making sure she was okay but everyone in the hospital seemed to take it upon themselves to stop her.

              “I called Laura’s dad,” the giant ginger was back but Carmilla could not find any strength in herself to muster up some sort of sarcastic remark, “He’s leaving now. He’ll be here as soon as he can.”

              _Of course, Mr. Hollis. And Danny called him. ___Danny called Laura’s father. The only bit of family that Carmilla was even aware that Laura had and the thought never crossed her mind. Not that she had anyway to contact him. “Good idea. Did you tell him what’s going on?”

             “What I could. I asked the nurse but she wouldn’t give me any information. You’re not alone, Carmilla.”

             She had no response and was lost. She had stopped yelling and now did not want to talk to anyone about anything. Kirsch tugged on her, “Let’s go sit down.”

            Carmilla let him drag her to one of the seats in the waiting room and when he sat down, she buried her head in his side as well as she could due to the arm rests between them. He wrapped his arms around her in another hug. She understood why he was Laura’s best friend. He exuded calmness and warmth that soothed even despite how anxious Carmilla was feeling. Kirsch had been able to stop her angry ridden fit that she was throwing. She was starting to regret not using his number more often when he gave it to her after he drove her to Will’s birthday party. He had been kind and even after her insults, never got angry with her or developed any sort of hatred. It was like everything bounced off of him; he deflected. At this moment, she was grateful for Laura’s best friend.

              For a few moments, Carmilla thought she was elsewhere but someone was gently shaking her arm and her blurry mind was becoming clearer and her senses were returning to normal. She breathed in the sick smell of a hospital and felt the soreness in her back from falling asleep in a waiting room chair. Her neck was kinked as well from leaning on Kirsch who happened to be the one waking her. She groaned. “Good, you’re awake. Mr. Hollis is here.”

              Carmilla sat up straighter in her chair looking out to see Danny talking with a middle-aged gentleman who was very much shorter than her. In the haze of her mind, it seemed like she was seeing him for the first time. He seemed like he would be taller than Carmilla but she was not certain. He had dark brown hair that also grew out into a beard. He was wearing jeans, black shoes, and a black pea coat and a face of grave concern. Either he knew nothing and was worried about the status of his daughter or he knew everything and Carmilla should start freaking out again because it was all bad news.

              Her chest started to tighten and her body was beginning to shake and she absolutely hated herself for this reaction. Of course, her body had to go make everything about her when this was clearly about Laura. She started gasping for air that did not seem to want to inflate her lungs and her vision was closing off. Carmilla’s deep gulps for air alerted Kirsch who immediately let go of her and instead knelt down in front of her. Her head was hanging down as her hands squeezed hard at her thighs.

              “Carmilla. Listen to me. I know that you probably want Will and Laura here. And they are the only people I have ever seen bring you down from a panic attack. But they aren’t here right now and I’m trying. Okay? I’m trying. I don’t know what I’m doing though. But you’re okay, alright? And Laura is going to be okay. So breathe. Here, I’ll do it with you.” He grabbed one of her hands and held it to his chest so she could feel it rise and fall with his deep, slow inhales. She listened to him and she tried just as hard as he was to get her breathing back to normal. He did not remove his hand from on top of hers until her lungs opened their doors again, sending air rushing in. She became dizzy quite quickly and ended up tucking her head between her legs until the head rush dissipated.

              She was disoriented by how fast the panic attack came and how quickly it went away. Her body had no time to adjust to either state and she was left in a weird in-between.

              “Is she okay?” When she lifted her head, she noticed Danny and Mr. Hollis had come over to see what was happening. Kirsch nodded, “Just give her a minute and she will be.”

              “Is Laura okay?” Carmilla blurted out. She could not wait any longer to hear news. Mr. Hollis sighed and frowned, “They are sending for the doctor to talk with me. The nurse’s couldn’t tell me anything,” he looked around to all of them, his eyes lingering on Danny, “I’ll let you all know what I find out.”

              Jealousy was raging inside of her. Mr. Hollis knew Danny so much better. They were close. They had spent who knows how much time together when she was dating Laura and he had met Carmilla once and was not giving her the attention she felt she deserved as Laura’s current girlfriend. Carmilla stood up, holding onto Kirsch’s shoulder as her legs wobbled, “Mr. Hollis. They wouldn’t let me in and they won’t tell me anything and I don’t have any idea what’s going on.”

              “How about you come with me to talk to the doctor?”

              Carmilla nodded in response and shuffled after him to wait by the double doors. She simply wanted to wait in silence for the doctor but it seemed as if Laura got her rambling from the man standing next to Carmilla because he started talking, “She’s a spitfire alright but -”

              Carmilla turned to him, her hands trembling, “Mr. Hollis, I don’t want to be rude, but I’m not sure I can really talk right now.”

              When he smiled, Carmilla saw her own father standing there. It was a knowing and comforting smile that Carmilla had only ever seen on her father before and now was considering that maybe it came with the territory. It was a more painful memory than she could handle at the moment and she squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that it would erase the image. She was not sure if it worked or if she had too many thoughts in her head to focus on any one of them for two long.

              The double doors burst open and in strode a tall woman with long dark brown hair that laid in waves across her shoulders. She had on her white jacket but underneath was a black dress with pink and purples flowers and her black heels clicked across the linoleum on the hospital. She looked around and the urgent looks on Carmilla and Mr. Hollis’ faces must have given her the answer to her searching.

              “Mr. Hollis?” her voice was rough and to the point. She strode over closer to them and Laura’s father shook his head to say ‘yes.’ She had a clipboard in her hand and gazed down at the sheet before speaking, “Laura is your daughter, correct?”

              “Yes.” The woman’s eyes moved over to Carmilla, “Are you family?”

              “She’s not but let her stay,” Mr. Hollis answered for her. Carmilla was glad he did because she was certain that if her voice could move past whatever was blocking her throat, she would have yelled at the doctor. The woman looked at them a little bit longer as if making up her mind but did not ask Carmilla to leave.

              “I’m Doctor Corvae. I’ve been Laura’s doctor since she arrived tonight. Your daughter has several skull fractures, which she is currently in surgery to repair. Her head was wounded in the fall so surgery was necessary to close that wound. The bleeding has stopped. She was unconscious when she came in but her vitals were fine. She most likely has a pretty serious concussion but we’ll know more when she comes out of surgery. You can see her then but she’ll be in the ICU and visitors are limited.” Her eyes found Carmilla but Carmilla could not figure out if she was sympathetic or simply stating the rules.

              “Is there a visitors list that I can put names on? She has people here who are very worried and would very much like to see her.”

              “For now I can say only family members are allowed back there. When she comes out of surgery and I see her I’ll make the call on whether it would be okay. Only one person at a time though.”

              “She’s going to be okay though?” Words finally spilled from Carmilla’s mouth.

              “As of now, she’s doing well and as long as the surgery goes alright, she’ll have a good recovery.”

              “What if doesn’t go right?” All of the possible situations were floating through Carmilla’s head but only the negative ones.  
              “Don’t think about that right now.”

              “Aren’t you supposed to be in surgery with her if you’re her doctor?” Carmilla accused.

              “We have a specified surgeon in residence here who is currently in the room with her. She is under his care; you have nothing to worry about,” she turned her attention away from Carmilla, “We’ll alert you when she’s out and when you can see her, Mr. Hollis.”

              The doctor left them after than and Mr. Hollis set his hand on Carmilla’s shoulder leading her back to where Kirsch and Danny were waiting. “What’s going on? Could they tell you anything?”

              Before Mr. Hollis could repeat what the doctor had told him Carmilla spoke, “Someone should call Lafontaine. Perry too.”

              “They’ll be together,” Kirsch answered, “but I’ll do it.”

              “No, I should. I need to tell someone,” Carmilla said, staring ahead but at nothing in particular. Not only that but she did not want to listen to a repeat of Laura’s injuries which would only make her more anxious than she already was if that was even possible. She somehow made her way to the entrance and out the doors. Fresh air blew into her face and she breathed in deep, clearing her lungs of the constriction that had been mounting ever so slowly since hearing ‘skull fracture.’

              She fumbled trying to get her phone out of her pocket and paced frantically while she flipped through her contacts before alighting on ‘Ginger #1’ and hitting the call button. It rang a few times more than she wished it had until a groggy voice spoke, “Hello?”

              “Lafontaine?”

              “Carmilla?” they sounded surprised, “It’s 2 in the morning, what the hell?”

              “Laura’s in the hospital and I thought you and Perry would like to know.” There was a muffled ruffling sound on the other end and an almost indiscernible, “Perr? Perr, wake up.”

              “You’re on speaker,” their voice was audibly less full of sleep.

              “What happened, Carmilla?” Perry sounded fully awake and her voice sound just about as full of fear as Carmilla’s entire being was currently. Her pacing was doing nothing to calm her and only riling her up more but there was nothing else she could do. The thought of sitting still made her want to vomit.

              Her voice cracked as she spoke and her eyes started to water, “She fell and it was so bad and the ambulance came and now she’s in surgery and they won’t let me see her. The doctor said something about a wound and a skull fracture and I thought you should know.”

              “Are you alright, sweetie?”

              “No,” she cried out. The obligatory ‘I’m fine’ died in her throat because that would be a tremendous lie and even if her voice was steady, Perry was not going to believe that bullshit.

              “Okay, do you have anyone there with you?”

              Carmilla nodded before she realized Perry could not see her, “Yeah. Kirsch and Danny and Laura’s dad is here too.”

              “Lafontaine and I are on our way. It’s going to be okay.”

              Carmilla did not understand why everyone kept saying that word. Okay. Nothing was okay and she had been through enough to know that okay did not always cover it and make everything better. Sometimes things were just how they were and they didn’t get better. And when she started thinking about those times, she remembered her brother and immediately called him.

              “What’s up, Millie?” He did not sound nearly as annoyed as Lafontaine did with being woken up so late or early, however he was looking at it.

              “I need you, Will.”

              “What’s wrong, Millie? Are you okay? Where are you?”

              She sniffled, “No, it’s not me. It’s Laura. But I really need you here.”

              “Okay, where are you?”

              “Styrian General.”

              “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Hold on, Millie.” The call ended and she dragged herself back inside, falling into the nearest chair.

              Perry and Lafontaine had arrived before Will who was in Silas. Carmilla must have fallen asleep again but how, she had no idea. Every time she was awake her mind continuously buzzed and she did not feel any less exhausted so the sleep was just a way of her mind shutting itself off for a few minutes. Will woke her up when he arrived and crushed her in a hug that she did not have the strength to return. After the initial ‘how is she?,’ ‘what’s the news?,” that Perry and Lafontaine went through when they arrived, everyone had fallen silent until Doctor Corvae had come out and made a bee line for Mr. Hollis. Carmilla had jumped up out of her chair but she could not hear anything and the doctor had led Laura’s father through the doors and out of sight.

              It was close to five in the morning when Mr. Hollis had reappeared and after saying something to the nurse’s, motioned to Carmilla to join him and she did not need to be asked twice. “They said I can show you the way back. She woke up briefly but she’s sleeping again. She’s only allowed one visitor so you’ll have to go in alone. Is that okay?”

              Carmilla nodded. All she wanted was to see Laura; she did not care how it happened. She padded quickly after Laura’s father, down a cold and forbearing hallway until he stopped outside a room. There was a sliding door entrance that was entirely made of glass. It was small inside, only enough room for Laura’s bed, the machines and a couple of chairs for visitors. The blinds on the windows were drawn shut against the night and the lamp in the corner was on, the overhead lights turned off. Mr. Hollis gestured forward, “Go ahead. I’m going to go back out and see if anyone wants to go to the cafeteria. You should eat too.”

              Carmilla fell through the doorway, not really hearing what he had said. Her jaw clenched tightly when she saw Laura’s head wrapped in a bandage, the IV dripping, _drip, drip, drip,_ and the machine beeping regularly, keeping track of her heart rate. Laura’s eyes were shut with sleep, blankets pulled up only halfway across her stomach. The girl was small already but she looked so tiny lying there. Her skin was pale with a purplish hue.

              Carmilla made her way to the side of the bed opposite the IV and found barely enough room for herself on the bed. She did not care if someone kicked her out; she just needed to be close to Laura. She needed to touch her and let her know she was here. When her arm touched Laura’s she almost jumped back at how cold it felt and so she slid her own legs under the blanket and pulled it up so that it covered Laura’s arms as she nestled her head against Laura’s shoulder. Carmilla counted the sound of the beeping and tried to keep her breathing the same speed as Laura’s. She closed her eyes yet again, trying to erase the image of the bruises on Laura’s face and only count her breaths. _In, out. In, out. In, out._

              That’s how she woke up next to Laura in the hospital. The sun was trying to break through the cracks in the blinds but to no avail, the room still layered in semi-darkness. She quickly sat up at the sound of a cough and saw that Laura’s chest was heaving and her eyes were crinkled shut as her mouth opened and her head lurched forward. Carmilla scrambled off the bed and stood at the side, grabbing a hold of her and just holding it there. After the coughing fit, Laura mumbled something that Carmilla could not make out. “Do you want water?”

              Laura nodded and Carmilla poured a small cup out of the pitcher that sat on the tray off to the side of the bed. She held it to Laura’s mouth and helped her take a sip, trying not to jostle her head too much in the process. Laura sighed as she sunk back into the bed, “Why did you call my dad?”

              “Um,” that had not been the first thing Carmilla thought would come out of the Laura’s mouth, “I didn’t call your dad.”

              Her eyes were still closed and it looked like it took a lot of energy for her to merely speak, “Then why is he here?”

              Carmilla was not sure how to respond. Laura’s dissatisfaction seemed misplaced so she did the only thing she thought she could do, “I’m going to find the doctor now that you’re awake.”

              The nurse’s station was right outside of Laura’s door. “I was looking for the doctor. She woke up.”

              “We’ll send a nurse in to look in on her and I’ll page her.” Carmilla nodded and returned to the room where Laura was looking at the window. Carmilla quietly opened the blinds, thinking that was what Laura wanted but instead, she turned her head to the other side, looking anywhere but at Carmilla.

              The nurse came in and checked on the machine, the IV, and then said, “The doctor will be in within the hour.”

              When the nurse left, Carmilla stood in awkward silence until Laura repeated her question, “Why is he here?”

              “They wouldn’t tell anyone anything or let anyone see you unless they were family so Danny called him -”

              “Of course she did.” Even in her weak state, it was not hard for Carmilla to hear the anger in her voice; it was even clearer on her face.

              There was a fumbling as the door to the room opened once again and Mr. Hollis rushed in, “A nurse came and told me you were awake.”

              He completely ignored Carmilla and went straight to his daughter’s bedside. Carmilla knew the rules and though she did not want to leave, she knew a nurse would escort her out soon enough. She backed out of the room, “I’ll be back later.”

              Back in the waiting room, Perry and Kirsch assaulted her with questions about how Laura was doing, why Mr. Hollis went back, and what was going to happen now. She stuck her hands out in front of her trying to deflect the onslaught, “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

              She slumped into a chair because even though she had been in and out of sleep since they had arrived, it was not restful. Kirsch sat down next to her, “Well, how’s Laura anyway?”

              “I don’t know.” He looked confused but didn’t pry. “Where’s Clifford and the science nerd?”

              “They went to the caf to find food for everyone. They should be back in a little bit.”

              No one talked while they waited for food and when Carmilla saw Danny walking down the hallway, she was out of her seat in one second, pulling Danny to the side, “Why am I getting the third degree for you calling her father?”

              Danny looked sheepish and didn’t respond. “I want an answer, Xena.”

              Danny looked up to the ceiling, “I didn’t think she would be mad. You said they’d been getting along better,” she finally looked Carmilla in the eye, “Anyway, it was the only way anyone was going to find out anything.”

              Carmilla rubbed the bridge of her nose out of frustration and sighed, “I’m not mad at you,” she paused, “And if you tell anyone I said that to you, you’re dead.”

              “There it is.”

              Carmilla glared at her but ignored it, “It was the first thing she said when she woke up. I was really thrown off. I thought they were on a better path too.”

              Danny rested her hand on Carmilla’s shoulder and at any other time Carmilla would have slapped it away but she was too exhausted to even consider moving, “I can’t explain their relationship. I don’t understand it. And I wouldn’t have done it if there were any other options. Don’t let her be mad at you, okay? Let her be mad at me.”

              Carmilla nodded, “Now where’s this food that I was promised?”

              Danny actually laughed and pointed behind Carmilla, “Come on. Lafontaine has a bunch of options.”

              Carmilla entered the doorway with a sense of apprehension but Laura must have heard it slide open because she turned her head to look and her mouth turned up ever so slightly into a smile and her eyes softened. Her hand weakly lifted up from the bed and a finger beckoned Carmilla over so she obeyed. Even standing next to the bed, Laura was still asking for her to come closer so she leaned down and with more effort than would have normally been necessary, Laura stretched up and kissed Carmilla. Carmilla brought her hand to settle under Laura’s chin to connect their lips more securely.

              Laura pulled her head back to lay softly against her pillows but Carmilla had leaned down far enough that she was still close enough to hear Laura whisper, “I’m sorry I’m not a very nice patient.”

              Carmilla raised her eyebrows, “You came at my throat about your dad.”

              Laura looked away and there was a longing expression in her eyes, “I’m…I’m just not used to him caring. I was confused when I woke up and I flipped back to how we used to be.”

              Carmilla held her hand and rubbed circles with her thumb, “It’s been less than a year since you two decided to try and build a relationship. Things don’t have to be perfect yet. Setbacks happen. But I’m not sure this was one.”

              Laura sighed deeply and hesitated, “I don’t want him to always run to my rescue.”

              Carmilla folded her other hand on top of Laura’s and tried not to smile but the innocence of it was too cute, “Cupcake, you were brought to the hospital with head trauma. None of your friends were allowed any information. If you thought, your dad, no matter what terms you guys were on, would leave you all alone you’re wrong. I am positive, if this had happened two years ago, he still would have shown up just like he did today. He cared even if he didn’t show it. And so did you. You both have to realize that even if you gave up on a father-daughter relationship, there are some things you can’t forget.”

              Laura did not say anything in return, her eyebrows scrunched up like she was mulling it over. The corner of her mouth was quirked in a way that made Carmilla smile, “I know you believe me.”

              Laura side-eyed her and then smiled. She reached a hand out to cup Carmilla’s cheek, “You came to my rescue.”

              “Always.” Laura looked like she was going to cry for a moment until her face lit up, “You just made a Harry Potter reference and didn’t even know it.”

              Carmilla shook her head and brought her face closer to Laura’s, “Oh, I knew it.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              "Do not get up.” Laura instantly laid back down, Carmilla’s tone of voice showing that she would not be having it today. Laura could admit that she had not been the best patient but ever since the doctor had sent her home, all she wanted to do was get back to her life. Carmilla on the other hand was taking all of the doctor’s rules and implementing them very strictly.

              It was Christmas. She wanted to be up decorating, baking cookies, going for walks in the snow but instead, she was imprisoned on the couch, watching the holiday go by. Carmilla was standing on a stool, hanging lights around the window frame, “Laura, I know how much you wish you could do this but you had a head injury and surgery, you have to take care of yourself first.”

              Laura grunted in response, crossing her arms and watching with wistfulness. “I’m not going to have another trip to the hospital because you wouldn’t listen and do what you’re told. You’ll get better faster this way.”

              She knew Carmilla was right; the quicker she healed the better but it did not stop her from groaning about everything she was no allowed to do. Carmilla had put in a request to work from home and for the most part, was granted permission to do so but there had been a few days when Perry had shown up in the morning when Carmilla had to go into the office. She refused to leave Laura alone and Perry was even more hovering than Carmilla and almost just as concerned. Laura wasn’t sure anyone could actually be more anxious about the situation than Carmilla.

              There was a knock at the door and Laura’s eyebrows furrowed as Carmilla jumped off the stool and smiled at Laura. The door opened and there was quick scrabbling at the tile floor when all of a sudden a ball of fur was on Laura’s chest and her face was being licked. She giggled and moved her head from side to side to try and avoid the assault.

              “Cooper, let her breathe,” came a familiar voice from behind her. Kirsch was standing behind the couch, smiling at the sight of Cooper attacking Laura with kisses. “Kirsch!”

              She started to get up but a curt, “Don’t move,” from Carmilla stopped her in her tracks and Kirsch bent down to hug her. “Better listen to her, L. I’ve heard all the rules. She’s not kidding.”

              Carmilla lifted Laura legs to sit down, laying them across her own lap and reaching a hand out to scratch between Cooper’s ears. He turned his attention from Laura to Carmilla who was looking at Laura, making sure she was okay. Laura assured her with a nod. Carmilla shrugged, “I thought you could use the company. Something to distract you so I could decorate without you nagging me.”

              “Hey, Danny wanted to know what to br-“ Carmilla reached behind the couch and slapped Kirsch, glaring at him until his eyes widened, “Oh.”

              “Um…what was that?”

              “Nothing,” they both awkwardly replied at the same time. Carmilla refused to make eye contact with her and instead got off the couch and returned to the lights. Kirsch took her place and grabbed the remote, “So, Laura, what’s it gonna be?”

              Laura knew what he was asking and she started thinking, realizing she had not watched many Christmas movies yet this year. “Can we do a marathon of the stop-motion ones? I haven’t seen those in awhile.”

              He nodded, “You’re wish is my command.”

              Cooper eventually settled and laid down on the floor, next to the couch, falling asleep as Laura’s hand brushed slowly at his fur. They made it through _Rudolph_ and _Santa Clause Is Coming To Town_ before Carmilla was done decorating. She appeared next to Laura’s head, kissing her quickly on the temple and handing over a cup of hot cocoa. Kirsch patted Laura’s legs and woke Cooper up, “We should probably get going. You wanna see momma?” he asked Cooper who just stared at him, tongue hanging out of mouth. Laura and Carmilla exchanged a knowing look but didn’t say anything.

              The two left, leaving Carmilla and Laura alone. “I saved something for you.”

              “What?” Laura responded, getting excited that maybe she was allowed to do at least one thing. Carmilla held out a hand, helping Laura off the couch, not letting go of her once. “I can walk, Carm.”

              “Okay,” she said but did not leg go. Carmilla guided her over to the tree next to the television. She handed Laura the star for the top, “Would you like to do the honors?”

              “I would love to.” The tree wasn’t tall since it needed to fit into their apartment but Laura had to step up on the bottom step of the stool (Carmilla wouldn’t let her go any farther up) and stretch to place it on the top. When she was back on the floor she hugged Carmilla, “Thank you.”

              Laura eventually found out what Kirsch and Carmlla’s secretive exchange had been when on Christmas, when Laura was sure she was going to be spending it alone with Carmilla, which she wasn’t upset about, a knock at the door had brought in Kirsch, Danny and Cooper with Lafontaine and Perry bringing up the rear. Will even showed up, tugging Mattie behind him who exchanged a civil “hello” with Carmilla. They were getting there. It was not easy and was slow going but Carmilla no longer ran from the room when Mattie answered. Even slow progress was progress.

              It was crazy to think about how many years these people had been in her life and what each of them meant to her. No matter what she was going through, they were always there to lift her back up. They had saved her more times than she could count and seeing them all, sitting around her while she was still chained to the couch, laughing and talking made her feel warm inside.

              And when she saw Carmilla there, laughing and talking right along with them like she had always fit in, she couldn’t help but smile. The holiday season made her nostalgic, it always had and she held back tears of happiness as she looked around the room at all the people who loved her and whom she loved. There was no one she’d rather have in her life aside from them.

              Carmilla was sitting next to her on the couch. Laura was leaning against her, her hand settled in Carmilla’s, Cooper was lying next to Kirsch’s legs as he sat on the floor next to Danny. They hadn’t said anything to anyone yet, but it was clear they were no longer trying to hide it. The way Kirsch looked at Danny and the way she spoke to him made the situation clearer than day. Perry and Lafontaine were the same as they always had been. Inseparable. Will was lounging on the floor as well. Mattie was off alone, at the peripheral of the room. Laura couldn’t blame her and she felt a little bad. This woman was not a part of their family and she seemed to have no family of her own. It must’ve felt awkward for her to listen to everyone talk with so much history while she stayed silent, only here to try to mend things with her siblings. Laura nudged Carmilla, “Do you think it’s about time you two talked?”

              Carmilla looked over at Mattie, “We have talked, Laura. Everything has been said.”

              Laura didn’t believe her. “I promise, cupcake. We’ve had talks with no yelling and no anger. Resentment, of course. We are trying. It’s hard. I was older than Will; I understood more. She’s not going to be my sister like Will’s my brother and she knows that. Her being here though, that would not have happened last year or even six months ago. You have to let it go, okay? I know how much you just want us to move past everything and be a family but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.”  
              “I just want you to be happy. I wish this wasn’t a part of your life,” Laura admitted. Laura had seen Carmilla deal and struggle with so much that seeing her not accept her sister back into her life seemed like a hardship she was bringing upon herself. The gold flashed in Carmilla’s eyes, “I am happy. And that’s because of you. I don’t need Mattie to be happy but that doesn’t mean she’s not a part of my life. I cannot imagine us ever being very close but I’m sure our relationship will continue to change. She’s not going anywhere and I believe her now.”

              “I know I’ve said this before but the front you put on isn’t believable anymore,” Laura said, jokingly.

              “That’s because I don’t put on a front for you.” Carmilla brought Laura’s hand up and kissed the back of it, “I love you, cutie.”

              “I love you too, Carm.”

              “Carm.”

              “Yes, Laura.”

              “We haven’t had sex.” Laura saw Carmilla pause, her head straightened and she turned around slowly. Laura almost laughed at the incredulous look plastered across the previously serene face. “You have a head injury.”

              “I’m not sure you heard me right. Sex.”

              “Head injury.”

              Laura pouted, “It’s New Year’s Eve! Can’t we make an exception?”<

              Carmilla stared at her; it seemed she was at a loss for words. Laura wasn’t sure exactly what about the statement had been so crazy. It had been weeks. Not since her injury and she understood that at the beginning that would have been an absolutely stupid question but now, almost a month later if she stretched, it should be plausible. “What?”

              “No strenuous activity,” Carmilla was adamant.

              “I think it’s a de-stressor.”

              “Not until you’re fully healed or the doctor gives us the okay.”

              “Do you not want to have sex with me?” Laura asked, knowing Carmilla’s response was going to be less than happy.

              Her eyebrows lifted so high they would have disappeared into her hair if she had been a cartoon, “You did not seriously just ask me that.”

              “Well…”

              “Laura! You’re not guilting me into having sex with you when it could possibly not be safe for your recovery.”

              “When you say if like that, it makes me sound like a bad person.” The word ‘guilting’ is what was off-putting to Laura.

              “Well, I don’t know what you want from me. I think you know me well enough to know that I want to do that with you but we just can’t yet. You haven’t been the only one dealing with the lack of it.” Laura narrowed her eyes at Carmilla, “Do not even think I haven’t noticed whenever your showers last longer than they should.”

              Laura would have blushed at the insinuation but Carmilla just smirked, “A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.”

              “So I have been the only one forced to completely abstain.” Carmilla crawled across the couch, just seductively enough for it to be a tease for Laura. She nipped at Laura’s ear and whispered, “Believe me, its not even close to when I’m with you.”

              “Get off me.”Carmilla laughed. “I’m serious. That’s so unfair.”

              Carmilla backed off, but pulled Laura into her arms, “I’m not going anywhere, creampuff. Oh,” Carmilla pointed at the muted television, “also, Happy New Year, love.”

              Laura tried to take the New Year’s kiss to the next level and though Carmilla let it go on for a while, she was obstinate to keep it just where it was. Laura sighed against her lips making Carmilla ask, “What’s wrong?”

              “Though I’m not giving in, kissing you is always enough.”

              Carmilla kissed her again, smiling against her lips, “You’re always enough.”

              “And you’re just as cheesy in the new year.”

              “You love me,” Carmilla said. Laura laughed, “Of course I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> Sorry, I didn't keep track of the songs things time
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mental Illness, Self-Harm
> 
> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> It feels like it has been a while. I've just been really into SuperCorp and I'm rewatching Glee so Brittana is up there at number two. But I really do want to finish this fic so I'm keeping at it. Hopefully you guys will to!

              “Why do you work here?” Carmilla stared blankly at her boss. “Okay, why do you want to work here?”

              “I don’t,” Carmilla knew her calling was not translating for a law firm for the rest of her life even if she did not know what her calling was. Her boss’ chin slackened just a little with her blunt answer but he kept his composure, “Then why are you here?”

              “I need money. You offered. I’m not sure I understand why I’m in this meeting right now. I haven’t done anything wrong since starting here. I’ve done my job whenever needed. If I’m getting fired, you have no case to do so.”

              He folded his hands in his lap and studied his desk for a few seconds, “We weren’t -”

              “There’s a ‘we’ now?”

              “I misspoke. I am not firing you but I am letting you go and it would be best for both parties if you were simply to put in your resignation. The fresh meat that we’ve hired have your skills with language and your position is just not needed anymore.”

              Spite sat sour on Carmilla’s tongue. She had not wanted to be with the company forever, she did not technically need to be; her trust fund would cover her for most of her life. Her father had been in charge of that before he died and her mother had not been able to touch it. But just the fact that she was overqualified, had always shown perfect conduct, which was a feat of its own, and this man had the audacity to ask her to leave. But the other half of her was apathetic toward the job and she did not have any ties to it. Her coworkers were not her friends, she kept to herself in the office.

              “This isn’t an offer.”

              “It’s an offer to avoid the situation of me having to force you to leave. You can go out on your choice.” Carmilla was aware of the appropriate two weeks but he had not given her any notice and she was not in a giving mood. “When do the ‘fresh meat,’ as you call it, start?”

              “Not until next month so you have time –”

              Carmilla pushed herself out of her chair, “I don’t need time. I hope you can live without me until they start because I’m done now. Thank you for you time.”

              Her irritated heels clicking across the sidewalk almost drowned it out but she came to a halt when she passed an ally and turned to look down. Incessant meowing was echoing off something but Carmilla saw nothing. She started down the ally, the meowing getting louder with each step until she stopped next to a tin garbage bin. She grimaced at the state of it but lifted it anyway, dropping it with a clang to the gravel. She looked inside, relieved it was empty of trash but in the bottom staring up at her, now completely silent, was a black kitten. Blue eyes blinked. First off, who knew what diseases he might have. Second, she could not keep pets in the apartment and though she could keep it at her house, she did not want to be there more than necessary. Three, never mind Laura would love it. Carmilla dug tissues out of her purse to use as makeshift gloves as she reached down to pick the kitten up. He did not struggle or cry out as she did so. She tucked him away in her jacket pocket to hide as she hailed a taxi, “Nearest vet.”

              “Ma’am, I don’t know where that is. You have an address?” Carmilla pulled out her phone for a quick search. She read it off and sat back, a hand on her pocket to offer some comfort. He was not meowing but it made her nervous.

              She did not have an appointment of course but the vet took the cat with the understanding that they would be handing it over to the humane society to put it up for adoption. But, when Carmilla went to leave, she could not bring herself to and ended up sitting in the waiting area to hear if he was okay. An hour later when the vet tech noticed her presence she said, “Are you waiting on the kitten you brought in? I apologize. I must’ve misunderstood.”

              “You didn’t. I wanted to know he was okay before I left.”

              “Well, he’s already been checked out. He’s over here. You can see him.” The vet tech directed Carmilla to a viewing window that looked over a pet playroom. The tech pointed at the black kitten that was sitting off to the side, watching all the other cats run around. He looked up, seeing Carmilla through the window and stared, ignoring the orange cat that was playing with his tail. An instant decision was made in Carmilla’s mind, “I’ll take him off your hands.”

              “Are you sure?”

              “And I’ll pay for whatever the cost of today was. And for any shots. I’ll also need all the stuff to take care of him; I wasn’t prepared for this.” The vet tech looked taken aback, “Okay then. If you go up to the desk, Maggie can ring you out. I’ll get the sweet little boy and everything you need.”

              Carmilla nodded and spent way too much money on his necessities; she never considered the expense of a pet before. The vet tech reappeared with two large bags and a carrier.

              “Wow, this is so exciting,” she said as she passed the stuff to Carmilla.

              “Alright, well it’s not that great.”

              “You saved an animal and then gave it a home. You’re wonderful.”

              “Yeah, yeah, well thanks,” Carmilla exited the vet as quickly as she could after that, not intent on the continued praise of the vet.

              She lifted the carrier up to eye level, “You gonna be okay on the bus, buddy?”

              He was. She should have asked the vet about his lack of vocalization since she found him but it had slipped her mine. She made a mental note to call later.

              By the time the buss arrived in Styria, Laura’s lit reading list had named the kitten Bagheera.

              “You’re a fearsome little thing, aren’t you?” Carmilla cooed, wanting to gag as soon as she heard what she sounded like, “I think it fits, don’t you?”

              She took his blink as a yes.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              “Hey, Carm,” Laura came bustling in the door, holding a few bags out in front of her. She was trying to make it to the counter when she jumped backwards in fright at the sight of something black scurrying across the kitchen floor. Breathing heavily and clutching her hands, and with them the bags, to her chest, she looked at Carmilla, “What in the name of Hermione Granger was that?”

              “A cat,” Carmilla said, stroking the tiny kitten that was sitting on her chest, bumping her fingers with its nose and purring so loudly that Laura could hear it in the doorway. She stuck her neck out, her eyes widened and her mouth opened, “When did we get a cat?”

              Carmilla’s attention was back on her book, which was being held out in front of her as the kitten was trying to rub its face against the pages, “Today.”

              Carmilla was being difficult so Laura set the bags on the counter with a grunt and padded into the living room. She swiped the book from Camilla’s hands. “Hey, I was reading that.”

              “And I was asking you questions.”

              “I believe I answered them.” Laura’s eyes narrowed and Carmilla mirrored her. “Can you please just give me the answers you know I want?”

              “Kiss.” Laura rolled her eyes but bent down to kiss Carmilla hello. She tried to straighten back up, but the kitten had attached itself to her hair, biting and pawing at it. The small, wide, blue eyes made Laura giggle; it was too incredibly cute. She fell onto the couch beside Carmilla and the kitten sniffed at her out of curiosity but it did not move from Carmilla’s chest. Carmilla put her arm around Laura so that Laura’s head rested between her shoulder and her arm. “I’ve seen him before in the alley beside my building. Today I heard meowing so I went to find him. I found him. I picked him up. I brought him here.”

              “Carmilla, he could have something,” Laura said partly frightened by the thought of diseases that could possibly be alive in the kitten.

              Carmilla kissed her temple, “Do you think I would bring anything into this apartment that would put you in danger? I took him to the vet. I was going to leave him there. As you can see, that didn’t happen.”

              Carmilla was looking at the cat with an expression that Laura was unfamiliar with. It was protective and caring and very similar to how Carmilla looked at Laura except…different. The word she wanted escaped her. “We can’t have pets here.”

              Carmilla’s head turned so quickly toward her that Laura thought she would hear a snap, “He stays.”

              “Then we don’t.”

              “If they think they are going to kick me out -”

              Laura set her hand on Carmilla’s leg, “We signed an agreement.”

              Carmilla was scratching behind the kitten’s ears, her lips jutting out as she looked at him. And then the word came. It was strange when it was describing Carmilla: motherly. She could not quite wrap her mind around that term. Carmilla had never in their entire relationship talked about children in any way negative or positive but then again, neither had Laura. It was endearing on Carmilla; it softened her features and Laura’s mind started creating tracks upon tracks of possible futures for them because of one word.

              “Then we move.” That snapped Laura back to reality, “You want to move because of a cat?”

              “His name is Bagheera and yes. I will be moving as soon as possible. You are welcome to come along.”

              “Did you just choose the cat over me?”

              “One hundred percent, creampuff,” there was an awkward pause and then Carmilla continued, “Also, I quit my job.”

              It did not take Carmilla long at all to find an apartment in Styria. She had contacts everywhere and the name Karnstein worked wonders. She was standing outside of _The Journal’s_ office building when Laura exited after a hassle filled day of work and Laura smiled seeing her leaning up against the column on the porch of the building.

              Laura hugged her, nuzzling her head into Carmilla’s neck and hearing a purr, “What’s this all about, creampuff?”

              “I just like seeing you.” Carmilla pulled out of the hug, “Well, I have something that I’d like you to see, but -”

              Out of Carmilla’s pocket she pulled a handkerchief, “- I’m gonna have to blindfold you.”

              “Excuuuuuuse me?”

              Carmilla rolled her eyes and turned Laura around, “It’s a surprise, cutie. Can’t have it being ruined for you.”

              Laura’s vision was obstructed as the makeshift blindfold was tied around her head, “You don’t think this is a little over the top. Couldn’t you have least waited until -”

              “Sssssh.” Laura made them go very slow as she blindly maneuvered the staircase to the sidewalk. Carmilla had a secure grip on her arm and Laura was trying to guess where they were going when a car door was opened and Carmilla guided her into the backseat of what she supposed was a taxi.

              “I actually hate this,” Laura commented when the car began to drive. Carmilla slipped her fingers between Laura’s, “I think it’s the journalist in you because usually you love surprises.”

              “You didn’t even give me a heads up on what it might be,” she whined. It had been a long day and when she saw Carmilla, she thought that maybe they could go home and have a quiet evening. Since Carmilla had stopped working for the law firm, there had been a very noticeable change in her demeanor. She seemed less stressed and happier. Laura was able to spend more time with her and even though Laura new that was selfish, she was happy that whenever she did not have to work, Carmilla would be there. For a while it had been difficult to match their schedules up and they would go a couple of days without really talking. Laura would come home late, snuggle up to Carmilla in bed say a quick goodnight and wake up then next morning just to repeat the cycle. But now, Carmilla was home when she got home and they actually had time to spend together.

              The taxi rumbled to a stop and Carmilla leaned forward to pay before pulling Laura from the car. There was another set of stairs and then the pinging of an elevator button before the doors slid open. Even through the blindfold, Laura could see the florescent light inside but when Carmilla hit another button, she had no idea what floor they were going to. “Okay, where are we, Carm?”

              “Can you just go with it for once? It is a surprise. I’ll get you a dictionary if you need one.” Laura grumbled making Carmilla chuckle but the elevator finally came to a stop. Laura felt like she was walking down a very long hallway but there was no way for her to actually know. _Key?_ Something was jangling and then twisting and a door opened. Carmilla’s hand set on Laura’s lower back and nudged her forward. Laura felt the tie loosen on the blindfold and drop. Her mouth did the same. She was staring into a massive and completely empty room with windows taking up whole walls and giving a magnificent view of the city. She had a few seconds to take it all in before Carmilla kissed her cheek from behind and whispered, “Welcome home.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              Everyone’s jaw dropped. “This place is fucking incredible.”

              “Lafontaine, watch your language.” They ignored Perry completely and stumbled farther into the apartment. “This is like a penthouse that’s not a penthouse.”

              There was still minimal furniture so the size was very much the overwhelming feature. “‘Scuse us!”

              The call came from the hall and when Lafontaine turned around, a couple movers had arrived, lugging a couch between them. They were completely grateful that Laura had not called all of them over this time to actually help them move. It had been on Carmilla’s invite that they were all there. It had also been on her account that they hired movers instead of using their friends. Instead of boxes, Lafontaine was holding a glass of champagne.

              The couch the movers set down was not cheap. “Wow, L. You didn’t half-ass any of this.”

              They watched their friend look to Carmilla. It was not a secret that Carmilla had loads of money but it was never a point of contention and it looked like this whole ordeal might have brought on a little strain. Perry stepped in for them, “I’m sure they just meant it was incredibly nice for a first place. It’s really beautiful, Laura.”  
              “Thanks,” Laura smiled. It was not forced either so maybe Lafontaine had misread the silent communication between her and Carmilla. They did seem to have their own language so it was not far-fetched. They were pretty taken with the apartment but when they thought about their own life, they would not give up the tiny place above the bakery with Perry for anything. That seemed to be where they would stay for the foreseeable future. It had all become routine and Lafontaine loved every second of it. The two were in the perfect place, comfortable with each other and devoted. The bakery was their only child and maybe some of the kids they hired; Lafontaine did feel a little bit like a parent even though they were not that much older than the employees. It was flourishing. Perry had had a rough start but the holidays kicked everything into gear and now it was stable.

              Lafontaine was still researching at the bio-lab facility. They were aiming for the lead researcher position but so far it was still out of reach. They were not surprised. They had not started there that long ago and the current position was held by a woman whom had worked there for twelve years. But it was the goal and they had something to work toward.

              “That’s exactly what I meant,” Lafontaine assured, “But bigger question, where’s your brother?”

              Carmilla sipped the drink, “Hopefully in class. He’s supposed to be bringing Mattie over soon though.”

              Lafontaine never knew exactly how to approach Mattie and they always felt intimidated by her. For good reason. She was intimidating. And they were not the only one. Perry was anxious, Kirsch felt inadequate, Danny was overly aggressive, Carmilla was trying and Laura was overly protective of her so there was strain there. Will seemed to be the only one completely comfortable around her. He had confided to Lafontaine that he had forgiven her for everything. He truly believed everyone deserved a second chance and while Carmilla believed this to be her hundredth chance, Will did not have the same views. He was putting a lot of work in to try to make her welcome again. They were at the point where no one in the group did not want her around but they were still getting used to her being there, knowing what she had done. Lafontaine figured aside from Laura, they knew the most. They had told Perry much of what they knew but Danny and Kirsch were really still guessing. It was no one’s information but Will and Carmilla’s to tell so everyone pretty much kept their mouth shut and did not ask questions.

              Lafontaine watched Kirsch go to examine the view but he stopped short, “You have a balcony!?”

              Kirsch ran to slide open what Lafontaine thought was a glass window and they hurriedly followed. The balcony was cramped, not being very wide and Perry shrank back from the edge. Lafontaine wrapped their arm under Perry’s and around her back. “You okay, Perr?”

              She shook her head, not in answer but as if to clear it, “I just got a bit dizzy.”

              “I didn’t realize heights were a problem?” Perry had never mentioned that before.

              “They’re not usually.”

              “Let’s just go back inside then,” Lafontaine suggested. When they turned there was a black streak and Carmilla yelled, “No, Bags!”

              She was quick and scooped up what Lafontaine had not seen clearly before. Carmilla was holding a black kitten with big curious eyes.

              “Good job, Kirsch, you almost made them lose their cat,” Danny nagged. Carmilla was nuzzling her nose into the tiny thing’s head and Laura spoke, “It’s no one’s fault. He’s just adventurous.”

              “Can we just be careful with the door?” Carmilla asked and Kirsch came in and closed it. Carmilla had not snapped at him, but politely asked. Lafontaine exchanged surprised looks with Perry and Laura leaned over, “Bagheera has changed her.”

              Lafontaine snickered and Carmilla glowered, shutting them up instantly, “Apparently not entirely.”

              The movers were coming in and out but Carmilla and Laura still gave everyone a tour, despite the emptiness. It took almost three hours for the guys to get all the furniture they had acquired so far into the space. “Wait, L, where’s the chair?”

              “It was broken, Laf. We got a new one,” she pointed to her right. Lafontaine was silent for a second, “You threw away the first chair you ever bought? The one that I went and searched with you for weeks to find?”

              “Uh…” Laura looked to Perry who said nothing. “Memories, L. Memories. Are those not important to you?”

              “Of course they are,” Laura was full of unease. Lafontaine was mostly joking with her though they did love that chair. “Fine then. Whatever.”

              “You can come with me to find another chair!” Laura offered. Lafontaine dramatically looked away, “Fine.”

              “That was the most ridiculous exchange I have ever seen,” Carmilla grumbled. Danny actually agreed with her and they had a moment of awkwardly looking at each other until Carmilla marched off into the kitchen. Lafontaine sat in the new chair, “Well, this one needs broken in anyway.”

              Carmilla came out from the kitchen with more drinks and eventually a bowl of chips and some sort of layer dip that Lafontaine had never had before but fell in love with. “Perr, you gotta make this some time.”

              “Why me?”

              “Because I always ruin food,” they answered, shoving more chips in their mouth. It was nice to have the night off and not have Perry worry about the bakery. They needed to get together with everyone more often but Kirsch always had practice, Will always had school, Laura was always working and so was Danny and Perry was mostly too paranoid to leave closing to their employees. She had gotten much better but Lafontaine still found themself having to physically remove her from the building sometimes.

              When they were all still at Silas, they were there for everything in each other’s lives but now they were realizing that they were missing things. Laura did not always immediately call when something new happened. Kirsch did not come bounding into their home every night with some inconsequential news that made him happier than necessary. Danny was not there to show up every night with a bottle of wine and talk. Things had changed and though things were very good, old habits and traditions started to fall away. So, whenever they were able to get together, Lafontaine knew it was not only them who did whatever they could to not miss the event.

              No matter how laid back, it was fun. Tonight was about new beginnings and catching up. That is exactly how it should always be for them all.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              Carmilla’s eyes flickered to the hint of old, raised skin on Perry’s arm before the sleeve was roughly pulled down. She glanced up but Perry was not looking her way so she had not seen Carmilla staring at her arm; the action had been involuntary.

              Eventually, Perry got up from the group and Carmilla followed, patting Laura’s hand to say she would be back. She leaned against a counter in the kitchen where Perry was pouring a glass of bright yellow liquid that Carmilla took to be lemonade. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

              Perry jumped, startled by Carmilla’s sudden appearance as she had not known she was being followed. She wore a puzzled expression until Carmilla nodded at her wrists. Hand instinctually covered the fabric that was already covering the scars she wished to hide. Carmilla had no intention of making Perry uncomfortable but the way in which she was fidgeting, clearly showed that feeling. “No pressure. I just wanted you to know you could,” she smiled, knowingly, “I’ve been told it helps to talk. Especially if someone can relate.”

              She dipped her head and turned to leave the room but was stopped, “I don’t know how.”

              If that was what was keeping Perry from discussing what could only be described as a dark and painful part of her past, Carmilla could not find it in herself to put any blame on her. So many times she had used the same explanation for why she never spoke of certain things. It was not the excuse she gave people, it was the one she gave herself. It was easier than accepting that if she talked about it, she would feel it all again. A little fireball taught her that. “Like you would anything else.”

              Perry’s hand hovered over the glass, stuck between safety and vulnerability. It was strange to see herself reflected in the curly-haired red head she had never once found common ground with. “When?”

              Perry looked relieved to have a starting point, “I was ten. It was when I finally realized. As a child I hadn’t seen it or understood it at least,” it was saying something that Perry ended her childhood at the age of ten, still too young to be anything but a child, “My mom’s mood swings became more apparent; they started affecting my life. She wasn’t medically considered to have OCD but she was anal about so many things. She cleaned the house from top to bottom constantly. She had to make “them” happy. I had thought the “them” were her imaginary friends. I had them so she could too.

              My father had been protective, not telling me what was happening. He took care of my mother. Sometimes they were gone for a couple days and my grandmother came to watch me. It was like a holiday and I never knew where they went and I never questioned. My mother would sometimes be gone on what by dad called “vacations” and we would have father-daughter time. She was always subdued when she came back from her holidays and a little dazed. That was the normality of my life.

              But when I was ten, I found the word to describe my mother. Schizophrenic. And the real world, the one that told me my life wasn’t normal, it was abnormal, suffocated me and I felt like I had been lied to forever. And so my mother no longer had imaginary friends; she no longer was a perfectionist. My mother was crazy. And of course because she was crazy, I had the fear that I was going to grow up to be crazy. The things she had taught me and my willingness to accept them, as truths, were proof. Can you imagine, at ten, thinking the rest of your life was doomed?”

              She pulled the sleeves of her shirt up, “So this happened. Then I thought I was even crazier but it was okay, because that’s how I was supposed to be. And soon my arms were full and my legs were the bare canvas. Then my stomach, anywhere I could reach. I had to live up to the idea of crazy.”

              Carmilla had not been expecting a story as she had just heard but it would have been counterproductive to show shock. “And of course, many years later, I met Lafontaine. I hid it from them for as long as I could. They started to notice inconsistencies. I never wanted them to meet my parents. My father wasn’t a bad man but he was connected to my mother and I didn’t want them to run away.

              I found my mother’s absence was therapy and treatment. I found that she was comforted in me and always had been. The catastrophic pressure was laid on me to bring her down from her worst episodes. And as it got harder, I became more knowledgeable. My mother wasn’t crazy as my ten-year-old self so simply put it. She had a mental illness. She couldn’t help it anymore than she was already trying to and that was huge for me to recognize. She was trying to live with this horrible affliction. And I wasn’t “crazy” or ever would become so. That calmed me and with the calm came the loss of the need to break skin,” she paused for a while and Carmilla chose to stay silent along with her, “I was ashamed though and still am.”

              She was playing the blame game, one that Carmilla was well acquainted with herself. Everything was her fault even when it was not. That is where the feeling of shame came about.

              “No one wants to show their scars,” Carmilla, true to her word, began to lift the back of her shirt up to bare her back, the landscape of her own ruin. Perry looked scandalized as she was pulling the shirt up, “Chill out, Miss Frizzle, I’m just showing you mine.”

              She turned around so her back would face Perry but the startled intake of breath she was waiting for never came. It was not anything Perry had not seen before. She pulled her shirt back down and turned to a face of understanding and pity. The pity did not bother her like it usually did because it was not pity for her situation, it was because Perry knew how she had felt to have to carry the marks around forever, “At least you can hide yours easily.”

              The conversation turned from serious to a twisted sense of comfortable comparison. “You don’t have to.”

              “They cover every inch of my skin. It’d be impossible -”

              “To hide.” Perry smiled, sheepishly. “Then don’t.”

              “I don’t want people to stare.”

              “People stare when you wear turtlenecks in the summer."

              “I don’t want to explain.”

              Carmilla shrugged, “Then don’t. Not everyone has the right to know about the details of your life. Tell who you want.”

              “Should I tell them?” she nodded toward the room where their friends were gathered.

              “You’re asking the wrong person.” Carmilla told nothing to anyone, no matter who they were until it was dragged out of her.

              “Well, now you know why I am how I am.”

              “I was never going to ask.”

              “But you were still curious.” Carmilla shrugged and let Perry think what she would. Carmilla had never taken Perry’s personality for anything other than the simple fact that it was how she was wired. There was nothing wrong with that and even after hearing the woman’s story, she still found no fault.

              “Perry?” Carmilla questioned before Perry was entirely out from the kitchen. The question escaped her before she made up her mind whether she really wanted to know the answer or not, “Your mother, she was loving, right?”

              Perry’s features saddened, “She was. She loved me a lot. She was just too paranoid to completely show it.”

              Carmilla looked at her feet, comparing their past. “I know what you’re doing. It’s not the same at all. I don’t think you should have a false hope that you missed something, or did something wrong to cause you mother to be how she is. I thought that for the longest time about my own. We can’t change who they are at the core. I’m sorry.

              Carmilla tried to rid her mind of the idea that Perry’s mother had an excuse to not show love yet she did anyway while Carmilla’s own mother was void of the emotion entirely. _I don’t care anyway. Nothing can change what has happened._ But it was not entirely true because she cared as much as the next person.

              She did not know what Perry would do from then on out; the choice was completely up to her. At least they had talked, however briefly, but to what end Carmilla was not certain. There had been no closure for either but comfort in expressing some long kept secret.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              “Do you have vacation time?” Carmilla questioned casually. She kept on reading, not looking away from the page. Bagheera was curled up against her leg, sleeping, twitching slightly at his dreams. Laura was on the other side of the bed, fact checking her latest article on the new green plans of a large metal factory outside the city. Carmilla did not understand how a factory could ever be green and environmentally friendly but it was a big story and Laura had spent the last week and a half avidly researching and interviewing anyone who would listen in order to reach her deadline, which was the next night at eleven. She seemed to be a little bit ahead of schedule, on her way to the editing stage. Carmilla usually tried to give her complete silence when she was working; she was content to sit in the same place that Laura occupied and read.

              Laura spoke and typed at the same time, “Uh, journalists don’t really have vacation time.”

              Carmilla rolled her eyes and pursed her lips at Laura’s use of air quotes. “You’re always working, I know. But, is it possible?”

              “I can send an inquiry into Mr. Clark.”

              Carmilla did not pry anymore. She knew how important Laura’s journalism work was to her and was not going to take that away for any reason. Something about the silence got to Laura, “Why though?”

              “You know how I told you, you did get a graduation gift from me? And it’s been awhile since then?”

              Laura scrunched up her face, “Oh yeah, I kinda forgot about that.”

              “Well, it has just taken me a little longer to plan than I expected and I want you to have it but I don’t want it to interfere with your work.”

              “What do you mean plan?” Laura had entirely looked away from her work now.

              “I was planning a pretty large trip. You had been upset with me before for not traveling because you understand how much I love it and I told you that I didn’t want to be anywhere but with you. Well, I thought it would be a good present, for the both us of, if you were to go traveling with me.” Carmilla knew it was a huge commitment and she kind of dropped it on Laura out of nowhere. They had never talked about it before and it was a lot to take in. Laura did not even know the extent of the trip but it was not only a weeklong venture.

              “Carm,” Laura said in a voice that was wistful and Carmilla’s heart fell. She knew that voice and it was never followed with something grand, “That sounds absolutely amazing. I would love to go traveling with you but I just don’t know when I can.”

              “Yeah, I know, I just wanted to mention it.” She tried not to sound too upset because she knew that answer was coming but it was hard when it was something she was so excited about herself. To see all of her favorite places again and share them with Laura was one of the things she had wanted to do for a very long time.

              “Carm,” Laura set her laptop down and cuddled against Carmilla’s side. It was instinct for Carmilla to wrap her arm around Laura and pull her tighter. “Please don’t be sad. It’ll happen. I promise. I just can’t say when yet. But, I will talk to Mr. Clark about it, okay?”

              “Yeah, cutie. Of course.” Her smile was small. For once she wished Laura could choose her over work. But that would not be Laura and Carmilla would never ask her to change.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              “Catherine, the new chapter came in. I was wondering if you wanted to have a look at it when I was done,” Danny poked her head in the woman’s office. She was scribbling something on a sheet of paper, “That’d be great and I’m sure Philip would enjoy seeing it as well.”

              Danny smiled and nodded, “Will do.”

              The book had become so much more to all of them aside from their next project they had to publish. It was one of those that caught you quick and pulled you in and they were along for the story as much as they were along for the publishing process. Danny had met the young author once. Her name was Wilhemina Carlton and it was her first book. She was still in college, trying to graduate in the next couple years and working on a novel, never missing a deadline and never failing to blow the minds of the publishing team.

              For Danny, it was not only exciting as she was assistant editing but because she helped to shape the story. She got to know the characters almost as well as Ms. Carlton knew them. It was the job of an editor to make sure the story flowed smoothly and had continuity but the detail in which she was able to work the story never crossed her mind as being something she would be involved with. Ms. Carlton and her immediately got along from their first meeting. Danny thought it could be because she was the closest in age to the young author but that immensely helped the process. It could be stressful working and finishing and then having to rework but all of her notes were taken with understanding and politeness and worked into the story in away that still kept Wilhemina’s authenticity. Danny had never seen a future for herself as a writer but being a part of the writing process was still an incredible experience.

              Publishing itself was a brutally quick field. One she found herself falling into with ease. She worked well under pressure and she worked fast. Catherine was more than pleased with her and the team was abnormally well-fitted to each other. Mrs. Rubinchik called it a “publishing miracle” but Danny gave the credit to the book they were working on. Sometimes things are just easy to get along about because everyone loves the work.

              “Hey, Coop!” the bounding puppy was scrabbling at the floor, jumping up and down in happiness at her return. She reached down to scratch his head before he took off in to the house. She heard sizzling from the kitchen.

              “Hey, babe,” Kirsch called from over the stove. It smelled like chicken and Danny was grateful he had not gone through with his threat of hot dog mac and cheese. She could not stand the taste of hot dogs and even the thought made her queasy. Kirsch on the other hand had used it as his go-to meal throughout his four years at Silas and apparently, it had not gotten old. He reached over and pulled her to him, kissing her hello. “About the game this weekend…”

              “Yes, Kirsch, I am coming,” she cut him off, rolling her eyes. He had only made sure to check every day for the last two weeks. “I know that, D-Bear. But, since we are definitely going to win, would it be cool if we got everyone to go out afterwards. I know Will is coming and I think Lafontaine is stopping by. I don’t know for sure about Laura.”

              “Oh, I just talked to her today and she is coming though whether Carmilla will be dragged along, I do not know,” Danny added to his list. Kirsch nodded, “What do you think about it though?”

              “I think we should go even if you don’t win.”

              His eyes widened at her, “Don’t you dare.”

              The game was basketball but it was a charity event to raise money for the school put on the by the high school team. It sparred teachers against administration and Kirsch was running with the blue team filled of teachers. Danny was cheering him on from the crowd, surrounded by Will and Zayne who she believed was his boyfriend. She was not sure if they were official but they had been dating for a little while and seemed to be. Lafontaine was riding solo and so was Laura. Apparently Carmilla had said that after the one hockey game she went to, she would suffer through “no more sports.”

              Kirsch wiped his forehead against the sleeve of his shirt as he ran backward, calling for the ball. They were winning and it was obvious it was because Kirsch was on their team. Though it was only friendly competition between the faculty for a good cause, Kirsch and the other coach playing seemed to be the only ones with experience and unfortunately, they were on the same team. In short, the other team was losing profoundly.

              Kirsch looked up in the stands and pointed at her. Danny felt like she was back in high school though that had never happened to her before. Laura squeezed her arm and smiled. Their friends still didn’t know but they were becoming much more obvious about their relationship. The buzzer sounded just as Kirsch threw the ball into the air and _swoosh!_ The crowd erupted in cheers and the basketball team ran onto the court to congratulate their coach. The principal of the school grabbed the microphone, “Thank you all for coming out tonight! We have raised a little over a thousand dollars this evening. Thank you all for your contributions!”

              When they arrived at the bar, there was a certain dark-haired woman seated at a table, nursing a glass of whiskey. “I said I didn’t like sports. I never said I didn’t like alcohol.”

              Laura was instantly gone from Danny’s side. It was not unusual but could get quite annoying and though she knew Laura was oblivious, Carmilla always made a point to direct her back to the group. Kirsch was talking with some of his coworkers who had come to join the party. Lafontaine was talking with Will and Zayne and so Danny decided that was her best shot. She walked over and introduced herself as she had not yet met Zayne, “Hey, I’m Danny.”

              Will swallowed quickly and made a move to introduce, “This is my friend, Zayne.”

               _So maybe they haven’t_ – “I’m actually his boyfriend. Will just hasn’t gotten used to the word yet.”

              Will seemed to want to sink into the shadows, which for a Karnstein, was unusual. Carmilla hiding was just part of her air of mystery, not trying to shy away from attention. No matter if she wanted it or not, that girl never flew under the radar. Lafontaine guffawed at Will’s sheepishness and Danny stuck out a hand to pull him back into the group he was slowly tiptoeing away from, “Well, I’m glad I finally get to meet you because I have heard a lot about you.”

              “From who?” Will questioned sounding scandalized. Danny raised an eyebrow, “I live with your best friend.”

              “Speaking of which, Zayne you have yet to meet Kirsch and I really want you to.” Zayne smiled, “It would be my pleasure.”

              Will pulled his boyfriend away from Danny who shrugged. She had wanted to actually talk to him, get to know him and Will better; he was her boyfriend’s best friend after all. Lafontaine spoke up, “Let’s go sit with the other lovebirds.”

              Danny went rather reluctantly but as they neared, Carmilla sat up and shrugged Laura more into her own seat. She was actually quite pleasant when she wanted to be. Carmilla nodded her head toward them as they sat; it was her way of saying hello. “Xena.”

              “Elvira.” The name-calling wasn’t insulting anymore. It was their strange and uncomfortable camaraderie. When Carmilla used her actual name, there was something wrong. “How’s the new house?”

              The way Laura looked at Carmilla made Danny want to gag. “It’s pretty perfect.”

              Carmilla agreed but those words would never have come out of her mouth, “We’re adjusting.”

              “I know how it was moving in to a new place with someone. It’s a little weird running into each other’s space at first but you’ll find your bearings.” Danny was trying to offer advice; she had been through it with Kirsch.

              “Carm and I practically lived together at my apartment anyway. This isn’t so different,” Laura explained.

              “I think it is,” Carmilla retorted. Danny and Lafontaine exchanged a look because neither of them wanted to witness an argument. “What?”

“It’s our place now instead of yours. I’m not intruding anymore because it’s for the both of us. Its better.” The conversation had turned in the entire opposite direction of an argument. Laura squealed and hugged Carmilla who started to soften but when she saw Danny and Lafontaine, her face became stoic once more. “Aww, Carm! That’s so sweet.”

              “I guess it’s a little bit different anyway,” Danny offered, “You guys are actually together and living together. Different dynamic.”

              Carmilla stared at her for longer than Danny was comfortable and she glared back until Carmilla winked, shrugged, and sat back in her chair, “Sure it is, Xena.”

              Carmilla held her gaze with a smirk as Danny processed the fact that Carmilla knew her secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> Sorry, I didn't keep track of the songs things time and a lot of this was written while my friend and I were rewatching Glee so those songs???? I don't know, I'll do better next time
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> After this chapter, the structure is going to change a little. It's going to be written in snippets of time and/or important events.

              Soft sounds of a guitar playing from the record player followed Laura outside through the open window as she shuffled her feet across the deck, wrapping her arms around herself and rubbing warmth into her skin as the cool summer night air caressed her body. She was glad that she had pulled on a pair of light gray sweatpants but the tank top that she was wearing was not doing her much good. Her hand moved to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear when she set eyes on Carmilla who was lying on the deck, her legs bent over the edge of the pool, feet dangling languidly in the water. Her arms were folded above her head and she was staring, entranced, at the night sky. She was completely still but Laura knew that she was aware of her presence.

              She took the remaining steps and then sat down and lowered herself so that she was lying next to Carmilla. When she placed her head on the girl’s chest, Carmilla moved her left arm so that Laura was cradled in it. Laura felt her hand rest gently against her lower back, brushing against her spine. Carmilla’s shirt had shifted to show the skin under her belly button and above her shorts and Laura found her hand there, drawing circles against the hipbone that jutted out from the skin.

              “Thanks, cupcake.”

              “For what?” Laura asked. There had been nothing she had done for the past couple of days to warrant a thank you. Carmilla turned her head to kiss Laura on the forehead, “For shutting off for a couple of days and coming up here with me.”

              There was a thrilling yell from behind them and feet bounded across the boards before a figure flew over them. The splash from the pool covered them completely and Laura shuddered at how cold the water had gotten while Carmilla sat up, looking like a drowned cat, “Oh, fuck no.”

              Carmilla threw herself in the water, trying to drown Will as he swam to evade her. Laura laughed at the sight.

              “I won’t be that mean,” Zayne smiled as he sat down next to her, “I told Will not to do it. As you can see, he did not listen to me.”

              “Zayne!” Will called, water entering his mouth as Carmilla shoved him back under the water. His head bobbed up, “Help me!”

              “You did this to yourself, babe!” Zayne called back. He continued to talk with Laura, “I’m sorry if that interrupted anything.”

              “I think we had finished,” Laura assured him though she had not been able to tell Carmilla that she was the one who should be thankful. Laura had not taken a day off since she started except when recovering from her accident and even then, she had worked through most of the days from home. “It’s been nice to get to know you. We haven’t really had much time together since Will and I got together. You seem to be here for the long run and I figured I should get to know my boyfriend’s sister’s girlfriend. I got that right, didn’t I?”

              Laura giggled, “Yeah, you did. But hey, I think of Will as a brother so the feeling was mutual. Not that I hadn’t heard a lot about you before but hearing it from you is nice.”

              “Oh, Will is not gonna like that you told me he talked about me,” Zayne told her. Laura was not too worried, “If he does anything to me, he has to deal with that,” she pointed at Carmilla who had finally decided Will had been punished enough and was swimming to the edge to climb out, “I feel very safe.”

              “I blame you,” Carmilla directed at Zayne when she came over. She shook her hair and was ringing out her shirt when Zayne stood up. “I’ve already found that I can’t control him.”

              He squeezed her shoulder and then jumped in the pool, making sure to make as small of a splash as he could. Carmilla reached out her hand to pull Laura up.

              Laura nuzzled her nose, “Thanks for making me come out here. I needed to clear my head. Looking at things from a distance, I didn’t realize how bad I had gotten and you know what?”

              “No. What, cutie?” Carmilla slung her arm around Laura’s shoulder. She could feel her shirt getting thoroughly soaked. Laura had actually been thinking about this for a while but the weekend away had really made it perfectly clear, “Aside from the green piece I did, I’m not really liking the work I’m doing. It doesn’t mean anything.”

              Carmilla was silent at the revelation, “Then quit.”

              “No, I don’t want to quit. I love _The Journal_. I love reporting. I just don’t like the stories I’m getting. I want to write something with impact. The green piece had that. It was about environmental protections and their importance but everything else is just, news.”

              “That is reporting, cupcake,” Carmilla responded.

              “But it doesn’t _have_ to be.”

              “That’s called bias.”

              “I can write a meaningful piece without bias,” Laura explained.

              “It wouldn’t be meaningful to everyone. Some people would have a different opinion on it.”

              “Yeah, well, some people have differing opinions on actual facts,” Laura muttered. Carmilla squeezed her as they walked up the stairs, it was awkward as they held onto each other, “I can’t help you with that, buttercup. You have to make the decision on what you want to be doing. Have you talked to your boss?”

              “I’m afraid that he won’t go for it. Especially because I haven’t been there for that long.”

              “He took what I always thought was a creepy interest in you from the start. He’d probably do anything for you,” Carmilla grimaced. Laura nudged her in the side, “That’s so mean. He’s like a grandpa.”

              Carmilla raised her eyebrows, “You and I have very different definitions of the word.”

              “Ugh,” Laura grumbled. When she swiveled around to face Carmilla, her back against the door of their room, she was pouting. “I don’t want to talk about my boss. He’s ruining the mood.”

              “There was a mood?” Carmilla arched an eyebrow. Laura took Carmilla’s hands to pull her through the door but Carmilla twisted them, leading Laura toward the bathroom, “I need a shower.”

              “You’re already all wet,” Laura said as she saw the water trail from the staircase that had no doubt tracked through the entire house. Carmilla turned her head, “You’re not.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              The silence and darkness of the room did not suffocate but instead added to the calm of the too early morning. The curtains against the window were pulled to the side, allowing an unobstructed view of the night outside. The window was opened, crickets chirping nearby and the only sound that disturbed the quaintness on the opposite side of the window.

              A soft groan came from the direction of the bed; the ruffling of sheets accompanied the cute noise, “Carm?”

              “I’m right here, cupcake.”

              “No. You’re over there.” Carmilla smiled even though the other girl could not see her face. “What are you doing?"

              “Nothing.”

              “Looking at the stars?” Carmilla chuckled. No matter what she said, Laura would always have the intuition to know exactly what she meant. That level of knowing each other was something that had happened quite quickly over the span of their relationship and Carmilla never grew tired of it. She had never experienced this level of understanding and trust that Laura and her had. At first it had scared her; she had tried to run away from it, her fear of commitment almost ruining the greatest thing she had in her life. Yet, Laura had stayed and helped her through it and here they were now, Carmilla laughing and smiling easily, “Yeah.”

              There was a creaking as Laura stood from the bed. Carmilla saw her out of the corner of her eye and followed the brunette’s progress across the room. She unwrapped her arms from their tight hold on her knees that were pulled into her chest and spread them across the length of the seat. She held her arms out, now looking at Laura, beckoning the girl to sit down. Laura, without hesitation, climbed up on the seat and settled between Carmilla’s legs, her head alighting on the swell of Carmilla’s breasts.

              Carmilla wrapped her arms around Laura and kissed the top of her head. She instantly felt Laura’s warmth radiate against her skin and enter her body, combining with her own and creating an aura of heat and love. Setting her nose against Laura’s hair, she asked, “Why are you up, creampuff?”

              “Because I was alone in bed.”

              “You never woke up. How did you know I had gotten out of bed?”

              “I always know. I can feel it.”

              Carmilla turned her head to look out the window again, her cheek now lying on Laura’s head. She felt a hand entwine with hers and squeezed in response. Laura let out a huge yawn which made Carmilla laugh, “Go back to bed, buttercup.”

              “No, I’m fine.”

              “You’re tired.”

              “I’m still fine.” Carmilla shook her head at Laura’s stubbornness but did not fight against it. Not too long later, Carmilla felt Laura’s breaths deepen and the weight on her chest become heavier. This was never something she could have imagined for herself. The ability to look at the stars with the girl she loved asleep in her arms.

              Laura was not heavy but the complete dead weight that her sleeping resulted in, caused Carmilla’s legs to fall asleep and after a few minutes of trying to put up with it so as not to wake Laura, Carmilla realized she had to move around. She shifted Laura softly so that she could swing her legs off the edge of the seat. Then, she lifted Laura into her arms, only a small grumble escaping the small girl’s lips, and tucked her back into bed.

              Carmilla walked back to the window for one more look, decided to leave the curtains open to let the moonlight shine in the room, and then returned to the bed. She slid under the covers and snuggled into Laura’s back, wrapping her arms protectively around the girl and placing her forehead on the top of the girl’s back, settling in for at least a couple more hours of sleep.

              Carmilla threw the duffle bag into the trunk of the car and shut it as another car rumbled up the driveway and Kirsch and Danny jumped out. Kirsch hugged her before she could stop him so she shoved at him with all of her strength. Even when he let go, she was not entirely sure it had anything to do with her. “Kirsch, get off her!”

              He scampered back to Danny. Actually scampered. Like a dog. Carmilla wanted to barf.

              “Yo, dude!” Will came running from the house and they did whatever combination of shaking hands, hugging, and patting on the back that they always did. Laura came out, talking to Zayne who stayed in the doorway and waved.

              “You really have to leave, Millie?” She held an arm out for Laura who hugged her, “This cupcake has to get back to work tomorrow.”

              “You guys have a good vacation!” Laura called as she went around the car to the driver’s seat. Carmilla hopped in the passenger side.

              “Are you sure you’re okay with us driving? Not nervous?” Laura asked, starting the ignition. Carmilla took her hand, “You don’t make me nervous.”

              And it was true. Carmilla’s fear of cars had been getting better and better but whenever Laura was driving, she felt like she never had a fear. It was getting a lot easier; she was not sure if she would ever want to drive again, but it was definitely more convenient that she could be in a car now.

              Laura went back to work and did not stop. After their short conversation about how Laura was unhappy, it was never brought up again and she threw herself into the articles she was given as if she could change how she felt. Carmilla spent most of the days in the apartment, trying to figure out what to do with her days. She had previously entertained the idea of writing a book about philosophy or language or life; she had never made up her mind and it seemed to far-fetched a plan for her to ever finish. Instead, she found herself applying to tutor in foreign languages online. She got the job without a hitch; she expected to.

              And that was what brought them to the holidays yet again. They had completely forgotten about Halloween. Carmilla was not bothered by it’s he did not enjoy the costumes or the obligation to give out candy or even worse, attend a party. But Laura was distraught. She had had so many ideas for what they could go as. Carmilla assured her it would come around again the next year and they could dress up in whatever horrible costume Laura came up with. Laura immediately wrote it in big letters on the fridge calendar.

              That was another change. Never in her life had Carmilla ever thought she would have a fridge calendar but here they were. Moving in permanently with Laura was more different that she had expected. When she stayed at Laura’s, she always respected Laura’s routine but now since this was their house, both of their routines collided. They were able to work through it. But the little things like fridge calendars always threw Carmilla off. It was as if she had gone through the past few years not really believing everything happening to her was true and a calendar on the fridge is what clarified it all.

              Laura would go to work. Carmilla would drag herself out of bed a couple hours later. She had a couple of tutoring sessions in the afternoon; she had made sure to never schedule before noon. That was all she did; the job was only to entertain her and take up time. Bagheera hung around her all day, following her around the house. She read a lot. For the most part though, she was bored.

              Laura always became a whirlwind around the holidays and so for once, she was actually looking forward to all of it. Something to drag her out of the monotony that she would never disclose to Laura. So the call from Kirsch saying they would host Thanksgiving at the house this year was a welcomed distraction.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              The after dinner laughter filled the room and though it took up space that was when Laura noticed the absence. Lafontaine and Perry were curled up in the corner of the couch; Perry was smiling with her arm around Lafontaine’s shoulder and Lafontaine was holding on to Perry’s other hand as they struggled to talk through their laughter with Kirsch who was bent over, his body racking with the force of his amusement. Will was sprawled out on the floor, his usual smirk, in place of laughter, lighting up his face to show he found the humor. Zayne was playing with his hair absentmindedly. Danny was in the kitchen, popping open two bottles of wine. During the loudest part of the day was when Laura recognized the strange silence. And it was not necessarily the lack of her voice; the silence was more so in the lack of her presence.

              Laura pushed herself off the couch, everyone too busy trying to catch their breaths to notice her departure. She looked through the kitchen and dining room to no avail, but when she saw a wagging tail sticking out from behind the hallway wall, she smiled and changed course. “Are you trying to smuggle Cooper out?”

              Carmilla was kneeling on the floor a wide smile on her face as she aggressively ran her fingers through Cooper’s long fur and when Laura appeared, she jumped, startled at the sudden voice. Her eyes were wide and Laura could not help but let out a small giggle. Carmilla got her bearings back very quickly and shrugged.

              Kirsch and Danny getting a house was a very sudden upgrade that had caught everyone off guard but the had all gotten used to it by now. It was a small, two-story house that Kirsch and instantly swept it up. They both paid rent and were mostly pretending it was more convenient, though the group knew better than to believe them. The dog had run up to Carmilla as soon as Laura had ushered her through the door and since then, Cooper had sat next to Carmilla no matter where they were. She saw this connection reflected in Carmilla’s eyes and the easy way her hand had stroked absently across Cooper’s head when they had been sitting in the living room before diner. It was visible that the dog calmed Carmilla and vice versa. Kirsch had pulled Laura aside to tell her that he had never seen Cooper this relaxed around new people and Laura had laughed because she felt the same way about Carmilla.

              “I’m going to take him for a walk if you want to come with us.” Carmilla was pulling his leash down from the wall. “So, you are trying to steal him?”

              She just rolled her eyes, “I’m going to bring him back, cupcake.”

              “I know,” Laura responded, swiftly pecking Carmilla on the cheek, “I’ll go grab our jackets.”

              No one questioned her as she almost sprinted to grab their coasts out of the closet and back. Carmilla was standing there with Cooper already on the leash, ready to go. They both shrugged on their coats and then Carmilla opened the door ever so slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible so they could have a clean escape.

              Laura intertwined her arm with the one that Carmilla held out for her. Cooper was walking calmly at Carmilla’s side, staying close. It was warmer than usual for late November and the wind was a nice, slow breeze that blew Laura’s hair out of her face. Carmilla pulled her in closer by her arm and Laura nestled her head into Carmilla’s shoulder, feeling a content sigh leave Carmilla’s entire body.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              “Where’s Cooper?” Danny came out of the kitchen, confusion written all over her face with the disappearance of the dog. Kirsch straightened up and looked around, “I haven’t seen him in a while.”

              “He couldn’t have gotten out could he?” Danny questioned. Cooper was a good dog but he could be easily excitable and have been pulled out the door if his attention was misplaced. Kirsch moved closer and put his hand on her arm, “I’m sure, he’s fine. We’ll find him.”

              “Guys,” Lafontaine was looking out the sliding glass door that led out into the side yard where the sidewalk followed alongside the street. They had an amused and adoring smile on their face, “I don’t think you need to worry about the dog.”

              Danny rushed into the living room and looked out the window, Kirsch following slowly behind and chuckling softly. Passing by the window was Carmilla and Laura walking arm in arm, Cooper trotting alongside them. Danny could not help but smile because they looked perfect together. It had taken a lot for her and Laura to reach a place where they could be friends without past feelings bumping into one another and making the situation uncomfortable. But here they were, on Thanksgiving, enjoying the presence of their friends. Danny and Carmilla were by no means best friends, but they were civil enough to each other that Laura stopped glaring between them whenever tensions heightened; that had stopped becoming a problem when Danny realized Carmilla was here to stay. Once that realization dawned, Carmilla seemed to notice and let Danny off the hook for being a protective friend.

              She was not the only one who could see how happy they were together. They seemed to move as one entity and though sometimes when they were near each other for a long time, it became creepy in its own way. They knew exactly how to adjust to one another and spoke without words. Danny knew from experience how dangerous something like that could become and was happy to see that though they were together most of the time, they had the ability to be apart and when they were, nothing was wrong. They both knew how to be their own people without the other. That had been a great relief because when they used to be adamant that they were strictly friends, they had been even more absorbed with one another. Getting the actual feelings out had created a middle ground for the two.

              Danny laughed to herself. Sometimes she should take her own advice. It had taken her forever to accept the inevitable conclusion that her and Kirsch would be together. They had moved in together and bought a dog and yet she still refused to tell their friends she was in a relationship with the goofball that was in all practicality, her best friend.

              She looked over at his dopey smile and he looked back at her with bright eyes. He was a total goofball and there was nothing stopping her but her own fear. Absolutely nothing stood in their way when they had been committed to one another. He had not looked away, but his brow furrowed when she continued to stare at him. _This is it_.

              Danny leaned over and kissed his lips softly and quickly and his eyes widened as she pulled away. “Whoop, whoop!”

              Danny turned around and glared at Will who just let out a laugh, “About time.”

              Lafontaine was staring at her with their mouth hanging open and Perry was smiling as if she had known all along. They had to have; she moved in with the guy. She looked back to Kirsch who was still working through the surprise, “So…so, does this mean? This means…”

              “Yes, Kirsch.” She kissed him once more and grabbed ahold of his hand, “Sorry for making you wait so long.”

              “The wait was the best part.”

              “Oh, really?”

              “Okay, well the kissing was good, too.”

              “That’s what I thought.” Kirsch pulled her with him toward the couch when Perry spoke up, “They didn’t ask you to take Cooper out?”

              “I’m not sure they needed to. That dog would follow Carmilla anywhere. I trust them both anyways. It’s not a huge deal.” Kirsch had pretty much spoken for the both of them so Danny just nodded along.

              There was a thump as Will fell backwards, laying spread out on the floor. “Dude, its not just you left anymore?”

              “What?”

              “Everyone here was always kinda paired up and you were the last one.”

              Danny smacked Kirsch on the arm, “Leave him alone.”

              “Well,” Zayne spoke up, “You’re welcome for fixing that problem.”

              “I was perfectly fine on my own, thank you all very much,” Will said confidently.

              “Yeah but we all like Zayne so it worked out for us,” Lafontaine joked, nudging Will with their foot.

              Danny made eye contact with Perry and then saw that Lafontaine was still staring out the window. “Are you okay, Laf?”

              “Oh, yeah, I was just thinking about how I totally called it for those two out there,” they focused on Danny then and gestured between her and Kirsch, “and you two now. I mean that’s a pretty good track record.”

              “Sweetie, what does that have to do with anything?”

              “Oh, I told Will when I first heard about Zayne that he was in love with him.”

              Will groaned loudly at that. “Don’t deny the truth!”

              “Shut up, Laf,” Will growled.

              “I’m just the unofficial truth speaker here but…” a look from Perry made them stop talking and Danny also stopped Kirsch from egging them on. Will finally sat up, exasperated. “At least it’s not weird?”

              “Why would it be weird?”

              “Oh well, I don’t know. Because the last time I kinda thought about dating someone my sister had hooked up with her.”

              Danny blanched, “Who!?”

              “Nicole. You probably don’t know her. It was a while ago, but it’s still weird.”

              “Does Carmilla know?” Kirsch asked.

              Will waved his comment off, “It never happened so its not important but she would have no recollection like usual. Nicole remembered her though.”

              “Dude, does the chick…” Danny punched him in the side, “Oof, sorry, Zayne.

              Danny agreed, “Yeah, this isn’t a conversation Zayne needs to hear.”

              “Oh don’t act like you’re all-knowing just because you decided to stop being difficult and tell us you’ve been in love with Kirsch for like two years.”

              Danny felt her face get red, “That long?”

              “Just about,” Kirsch reminded her.

              “Yeah, well I didn’t have feelings for you that entire time.”

              “Ouch. Stubborn.”

              “Zayne has already heard about it. In hindsight I think it’s hilarious so I told him.”

              Zayne shrugged, “It is actually really funny.

              Lafontaine stood up from the couch, “I agree though. Let’s do something else. We could play a game!”

              No one knew how long Laura and Carmilla would be out so they agreed. Danny dug out some games from underneath the television though their options were limited. They had all come a very long way in the past year and the holidays were known for evoking some sort of nostalgia and Danny was not an exception to the rule. She was proud of the steps they had all taken, not only in their friendships and other relationships, but in their lives. All of them were on the way to becoming successful in their own ways and it was nice to be surrounded by these people. She knew they cared about her and cared about each and every person in the room. Did she ever think she would be spending Thanksgiving with her nemesis from Zeta? Or her ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend? She had always liked Perry and Lafontaine but they were more of Laura’s friends than hers and it was nice to have them back in her life. Will and, by extension, Zayne were collateral and no matter how many similarities Will shared with Carmilla, he was different enough that his personality surprisingly had never clashed with Danny’s.

              She looked up at the guy running his hand through his coifed brown hair and who was smiling wide and freely and laughing at something Will had just said. She knew she had made the right decision because nothing seemed like a crazy idea anymore. No matter how quick and easy and un-impactful her quiet declaration to him may have been, no matter how insignificant it seemed, all Kirsch needed was for her to give him the go. That did not take much and it fit perfectly with who they were as individuals and together. No hassle. Looking at him she realized how stupid she had been.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              Laura’s face was tinted red from the chill of the wind and she looked so cute bundled up next to Carmilla’s side. Cooper was trotting along faithfully next to Carmilla who had been half-heartedly reprimanded by Laura for not bringing along a plastic bag just in case Cooper had to stop and go. Fortunately, that had not occurred and they were coming back toward the house after making a second trip around the small square where Kirsch and Danny’s house sat. “Thanks for walking with me, cupcake.”

              “Mmmhmm,” Laura mumbled into her shoulder before reaching up on her tiptoes and kissing Carmilla lightly on the cheek. Carmilla smiled and turned her head towards Laura. She pulled the girl closer and wrapped her arms around her waist as Laura folded her hands behind Carmilla’s neck. Carmilla lips met the ones that she loved and tasted apple and cinnamon. Cooper barked in excitement, causing both of the girls to laugh. “Had to ruin the moment, boy, didn’t you?”

              Cooper let out another soft bark in return and Carmilla bent down and ruffled up his fur as he closed his eyes with contentedness. She would be lying if she said Laura’s earlier comment about stealing Cooper had never crossed her mind but the dog would not be welcome in her and Laura’s apartment; the cat would have a fit. And of course, stealing a dog was inappropriate, though she rolled her eyes at that logic.

              A burst of warm air hit them when they re-entered the home and as soon as Cooper was let off from his leash, he took off into the living room where Carmilla heard a loud groan from Danny as the dog must have jumped right on her. Carmilla hung up the leash and shrugged of her jacket as quickly as possible, the heat getting to her faster than was comfortable. Laura held out her hand, “I’ll take them back.”

              Carmilla made her way through the kitchen and stopped in the entrance of the living room where Will was blocking half the entrance. Lafontaine and Perry were holding hands on the couch and Kirsch and Danny were lounging on the other sofa, the dog lying across their laps. Carmilla raised an eyebrow at the sight; the change in their demeanors was obvious. Danny was leaning into Kirsch who was smiling like the happiest guy on earth and Carmilla snorted, “It’s about time.”

              “What?” Danny snapped as Laura appeared next to Carmilla’s side.

              “You two giants finally stopped being stupid.”

              “What’s up?” Laura said, appearing next to Carmilla’s side. Her eyes must have seen the same thing as Carmilla’s had because she continued, “Finally.”

              Danny’s eyes widened. “How’d you know?”

              “You guys could not have been more obvious.”

              Danny just glared but Carmilla shrugged, “I’m happy for you.”

              Everyone in the room did a double take and Carmilla shrugged again. Maybe she was not the biggest on sharing feelings or caring about what happened in their lives but she was not entirely ruthless and it had been getting on her nerves that Kirsch and Danny were adamant on pretending they were not practically married already. They got a house together and still refused to say they were totally in love with each other; it was ridiculous and Carmilla was just tired of waiting for the inevitable. “Whatever. You guys were starting to get annoying about it.”

              The knowing smile on Laura’s face irritated her more than anything else but the way that her eyes sparkled with adoration at the fact that Carmilla might show one ounce of care towards the people that Laura considered both of their friends, caused a warmth to sprout in her chest and she hummed with a smirk in Laura’s direction.

              “Laura? You knew?”

              “No matter what you think, I’m not entirely oblivious. And we all knew,” she gestured around the room. Carmilla watched Danny swallow hard as if she was worried about Laura’s reaction though so far, she had nothing to worry about and Carmilla knew that Laura had no hard feelings.

              “And that’s okay?”

              Laura slipped an arm around Carmilla’s waist and Carmilla returned the favor, “It’s never bothered me. You both deserve to be happy.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              No one had been expecting Mr. Hollis to invite everyone over for Christmas, but there they were, crammed into his house on Christmas Eve. This was a different Mr. Hollis than Danny had known before. He talked to everyone; made sure their lives were going according to plan and most of them were. He seemed happy. Danny could only guess it was because Laura was back in his life. She had only ever seen the estranged relationship between father and daughter; that was the only way she knew the two of them. When dating his daughter, she had a rough relationship with him as she always tried to make Laura comfortable. She did not need another father, hers was great. But, it made her feel uncomfortable when they did come in contact. Now though, he seemed open and stress-free.

              Kirsch’s family lived very close the Hollis’ as he had gone to the same school as Laura; that was how they became friends. They had left Styria the day before and went over to spend time with Kirsch’s family. Danny got to meet his younger sister, Allie. Allie was a senior in high school now and Kirsch had made a big deal about how crazy it was that she would be in college soon. Danny smiled and let him talk about it. Allie was quiet, unlike her brother.

              Since it was Christmas Eve, Kirsch’s parents cooked them dinner and they opened a couple presents. Kirsch and Danny saved each other’s for Christmas with their friends but his parents had surprised Danny with a gift. It was a first edition Brother’s Grimm. They refused to inform her where they purchased it or how much it cost but Kirsch was ecstatic. He had apparently told them she worked in fiction publishing and though she was not a huge collector of books, she might just have a new hobby for the upcoming year.

              Kirsch had opened a box with a jersey in it that read ‘coach’ on the back. Even though he smiled and thanked his parents with a hug, she knew that meant a lot more to him than just those small acts of gratitude. He loved every second of being a coach. Those kids were so important to him and he took his job very seriously, not only to win games but to be there for the kids. The way his dad looked at his mom means they knew exactly that.

              Kirsch had given his sister a celestial globe. She was really into space and thinking about going into astronomy in college. In that way, she reminded Danny of Carmilla which was a strange thought for her to have. Aside from the obvious difference of Allie being a nice person, they were very similar. Danny thought that might be why Kirsch got along with her so well. They had a strange dynamic but it worked.

              Kirsch did not get a gift from Allie but no one questioned it and so Danny did not either. She figured she would ask later if she didn’t forget. After seeing how close he was with his family, though he did not talk about them much, she thought she might have a difficult time getting Kirsch to leave and go to the Hollis’ but he was actually the one who stood up and announced they had to get going.

              In the car on the way to Laura’s she brought it up. “Well, I don’t know. I’ve been out of the house for a few years and yeah I love them but I do have my own life now. You guys are all my family too. I think that’s just how it happens. I know they’ll always be there for me but I have to live my life and the life I have is all of you.”  
              Danny was stunned into silence. Kirsch was not the most book smart person she had ever met and sometimes his common sense was lacking but he tended to come out of nowhere with mind-opening pieces of wisdom. He was always so sure about them as if they were actual facts he had picked up and memorized but Danny had never once thought about family that way. She had always thought about it as an obligation everyone kept up. Kirsch thought of them as people he could always fall back on if need be. Danny could not help but wonder if her relationship with her family would be different if she had that philosophy from the start. Instead she had always thought of moving out and never going back and so far, except from a few visits, she had been successful.

              The Hollis’ house was not made for the amount of people that were staying. Mr. Hollis had a room and Laura had a room. There were two and half bathrooms and that was it. Laura and Carmilla would get one room. Mr. Hollis offered his room up and only after much arguing did Perry finally give up the fight and take it. Danny and Kirsch would get the couch, which was fortunately a pull-out bed and Mr. Hollis blew up an air mattress to sleep on the floor. Was it a little awkward going to bed in the same room as your ex’s father? Of course it was. It was equally as weird with someone new as it would have been with that man’s daughter.

              Danny and Kirsch were the first up. Whether it was because Danny could hear Mr. Hollis making breakfast or because the pull-out was not very easy on the back, Danny could not say for sure. Kirsch was stretching on the edge of the mattress when she went into the kitchen. Mr. Hollis poured her a cup of coffee, “So, how are you Danny?”

              She paused for a moment because she was surprised by her own answer. It had been a long time since she could say it truthfully. “I am actually doing really, really great, right now.”

              “I’m glad for you,” he responded as a yawning Kirsch came in the kitchen, “And I’m guessing this guy has something to do with that.”

              Kirsch had the dopey grin on his face that she loved, even though he had no idea what had been said. He waved off the coffee and grabbed orange juice instead. “Kirsch, bud, its great to have you back in the house.”

              “It’s good to be here. I haven’t been since high school.”

              “That long?” Mr. Hollis asked. The question was only for show; they both knew it had been that long.

              “Was it prom?” Kirsch questioned. That peaked Danny’s attention. Mr. Hollis shook his head, “I think you were here after graduation.”

              Danny looked at Kirsch, “You went to prom with Laura?”

              He actually laughed, “No, I went to prom with SJ. Laura and Annie were just collateral. We were all friends at that point so we just went in a group. We all just crashed here after.”

              “Mr. Hollis?” Danny said as if scandalized, “You let a boy sleep over with your daughter.”

              Mr. Hollis was busy flipping the pancakes but he took the time to chuckle, “I was never once worried about Kirsch. And if you didn’t know,” he whispered, “Laura’s gay. I should’ve been more worried about the girls. But if I never let her have her girlfriends over, I’m not sure Laura would have had even the two friends she did have.

              “I think I’ve grown a little bit. I didn’t make Carmilla sleep on the couch yet again I met her last year and I’m not sure I have much authority over that seeing that Laura had her freedom to make her own choices.” The undertone of the sentence was that he had been absent but everyone in the room was conscious of it enough to let it slide by without comment. “Breakfast is almost ready, would you guys be willing to go wake up the others?”

              “Of course,” Danny scooted off the chair. Kirsch followed up the stairs but paused. “D-Bear? Could you possibly wake up Laura and Carmilla? I walked in on them once and I never want that to happen again.”

              “So you think I want to see that?” Kirsch looked helpless and Danny rolled her eyes, “Fine. But you’re being a baby.”

              “You don’t understand. I then had to take her father to the airport. That situation can never happen again in any sort of context. Ever.”

              “Kirsch I already said I’d do it. Go get Laf and Perry.” Danny had barely knocked on the door when Laura opened it, her hair all mussed from sleep and a huge smile on her face, “It’s Christmas.”

              “That it is, creampuff,” said a voice from behind and Carmilla appeared, wrapping her arms around Laura’s waist. Danny pointed down the hallway, “Just so you two know, that one time when Kirsch walked in on you has scarred him beyond repair. He wouldn’t even come near the door.”

              Laura frowned but Carmilla smirked, “Then good thing he hadn’t come woken us up about fifteen minutes ago. Wouldn’t want a repeat of that.”  
              Laura blushed and pushed Carmilla off her. Danny grumbled, “Keep it to yourself next time.”

              When she walked away she could hear Laura arguing with a smug Carmilla about whether or not to share about their sex life. Danny called back, “Laura, your dad said breakfast was ready.”

              Danny almost tumbled down the stairs as how fast Laura sped past her. Carmilla was more languid than that. “We’ve been working on the whole eat more thing but I’m sure this is more about the faster everyone eats, the faster presents come. She’s like a five year old when it comes to Christmas.”

              Carmilla passed her without explaining anymore and Danny had no idea what the “eat more thing” was. Perry and Lafontaine came out of the room together, holding hands and wearing matching Christmas sweaters. Perry smiled and said good morning.

              Kirsch took her hand, “Happy Christmas, D-Bear. I’m glad I get to spend it with you again.”

              Danny kissed him, “I’m excited for the year we finally spend it alone, at home, and have our traditions. We’ve only been talking about that for two years.”

              Kirsch shrugged, “I know but maybe,” he looked around when they reached the bottom of the stairs, “maybe this is our tradition.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> All of Imaginary Future's discography, "All of the Stars" - Ed Sheeran
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second part of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." You can also find this on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/KenzieTartaglione
> 
> Yes, I'm still here. It's been really hard to write lately cause I'm really busy but I am finishing this fic. No worries.

               _It was late and dark when they made it to the room. Carmilla thought Laura was going to fall asleep in the elevator but when she unlocked and opened the door, Laura’s eyes lit up and a fresh wave of energy seemed to take control of her. “It’s huge.”_

_  
It was not a penthouse but it could be. Laura spun around the room and when she went to wash the airplane off of her, Carmilla tried to follow. Carmilla was only glad Laura refused when she came out of the bathroom wearing a long t-shirt and thigh high socks. Carmilla grabbed her around the waist and they fell onto the bed amidst Laura’s squealing. She was not wearing anything for very long._

              “Laura,” she whispered softly to gently bring Laura out of her sleep, “Cupcake, wake up.”

              The body next to her wiggled and a sighed but was still asleep. Carmilla threw her arm across Laura’s body and pressed kisses against her neck, “Laura.”

              Laura grumbled and Carmilla smiled against her neck. Laura rolled over and she planted her neck kiss right on her lips. Laura sighed into it and Carmilla pulled her closer. She could stay in bed with Laura all day but she wanted to get out and show Laura all of her favorite places. She wanted to see Laura sitting by the fountain in the Royal Gardens. She wanted to walk up the middle of the Champs-Élysées hand in hand. She wanted to explore the riverbanks of the river Seine with the girl she loved. None of that could happen if they never made it out of the room, which by the way Laura’s hands were sliding down her waist, it was becoming a good possibility.

              “Bonjour, ma chérie.”

              Laura giggled but stopped distracting Carmilla with her wandering hands, “Are you going to speak in French the entire time we are here?”

              “Peut-être,” Carmilla nuzzled into Laura’s next before removing the covers and whipping back the blinds. Sunlight streamed into the room and Laura gasped, “Carm! Everyone can see you!”

              Carmilla chuckled, “We’re so far up, creampuff. If the rooms across the street want to have a look, then let ‘em.”

              Laura crawled to the edge of the bed and grabbed Carmilla’s arm, pulling her back to her, “I don’t want them to have a look.”

              Carmilla pecked her on the cheek and pulled the sheet from where it was tucked in on the bed and wrapped it around herself with a flourish, “Is this better?”

              Laura rolled her eyes, “It was unnecessary. You have clothes.”

              Speaking of clothes, Carmilla picked up a tank top and threw it at the bed, hitting Laura in the face, “Ugh. Thanks?”

              “Well get ready, cupcake. You’ve got a lot to see,” Carmilla sauntered into the bathroom and could just hear Laura mutter, “This wasn’t even what I was gonna wear.”

              She smiled to herself in the mirror.

              Paris was the first stop on the trip. There was so much to do that Laura passed out every night as soon as they returned to the room. Carmilla stayed up with the doors to the balcony open, the curtain fluttering in the night air. She breathed in deep. The stars were mixed in with the lights from the city that scattered as far as her eye could see.

              They walked down streets hand in hand. They sat at a tiny table to drink tea and eat pastries at Carmilla’s favorite café as Carmilla tried to teach Laura some simple French; she did not catch on very well. Laura got bored at the Louvre but she acted excited for Carmilla who could easily spend hours in one room. Carmilla made them reservations at the top of the Eiffel tower and they also took the ferry so it in its entirety lit up with the city as a backdrop. But on the day when Laura almost tipped over the gondola by reaching over the side to point at something, Carmilla had decided that it was decide to move on.

              Amsterdam was next on the list. They visited the photography galleries. Laura ate her body weight in cheese. Laura forced them onto a cycling tour much to Carmilla’s dismay. Carmilla took Laura through small neighborhood markets. When Carmilla wandered into the book market, Laura spent two hours trying to pull her out of it. They picnicked on the lawns outside of the De Haar Castle. All Laura could talk about was Hogwarts and Carmilla shut her up by stuffing cake in her face and then kissing her. They tumbled onto their blanket; Laura’s giggling interrupted the people around them who were not too pleased. Laura had pushed Carmilla back up and apologized.

              In Rome they saw the Pantheon. Laura sat in the Colosseum. Then, she got them lost amidst the winding cobblestone streets and Carmilla did not mind that most of the time there was spent trying to find their way back to the hotel or eating beside fountains.

              To get away from the city, Carmilla took Laura to Greece and they watched sunrises and sunsets on the top of mountains. They watched alone, finding the most secluded places that no one came to and Carmilla used that to her advantage more than once. They swam in pure blue coves and snorkeled the reefs. Next was Italy where they drank more wine than they should have and spent much of the days in their room.

              The last place on Carmilla’s itinerary was England. Laura said it was the best because Carmilla did not have to constantly translate for her. They went to London but the hustle and bustle of the city soon got to them and they retreated to Cotswolds. It was a place of festivals and they spent a week listening to music in the back of large crowds.

              And before they knew it, Laura’s last travel article had been completed and her time off was at its end. “I know it’s the last night but I want to take you somewhere.”

              It was nothing too special. But Carmilla walked Laura out to one of the hills overlooking the town in which they were staying. There was a picnic blanket spread out with a basket of wine. Laura smiled, “Are we going to look at the stars?”

              “I thought we could,” Carmilla replied. The stars laid out in a vast array above their heads. Laura cuddled into Carmilla’s shoulder. “You promised me a graduation present and took me on this incredible trip instead.”

              “It was still your graduation present, cupcake,” Carmilla purred.

              Laura rolled onto her side and kissed Carmilla, cradling her face in her hands, “It was so much more than that.”

              Carmilla kissed her back. “I love you, Carm.”

              “I love you too.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              Kirsch entered the room after knocking to find Will bent over his desk. He had been held up by a few Zeta’s who had been new recruits when he had graduated. They had wanted to catch up and after a bunch of pats on the back that left his skin stinging, he had taken the stairs two at a time, to Will’s room. A small bed with a blue comforter sat in the back, left corner. The wardrobe was in the center of the back wall. Kirsch barely managed to fit himself in the room when he was a resident but somehow, Will had fit a television and a futon. Will’s desk, where he sat, was along the right wall. He was bent over a book, not looking up as Kirsch entered. “Hey, Will.”

              “Hey, buddy. How’s it going?”

              Kirsch settled himself on Will’s bed, “Can I ask you a question?”

              “Shoot,” Will pointed at him with a pen before scratching something down on paper. Kirsch blurted out the words, “Would you be my best man?”

              Excitement bubbled up in Kirsch but deflated when Will didn’t turn around. “Yeah, dude. Sure.”

               _Maybe I missed something._ Kirsch waited in silence thinking he was going to have to ask again, when Will turned, almost falling off his chair, “Wait? You’re serious!? You mean now?”

              He pulled Kirsch up off the bed and into a huge hug, “Congratulations! Of course, man. Wow!”

              Kirsch was smiling wide at Will’s joyous reaction and his expression was mirrored by Will when he pulled out of the hug. “Dude, I know I couldn’t have picked someone better.”

              Kirsch had run through a list in his head but Will always stood out. They had had an immediate connection and he knew Will always had his back. Will was his best friend. No one else but a best friend to be a best man.

              Will clapped him on the back, “I’m honored and so happy for you.”

              Kirsch could not have been happier with Will’s reaction and the day couldn’t come fast enough for his tow best friends to stand by his side as his future wife walked down the aisle. “Does anyone else know yet?”

              “Danny said I could ask you but we were wanting to get everyone together for an announcement. Carmilla and Laura aren’t back yet,” Kirsch explained. Will sat back down at his desk chair, looking extremely surprised but excited, “They’re supposed to get back tomorrow.”

              “Yeah, we were thinking next weekend. We don’t really want to keep it from everyone for too long.” Will raised an eyebrow, “You’re using ‘we’ now. This is really happening.”

              Kirsch smiled, thinking of Danny, “Yeah, it is.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              Lafontaine plugged their ears as Laura squealed, “Jeez, L. You wanna invite the whole neighborhood?”

              Laura was holding on tightly to Danny who looked happy and also worried that her bones would break. Cooper was running around, barking happily; it seemed to be his mission to knock them over. There was another squeal as Laura let go of Danny, “I am so happy for you!”

              “Thanks, Laura,” Danny smiled. Laura had moved onto Kirsch who was swinging her around. Lafontaine nodded at Danny, “Congratulations but I still could’ve done without the rupturing of my ear drums.”

              Will called over from the grill, “Are you guys gonna want food or…’cause in about a minute I think we’re gonna be out of luck and I don’t know how to work this thing.”

              He had a beer in his hand and was just staring at the burning food. Lafontaine handing their drink to Perry, “Are you kidding me?"

              They stomped over to the grill and looked at Will. They held the tongs out in front of his face, “You’re a medical student and you couldn’t just,” they started picking the food off the grill and setting on the plate.

              “What if it wasn’t done cooking yet?” Will argued. Lafontaine almost didn’t know what to say because Will could be a total imbecile sometimes; they blamed it on living with the Zeta’s for so long. “If something is about to burn, I’m sure its finished cooking.”

              They whacked him on the back of the head. He didn’t look mad, “Okay, I should’ve seen that one coming.”

              “Yeah, you should’ve. At least your boyfriend has some common sense. Where is he by the way?”

              “He is vacationing with his family,” Will responded and then called over to Danny, “By the way, I told Zayne and he asked me to congratulate you guys, so that’s what I’m doing.”

              Danny shook her head and waved at the table, “Sit down, sit down.”

              Kirsch and Danny’s backyard was quite big and they had set up a long table on their deck to fit everyone with benches on either side. Lafontaine went to sit down next to Perry who was still talking to Danny about the wedding. “Have you chosen your bridesmaids yet?”

              She looked over at Kirsch, “We haven’t really talked much about that side of things yet. The fact that we’re engaged is still pretty new.”

              “Except for me,” Will said, looking please with himself, “I’m the best man.”

              Kirsch gave him a look, “Dude, do you wanna get slapped again?”

              Will put up his hands in surrender, “I’m sorry. I’m excited.”

              Lafontaine started passing dishes around the table, “Well, don’t ask me to be the person of honor or anything because I know nothing about weddings.”

              Danny shrugged, “I don’t know if I really want a bridal party.”

              “Oh, you have to have one!” Laura exclaimed, “Everyone does.”

              “Since when have you been one for tradition, cupcake?” Carmilla asked. She had been silent since the announcement and the usual half-effort she put into pretending she still did not enjoy their company was lost. She was squirming like she wanted to be anywhere else. Laura grabbed a hold of her arm and rolled her eyes, “But it’s a wedding, duh. You have to do usual wedding things. It’s required.”

              Carmilla looked nauseous. Lafontaine spoke up, “Laura, you’re gay. If you ever get married, nothing about your wedding would be called traditional.”

              Laura sat back in her seat and pouted, “I hate when you guys gang up on me.”

              “I’m still thinking about it. I just haven’t made up my mind,” Danny added, “But, Kirsch and I have talked about something else and Perry, we would love if you would work the wedding.”

              Perry stuttered and looked back and forth between Danny and Lafontaine, “Oh, well that’s really nice. But, the bakery has never done something this big or important. We don’t even really make cakes. No one there knows how to design a wedding cake or what even goes into that. You might want to find an actual wedding cake service.”

              “Nope, it has to be _The Cookie Jar_ ,” Kirsch said. He has a smug look on his face. Danny continued,“But we also aren’t looking for a cake. We decided that’s not what we want. Instead, we want cupcakes.”

              Carmilla snorted and started coughing, choking on her drink. Laura made sure she was okay but was just waved off, “I’m fine. Just went down the wrong pipe.”

              The lie was blatant. Everyone knew that was Carmilla’s number one nickname for Laura. “You don’t have ownership of cupcakes, Carmilla. Get over yourself.”

              Carmilla pulled Laura into a side hug, “Except for this one.”

              “That’s disgusting,” Lafontaine commented.

              Kirsch tried to save the conversation, “You’re cupcakes are amazing, Perry. I mean mind-blowing. I take a bite and I forget what I was thinking.”

              “Isn’t that just a normal thing for you?” Lafontaine said with a mouth full of food. Perry looked offended by the comment but Kirsch just shrugged it off. He was used to the taunting. Lafontaine swallowed, “You know what, Kirsch. The joke was there for the making but it was rude so I’m sorry.”

              They whispered to Perry, “Look, I did it without you asking me to.”

              “I shouldn’t ever have to,” Perry scolded.

              “No, its okay. I set myself up for that one,” his attention was still more focused on the cupcakes, “But you’re cupcakes really are amazing and we want them at our wedding. They don’t need to be all fancy or anything but we would love if you would take the job.”

              “Oh, this is a wedding,” Lafontaine stated, “They will look fancy.”

              “Well,” Perry said indignantly, “You don’t show up to a wedding half-dressed and neither will my cupcakes.”

              Danny acceded, “We really, really appreciate it Perry.”

              “Well, now I’m going to need to know everything. The theme. The colors. What season is this going to be in?”

              “Woah, woah, woah, Perr. Slow down. They haven’t gotten that far.”

              “We will let you know as soon as we come to a decision.” Perry looked like she was already starting to worry about it and Lafontaine sighed. They pointed at Perry, “Look at what you’ve done. I’m gonna hear nothing about anything except for these cupcakes until your wedding has come and gone and even then, I’m sure she’s gonna start worrying about whether everyone liked them or not.”

              Perry furrowed her brow. “But, that is exactly what I love about you, Perr.”

              “Nice save, Lafontaine,” Perry responded dryly. Lafontaine took a hold of Perry’s hand and squeezed, trying to make her understand that they were being sincere. Perry half-smiled and shook her head; Lafontaine would take it.

              After they all ate, Lafontaine found Carmilla sitting in the yard with Cooper practically in her lap. Lafontaine fell to the ground next to her, their knees pulled up to their chest. The sun was going down and the yard was cast in a strange light that played tricks on the eyes. “What’s up?”

              Carmilla shrugged. “Okay, I’ll rephrase. What is going on with you? I thought you were gonna be sick at dinner.”

              Carmilla turned her full attention to scratching behind Cooper’s ears. “Okay, then I’ll just tell you what is going on because I already know and you’re acting like a child.”

              “This is how I always act,” Carmilla said. Lafontaine gestured toward Carmilla with their hand, “Did I stutter?”

              Carmilla sneered at Lafontaine but they were so used to it that it no longer meant anything. “You’re freaked out by the wedding talk. And you’re even more freaked out about Laura’s reaction to the wedding talk. And you -”

              “Just stop,” Carmilla swatted their arm away, “You know you’re right. You can just stop.”

              Lafontaine sat looking out at the yard with a smug smile on their face, “I’m not gonna ‘just stop’ though because I think I’m just gonna tell you how you feel since you won’t say it.”

              “I don’t need to psychoanalyzed by you,” Carmilla growled. “Ah, well that might be half-true. I’m sure I’m not qualified to do it.”

              Lafontaine wanted to laugh at their own joke but the look on Carmilla’s face had them swallowing it. “You’ve never once thought about marriage because that’s not your thing. It never was and even though you’re absolutely, one hundred percent, in love with Laura, it still never crossed your mind. You just thought you’d always be together but not through marriage. You would just be Laura and Carmilla. But now, you’re realizing that Laura has definitely thought about marriage. But, she’s never talked to you about it and I have two theories about that actually-”

              “I don’t want to hear either of them.”

              “-Knowing Laura, she’s probably entirely oblivious to your feelings on the subject and she herself is just too nervous. Because even though you’re it for her and I’m pretty sure she’s it for you, she would never think that. If you haven’t noticed, Laura doesn’t think much of herself. She probably is still wondering why you want to be with her. And so she would never bring it up in fear of chasing you away. Or,” they drug the word out, “She is a lot more observant than I give her credit for and she knows how you feel about the topic so would never bring it up in case you ran away. Because you’ve had the tendency to do so in the past. So, those are my theories.”

              They were very proud of themself. But, Carmilla just sat silently. She did not react in anyway and did not even respond. Lafontaine nudged her, “I could go on, if you’d like. I’m sure there’s more stuff to bring up here.”

              “As much as I enjoy this psych eval, no. I know you have a brilliant, scientific mind, Tweedledum, but you are not much of a detective.”

              “So, marriage doesn’t completely terrify you and you do have a heart?” Lafontaine smiled when they said it. It was not supposed to be mean, only joking.

              “No, you’re right about that. And that I never thought about marriage before. I mean, most of my life up until meeting Laura was just a constant stream of girl after-”

              Lafontaine grimaced, “Okay, yeah, I get it. You were a player.”

              “You’re words, not mine.”

              “Then what am I wrong about? Because that sounds like you agree with me” Lafontaine urged her on.

              “I’ve had a ring picked out for Laura since before she graduated from Silas,” Carmilla said it with a shrug like it was nothing. Lafontaine blanched, their mouth dropped open and they just stared. They were completely speechless. Their mind went blank. Carmilla looked over and huffed, “Nice face.”

              “It’s been over a year.” Carmilla nodded, “I know.”

              “And you’ve just been holding onto this ring all this time? What are you planning that is taking so long?”

              “Nothing at the moment,” Carmilla confessed, “At first I was going to ask her when she graduated but then I realized that the thing most important to her then was her career. I wasn’t planning on standing in the way so I decided to hold off. She was extremely busy at _The Journal _that is never seemed like I could because there would never be time to actually do anything about it. Then she had her accident. She told me she didn’t actually like her job and then never talked about that again. I didn’t want her to latch onto us getting married as what would fix that part of her life because it wouldn’t. I didn’t want her to regret or blame the decision when she realized she still didn’t like her job.__

              Then I quit my job and we somehow ended up with a cat and then we moved into a new place that was actually our place and a lot was going on. All of that stuff made us happy. I stopped thinking about it because it no longer seemed important. We were fine just how we were. She didn’t even have time to go on the trip I wanted to take her on so there was still no time for a wedding. Then the holidays and we were surrounded by everyone and I thought, why not? Why am I still waiting? So I finally planned out the trip. I got her to go and I was gonna propose then. I guess I got cold feet because it just never happened. I had so many opportunities and I just never did it,” she gestured at the deck, “And now those two giants are getting married and it would feel like I got the idea from them or I was trying to steal their thunder. So, more waiting.”

              Lafontaine stared at her, “I think that is the most words you’ve ever said to me. Or maybe even said in your life.”

              “Just forget it,” Carmilla said, making to get up.

              “No, no,” Lafontaine pulled her back down, “No. I can’t tell you what to do. I wasn’t expecting that. I had no pep talk ready for that. But you don’t have to write it off.”

              “You can’t tell anyone, alright? I don’t want Laura to know so no one else can know. I shouldn’t even have said it to you.”

              “You’re right. I live with Perry and she can get anything out of me.” Carmilla glared, “If you say anything, I will personally -”

              “Stab me with a knife? Cut my head off? No, you won’t. We’re way past that. You actually like me and the threats mean nothing.”

              “Fine. But she shouldn’t be able to get it out of you because she shouldn’t know you’re keeping a secret anyway.”

              Lafontaine backed away as Carmilla’s voice became more intense, “Okay, okay. Even though I’m like ninety-two percent certain you wouldn’t actually kill me, you’re still scary sometimes.”

              “Good.”

              “Hey, what are you guys doing out there?” Laura called from the deck. Lafontaine put their arm around Carmilla and yelled back, “Oh, just chattin’ with my new bestie.”

              Carmilla shrugged off their arm, “In your dreams.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              Laura was hanging upside down on the couch, pouting. She had been fidgety, constantly moving from one position to the next for the past hour. Carmilla sat with a notebook obstructing her face, periodically checking to make sure Laura was still breathing. Laura let out a heavy sigh and looked at Carmilla. She didn’t look back. Laura did it again. Still no reaction. With the third huff, Carmilla dropped the notebook into her lap, “I know you’re bored.”

              Laura twirled herself upright, “I miss it."

              “What?” Carmilla questioned. Laura rolled her eyes, “Dressing up. Having a party to go to,” she got off the couch and took ahold of Carmilla’s shoulders, “Halloween.”

              She said it with big eyes and a wide mouth and one easy tug had her falling, laughing into Carmilla’s lap. “I do not.”

              “You love it,” Laura’s brow furrowed. Carmilla may not have enjoyed the people at the parties but she had always gotten dressed up with Laura, taken pictures, and gone. Carmilla poked her nose, “No, you love it.”

              Laura sat up suddenly, “Then why’d you do it?”

              “Because it made you happy,” Carmilla shrugged. She was always nonchalant about her feelings when Laura found them to be declarations. “Because you love me?”

              “Of course because I love you,” Carmilla said but then her face changed and she looked worried, “But you’re not gonna make me do it again, are you?”

              Laura giggled at the face, “I don’t even have anywhere to go. But I still miss it.”

              Bagheera jumped up on the chair next to Carmilla’s head and Laura’s eyes widened with an idea, “Why don’t we compromise?”

              Carmilla quirked her head but let Laura continue, “We can dress up Bagheera!”

              Carmilla raised her eyebrows, “I think its only fair that Bagheera has a say in it.”

              Carmilla lifted the cat in front of her face and began talking in the voice she always used when talking to the cat, “Serious question time, Ra-ra.”

              Laura smiled at the nickname. Carmilla had absolutely refused to shorten Bagheera’s name. When Laura called the cat “Bags” one day, Carmilla looked like she was going to have a heart attack. But one day, Laura caught her saying “Ra-ra” and she could not go back after that. The name stuck. “Do you want your mommies to buy a ridiculously expensive costume and then stuff you into it? It’ll be uncomfortable and hot and -”

              “Hey!” Laura interrupted, “You sound biased. You can’t be biased.”

              Carmilla looked at her, “Laura, the cat is not gonna answer.”

              Right at that moment Bagheera let out a soft meow. Laura jumped up and pointed, “That was obviously a yes!”

              Carmlila shook her head, “I speak fluent cat. That’s was definitely a ‘please don’t ever.’”

              Laura crossed her arms, “Unfair. You’re not allowed to speak however many languages you speak plus cat.”

              Carmilla shrugged and set the cat on the floor, “The world works in mysterious ways, cutie.”

              Carmilla picked up her notebook and Laura peered over the top, “What’s that?”

              “My book.”

              “You’re writing a book?” Laura asked. Carmilla sighed and set it down again, “Not if you keep talking to me about it.”

              “Since when did you decide to write a book?” Laura asked, her voice very high-pitched. Carmilla told her everything, especially the important things or so she thought. Writing a book seemed like a very important thing and yet she was wracking her brain for any memory of knowing and could find nothing.

              “Cupcake, we’ve talked about this at least two times,” Carmilla stated. Laura shook her head, “No, I would’ve remembered.”

              Carmilla nodded and brought the notebook back up, blocking out Laura’s face, “That’s what you said last time.”

              “We’ve never talked about this before,” Laura said exasperated. “Yes, we have, Laura. It’s fine that you don’t remember. You were really swamped at work. You’re always swamped at work. Even after all those travel articles. Its fine.”

              “I hate it,” Laura said quietly. And she had really come to. The travel articles were fine and all but they were her payment for being away for so long. She would never have been able to go otherwise. She was always working on something or another; that’s how her entire life had been. Laura made sure she was always busy because she liked being busy and she liked helping people but she still hated her job. It was a lot of work but she was not helping anyone with what she was writing; it did not seem important. But if she stopped, then the worked stopped and she had free time and she hated free time. That’s when she started thinking about things she never wanted to think about. So she didn’t quit and she pretended for everyone but Carmilla.

              “I know you do.” Laura fell onto the couch, laying on her back and staring at the ceiling, “What would I do without it? Who would I be?”

              “There’s a lot of things you could do and you would still be Laura.” Laura heard her but did not understand what Carmilla meant so rambling seemed like the best option, “I’d have nothing. I’d have nothing to do. I’d be more bored than I am now and I shouldn’t even be bored now. I have an article due. I’m procrastinating. It’s like I’ve made it a game to see how close I can get to the deadline before having to pull an all-nighter just so I don’t get fired from a job I hate. That’s the game I’m playing. Not only do I hate my job but I hate the game.”

              “Yes, you’ve said. We’ve had this conversation many times before. I can’t tell you what to do. You already know what I think.” Laura sat up at her words, “I’m not quitting.”

              “Okay,” Carmilla said, seeming much more interested in her writing that what Laura had to say. Laura frowned.

              “Okay,” she dragged out, “I guess I’ll just go write the article. I’m not quitting.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              The holidays almost passed Kirsch by without him noticing. They had set a date and found a venue for the following fall for the wedding but it still seemed like every ounce of free time that either he or Danny had was filled with wedding questions. Kirsch had taken Danny home to his parents for Thanksgiving. His parents gave him a lot of flack for not introducing Danny before she came his fiancé. Laura showed up later that night having come into town to see her dad. Kirsch had asked about Carmilla but she seemed irritated so he dropped it.

              And then Christmas was spent at the Hollis’ again. It always reminded Kirsch of when he and Laura were kids. That was his second home and even if he didn’t need it anymore, it was nice to know it was still there. Mr. Hollis seemed to be reveling in having the house full again and Kirsch realized just how much he had changed since Laura became a part of his life again.

              Despite being a Zeta and knowing exactly how to throw a raging party, he fell asleep on the couch with Danny way before midnight on New Year’s Eve.

              Knock. Knock. Kirsch tapped his fingers against the wall as he waited for the door to be answered. No one came but a voice called from inside, “Itsss open!”

              He turned the handle and sure enough it was so he let himself in, “You know, that’s really not safe. You should keep that locked.”

              “Yeah, yeah, meathead. Whatever ya saaaaayyyyy.” The voice was definitely Carmilla’s but it did not sound like Carmilla. She appeared from the hallway, dressed in only an oversized black t-shirt. A dark liquid filled a glass she was holding out to him, “Want one?”

              Kirsch narrowed his eyes, “No, I’m driving. But, thanks.”

              She shrugged and fell onto the couch, “Suit yourself.”

              “Are you alright?” he asked. He had not seen this side of Carmilla for a very long time and was disconcerting.

              “Yeah,” she said too loud, “I’m great. Just fine. Everything is perfect.”

              It was completely sarcastic but the door opened before Kirsch could say anything and Laura came in, “Kirsch? What are you doing here?”

              “Laura’s home,” Carmilla was off the couch in a second, pulling Laura into a hug and kissing all over the side of her face. Laura grimaced and pushed her away, “Are you drunk?”

              “Maybe.”

              “Not maybe. You smell like you consumed a whole liquor store.” Carmilla pouted and tried to kiss her again but Laura kept pushing her away. Carmilla finally gave up and put her hands up in defense, “Fine.”

              It would have been strutting if she weren’t so intoxicated but it was more like she stumbled over to the half full glass and poured herself another drink. Kirsch turned back to Laura, “Is she okay?”

              Laura shook her head, ignoring the question, “I didn’t know you were stopping by.”

              “Danny wanted me to pick up the flashdrive of the photos you said you had for the slideshow.” Laura nodded, “Yes, of course. I’ll go get it.”

              When she disappeared, Kirsch sat down next to Carmilla who was trying to write something in a notebook, “You’re not fine.”

              She glared at him, “And what do you know about it?”

              He gestured at her, “This is not fine.”

              “I feel pretty great,” she slurred. He shook his head, “What happened?”

              Her gestures were bigger than necessary, “Nothing. Laura goes to work every day and hates every second of it and I’m stuck here, hating every second of it. Everything seems perfectly fine to me.”

              Laura cleared her throat from the hallway and Kirsch knew she had heard everything. He turned to Carmilla and whispered, “You’ve gotta do better.”

              She snarled at him but he had already left the couch to meet Laura, “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

              She gave him a small smile, “I wasn’t the one who said it was.”

              He was concerned but she shook her head, “It’ll be fine.”

              “Okay, call if you need anything. You know you can always do that, L.” She was walking him to the door, “I know. Thanks, Kirsch. Tell Danny I said hi.”  
              The door was not entirely shut and Kirsch heard Laura pleading, “Carm, it’s been over a week. You can’t keep –“ and then the door shut and the voices were blocked out.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              “Careful!” Lafontaine looked at her for the hundredth time, obviously annoyed. “Perr. If I am any more careful, I would have to stop walking all together.”

              Perry ignored them, “Set it down. Gently. Good.”

              They were loading the cupcakes into the back of the van to deliver to the wedding. After this point, Perry was no longer in control of what happened to the cupcakes. She was terrified. Finn was taking care of getting them safely to the venue and setting up for the reception since Perry and Lafontaine both had to attend the ceremony. Perry gave Finn the instructions one last time before Lafontaine ushered her into the car, “Perr, if you told that boy one more time what he needed to do, you might as well just tattoo it on his arm.”

              “This has to be perfect. This is the first time The Cookie Jar’s name is going to be on an event like this. And we can’t let Danny and Kirsch down.”

              “They could never be let down. Everything will be fine. They’ll love it.”

              As far as Perry knew, there were no bachelorette or bachelor parties for Kirsch or Danny. Over the summer they hosted a get together with friends that was almost like a wedding shower, however there were no gifts. A bunch of Kirsch’s old Zeta buddies were there as well as Danny’s Summer Society friends and it seemed that graduation was the buffer between the two groups because there was none of the animosity that had been so rampant during their years in school. Will had been in charge of that party or at least he took it into his own hands anyway

              Danny had chosen to not have a wedding party and Will was the only member of Kirsch’s so he was in charge of a lot of things. Most importantly he was on ring duty and after Danny walked down the aisle alone (she refused to be “given” away and no one was surprised) he held the two rings out for his best friends with the most confident smile on his face.

              Perry thought everything was beautiful. The wedding ceremony was in a large pavilion on the end of a beautiful lake an the reception was to be held down the lake a little ways in a big, white tent that had been strung up with lights and set up with beautiful flowered table settings. Danny and Kirsch had worked very well together to get everything organized in time and though a lot of work, it went very smoothly. Neither of them turned into monsters about it and they were both very go with flow when it came to flower arrangements or venues or music. Perry could not even imagine it and there would be no way she would ever not be worried about one aspect or another. Everything would have to be perfect months before the wedding; that would be the only way. She had plans for a future wedding, not because she thought about it a lot, but because she refused to wait until the last minute and rush things. The process took a lot of hard work and she was going to have it all planned out if it happened that she did get married.

              Kirsch and Danny said their own vows; Lafontaine made gagging faces at the parts Perry thought were the sweetest. When they were finally allowed to kiss, Kirsch whooped, Danny slapped him and then they kissed. Exactly how it always would be.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              “Are we finally done?” Danny asked Kirsch who sighed, “I hope so.”

              They had spent the last hour or so going about and saying thank you to everyone who had attended. It was tedious and Danny just wanted to be able to enjoy her wedding, not feel obligated to the people who were there. Their food was waiting for them at their table and Danny could feel her stomach grumbling. She hadn’t eaten all day. Kirsch seemed just as excited to eat but only a couple bites in and they were being called up for their first dance. Despite the hunger, Kirsch took no time before bowing like an idiot and taking Danny’s hand to lead her to the makeshift dance floor.

              Neither of them were good dancers and with everyone watching they both felt better to hold onto one another and sway a little bit. Kirsch attempted a spin but after that, they he just held onto her. Kirsch smiled, “Wow, you know what?”

              “What?” Danny amused him.

              “We get to have sex tonight.” Danny snorted, “Kirsch, we’ve had sex many times before.”

              He looked around as if searching for someone who might have overheard them, “Sssssh. That’s scandalous. You don’t just say something like that.”

              “You’re ridiciulous,” she said, but there was nothing that was keeping the smile from her face. He gave her an expression as if to say “duh” but then went on, “But now I get to sleep with my wife. That’s new. I’ve never done that before.”

              “Neither have I,” Danny said in return. Kirsch eyed her for a second, still smiling, “You had to go there. You couldn’t just let me have it.”

              “No, definitely not. I will always go there,” she smirked.

          ********************************************************************************************************************************  


              The soft twinkling of fairy lights shed a faint light across the beautifully manicured lawn that stretched out from the crowded tent to the moonlit lake. The night air was warm and inviting, the crickets were chirping, hidden somewhere in the trees that ringed the clearing. The lights were strung from the trees, lighting the pathway from the tent to the dock, but Laura and Carmilla had wandered, finding a quieter spot away from the party and closer to the lake that rippled, the water lapping at the banks. Away from the tree covering, the sky was open before them; no clouds were anywhere to be seen and the stars spanned across the sky endlessly. The grass was soft but cold, a relief from the heat in the congested space back at the pavilion.

              Laura was laying on her back, arms at her sides, when she looked over at Carmilla who was intently observing the night sky. One arm was resting under head and the other was settled on stomach, scrunching the tie that had been so neatly fixed earlier. Laura could see out of the shadows the soft curve of Carmilla’s lips that hinted at a smile. Her breathing was steady and Laura smiled, knowing how content and safe the stars made her feel. Laura could stare at her all day, especially in these moments when she was unabashedly herself. When she let everything fall away and was able to enjoy the moment. When she was vulnerable because she trusted Laura with everything.

              Laura was not sure how long they had been lying there on the grass because just as Carmilla tended to lose herself in the stars, Laura found it equally as enticing to lose herself in Carmilla. She had just made the decision to inch toward her when Carmila moved, reaching a hand into her pocket while sitting up. Even unbuttoned, her suit jacket crinkled but she did not seem to notice the minor disturbance. Laura was on her side watching Carmilla who looked like she was searching for something on her phone before she abruptly stood up. Laura felt her breath hitched when Carmilla looked down at her, beaming in her own way, her eyes full of awe and if Laura was not reading it wrong, love. That hint of gold that Laura loved was back in full force, lighting up the usually dark eyes as they smiled at her. Carmilla reached out a hand for Laura to take and easily pulled her up to standing position. Carmilla bowed at the waist, still holding onto Laura’s fingers, “May I have this dance?

              Laura giggled at her extravagance and also because there was no music, but she knew Carmilla had something up her sleeve so she nodded. Carmilla bent all the way to the ground, setting her phone in the grass, before pressing play and redoing the buttons on her jacket. The music was loud enough for just them and a piano began to play, only one note repeated. Carmilla set one hand on Laura’s waist causing the dark purple fabric to rise up slightly but she paid it no mind, her focus on one thing only and that was the glorious face of the girl in front of her. Laura found her hand being placed on Carmilla’s shoulder and then took her other hand and brought it to her lips, kissing the back of Laura’s hand tenderly before lacing their fingers together. Perfectly timed as she was, the piano morphed from one note to a melody.

                                                         _Kiss me, out of the bearded barley._  
                                                         _Nightly, beside the green, green grass._  
                                                         _Swing, swing, swing your spinning step_  
                                                         _I’ll wear those shoes and you will wear that dress.  
_

 Laura recognized the lyrics but not the voice. It was obvious to her though, maybe simply because Carmilla chose it, that this was much better than the original version. Carmilla swayed them slowly, the girl who knew how to dance keeping the movement simple for once. Laura thought it was more of a decision for the atmosphere, that just the two of them needed nothing of the flash and show that Carmilla usually aspired to perform.

              The look in Carmilla’s eyes made Laura want to melt; the feeling told there had a long story that Laura was not sure she would ever know in full. But the fact that Carmilla showed that, opened it so that Laura knew it was there, was something she cherished.

              Carmilla brushed Laura’s hair behind her right shoulder and caressed her cheek, the touch sending nervous energy through Laura’s skin. Carmilla brought her lips to Laura’s, pulling her into the kiss with so much feeling that Laura felt herself rise up on her toes. Carmilla’s lips never parted for anything more but instead, pulled back, her hand dropping from Laura’s cheek to her waist where it then slid across her hip to her back. Laura moved her own arms to clasp around Carmilla’s neck, bringing them even closer than before.

              The music drifted off into the night, surrounding their bodies that moved as one, slowly and in one spot, but the effect was still had. Laura had thought she had been content with just looking at Carmilla from a distance, but having her in her arms, she knew then what home felt like. It was warm and enticing and complete. It was how she had felt with Carmilla for longer than she had even allowed herself to believe and those months, though she would never think their friendship a waste, those months were lost. Ignoring emotions that were so obviously portrayed had wasted precious time that would have been better spent like this. And they had been arguing so much lately, everything seemed to be wrong, that she forgot how simple it was just to be with Carmilla.

              Laura must have been thinking harder than she had imagined because softly, Carmilla spoke, “Hey.”

              Laura shook her head and looked up at Carmilla whose head was cocked to the side, her eyes earnestly searching and when Laura smiled, they were reassured. The question was still asked though, words solidifying physical behavior, “You okay?”

              “Yeah, I was just thinking.”

              Carmilla chuckled and Laura did not think she could ever go a day without hearing that sound, “What else.”

              “You’re wonderful, you know that? I wish there was another word to use but whenever I look at you, I’m just at a lost for words.”

              “Laura, you’re never at a loss for words.”

              Laura sighed, “Can you just for once, let me have something?”

              “Nope,” and before Laura had a chance to make a come back, Carmila’s lips closed against her’s again. It was chaste which was unusual but not unwanted in any way. Any kiss from Carmilla took Laura’s breath away and even when Carmilla pulled back again, her eyes stayed closed and her lips tingled from the aftereffects.

              The silence is what pulled Laura back because she had not realized the music had died out. Carmilla was still holding her, “I know I haven’t been easy and I know things have been hard but this feeling in this moment, is what we need to always remember,” she paused, searching Laura’s face, “Darling, I live in you, I love you so.”

              Laura was taken aback by Carmilla’s words because they seemed so old and out of place in Laura’s world but when they came from Carmilla’s lips, they seemed so normal. Carmilla’s tone whenever she spoke words like these was always so passionate and honest; it was a core truth for her and always took Laura by surprise. If she would be perfectly honest, the earnestness in which these words were said even scared her but more importantly, they were a reminder that no matter that she thought, Carmilla really was hers and hers alone.

              Laura reached up and pecked Carmilla’s lips, not moving them far enough away so that when she spoke, their lips still touched and she felt Carmilla’s breathe leave her mouth slowly, “I love you, too.”

              Though she did not use as extravagant of words, the meaning was the same and the smile on Carmilla’s lips told her that they were more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> "Kiss Me" (Cover) - The Fray for the Hollstein dance
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so yeah it's been awhile. I don't really have any explanation for why I abandoned this fic so close to the end. I had this entire chapter written a little over a year ago and never published it. I also don't know why I did that. I think I was a little nervous because I felt like I was rushing to the end. I do apologize if it feels like that to any of you as well. That's not my intention. Things are happening a little sooner than I expected but I do think that they're happening as they should
> 
> So, sorry for the wait. Here it is. There will be one or two more chapters but I'm not promising anything on a timeline for them because I don't want to promise and not deliver like I did with this past chapter. Hopefully, some of you are still interested in this. I will try my best to finish it soon.

              Laura stomped up the porch stairs and slammed her fist against the door. ”

               _“Carm?” Carmilla looked up from her notebook where her nose had been stuck for most of the day. “Cupcake.”_

               _“I think we need to talk.” Carmilla put her hands out, pulling Laura into her lap. She kissed her cheek, her ear, her neck, “Are you sure we can’t do something a little bit more fun?”_

               _Laura pushed her away and stood up, noticing the glass on the table. For weeks, she hadn’t seen Carmilla without the crystal companion. Carmilla downed the drink, “Fine, then. About what?”_

               _Laura pointed at the suspect, “About that.”_

               _Carmilla looked at the glass, her eyes widening, “What has the whiskey done to you?”_

               _Laura threw her hands up, “It’s what the whiskey is doing to you, Carm! I don’t – when did this happen?”_

               _“Since I started feeling like we weren’t the same as before. Since I went to Mattie.”_

           


               _Mattie._ Laura glowered at the door. That was the conversation that found Laura fuming, her chest heaving, standing on the porch of Carmilla’s old house. The door opened. Mattie stood on the other side, her elegance not softened by how she nonchalantly leaned against the door. “What a sur-”

              “It was you,” Laura poked hard at Mattie’s chest and stepped into the house, uninvited, “Carmilla’s drinking because of you.”

              “A good drink never hurt anyone,” Mattie said, grabbing Laura’s hand and removing it from her chest.

              “Except for when she doesn’t talk to me anymore and spends all of her time wrapped up in whiskey and her book!”

              Mattie’s smile soured, “I would suppose she tried. And by suppose I mean know because she told me. That she tried to talk to the woman she as in love with, who barely gave her the time of day. Maybe if you were there for her when she needed-“

              “Oh, do not turn this around on me! I have been working my ass off every day and when I come home, I then have to deal with a not sober Carmilla.

              “Oh, cupcake. Is that what she calls you? It seems a little too sweet for my taste but then again, Carmilla always had other interests. Let’s discuss how you’re rarely there. How you forgot she was writing a book and since finding out again that she is doing so, haven’t even stopped once to ask her how it’s going. How you don’t seem to notice that Carmilla, world-traveler with an amazing intellect who has never been tied down until you, is wasting away inside that apartment of yours as she waits for you to do what you love. So, I don’t see the problem with Carmilla having an occasional drink to help with her writing and also with your continuous absence. I see the problem though. It’s standing right in front of me.”

             “How can you be so…?” Laura struggled for the right words. Mattie had absolutely no right to talk to her like she knew anything about Laura or even Carmilla. Because she didn’t and her assumption made Laura want to scream out every hateful thing she ever felt. But she didn’t and Mattie kept talking, “What? Intuitive? Observant? Those weren’t the words you were looking for, I’m guessing. I’m not trying to step in and be the savior. I know what my prior relationship with my siblings entailed and I’m not proud of it. So, I’m only here to try and help them. I care about them. And when my sister comes to me, crying because her girlfriend has no time for her and her life feels like it has no meaning - or less meaning than usual; Carmilla has never really thought her life had meaning. That was until she met you. She was falling apart. And maybe if you weren’t so wrapped up in yourself, you could have seen that too.”

              Laura was at a loss for words. She had come to tell Mattie off and it ended up being the other way around. Mattie stepped toward her, causing Laura to back up to the door. “And I would appreciate it, if you would not come to my house and accuse me of ruining Carmilla’s life. Because I think you need to take some time and really look at how your relationship with my sister is panning and out and maybe question why she felt the need to come see me instead of just talking to you.”

            Laura was out the door, back on the porch and Mattie was shutting the door in her face. She was stunned.

           


             “So, I had an interesting conversation.” Carmilla was waiting for Laura outside of _The Journal_ building. Laura startled backward; it had been quite awhile since Carmilla had met her after work. She was lazily leaning against one of the columns. There were take-out cups on the ground next to her. She was peering around the pole, looking at Laura, an amused expression settled onto her face. 

             Laura collected herself, “And what was that about?”

             Carmilla bent down to pick up the cups and handed one to Laura. She threw her arm around Laura’s shoulders. Things had been changing very quickly since Laura confronted Carmilla. And if she was giving Mattie any credit at all, she should have talked with Carmilla much earlier than she did. She took what Carmilla said at the wedding as a promise for complete change right away without actually discussing the problem. “If you could believe, some creampuff went and confronted my sister.”

             Laura frowned, “Are you mad?”

              “Entertained,” Carmilla shifted her head to look at Laura, “You took on Mattie.”

             “I was pissed,” Laura admitted, “And I didn’t know what to do. And she said some things that weren’t entirely wrong. About me. About us.”

              Carmilla was silent and Laura couldn’t help the next question that came out of her mouth because it was the only thing she had been thinking about for a very long time, “Are we gonna be okay?”

             Carmilla tugged her closer, smiling, “We’re gonna be great.”

             But for some reason, the tone of her voice didn’t give Laura much hope.

          ********************************************************************************************************************  


             “Booker! Booker!” 

              Perry came out from the back looking agitated and even more so when she saw Carmilla, “Carmilla, can you please not come into the bakery yelling. There are people here trying to eat.”

            “Sure, sure, is Booker working?” Perry pointed toward the back as she tried to apologize to the customers. Carmilla pushed through the door singing, “Booker!”

             The fridge door opened and his shaggy black hair popped out and he bowed, “Countess.”

             She returned the bow. It had become their version of a special handshake. When it had started, Carmilla couldn’t pinpoint, but Booker was this oddity of a person who she had never had one single qualm about. “I need your help.”

             “What can I do to be of service?”

             "Laura.”

             “Ah,” he said, setting a carton of eggs on the table, “Women. My specialty.”

             Carmilla pretended to barf, “Aren’t you dating two right now? That don’t know about each other? Settle down.”

             “Actually, after I broke it off with Anna, I realized that I was really in love with Felicity and I told her and she was not okay about it but she came around,” he paused, looking up at the ceiling, “I think I’m gonna marry her. Wait! Is that what you need help with with Laura?”

             His eyes had lit up but Carmilla shook her head, thinking of the ring hidden in the apartment, “No, no. We just got back to a place where we might be able to move forward from. I just want to make a big gesture.”

             “Carmilla Karnstein is coming to me about romance?”

            “I’ve already taken her on a tour of Europe. I used my one big idea. I’m kinda at a loss right now.” It felt different with Laura now and Carmilla was at a loss. “Oh, who am I kidding? Of course, you can’t help.”

             She started out of the kitchen. “Wait, no, I’ll try to think of something, alright?”

             She threw him a look over her shoulder, “You’re not gonna think of anything, are you?”

             He smiled wide; it reminded her a little bit of Kirsch, “Definitely not.”

            “Leaving already?” Perry asked, less agitated than before. Carmilla nodded. Perry stared at her, “You interrupted everyone by shouting, for five minutes?”

           Carmilla shrugged, “It was important.”

           


             Carmilla was not going to give up that easy even though she didn’t really know why she felt the need to make some huge gesture. Lafontaine had terrible advice, “Why don’t you just ask her to marry you?”

            “Oh, I don’t know, maybe just because we’ve both changed so much and we have to learn each other again.” So Carmilla had her laptop open with a million tabs, trying to figure something out when Laura came into the room startling her. She slammed the laptop shut and Laura’s brow furrowed, “What are you doing?”

             Carmilla sat back against the wall and shrugged, “Nothing.”

            Laura came over to the bed and reached out for the laptop, which Carmilla swiped into her arms. Her hand froze out above the covers, “That doesn’t look like nothing.”

           “Its nothing.” Laura looked like she wanted to argue but with their new attempts she stood back up, “Okay.”

            Carmilla let out a breath because she did appreciate what Laura was doing, trying to let her have something for herself, giving her some privacy. Carmilla threw the laptop back on the bed, ‘There. I swear its not a big deal though.”

             Laura’s fingers were itching to open it and as soon as Carmilla gave her the get-go, she did. Her eyes whizzed back and forth trying to figure out what she was looking at but it wasn’t clicking. Carmilla leaned up, “I wanted to do something big after everything that happened.”

             “Carm,” Laura said, sitting on the bed and pulling Carmilla into a hug, “You don’t have to do that.”

             “I know but I -“

             “Its completely unnecessary,” Laura cut her off, “This isn’t about that, right? This is about us coming back to each other.”

              Laura gestured at the laptop, flippantly, “That’s not gonna help.”

             Carmilla pulled out of her arms, “This is all I know how to do.”

             Laura gave her a look, “Um…that’s not true. Coming to pick me up from work. That’s what we talked about, right? The little things. Finding each other again.”

             And Laura was right; that had been their discussion. So, Carmilla smiled, leaning over and kissing Laura’s head, “Okay, creampuff.”

            “That’s it?” Laura asked. It was new to them; the coming to a solution without a drawn-out argument. Carmilla nodded, “That’s it.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************  


             Danny’s promotion didn’t come as a surprise. Wilhemina Carlton’s book sales soared and Mrs. Rubinchik never had any qualms about making it clear that she had taken an immediate like to Danny. Anyone would have been grateful to the person who put their newest success in their hand but Mrs. Rubinchik became a sort of mentor. Catherine was pleased to have Danny as a partner on their team. Everyone around the office called them “the dream team.” There were a few here weren’t so entertained by the idea that they were getting all of the attention and weren’t happy with Danny’s immediate rise to editor from her small office as a reader. 

             But it wasn’t a gift horse she looked in the mouth. She worked just as much and hard as everyone else, sometimes even more so. The team pulled long hours, working all times of day just to stick to deadlines. Without a problem, she had had time off for the wedding and the honeymoon. And in a few months, she was gonna have to ask for another leave.

             “Are we going to ever tell them?” Kirsch asked when she got home that night. Cooper was belly-up between Kirsch’s legs, his hands running through the fur. Danny had never totally believed the whole, “you have to actually make time for your friends in adulthood, you won’t just see them.” Her parents seeing their friends had always been a struggle and Danny had never understood why. But now she was living it. The wedding might have been the last time they saw everyone together; it was hard to keep track and no one was ever free at the same time. Danny put her hand on her stomach, “Well yeah, eventually. They will notice. I just feel like we need to make an announcement and I want everyone together.”

             “You and your announcements. We had to do that for the wedding too.” 

             Danny grabbed a pillow off the couch and tossed it at his head, “These are important milestones!”

             Kirsch put his hands up, “I know, I was just joking and I’m really excited. I want them to know!”

             Danny looked down at her stomach; the bump was already starting to show. She pursed her lips. “D-Bear? You okay?”

             “Yeah, I’m fine,” she shook off his question. And most of the time she was but she had started to wonder if this was something they were ready for. They had just gotten married, she had just been promoted, Kirsch was still coaching at the high school and doing personal training. She wondered if they even had the time, if they had the money. She had no idea what she was doing or even how to take care of a kid. Kirsch must have sensed what she was thinking and he scooted closer to her, taking her hand, “We can figure it out together.”

             “But was it even a good idea?” They had discussed the topic of kids before they got married and after and agreed it was something that they wanted. He didn’t look mad or upset by her question but he looked at her hand and started rubbing circles on her skin. He looked back up to her, “Is this not something you want anymore?”

             "I don't know."

             “Because if it's not, you don’t have to do this,” Kirsch said, squeezing her hand.

             “I don’t think its that,” Danny responded. She was confused herself, so explaining it made no sense, “I do. I just don’t know if we thought about it as much as we should have. What if we can’t do it?”

             “Danny,” Kirsch said, adjusting so he was sitting up, “If you’re uncomfortable with this right now. We don’t need to do it.”

             “But don’t you want kids? You’ve always said that.”

             “I do,” he admitted, “But we can talk about it some more. We have time; we don’t have to do this right now.”

             She took his face in her hands and kissed him, “You are amazing.”

             “I know,” he said, smiling, “I’m the best. But, what do you want to do? You do have to make a decision. And soon if you’ve changed your mind.”

             Danny sighed, “I think I’m just nervous. It’s not that I don’t want this; its that I’m worried about doing it at the wrong time.”

             “I think this is the best time,” Kirsch responded. Danny quirked her eyebrow. “I don’t think we can ever be entirely ready for it so why not now? You were promoted so there’s more money coming in there. The school doesn’t pay much by the training does; I’ll just take on some new clients. It’s gonna be hard but I believe in us. We can do this. Together.”

             Cooper barked making them both laugh, “Well, we know what he thinks.”

             “We’re gonna do this?” Kirsch asked.

             "We’re gonna do this,” Danny agreed.

           


             “YOU’RE HAVING A BABY!” They waited a very long time. They waited until Danny could not hide the bump anymore to tell their friends. It had not been hard to keep the secret when there had been no time to see anyone. Kirsch would see Will every now and again but med school was a harrowing undertaking. He and Zayne had broken up and Kirsch had been there for him then, but other than that, they usually only talked on the phone.

             Carmilla and Laura were working out their own stuff and had been very secretive about it; Laura had been ever since she started dating Carmilla. It was not bad, she was respecting Carmilla’s wishes, but it was a change. She used to tell Danny everything and then not so much but whenever Danny talked to Perry or Lafontaine, they were in the dark as well. She didn’t even tell Kirsch much of anything but he did hear from Carmilla. Their conversations were always vague and Kirsch never really knew what they had just talked about but apparently, they always made Carmilla feel better. 

             That had been a surprise for Danny, learning that Kirsch had a very close relationship with Carmilla. He was super protective of her and thought of her as a sister. No one else had noticed before but it became obvious to Danny once they were under the same roof, that they had a pretty intense friendship.

             Laura’s crazed and happy outburst was only to be expected, but it was laced with disappointment and Danny knew it was because she had expected to hear first. Carmilla mumbled though it was loud enough to hear, “That kid is gonna be gigantic.”

             “I can’t believe you didn’t tell us.”

             “We’re telling you now.”

             Kirsch threw his arm around Laura, “Come on, L. We made this decision for ourselves. You know how that is.”

             Laura looked a little ashamed because what he said was true. Perry hugged her, “Oh, I’m so happy for you two.”

             “I want to babysit.” Everyone stared at Lafontaine when they spoke. “What?”

             “I never expected you to say that,” Danny disclosed, “But I’m not sure I want my kid with you unsupervised.”

             “What is that supposed to mean?” Lafontaine asked defensively.

             “Accident prone is what I mean.” Danny said, putting it in a nicer way that she had originally been thinking. Lafontaine acquiesced to that, “I still want to babysit. I’ll make Perry be there too.”

             Kirsch was bouncing next to her, on the same level of excitement as Laura who had quickly gotten past her discontent. She put a hand on his arm, “Yes, you can tell them.”

             “We want you all to be the god-parents.” Laura squealed, Carmilla grimaced, Perry smiled and Lafontaine said, “No way.”

             “You’re our family. Seriously. There’s no one else.” 

           


             Not much changed for anyone in the next sixth months except for Danny’s growing stomach and the fact that their house had been officially baby-proofed. But when Kirsch sent out a mass text that they were currently rushing to the hospital because Danny’s water had broke, everyone managed to show up within half an hour. It took hours but no one left. They hung around the waiting room. Lafontaine left to get food for everyone. They weren’t allowed in the actual room which may have been a good thing because Kirsch spent the time pacing back and forth, continually asking if she was okay, and asking the doctor’s questions that Danny herself had never thought to ask. She accepted the epidural without question.

             She had to have broken Kirsch’s hand but he didn’t say anything about it just breathed along with her and tried to coach her along with the help of the doctor and nurses in the room. It hurt like hell. And at the rate it was going, she didn’t think it was ever going to be over. She wasn’t able to think much as it were because she was so concentrated on breathing and, “Push, Danny, push. Come one. Almost there.”

             Danny didn’t believe anything anyone was saying until the doctor said, “Okay, Danny. One more push and you’re done. Ready?”

             It was a mighty push but then she fell against the bed, sweating, heaving but smiling at the look on Kirsch’s face as he stared at the bundle in the doctor’s arms. “It’s a girl.”

             Kirsch started crying and laughing and he leaned out the door, calling everyone into the room. He lept back to Danny and handed her a cup of water, “You did so well, D-Bear.”

             The doctors and nurses were taking care of the baby, cleaning her up and finally setting her in Danny’s arms. Everyone was looking through the window, waiting for the medical okay to enter and once they were giving it they swarmed making the most annoying cooing sounds that caused Danny to smile wide. She looked down at her baby girl whose eyes were closed but roaming. Her little hands had been swaddles inside a blanket. She was the most beautiful thing Danny had ever seen. 

             Perry was clutching Lafontaine’s arm. Laura was holding Carmilla in a hug with a huge smile on her face. Carmilla looked apprehensive but curious. Will was patting Kirsch on the back but Kirsch only had eyes for one and it was the new girl in the room. Danny didn’t blame him, she was entranced. She couldn’t break her eyes away from her daughter’s face. The little girl yawned but had stopped crying from when the doctor’s had first had her.

             “Does the little thing have a name?” Perry asked. Everyone else nodded, wanting to know. Danny and Kirsch had had many conversations about names; some were really heated with Danny absolutely refusing to name their child Bandit no matter how many times Kirsch said, “It’s so cool!”

             Danny looked up at everyone and snuggled the baby girl closer to her chest, not ready to give everyone else a chance to hold her even though she knew she would have to eventually. “This is Emma.”

          ********************************************************************************************************************  


             “So, what do you think?”

             Carmilla turned to her. They were sitting on the couch in Danny and Kirsch’s living room. Danny was in the kitchen with Perry. Kirsch was on the floor, holding Emma and making funny faces at her. Laura was whispering. “About what?”

             “A baby,” Laura urged. Carmilla looked over at Emma. “She’s cute.”

             Laura shook her head, taking Carmilla’s hand, “Not about this baby. But babies.” 

             Carmilla’s brow creased. “Um…I guess they’re fine.”

             “Oh,” Laura sounded dejected. She let go of Carmilla’s hand suddenly and turned away. Carmilla cocked her head, realizing what Laura was getting at. This was never something that had come up before and she was really hoping it was just due to the fact that there was a new baby around. “Wait a second. What do you think about babies?”

             “Why don’t you just ask the question, Carm,” Laura stated, a coldness in her voice that Carmilla wasn’t expecting. But this wasn’t unusual and Carmilla was just as capable of attitude. “Why didn’t you just ask the question you really wanted to ask?”

             “Fine,” Laura was still whispering but it was loud and Carmilla felt Kirsch’s eyes on them, “Do you want to have a baby?”

             "Right now?"

             “Ever,” Laura said through gritted teeth, “Stop being difficult.”

             Truthfully, the idea had never crossed Carmilla’s mind. She was very comfortable with spending her time and life with Laura and didn’t need anything else. She was never comfortable around kids; they were messy and annoying and Carmilla could never tell what they wanted. They made her itch and having her own, she scoffed at herself. That was a ridiculous idea. Coming from the household she had grown up in, she wouldn’t even know where to start let alone if she would even be able to do it. There’s not a doubt in her mind that she would make a terrible mother. “No. No, not really.” 

             “Great.” Laura stood up and stormed out. Carmilla was not even surprised. She had thought they were getting back on equal footing but whenever a disagreement arose, it turned into the biggest argument they ever had. There was no talking about anything anymore like they used to or coming to a compromise. It was just immediate disregard for anything said and icy silences. But when they weren’t arguing everything was as it always had been. It was good and they were in love and Carmilla clung on to those moments with everything she had. 

             Danny peered around the corner and Carmilla just shook her head and shrugged. She pushed herself up from the couch as the front door slammed causing Cooper to bark. She put her hand up when passing the kitchen because she saw Perry open her mouth to question. “I’ve got it.”

             She didn’t slam the door; she closed it gently behind her but let Cooper run out in front. 

             Laura hadn’t gotten far. She stood at the end of the driveway, hands on her hips. Cooper ran to her but she ignored him and he ran back to Carmilla to trail her. She came up upon Laura slowly and silently but not unacknowledged. “You didn’t need to follow me.”

             Carmilla stood next to her silently, not responding to the statement. It didn’t take Laura long before she rounded on Carmilla. “I thought we were headed somewhere.”

             Cooper had lain down by her feet, feeling the tension. “Aren’t we?”

             “How can we be, Carm? When we both want different things?” Laura questioned, looking at the side of her face. 

             “This has never been something we’ve talked about before, Laura. You sprung that question on me out of nowhere.”

             “So the answer would have been different?”

             "No."

             "Then I see a problem."

             “I didn’t realize that children were the only direction we could be going in.” She knew she wasn’t completely off base. It seemed like Laura had wanted her to be able to read her mind, which was never a talent Carmilla had. The topic had never come up before; Laura had never even mentioned it. 

             “Well it seems like we’re only going in circles lately.”

             Carmilla nodded in agreement. They fought, they made up, everything was good, and then they fought again. Everything they did, every decision they made, seemed to lead to another disagreement. They were always harsh, they were always explosive, and they always ended with a compromise no one was happy with. 

             Laura was standing feet away with her hands on her hips, looking the opposite way, down the street. “We know nothing about each other.”

             “Laura, that’s ridiculous, we know everything about each other.” They had been together for years. All Carmilla knew was Laura.

             Laura spun around, her eyes on fire with anger. Carmilla could tell she was trying not to yell as her voice growled and she spit the words out, “You’ve never asked how my mother died.”

             Carmilla held her ground but the statement hit her hard in the chest. “You’ve never much acted like it’s something you wanted to discuss.”

             Laura threw her arms in the air. “What does that matter, Carmilla!? You’re my girlfriend. You ask. I say ‘I don’t want to talk about that right now.’ You wait a little. You ask again. And maybe then I’d want to talk about it. But you never even asked once.”

             The end came out as a hysterical chuckle that scared Carmilla. “So, this argument isn’t about a baby?”

             “Ugh,” Laura groaned, frustrated, “Sometimes you can be so oblivious. The baby is only part of it. What about all the rest? It matters. All of it matters. Things have been really messed up for a long time now. We’ve never even discussed the months that you became an alcoholic all of a sudden –"

             “We’ve never discussed your eating disorder either, Laura, but that one I have asked you about. Constantly. And I’ve tried to be supportive but you’ve told me nothing.”

             “You’ve never asked how my dad and I had our falling out. You’ve never asked about how Kirsch and I became friends. You know nothing about SJ. My best friend who flew off to Europe without even saying goodbye. Yeah, well we still talk. But you don’t know that.”

             “Well, there’s a lot you don’t know about me,” Carmilla returned. If Laura wanted to fight, Carmilla would come on just as strong. It was a little bit relieving finally just saying everything that had been troubling them. It wasn’t exactly how she would have wished it to come about but she’d take the in if she got one. 

             “Like what? I know about your father. About your mother. About the abuse. About Mattie. I know about the traveling and homeschooling and expectations. I know about Elle and the PTSD. I know about the street fights. Yet you know nothing about who I was before I came to college or before we met even. And lately, it feels like you don’t care to continue knowing who I am.”

             “Laura, that’s not even close,” Carmilla retorted, thinking of the ring that was hidden away in her dresser drawer and thinking of how closed off Laura became whenever she had tried to bring up the past. “We’ve changed since we got together. And we haven’t let ourselves grow as a couple and change to accommodate that. That’s all.”

             “Oh, I thought your idea of our relationship was ‘perfect just the way it is, cupcake.’ I mean that’s all you ever act like. You pretend nothing is wrong when it clearly is. And clearly has been. Perry asked me about it the other day. They all know we aren’t how we used to be.”

             Carmilla shook her head, reaching out, only to be rejected. “Why have you never brought this up before? Why did you let it all sit and stew before exploding? We could’ve dealt with each thing as if came along. That’s how it should have been.”

             “Because you acted like everything was fine!” Laura shouted for the first time.

             “And so did you!” Carmilla yelled back. Cooper whimpered at her side. 

             The door opened on the front porch. “Hey, guys, I’m sorry to interrupt but it’s late and you might wake the neighbors –"

             “It’s fine. We’re done.” Laura stomped into the house. Carmilla took a deep breath before following. The ride home was in complete silence.

           


             It was a heartbreaking realization; one that came in hindsight after constant denial and suppression but that could no longer be ignored. It was a realization that was a set fact and though life was always changing, at this point, it was something that could not be changed if they stayed in their current situation. Technically, nothing on the surface was wrong and to the entire world they were happy but the loss of the small things spoke louder than the outer appearance. They both knew it but they were both too scared about the future if they made the decision and it was blatantly obvious in the way in which they spoke to each other and touched each other that they were starting to become hesitant and weary. 

            The tears had welled up as soon as they had both taken their seats, a tension-ridden few feet between them as they positioned themselves on different furniture, giving themselves room to feel and work through the words they knew would be their future. It felt like a movie. It was dark, no lighting. The sky was gray outside; the atmosphere was ominous at best. Laura was looking at her hands. Carmilla was looking at Laura. Laura’s cheeks were puffy a tint of pink settling in that would eventually be taken over by the terrible red that had no place on her usually smiling cheeks. 

             The water became too much and spilled over the edge, slowly sliding down Carmilla’s cheeks and she quickly brushed away the drops with her left hand, the stain still apparent on her pale skin. She knew neither of them wanted to say the first word but she also knew Laura would break first, the drawn-out silence agitating her until she exploded with emotion.

             “We should’ve known.” It was not even the words that ripped Carmilla’s heart in two, but the cracking voice that was trying so hard to be strong. Carmilla was well-versed in even speaking no matter how she was feeling and it would be easier for them both if she did not break down; she knew it would be best for herself. 

             “I think we did. We’ve talked around in circles.”

             “I don't agree.”

             “Wow, something new.” Laura looked up to roll her eyes but Carmilla cut her off. “Really? You can keep doing this? Do you really want to go another couple rounds? Because I can’t do that anymore.”

             Laura sniffled and looked away, trying to find anything but Carmilla to focus on but to no avail and Carmilla was pained by the big brown eyes that were shining; this was a different kind of shine. It was something sad and hopeless as if everything had crashed and burned. _I guess it has._

             "Well, is that it?” The words bit at Carmlla, cutting her open with how harsh they sounded coming from the voice that had always been soft and comforting and healing. It was not Laura’s fault and Carmilla knew she had only meant to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Carmilla supposed that that was it. There was nothing left to be said. They both knew what this was about and the only outcome that was possible. Her so-called veteran standing in the world of hidden emotions seemed to lose all meaning because her throat was drying out and any convoluted and half-assed attempt to make this sound okay was lost. Any decorum or decency or drawn out speech of sorrow and apology floated away with the happiness and importance that Laura had brought into her life. “Yeah, that’s it.”

             And the world cracked and splintered with each word. It fell around them, littering the living room floor with the debris of memories and could have beens. The dust swirled and filled her lungs until it was too hard to breathe and her body trembled with the attempts to find air. She must have been getting some because her eyes stayed open and the blackness that comes with passing out stayed away. And before she could stop herself, her body was moving towards the door, leaving everything she had built behind her; the girl she loved, the memories that had saved her. She hesitated with her hand on the doorknob but it grew suddenly cold. Carmilla lurched back and gathered the dregs of a strength she was certain would never return, to open the door and make herself not look back. But weakness overtook just for a moment and she turned, “I love you.”

             Laura turned to face her, tears streaming without even the slightest attempt to hold them back in, the red vibrant and terrifying to Carmilla. Laura wiped a hand across her face to try to rid it of most of the moisture but it was a futile attempt. She nodded and almost smiled. Carmilla felt the two sides of her heart split apart to even smaller pieces. “I love you too.”

            Carmilla was down the hallway, down the stairs, out the door, and halfway down the sidewalk before she collapsed onto the pavement, her body heaving with everything she tried to save Laura from seeing. Her voice ripped from her throat in ungodly sounds that were unfamiliar to her. She only knew they were coming from her own body when she saw the blurry images of people with strange looks staring at her. Carmilla did not care about what they thought; none of them offered help. 

            And then a black car rolled up next to her in the street and a strict voice laced with minor concern spoke, “Get in.”

             A car door opened and heels clicked across asphalt before Carmilla felt hands under her arms, pulling her from the ground as she sobbed, her cries louder than the voice next to her that was coaxing her into the vehicle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Time Bomb" - Tove Lo, "Can’t Make You Love Me" - Bon Iver, "Hello" – ADELE, "Empty" - PVRIS
> 
> The song that drove me to publish this was "Scared To Be Lonely" - Martin Garrix & Dua Lipa
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I'll still list the songs I listened to while writing, but for this chapter, I forgot to keep track.
> 
> Tumblr: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to there as the comment section and that blog will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


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